tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29718807.post4533302239506015593..comments2023-06-26T11:23:50.414+01:00Comments on Black, Woman and Winning!: What I dont love about BWE work!Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger84125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29718807.post-16238064796756100532011-03-05T20:36:13.525+00:002011-03-05T20:36:13.525+00:00In the spirit of transparency, here's the emai...In the spirit of transparency, here's the email that I just sent Evia a few minutes ago:<br /><br />"Dear Evia,<br /><br /><b>Thank you so much for your generous gift of $50.</b> I'll be delighted to do some shopping with it!<br /><br /><b>Even though I deeply appreciate your gift, please, please, PLEASE don't repeat it.</b> I meant what I said at Halima's blog about how it's much better for me to keep the premium blog posts totally separate from direct monetary exchanges. <br /><br />It's safer for me in terms of the DBR nuts in the audience. In terms of friends and colleagues such as yourself, it's much simpler for me to keep money out of the equation. I view my BWE work as charity that helps support itself through book sales; and something that is totally separate from my business activities---never the twain shall meet is how I prefer things.<br /><br />Have a great weekend!<br /><br />Peace and blessings,<br /><br />Khadija"Khadijahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07732325133964607276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29718807.post-31143159927924991392011-03-01T00:02:09.607+00:002011-03-01T00:02:09.607+00:00@Zoopath....THANK YOU!!@Zoopath....THANK YOU!!Faithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07848026271448646032noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29718807.post-6668704005134333142011-03-01T00:01:18.775+00:002011-03-01T00:01:18.775+00:00@Anna As someone who has been reading these blogs ...@Anna As someone who has been reading these blogs for quite some time (2009 at my forum as I recall) your concern is duly noted, but I don't think we see eye to eye on this. <br /><br />My suggestion: run a blog forum with at least two posts a week for the next six months discussing core BWE issues and then get back to us. Go through the process of deciding your title, forum content, whether to self-host or use a subdomain, set up a moderation guideline, handle the trolls, handle the requests, using social networking or not, handle the complaints, handle the suggestions WHILE trying to LIVE the BWE message fully in not giving too much and let us know if you still feel the same way.<br /><br />You hear me....I hear you....and I'm saying at the core of this is an attitude of entitlement. It's a core trait that blacks have towards other blacks and it's rotten to the core! <br /><br />Had I not had my own forum and not witnessed this behavior for the past 2 years in particular I might be inclined to agree with you. <br /><br />Had I not met BW in person last year who backbit, obfuscated, ran away and outright sabotaged IN PERSON I might be inclined to THINK such a "tone" change would result in what you're suggesting.<br /><br />IF a BW cannot take the message as is then she was not likely to adapt any changes anyway.<br /><br />This is what I'll dub: "the parable of the cookie". Said woman has no intention of changing but wants to see how many hoops you'll jump through for her amusement and distraction. She hates other BW and herself but will pose as a BWE supporter or enthusiast. <br /><br />She wants a reward for listening, but of course will undermine the BWE message any chance she gets. She thinks she's better than some other "hoodrats" of course but they all share their investment in the dead black community. <br /><br />She is the Ride&Die chick for life.<br /><br />So....no I can't speak for anyone else who runs a blog forum but I am NOT interested in offering dessert before veggies. <br /><br />Since most BW aren't making the changes OR supporting the BWE message anyway that's HER loss. Every person will not respond the life-affirming messages and it's not my responsibility to chase down every potential when there are 5 more in her place who will at least LISTEN.Faithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07848026271448646032noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29718807.post-815442097895055652011-02-28T19:31:21.760+00:002011-02-28T19:31:21.760+00:00Mahogany,
I am an actress/writer living here in L...Mahogany,<br /><br />I am an actress/writer living here in LA also. I have written a few screen plays and just got through wrapping the second short that I produced with me in the lead. I agree that we should take back control of our image. I don't write stereotypical garbage so when my features hit the big screen I am sure many dbrm and dbrm mammy identified bw will not be able to relate. Best wishes in your endeavors.<br /><br />Khadija,<br /><br />You are right black people will use you up and forget about you later. I've had experiences with that years ago when I was living on the east coast and was still naive. I find it amazing how black people, particularly black men still use "white men as an excuse as to what they cannot accomplish." I'm sorry, but if I as a bw went around complaining about what ww won't let me do, then that would make me look inferior. Maybe many bm don't realize this but don't care, but anytime a man complains about what another man won't let him accomplish, it makes the man who is complaining look inferior and weak and the man who he is complaining about look superior and strong. That's how I see it. <br /><br />Sometimes if I am in the company of bm, and they start complaining about the "oppressing wm" I simply stay silent or change the subject or just leave because I know they are expecting me to jump on the "blame whitey bandwagon" with them. No, I don't have that mindset, and men are suppose to compete with men. Why do you need women yelling from the sidelines? I will not be their cheerleader.shannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29718807.post-77564346113266915002011-02-28T18:57:13.697+00:002011-02-28T18:57:13.697+00:00Personally, I feel that after all of these years B...Personally, I feel that after all of these years BWE bloggers (and commenters) have been spent trying to explain basic common sense to those BW in the listening audience who have been lucky/blessed enough to have come across this life saving message of doing what's best for self period regardless of who likes it or not, if anyone out there who's been exposed to the BWE message (for years in some cases) STILL doesn't get it they won't because deep down she doesn't want to for various reasons.