tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29718807.post4577097131649814620..comments2023-06-26T11:23:50.414+01:00Comments on Black, Woman and Winning!: Pavlovian Responses and Old Wine Skins (updates!)Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29718807.post-25247927628331710102010-04-09T17:57:35.369+01:002010-04-09T17:57:35.369+01:00shimmy:
Being in these all black settings can be ...shimmy:<br /><br />Being in these all black settings can be very stressful. Many black people have a "black code" for black women on how they feel you should act. If you don't fit in with so called black behavior, they will make you feel alienated and rejected. They make sure they isolate you because they don't consider you a "real" black woman. This "black behavior" can include the way one lives, talks, acts and even making gestures.<br /><br /><br /><br />Yet these same people expect black people who buckled down, studied hard, and who are making it right now to 'come back and help out' the neighborhoods, or kids of the neighborhoods and settings that they left behind. What? Help out the people who called you a nerd or belittled you because you didn't act or talk like them, hang out where they always used to hang out because you had more important things to do? They can help out there own kids and that's no one else's fault if they just can't somehow. Sorry. Kids are expensive in many different examples of 'expense'.<br /><br />Black people like the ones you described also like to pull out the names of black inventors and innovators of their where sun don't shine also! But the blacks surrounding them who buckled down and saw things through without paying attention to the ghetto are probably doing the same thing the black inventors/innovators did, and all they get today is ridicule and ostracization.<br /><br />I know some people may think the black inventors/innovators of old received possibly some positive acknowledgement and encouragement from black people back in the day since they lived in the bad ol' days and knew 'how hard they had it' but you know what I wasn't around back then so I don't know what their motives were or how their minds worked back then. So I think their may have been some DBR ABC blacks back then too ridiculing these same pioneer inventors/innovators and telling them that they 'act white' all the time.<br /><br />Who knows? *shrugs shoulders* Do you know for sure? Because the DBR ghetto-acting black people of today didn't just, you know, fall out of the sky. They must have come from somewhere!aknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29718807.post-50090915212387956252010-04-01T18:09:47.079+01:002010-04-01T18:09:47.079+01:00Shimmy this is all true yes!Shimmy this is all true yes!aknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29718807.post-15144332402063855672010-03-26T03:37:52.765+00:002010-03-26T03:37:52.765+00:00I've just lurked before, but I wanted to just ...I've just lurked before, but I wanted to just throw out a compliment... You are saving lives here. I've been passing on this site and others related to it to the black women that I can TRUST (they've demonstrated that they will not lash back at me, or it will be minimal), and I've only received thanks. Note: I said, black women who already meet a certain standard of not going crazy if they heard an idea they didn't like, or who looked like they were ready to hear this. People are buying books, pointing others to this blog. I just wanted to pop in and say thank you for all that you do with these posts. YOU have CERTAINLY helped me. =)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29718807.post-58489070592691974092010-03-25T11:40:29.138+00:002010-03-25T11:40:29.138+00:00Black mothers especially get caught up in these tr...Black mothers especially get caught up in these triggers and codes by their children.<br />I have a friend, V who could not wait to get out on her own even though she had a baby in high school and was not to close to the baby's father. V had her mother cosign for her an apt while her mother tried to convince her to stay at home until she had been on her job for a least a year. The father of the baby was having trouble with his mama and needed a place to stay so he started whispering in V's ear about getting a place together. V had a job but her boyfriend only worked sporadically. So her mother co signs reluctantly not knowing that the boyfriend was moving in until after V moved. They didn't last 3 months before the police were being called V kept putting him out, he kept coming back. Finally mgmt called V's mother and told her that V was going to be evicted and she would be held responsible for any damages. Mgmt was like just move her out and you won't be held accountable but you cannot have your deposit back. V's mom was like okay because she was tired of the back and forth. V was sort of mad but she had no other help so she started to move back to her mother's house, well her boyfriend had a fit and tore up the apt when she left for work cuz he knew his ass was on the way out. Mgmt was mad and decided to press charges on the boyfriend so V's mom had to also press charges since he technically broke in. V had a fit and refuse to sign the papers talking about he didn't mean to do it and I should have stayed here. Her mom was like are you crazy girl we are pressing charges, so this silly girl decides to move from that apt into another complex with her baby's father where they did not know about all this other stuff and left her mom responsible. Financially this almost ruined this woman since she had agreed to move mgmt could not charge too much but they made an entry in her mom's credit report which means she had a mark that she did not cause. 6 months later V's mom won a little money gambling and was planning on paying up some bills and go visit her sister in Florida and maybe look at retiring there. V heard about the money and started making noises about I wanna come home,he is acting out again and I am pregnant and he is mad about it.<br />Her mother said and I quote" What the hell does that have to do with me" V was shocked and started to make noises like I need money we hardly got any food. Her mother slammed the phone down and refuse to answer it, made travel plans and wouldn't answer her phone or door. That same year she relocated down to florida with her sister and is still there while V has 4 kids by 2 different guys.<br />Mama had already fallen for the okey doke once and was not going to be fooled again while her daughter is still falling for itBellydancernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29718807.post-56722929080169987872010-03-21T22:35:27.931+00:002010-03-21T22:35:27.931+00:00"Some black women for instance want to use &#..."Some black women for instance want to use 'IR' to bring black men to their senses. Or they are using IR in the meantime till something happens for black people."<br /><br /><br />I have seen this online a time or two and find it disturbing. This needs to be squashed.<br />--Oshun<br /><br /><br /><br />Hopefully people can tell the difference. I've seen the same myself. Usually they are the ones who constantly argue w/ bm online.skyhttp://www.youtube.com/skypurple15noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29718807.post-40453912178761984992010-03-20T18:41:56.624+00:002010-03-20T18:41:56.624+00:00"Some black women for instance want to use &#..."Some black women for instance want to use 'IR' to bring black men to their senses. Or they are using IR in the meantime till something happens for black people."