A couple of months ago, I was seeking a plane ticket to travel out of the country. I did my research and discovered that there were competitive rates given by just a few companies to that destination. Anyway I phoned around to about 5 agents, and couldnt get a flight for the specific date I had in mind, 23rd of April. I was still insistent on finding a flight for the specific date though, that I phoned another travel agent on the off chance.
After being on the phone for 3 minutes, the man on the other end, told me that he would have to go into an 'advanced stage search' because he hadnt been able to get me the date I wanted. Again I was on hold for 3 minutes.
Just as I was about to give it all up and sign off, he said aha....
When I droped the phone twenty minutes later, I was kicking myself for two things; for spending 20 mins and still not having a ticket to show.
How was I strung along by a person who knew in the first 30 seconds, that they didnt have a ticket for the date I wanted?
In the analysis of it, it is quite clear to see that I was roped along because of my desperate desire for a ticket for the 23rd.
The way travel agencies work over here is that they are all interlinked (not just being owned by same families or parent companies or even person!), they are also working with the same airlines, so they all pretty much have the same dates available though you can get a few 'quid' knocked off the final price depending on which Agency you go with. So the variation is on price and hardly ever on travel dates. AND I KNEW THIS.
After the first four minutes I knew I wasnt going to get the ticket because I had previously phoned 5-6 agents and they didnt have any, but I kept on the phone, because I was so invested in that ticket on the 23rd and the dangled carrot in front of me that it might just be possible.
Not only that, the man on the other end was a skilled manipulator. Something in my voice must have communicated that I was desperate and that means ripe for stringing along. Humans are intuitive and just at any point he sensed I was about to give my quest for a ticket up, either by my breathing change or my beginning a sentence to that effect, he would make the appropraite comments to keep me hanging on. He said things like 'now here we go ..., annnnnnd..., just two seconds here and I'll.... .
A combination of black women's desperate desire to keep alive the dream of a coming black utopia (built by black men and women) combined with the understanding that this desperation can be capitalized on for personal gain, by those who wouldnt be too worried if 'black love' and 'black unity' happened or not (largely the black male section of the black community), and you have this situation where black women are continually strung along, misused and exploited by the dangeled promise of utopia coming to pass. And this is exactly what is happening, people whisper in your ear at the appropraite times that they need to, to keep you on course, and then they sit back and enjoy the fruits of your dedication and toil towards the dream. For some, the gain is purely psychological and is the fact that you will always be around as a safety net if they ever need you or the knowledge that you are sitting at home yearning for a black man and the huge ego boost this gives them.
But guess what, just as it was my money clocking up on that phone by that unscrupulous agent who refused to let go of my custom even though he knew he wasnt going to give me the ticket afterall, it is your biological clock ticking as you wait in hope of 'black love' and 'black marriage' etc spurred on by the appropraitely timed responses of a casual male friend with priviledges, even other black women who cannot imagine not working towards 'black utopia'.
Yes as clear as it was in that situation, you are the one paying for this quest, therefore you need to be the one with more sense to call it a day. If the other party has nothing to lose either way and most importantly is investing minimally and is able to gain more from the situation, they will continue to keep it going.
I dare you to have the courage to drop the phone!
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I am a Hispanic man I am 35 and i think black mamacitas are hot i would love to date one or some ,but it seems like black women are only interested in black men.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteTry the interracial internet dating sites. Pay attention to the quality of the site: is it about LTRs or Hook-ups. You see, few bw might be interested, but those that are are very interested.
Good Luck and be honest with these ladies!
Hi anonymous I think this is changing, slowly but it is changing!
ReplyDeleteGood analogy.
ReplyDeleteHalima, I love the analogy as well.
ReplyDelete@ Anonymous, this is not true! NOT TRUE! NOT TRUE!! black women are women first who are naturally attracted to MEN. Problem is a lot of them are raised to be "black first" and because of this many feel they have to "represent" and may be a little scared to reveal how they really feel. Most of my black girlfriends are in interracial relationships.
I am a 36 year old black woman and finally ready to let go of the fantasy of a black knight in shining armour. Now, I am ready to move forward and meet a wonderful guy. How can I attract men of different races to me? White men have a stereotype of being cold. I know it is not appropriate to believe in stereotypes. However, white men are not a group that I am familiar with. I welcome your thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI am a 36 year old black woman and finally ready to let go of the fantasy of a black knight in shining armour. Now, I am ready to move forward and meet a wonderful guy. How can I attract men of different races to me? White men have a stereotype of being cold. I know it is not appropriate to believe in stereotypes. However, white men are not a group that I am familiar with. I welcome your thoughts.
ReplyDeleteHello anonymous,
try the online route so that you can have online communications which can progress to phone convesations before you arrange to meet up. this way your emotions can warm to a man (and please dont brush off online dating as it is a lifesaver!)
dare i say also, that your impressions of wm as cold might have been created by the notions of wm you have been exposed to in all black settings, therefore you need to seek out the company of whites and other races to get the real deal.
all the best!
(and please dont brush off online dating as it is a lifesaver!)
ReplyDeleteFor sure, Halima. I am co-signing this. I hear from more and more bw who met their non-black husbands or serious boyfriend online. Actually many people from ALL groups and races are meeting people via the online route. Some of those large dating sites are mega sites, so it means that a LOT of people are using them, but most of those are in the WEST due to higher computer usage in the West.
Just VET everyone, just as you would in everyday life. If I were looking to meet someone, that'd be the first method I'd use.
It sounds to me bascially that Black women have to write Black men off because they are simply NOT interested in romance with Black women.
ReplyDeleteI have been saying that for years.
My question is why do some in the BWIR community try to deny that the problem is that serious, (By serious, I mean that Black women have to right off Black men)?
My question is why do some in the BWIR community try to deny that the problem is that serious, (By serious, I mean that Black women have to right off Black men)?
ReplyDeleteMost bw don't deny it, but you also have to be careful as well. Just looking at the vids on youtube should tell you why as well as blogs like bw walking etc.