<br /><br />The masses of BW are still either in denial, too lazy to make the necessary changes, or mistakingly believe they have all the time in the world to "weigh their options" when they don't.<br /><br />Some people would say it's fear that's holding black women back but like Evia and other's have stated, if one is eminent danger, the natural thing to do would be to flee the person/people/environment causing this danger.<br /><br />And if it were anyone BUT BM that were responsible for this pain/suffering and struggling state that many BW are obviously in, I believe BW would have fled decades ago.<br /><br />So... it's back to the mammy/save the struggling/damaged "brainwashed" "brothas" mess again I suppose.SMH<br /><br />Time is RUNNING OUT for BW. PERIOD. End of story. And NO ONE is "coming too the rescue". Most especially no one black and especially no one black and male.<br /><br />BW can save themselves the SAME way MOST marriage minded non African-American BW do IF given the chance. Buy surrounding oneself with positive QUALITY MARRIAGE minded and family oriented men.<br /><br />MOST of these men are simply not black. And if BW were honest with themselves they would admit it.<br /><br />BW need to leave this "black community" NONSENSE alone. <br /><br />Because you can't and never will have a functioning, thriving, and healthy community if HALF of the equation is missing in action.<br /><br />So... I would sincerely hope those BW who are in the listening audience who DO honestly believe in the idea of full freedom and self agency minus the guilt and sense of responsibility towards a dead black construct, to start ACTING on that belief.<br /><br />Start limiting ones online time and get out there and start putting into PRACTICE what they've learned.<br /><br />If one is a single, attractive, articulate, intelligent, and personable BW interested in eventually marrying well and ESPECIALLY if one is of child bearing age and interested in baring children in wedlock one must GET BUSY ASAP ON THE DOUBLE.<br /><br />Jump out there in the GLOBAL VILLAGE away from the all black toxic cesspools that have contributed to the 70% single rate and over 70% OOW child rate in the dead black construct.Felicianoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29718807.post-64512952481881315432011-02-28T18:04:42.138+00:002011-02-28T18:04:42.138+00:00---------------------------------
I'm excited ...---------------------------------<br />I'm excited b/c for the first time (THANKS TO all the BWE forums like this one, Khadijas, Faith, Christelyns, WAOD, and Evia) i have been encourged to finally do something.<br /><br />I have been having these ideas since 1998. YES! And have done NADA. And for the first time in my life due to interacting on these forums, I have finally made plans and come up with ways to achieve these goals.<br /><br />in two weeks I will be investing in a film camera and apple computer that would be fit for producing and directing film (something I have always wanted to do and something that I want to do towards BWE). I am so excited b/c for the first time I will actually be putting into play the things I have been wanting to do for BWE for the last deacade.<br /><br />i have come to realize that I don't care how bad my films may look in the beginning I have to start somewhere. My whole intention is to have a film production company that produces films, TV shows etc regadring BW. A kind of Lifetime Network for BW if you will. I am taking computer courses this spring to learn more about the internet and how to implement online entertainment.<br /> <br />I enjoy reading BWE blogs but I have no desire to start one of my own. First, my writing is just not on that level and its just not what drives me. I prefer to contribute in a different way - like creating media channels through You tube - even the blog radio idea is a great one I'd love to do. <br /><br />The point is we need BW with their hands in ALL areas - blogging, media, books etc.<br /><br />Also, I appreciate the mention of you tube. To put it simply - justin beiber is where he is today b/c of YouTube. Its a very powerful internet tool and I feel so STUPID for not using it. I think this is a great place to start. One of the reasons I am buying a new camera is for that prupose as well. To create my own You Tube channel to dicuss the things that matter to me as a BW.<br /><br />I met a very nice young Black girl this week who happened to have gone to film school and she gave me her card and information on what tools I need to produce quality film etc. <br /><br /><br />I have to say I am a change the world thinker/doer. I have always been that way. I know once I get started i will conquer and surpass my goals and be very successful.<br /><br />Be on the lookout ladies!!!!!Neecyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03018329669630782165noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29718807.post-43190070042131035102011-02-28T18:03:37.794+00:002011-02-28T18:03:37.794+00:00Mohagonay,
I am living in Los Angeles area and I ...Mohagonay,<br /><br />I am living in Los Angeles area and I would love to meet up with you to implement those very things you have suggested. I too have been thinking on the same page. So, please email me at neecy101@gmail.com and we can discuss further.Neecyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03018329669630782165noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29718807.post-24506472097169489832011-02-28T14:56:47.531+00:002011-02-28T14:56:47.531+00:00So due to being raised and grounded in common sens...So due to being raised and grounded in common sense, I've beat the drum steadily about the common sense principles of reciprocity, bw making BEST choices for themselves (no matter who doesn't like it) and choosing Quality men from the global village, AND vetting ALL men, bw putting themselves 'first and foremost,' accountability, bw living well, the critical need for bw to be hypergamous when at all possible, bw watching mostly what people DO versus what they say, and etc., etc. All of that goes back to my grandmother and those old black folks (women and men) who would drop by for a visit with her on her front porch and discuss happenings in the community. THESE were the kind of things THEY talked about EVERY time, though they didn't use these exact terms. <br /><br />For those who have read my blogs from years back, I've pointed out repeatedly that I didn't come up with any of this on my own. I got this all from those old, mostly illiterate black folks on the porch in Alabama. LOL!