<br /><br /><br />I have seen this online a time or two and find it disturbing. This needs to be squashed.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29718807.post-83421876798606731712010-03-18T17:20:12.511+00:002010-03-18T17:20:12.511+00:00Well put shimmy especially on the so called black ...Well put shimmy especially on the so called black codes. In high school I was considered suspect because I did not follow certain codes like smoking, drugs, not liking rap music, having sex with random black boys, holding drugs or weapons for random black boys. Black boys figured out real quick that I was not down and for the most part left me alone but some black girls thought I was nerdish or weird and acted baffled when I did not do the things they did. Even as I grew older you would here girls talk about doing stuff for men that could get them sent to jail. I am not having that and for the most part do not go to the hood unless I have to see my mother and pretty much avoid certain family members who seem to think I should hand them my hard earned money.Bellydancernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29718807.post-90603637189825548542010-03-18T15:04:32.553+00:002010-03-18T15:04:32.553+00:00I just read an article about black people being to...I just read an article about black people being told to leave Wal-mart over the intercom. A black man (former employee)talking about that's not the worse thing he's heard. I don't care it's was still an ignorant thing for someone to do and if black people want to stop shopping at Wal-mart until they find out what happened then who is this guy to say it's no big deal.Welcomehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06873814449216446881noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29718807.post-75536662543052179702010-03-18T00:44:58.022+00:002010-03-18T00:44:58.022+00:00Being in these all black settings can be very stre...Being in these all black settings can be very stressful. Many black people have a "black code" for black women on how they feel you should act. If you don't fit in with so called black behavior, they will make you feel alienated and rejected. They make sure they isolate you because they don't consider you a "real" black woman. This "black behavior" can include the way one lives, talks, acts and even making gestures.<br /><br />Many black people in those all black settings are the main ones that judge black women on superficial petty things like hair, and skin color.I think this is one of the reasons why black women in these constructs can't seem to unite with each other. There is a lot of petty jealousy amongst themselves. The only thing that unifies them is the so called black community and sticking up for black men.<br /><br />I definitely feel that more open minded black women should separate themselves from situations like this, especially for their mental and emotional well being. Many black people today unfortunately can be very judgmental. They have turned the racism outward and projected it inward towards black women.shimmynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29718807.post-25650141800661284332010-03-17T10:41:25.083+00:002010-03-17T10:41:25.083+00:00@Bellydancer:
I agree w/ you totally, especially ...@Bellydancer:<br /><br />I agree w/ you totally, especially @ #1(even though I've never been married)& #2!Park Avenuenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29718807.post-69112191481262136042010-03-17T03:08:03.868+00:002010-03-17T03:08:03.868+00:00This post was again spot on!
@Bellydancer
I'm...This post was again spot on!<br /><br />@Bellydancer<br />I'm reading your comments and I feel especially grateful that I don't keep up with my extended family. Because ALL of those scenarios you described would definitely be something that would happen to me. "Call her, she's single, no kids, she got money." "Call her, she's single, she can baby sit." "Call her, she's single you can stay with her for a bit until you get on your feet." Man, I'm glad I dodged those bullets! I don't talk to NO ONE from my extended family. I'm basically by myself and in a way I really don't think that's a bad thing!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29718807.post-30309016568512567502010-03-16T19:57:49.401+00:002010-03-16T19:57:49.401+00:00Let me first acknowledge your wisdom on this post....Let me first acknowledge your wisdom on this post.<br />For a long time I thought I was crazy when I did not agree with so called popular "black" thinking especially when around other black people. I soon realized that I had every right to be and think differently especially if life was easier for me to think and act differently. There are so many areas of our lives where we follow blindly.<br /><br />1. In the Home (Even if the husband is crazy, overbearing, possessive and abusive, he is still the head and should be obeyed, hence all this talk coming from bm about why can't bw submit]<br /><br />2. In the Church (this is an institution that only survives because of bw but yet we cannot make any decisions, head a church, control the finances we bring in, we are often shunned because of gossip usually directed at us by other bw especially if the few men there are looking at you and don't catch the preacher's eye especially if he is single.]<br /><br />3. In the Family (BW should be available at all times for bm relatives who may need something bail money,commissary, car payment, baby mama expenses just generally any extra money you may have must go to support these cretins who of course never give back and what is so bad about it, is that usually it is another black female family member that tells him to contact you because after all you have a job, single and no children so you must have extra money this is of course so he will leave her alone.]<br /><br />4. In the BC ( Every time someone needs a volunteer, a cook, babysitter, taxi driver, extra food, sundry items anything to constantly be knocking on your door, to bother your peace and quiet and you let them because you don't won't black folks to think your ass is up on your shoulders cuz you have a car, decent apt/house, food in your pantry, you know how to work the computer etc...]<br /><br />I could go on this is a different type of response conditioning but still triggers can be applied in these situationsBellydancernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29718807.post-26893499567047014242010-03-16T19:13:30.720+00:002010-03-16T19:13:30.720+00:00...As soon as black women come into such settings,......As soon as black women come into such settings, their thinking and behaviour adapts to be in accordance with black community approved black-female ways of being and acting. This is one reason why black women with strong black conditioning/indoctrination need to avoid these settings until they can unlearn their pavlovian responses... <br /><br /><b>ITA and better yet, I'd advise BW - especially if single - to avoid these stress provoking and stupefying predominantly black settings to begin with. They are a complete and utter waste of precious time that cannot be recaptured. A waste of time that could be far better spent attracting and attaining a quality, non damaged, family oriented and marriage minded man in the global village.</b>Felicianoreply@blogger.com