<br /><br />So with that, I, Evia, want to ONLY be associated with Common Sense and its derivative for AA women (who want to marry at this critical point in time), which is BWIR & BWIC. <b>Those old black folks advocated doing whatever was best to enhance surviving and thriving at any given time.</b> They weren't frozen or slow; they advocated moving quickly to enhance their lives. As my grandmom would say, "It's the early bird that gets the worm." So, this is really just common sense wisdom that's been around for a long time. As the saying goes: "There is nothing new under the sun."<br /><br />So, that's how I've lived my life--according to the teachings of those old folks. In my case, the "apple has never fallen far from the tree" (another of my grandmom's favorite sayings. I never thought I was doing anything out of the ordinary. I've discovered that for some people, what I write about is controversial, but for me, it's always been about Common Sense. I will continue to live my life in that manner.<br /><br /> So, from now on, please associate me only with that--because that's who I am.Eviahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06606364424958560351noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29718807.post-17911272475688039832011-02-28T14:56:18.293+00:002011-02-28T14:56:18.293+00:00@Mahogany re:
BWE bloggers had a huge part to pl...@Mahogany re:<br /><br /><i> BWE bloggers had a huge part to play in my move. Especially you Evia.</i><br /><br />Thank you so much Mahogany! I love how you're all fired up. That's so wonderful! Proceed, but please do so in a mindful, methodical, calm, shrewdly realistic manner--so that you don't get burned out. Remember that only a relatively small percent of bw actually GET IT--despite what they may say. When people GET IT that their house is burning down, they don't come up with any excuses, explanations, reasons or rationales about why they can't leave.<br /> <br /><b>TO ALL READERS:</b> I have to say that I think that the so-called "BWE message" is about to spin out or has already spun out of control. From my understanding, this is because it is still being shaped. It is a living, morphing ideology. There is no central body controlling it; everyone therefore puts their own stamp on it. <br /><br />I wouldn't be surprised if there will be or are bw out there already using their version of BWE to panhandle (like 'moonies'), claiming that they're doing it for the BWE "movement." LOL! There is no central, organized core that can refute that--like NOW (national organization of women) had when disruptive elements tried to tarnish/malign their organization. So before anyone may want to exploit or tarnish the core concepts of BWE that I "thought" we're were all talking about, I am disconnecting my common sense message from the label--that is, IF anyone attempts to pin that label on my common sense message.<br /><br />I'm ONLY speaking for me with this comment.<br /><br />Years ago, I, Evia, began blogging about bw having plain ole <b>COMMON SENSE.</b> I didn't invent common sense, but EVERYTHING I've written falls under common sense (or the version of it with which I was shaped). It's the ideology that directs my life. When I've urged bw to totally avoid being mammy-mules or frontline fighters against white hegemony, and to instead be butterflies, that to me is simply common sense.Eviahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06606364424958560351noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29718807.post-59226921573946746642011-02-28T11:58:21.830+00:002011-02-28T11:58:21.830+00:00This post and the one before has really got me thi...This post and the one before has really got me thinking about how I receive and respond to the message and information I get on BWE blogs.<br /><br />I remember an incident when my friend (she's Indian)and I were impressed by a busker's performance in Covent Garden,so sat for a while to listen to him. When we decided to move on, my friend just walked off without even a thought to paying for the entertainment she just enjoyed. I remember being offended on behalf of the busker and went on to give him something from my purse. I didn't say anything to her though.<br /><br />Now that this has come up, I realise that this is exactly what I have been doing to the BWE bloggers all these years since I found you ladies.<br /><br />I will make it a point to always show my appreciation and to give something back as well as forward.<br /><br />DuchyAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29718807.post-8983462694284260742011-02-28T05:39:10.998+00:002011-02-28T05:39:10.998+00:00Mahogany your idea for a play and an offline chapt...Mahogany your idea for a play and an offline chapter of BWE in southern California sound beautiful, but as some BWE bloggers have mentioned in the past it is important for BW who are undertaking this sort of work to protect themselves by any means necessary as they themselves usually sight unseen have been attacked online most vehemently. This is why they patrol their blogs for 'trolls' who derail the blogger's posts and disrespect other commenters. One blogger has already mentioned that somebody tried to get her arrested?! If she was serious, arrested for what?? Hey, Klan members, skinheads, and terrorists who memorize the Anarchist's Cookbook are online too are they getting arrested? Or are they allowed to still freely speak?<br /><br />This is all just shocking about the things I've been hearing over time Mahogany (wow!), but if you are serious about your plans in CA then I want to advise you to please PLEASE be careful. I want you to keep in mind that women like Fleace Weaver, and one other have advertised and publicly got the word out in the past about get-togethers for BW to get them to explore interracial dating that had a panel of different races of men speaking at these events, and on a couple of occasions these events were crashed badly by people who weren't supposed to be there, or the details of every BW attending were reported by some BM or other to some other unknown people like the event was '1984 - Big Brother is watching you' or something.<br /><br />I hope you won't think that I'm discouraging you Mahogany but you should think about your own safety publicly out there first, and also how to protect yourself from any lapdogs out there who maybe reporting your business to the wrong kind of people. <br /><br />Whatever you choose to do Mahogany hopefully no people acting in bad faith ever come your way.aknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29718807.post-35490301711531910912011-02-28T05:00:41.431+00:002011-02-28T05:00:41.431+00:00Khadija:
That's the primary reason why I don&...Khadija:<br /><br />That's the primary reason why I don't mix any direct exchanges for money with my BWE activism. I know that there are legions of DBRBM, disgruntled colored girls, and other trolls who would looove to have an opening to file false complaints to the Better Business Bureau, etc. about me out of spite. If I accepted money for the BWE premium content, doing so would give bad-faith slaves a lever to use to potentially impact/sabotage what I'm doing with my side business. <br /><br /><br /><br />Khadija, and I'm not being funny here, but I never thought of it that way before. But you have stressed the sabotaging ways of black/AA consumers before on your blog so this isn't farfetched.aknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29718807.post-56445721276220130652011-02-28T04:49:15.733+00:002011-02-28T04:49:15.733+00:00Well a comment or two on here certainly has cleare...Well a comment or two on here certainly has cleared up a thought I had that has become crystal clear to me now. But it's true that receiprocity should be established a s a given if need be as BWE blogs do take up time and money that I wouldn't be surprised at.<br /><br />I have a credit card, the only one I'v ever had, to pay off and thankfully it never had a ginormously high limit to begin with, and as I have to balance paying for my studies that I'm actually doing now with working full time. I've had to suffer extreme cuts as soon as the recession happened. I'm not complaining about this at all, but I honestly can't be all 'debit card using' at the moment and I have a credit card to actually tackle. If my particiaption in BWE blogs would have happened five years ago, I'd be in a better position to actually send money with a card.<br /><br />If any BWE blogger is willing to take money orders/postal orders in order to fund their good work, then I'm more than happy to oblige. But a card can't cut it from me at this point in time *shrugs shoulders*, and that is why it seems that the reciprocal well 'has run dry'. <br /><br />We're none of us at all mind-readers so the truth is none of us can really tell if an 'Amen' is actually empty and hollow, or not. Nor can we watch each other to see if we're all implementing the good ideas and knowledge gained from these BWE blogs. But trust me, there will be no more 'Amens' from me. I think the message got through pretty clearly enough.<br /><br />At the risk of coming across as empty, if anyone knows how I could send a money order which of course will be international (with the exception sending it to Halima), then please advise. I hope my information has now finally met with every satisfaction.aknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29718807.post-16364299516149382472011-02-28T01:31:45.238+00:002011-02-28T01:31:45.238+00:00Ladies,
I have never commented on this blog befo...Ladies, <br /><br />I have never commented on this blog before. I agree, this is a call to action. I would like to share the following:<br /><br />1. I am 33, currently live in Southern California and am writing a stage play about the indoctrination of black women from birth to their elderly years. I am looking for people who can help bring it to pass (i.e actors, theatre owners, entertainment lawyers, etc…) preferably in the Southern California area. The play will offer solutions and tools. Although it is still in its infancy, I plan to complete it! <br /><br />2. I would like to start a BWE Chapter here in Southern California. I say “chapter” but what I mean is a group. The group could include the following events/meetings:<br /><br />•monthly meet-up sessions (discussions on BWE postings, goal accountability, event planning for future events, etc…)<br /><br />•hold events about black women and their investments (I attended one of these in Boston years ago and it was a blast)<br /><br />•mother and daughter image teas<br /><br />•Volunteering at places where young black girls are in an effort to make them aware of their value, importance and beauty (just to name a few). For example, years ago my friend and I volunteered to talk to black girls ages 7-10 at an Elementary school in Boston about their confidence, self esteem, etc... We also went to the dollar store and CVS and purchased toothpaste, deodorant, and girly stuff to give to them in gift bags. They enjoyed it.<br /> <br />•Offering book scholarships for black female college students<br /><br />•More suggestions<br /><br />No, I’ve never had a play produced, but I am willing to do it. I enjoy writing. My main goal is to own my own dinner theater. <br /><br />These ideas may seem like a lot, but ANYBODY can do one or something similar. It doesn’t matter what state we live in. I would like to see more ideas being added. I know they are out there.<br /><br />I will be creating an email address and hopefully Halima will allow me to post it here. If so, if you are in Southern California and would like to be a part of this (#1 or #2 above), we can schedule a meet up session. If there is a better way to do this, please let me know.<br /><br />I really want to be a part of this movement. I will be honest, that Pepsi commercial really did disappoint me. It is time to take OUR IMAGE back. Prior to that commercial I had begun to make changes, hence my move to an affluent area in Southern California. BWE bloggers had a huge part to play in my move. Especially you Evia.<br /> <br />I would like to thank all of the BWE bloggers for their vitamins (words of wisdom). It was due to your postings that I was able to understand and put into words what the heck is going on in the BC and make the necessary changes that would help me to live well. <br /><br />Thank you all (bloggers,commentors and readers)for your time.<br /><br />-MahoganyAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29718807.post-78114788099197892112011-02-27T19:05:31.450+00:002011-02-27T19:05:31.450+00:00I KNOW I’ve given to whomever has touched my life!...I KNOW I’ve given to whomever has touched my life! When I give it needs to be right. I believe in seed time and harvest (spiritually) so when I give-the soil ‘has gots’ to be right! Currently there is someone, a TV evangelist whom (since dollar figures are being mentioned) I’ve given more then a paychecks worth to, more then once, and I make it a habit of given to this ministry because this person has proved time and time again that they are serious about helping others and treating people right. In fact, when the story broke about that really sick ‘minister’ who was having a relationship with those young men, I got out my check book -at that very moment-and sent it to my trusted preacher out of the thankfulness of my heart, because I knew that my TV minister could be trusted and I was so glad that they’d never misused my money. In fact I can count on, and mark absolute miracles taking place from sowing ‘seed’ into this ministry-I can BANK on it! There are many ministries that I give to I can hardly keep up, I’m just referring to MY FAVORIT (and the one the I make a habit of giving to) , because they preach the gospel, which will lead anyone to freedom-and so much more. <br />But MONEY-is not the only gift that I bring-and it’s not the GREATEST. I have a gifting of bringing things into realization. (In fact I went around to churches doing this for the masses-and totally being selfless- until I realized that I needed to use my gifting for myself, which is what brought me to the bwe message). Did you know that people on this earth have this gifting? I could make your wildest dreams come true (the temperature and attitude have to be right) and I was totally overlooking myself! I’m taking time to build myself up first-which I’ve never focused on. Anyway, yes it’s okay to make suggestions. The flip side of AA taking advantage of people because they are this, that and the other is fear that you’re going to be taking advantage of because maybe you are this, that and the other. I made turkey burgers tonight, and I made the mistake of announcing what it was, and so my daughter announced that she hated turkey burgers(she’s never had them)-I told her to try it and give herself the chance to hate it. Habakkuk 2:2-4 Then the Lord answered me and said: “write the vision and make it plan on tablets, that he may run who reads it. For the vision is yet for an appointed time; But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; because it will surely come, It will not tarry. “Behold the proud, His soul is not upright in him; but the just shall live by his faith.” <br />I know many have they’re own belief system, I believe the word of God makes anyone prosperous- in they’re soul-Christian or not. That’s why I share this. Eat and be satisfied!squarlymadenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29718807.post-64655885669492462182011-02-27T17:58:28.860+00:002011-02-27T17:58:28.860+00:00Part 2
I think that you and I agree on the need fo...Part 2<br />I think that you and I agree on the need for action, but there is a way to say no. Noone here is forcing anyone to do anything, so it's not necessary to fight our way to no. <br /><br />We talk about the "sister soldier" and "angry Black woman syndrome" a lot. I feel like the habit of shouting "No!" is a manifestation of that. I agree with the need to <b>say</b> no. I don't agree with the indiscriminate use of heat behind it. <br /><br />I can accept that blogging has a specific set of demands and boundaries, and that it's a lot of work. However, I don't think that just because something is hard means that the normal bounds of human discourse get thrown out. <br /><br />There is a huge difference between coddling someone, and being polite. Similarly, there is a difference between:<br /><br />"I've personally got my hands full, and we need all the help we can get. Hopefully this is something you can do, or can find someone willing to take on this suggestion. Good luck."<br /><br />instead of:<br /><br />"You're just trying to make me a mule!"<br />"Nobody's stopping you!" <br /><br />Because that's not how we'd say it to each others faces. Why introduce it to the ONLY area where we are trying to uplift ourselves and each other? <br /><br />The attitudes in the BWE blogs are modeled to those readers emulating what is being said there. The young BW (we hope) model their behavior not just on how we tell them to interact with the world, but on how we interact with each other. Treating each other with basic courtesy is part of that. <br /><br />So I don't think that just because BWE blogging is a lot of work means that we should be less mindful of basic policy and civility. <br /><br />By all means, don't say yes to everything, or even most things. Do remind others that their input is necessary, not just needed. But minus the antagonism. I think that when people learn HOW to say no, they don't need the extra zing of antagonism. Even a suggestions policy could get that point across (like a comments policy, but for suggestions.)<br /><br />My concern isn't <b>that</b> people say no (because I do it too.) It's just <b>how. </b> <br /><br />I just believe that there are so few of us, and that it's a waste of energy if we're creating an environment where we have to defend ourselves against each other from what I see are personal attacks. <br /><br />One final thing because I don't want to be misread: I'm not talking anything that's been said in the past 30 days on any blog. <b>So this is not a veiled comment over anything recent in the blogosphere.</b> My concerns are as I've said: over the course of reading in the past years.<br /><br />Faith, I appreciate your comments here. <b> I do agree with you on the need for both urgency and action,</b> and I hope that my point can be seen as something that doesn't take away from those needs. <br /><br />one more thing:<br /><br />The flip side of my concern about the bloggers is what Faith mentioned about the readers. <b>That is, there is a heavy responsibility on the readers and commenters side as well, to NOT be a user. And to make suggestions in good faith, not in an effort to pass off work to another BW. Also, to take some clear initiative to advance BW work.</b> <br /><br />I think I've said my piece and then some, so I'll stop talking about that now. I appreciate everyones comments to me here.tertiaryannanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29718807.post-79256624131673107672011-02-27T17:50:21.454+00:002011-02-27T17:50:21.454+00:00"This is why other women need to step forward...<i>"This is why other women need to step forward and share the load. Otherwise you're proposing we "save the community".</i><br /><br />Faith, we are in total agreement about your first sentence, but your second is precisely illustrating my concerns.<br /><br />I agree, we all need to be doing something. Things are bad, and time is running out. I feel like time IS out, for us as a collective, and that the running time is for those people willing to make personal changes. That feeling of only a handful remaining is what's behind my concern.<br /> <br />I completely understand that the bloggers are doing something public, and that's opening them up to a level of inquiry and scrutiny that others don't have to face in their advocacy work. I can accept that some of what I was seeing was as hostility was, as Karen mentioned, "through my own filters."<br /><br />But fundamentally, I don't think that every person who makes a suggestion is implying that they're not doing anything or that you <i>have</i> to do what's being suggested. You don't even have to listen to what they say. You don't even have to post their comments (all blogs have moderation capabilities.) <b>But it's not necessary to fight them just over the fact they said it to you. </b> <br /><br />I think it's borderline bad faith, not to mention rude, to accuse someone of being a troll, an ikette, or trying to make you else a mule. Or to engage in any name calling or mockery when someone makes a suggestion.<br /><br />I want to be clear: I have no problem with someone saying: "I'm saying no because I'm doing a lot and I don't want to be a mule for BW."<br /><br />I don't like when someone says: "<b>you want to make me</b> a mule". It's assuming intent and punishing them for that assumption. <br /><br />So my concern is when the bloggers make that assumption that "suggestion=do it so we don't have to."<br /><br />For example, a lot of people suggested Khadija write a book. I'm sure some of that was because people felt like they couldn't do it (and so, will never try.) I agree with you - that's bad, because we need more people to try.<br /><br />But a lot of people suggested it because they could see that the free work was excellent, and could be something that gave her income. I don't think that's bad. <br /><br />If when people made that suggestion, she name-called <b>both</b> groups, treating them all like users and takers, IMO it would not be healthy for the BWE community, even if the book had still been done.<br /><br />I see, reinforced by Khadija's comments that some people are users, especially in BC issues. But not everyone. The issue for me is when everyone gets treated like a problem, and I still believe there's a way to use discretion with enforcing boundaries. <br /><br />End part 1tertiaryannanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29718807.post-72873235381024622312011-02-27T16:58:38.730+00:002011-02-27T16:58:38.730+00:00Zoopath thank you for immedaitely putting into act...Zoopath thank you for immedaitely putting into action what we are talking about and proving to be a model for how to support BWE work. <br /><br />Your rewards will not pass you by!Halimahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13400009793511308799noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29718807.post-531432389553396652011-02-27T15:28:00.785+00:002011-02-27T15:28:00.785+00:00@Faith: Thank you for confronting foolishness and ...@Faith: Thank you for confronting foolishness and willful ignorance. When I've had a little tickle in the back of my mind that a certain situation or arguement doesn't seem right, your essays precisely describe what's rotten in Denmark. I also made a donation to your site to show my appreciation for your work.zoopathhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07338154428020265756noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29718807.post-29400961969691917932011-02-27T15:16:34.730+00:002011-02-27T15:16:34.730+00:00@Evia: Thank you so much for bringing up money. Th...@Evia: Thank you so much for bringing up money. That is my preferred way of showing support to people/entities. I'm not going to start blog or seek out anyone to mentor for that matter either. However, I will financially support content/services that I value. I love financially supporting BW-owned businesses. I just bought your 3rd book on reciprocity. I have already learned to think about reciprocity but perhaps visitors to my home will read up the book and learn something. <br /><br />@Khadija: Your policy re: money and your BWE works sounds very prudent. Folks will spend lots of time trying to destroy something positive that you built rather than build something of value for themselves. Still, I do feel guilty for not being able to reciprocate in the manner I'm most comfortable with. <br /><br />@Halima: I hadn't noticed the donate button on your side bar but I just donated to show my appreciation for your work. I still giggle at the thought of your "Who's Zoomin' Who" essay.zoopathhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07338154428020265756noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29718807.post-83430246758222598272011-02-27T13:29:33.000+00:002011-02-27T13:29:33.000+00:00@Khadija re--
It would make it too easy for indoc...@Khadija re--<br /><br /><i>It would make it too easy for indoctrinated AA slave-women to dismiss the reciprocity lesson as just an attempt to "get over."</i><br /><br />I hear you, but since I don't have an online business for DBR slaves to sabotage, I'm going to do me. There's nothing they can do to sabotage me and trust me, they have tried EVERYTHING including threatening me and trying to get me arrested for simply advocating bw to vet all men and ONLY mingle with, date, mate, and marry QLL men.<br /><br />Nothing else.<br /><br /><i> Which is what they're inclined to think, because they don't understand the idea of reciprocity. All they understand is exploitation. Either from the perspective of the user or as the person being used. How very sad . . . and downright savage.</i><br /><br />Yes, and since exploitation is the only language they speak, they will attract exploiters. That's pure and beautiful karma. <br /><br />And to put this on a more positive note, since I speak the language of reciprocity and accountability, I attract people who speak that language. I instantly separate from and avoid ANYONE who doesn't speak that language. They are not relevant to me. That's exactly the point I've tried to make in many of my essays. You get from the universe what you give to it. These modern day slaves (not to be confused with our captured ancestors) are their own worst enemy, so they will do themselves in.<br /><br />So this is a perfect analogy.<br /><br />To make it more clear. If any one of you goes into a forum in a place like NYC where there's a wide mixture of people and start speaking Spanish, the Spanish speaking people will respond to you and start moving toward you. Likewise, if you start speaking Igbo, Hindu, or Polish, people who speak that language will move toward you.<br /><br />I know that many people think it's more complex than that, but it's not. The goal is to learn to speak the language of the type of people you want to attract and totally ignore those people who speak a different language because they are not likeminded. After a while, those types will be invisible to you.<br /><br />So only those bw readers who speak my language will respond to my comments BY DOING and those who are BSing won't. This is how AA women will eventually separate. <br /><br />I would rather be with 5 people who speak the language of accountability and reciprocity than be with 500,000 who are BSing. <b> This is who I am. I do NOT want to hear from anyone who doesn't speak my language. Time has run out. I don't want to hear from anyone ANYMORE if you're not willing to SHOW that you speak my language.</b> And if I could, I would prevent any others (addicts, obsessed DBRs, mentally crippled Negroes, BSers, etc.) from coming to my site.Eviahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06606364424958560351noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29718807.post-26933323718487654652011-02-26T23:45:14.925+00:002011-02-26T23:45:14.925+00:00@Ali I have my own forum and discuss a variety of ...@Ali I have my own forum and discuss a variety of topics that encompass FULL LIVING. That includes getting the love you deserve and removing the obstacles. Too many BW are still stuck at saying hello to a WM so it has to be addressed! <br /><br />What blogs are you reading? <br /><br />The way you posed your comment it sounded like a complaint about our discussing BW/WM relationships. Which as you know is of great interest to a LOT of people -when it comes to preventing them! <br /><br />This is not about a married woman needling unmarried women. I'm single -- but I don't intend on remaining single. Which is the point for the conversations. This is not about touting any random WM but a higher-caliber mate. BW have to be one to get one!<br /><br /><b> So take a moment and consider all of the ramifications for other women who may not be at your level of boredom or irritation with the topic and who still to get useful information. </b> <br /><br />I can't wait to see what projects you come up with. Do let us know when you have something ready to implement!<br />----------<br /><br />@Anna -- The point of responding to those who comment about doing something is to encourage women to FOLLOW THROUGH. I've been blogging since 2008. This may sound short to you, but it's time for BW to get off the pot and do something. It doesn't have to happen TODAY but one step towards a goal is better than standing still. Too many BW are simply WAITING! Being an established blogger meant we had to start somewhere and keep going. We have noted many BW are not!<br /><br />As far as teaching sex ed, etc. the first priority is for a girl to not have her soul crushed so that she's not willing to accept crumbs as normal. Also, you've got a handful of bloggers with careers, families and other concerns. WE cannot be responsible for doing everything! <br /><br />This is why other women need to step forward and share the load. Otherwise you're proposing we "save the community". That's not the BWE message! Besides as you see from reading this thread we're getting frustrated women venting at us for what we do, they way we do it, how we phrase it, enacting standards and how much we take on! <br /><br />THIS IS PART OF THE PROBLEM. <br /><br />You are expecting the BWE initiative to be run like other black-oriented do-nothing orgs. That's why it's vastly different. We're expecting RESULTS and for all of you to make a serious, concerted effort at change. It doesn't have to be perfect or figured out A-Z but something must be done! <br /><br />If these forums were gone what would some of you ladies be doing?<br /><br />--------<br /><br />@Evia I just read through the added comments. Thank you for laying it out so eloquently. This addresses those who are "frustrated" about the manner in which they're being given life-affirming information FOR FREE but so far have not RECIPROCATED IN KIND. It's something we all need to think about!Faithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07848026271448646032noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29718807.post-61405262274296827362011-02-26T19:07:00.716+00:002011-02-26T19:07:00.716+00:00Part 2
There are secondary reasons why I don'...Part 2<br /><br />There are secondary reasons why I don't want money in exchange for the premium blog posts:<br /><br />(1) I don't want folks to be able to dismiss the reciprocity lesson as actually being about "money-grubbing." I know that this is how AA slaves think; and I want them to genuinely learn what reciprocity means. AND <br /> <br />(2) I'm already a business owner, and my online business is totally oriented toward majority, NON-Black consumers. I want the Sojourner's Passport social activism blog to pay for its own upkeep (through book sales), but it's not like I'm trying to use the blog to put food on my table.<br /> <br />Let me emphasize that I don't feel that there would be anything wrong with accepting donations or making the blog paid-subscription only. Other folks---people who are not African-Americans---understand how it's often necessary to pay for valuable, life-enhancing information. Sadly, most AAs are simply too primitive and slave-minded for that---they don't want to pay any other Black person for anything sensible. <br /> <br />It's an interesting paradox: Most African-Americans are cynical and yet gullible at the same time. We're quick to interpret any other Black person seeking fair monetary compensation for their life-enhancing work as somehow inappropriate. Yet, we're simultaneously delighted to throw piles of money to all sorts of useless Black (mostly male) hustlers who are peddling less than useless wares such as Steve Harvey, most AA male pastors/imams, etc.<br /> <br />So, even though it would be perfectly appropriate to charge for the information I provide, I don't want to do that. In addition to the concerns I mentioned in Part 1 of this comment, I believe charging for premium content would actually work against the reciprocity lesson that I'm trying to teach. <br /><br />It would make it too easy for indoctrinated AA slave-women to dismiss the reciprocity lesson as just an attempt to "get over." Which is what they're inclined to think, because they don't understand the idea of reciprocity. All they understand is exploitation. Either from the perspective of the user or as the person being used. How very sad . . . and downright savage.Khadijahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07732325133964607276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29718807.post-53036015735616698252011-02-26T18:55:19.919+00:002011-02-26T18:55:19.919+00:00*REAL TALK Alert!*
Evia,
I deeply appreciate yo...<b>*REAL TALK Alert!*</b><br /><br />Evia, <br /><br /><b>I deeply appreciate your call to action, but NO---I DON'T want anybody sending me money for my premium content---please DON'T do that!!!</b><br /><br /><b>Here's the primary reason why:</b><br /><br />As a Black business owner, I don't believe in trying to do serious business with "typical" AAs/Blacks. It never works right for the reasons (I've outlined in depth at my blog). I refuse to do business with slaves in that direct fashion. A Black business owner who tries to do direct business with slaves is only setting themselves up to be sabotaged by those slaves. <br /><br />A reader at my blog previously described the AA slaves' behavior pattern regarding Black businesses: First the slaves pretend to be excited about the Black business endeavor. Then, they start backbiting it. Then, they work their fingers to the bone to pull it down.<br /><br />I'm already an online business owner. My side business is totally oriented toward mainstream, NON-Black consumers. I don't want hateration-type AA slaves to have <i>any</i> possible openings to do any sabotage that could potentially spill over onto my side business. <br /><br />That's the primary reason why I don't mix any direct exchanges for money with my BWE activism. I <b>know</b> that there are legions of DBRBM, disgruntled colored girls, and other trolls who would looove to have an opening to file false complaints to the Better Business Bureau, etc. about me out of spite. If I accepted money for the BWE premium content, doing so would give bad-faith slaves a lever to use to potentially impact/sabotage what I'm doing with my side business. <br /><br /><b>Keeping the premium content free protects me from the disgruntled colored girls and other Black haters.</b> <br /><br />I know that I have to protect my side business from MOST of the people in the reading audience. As Halima noted, there's an undercurrent of resentment toward many BWE bloggers. Even from audience members who aren't full-blown trolls or haters. That's why my name is not on my side business. So the haters in the audience will never be able to find it and connect it to me. They can't sabotage what they can't find. <br /><br />For any Black business owner's self-protection, AA slaves must be kept at arms' length from one's business, and <b>only</b> dealt with via 3rd parties like Amazon.com. <br /><br />That way, when the hateration-AA slaves falsely claim to have a problem or issue about their order, they have to take it up with the 3rd party such as Amazon.com. And the Black business owner is removed from the main "line of fire" from hateration AA slave-consumers.Khadijahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07732325133964607276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29718807.post-23228276176778300382011-02-26T18:24:29.726+00:002011-02-26T18:24:29.726+00:00Hmmn
deep knowlege is being dropped here i tell y...Hmmn<br /><br />deep knowlege is being dropped here i tell ya!<br /><br />I agree that often times you have to push ideas out there hoping some other person with more 'talent' or time will go forth and do. I do that all the time. I dont know how to podcast and dont have the time even, and so i push out the idea there so that someone who can can run with it will do so.<br /><br />all hands on deck<br /><br />I also agree that bw and bp are used to things being done by others and often dont see themselves as the doers.<br /><br />a couple of years ago i attended a church were the black folk had essentially positioned themselves as 'recivers' from the whites in the church. I didnt know this when i arrived, but i set about pitching in as i have been raised to do...it caused havoc because the white folk in the church didnt know how to place me and the black folk were fearful that the gravy train that they milked because of the 'I am soo needy help me white person', notion, was about to grind to a halt, as the white folk realized that blacks were not as 'helpless' as they always tried to position themselves. well you can guess why I am no longer there. ultimately both groups had begun to colluded to maintain this arrnagement.<br /><br />at least carry your own weight!<br /><br />This is what I urge bw.<br /><br />regarding our civil rights folk who died in misreable conditions Khadija you are totally right. reason 1001 why black community is a disaster and everyone with an ounce of sense should flee and have nothing to do with the current formulation of Black Community.<br /><br />And Evia trust that you are speaking to me too because even as a BWE writer I can say that I have gained much more than I have given out (which is as it should be) and I also need to give financially to those who have blessed me so that i dont operate under a curse (because thats essentially what happens when you get blessed and dont give back and we who are christians know this is a biblical priciple). So i shall be making my own arrangements to bless BWE financially. see I was raised propely for sure, to appreciate good works, I only forgot and evia reminded me lol!<br /><br />I might not be cash rich (a matter of time), but folks are trying to find out what my secret is and it is from participating the BWE empowernment work.<br /><br />Lets face it, if I and others gave up Cappucino for lent or proposed to buy one less shoe this year, we would be able to bless the socks off a BWE writer who has enabled us recieve over $1000 worth of info. Not just that Evia, as you said some of the stuff that we keep talking about will be easily financed.<br /><br />I want to admit to being given financially by some of y'all who know yourselves (God bless you all).<br /><br />white men in particular have been the major gift givers. I mean Fancy that!Halimahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13400009793511308799noreply@blogger.com