Black Women as Drones and Self-Saboteurs

There has been a massive campaign to extinguish self –concern in black women/girls in the last three decades, and the campaign has been largely successfully. I see it everyday, mindless, selfless drones of black women all worked up over and rushing around the cares of everyone else, with very little awareness that they have loads and loads of critical concerns that need to be addressed urgently. It’s really very shocking to me when I have to point out to black women, obvious issues that black women should attend to yet are busy turning over rocks to find issues that they can get stuck in to on behalf of others. It feels like pointing out the huge big soot stain across the forehead of a person who has just gazed at a mirror. I remeber a year ago writing to a well known journalist who wrote a lengthy article about supporting black men who are caught in the correction system. Since she decided to write about the correction system as a single gender issue, I wrote her back and asked her if she was aware that black women in the UK are proportionally more likely to be incacerated than any other race or gender (a sizable number as a result of being drug mules). She wrote back waffling about how she does care about black women as well. Oh really, yet even when black women are more likely than black men to be in prison, you still write about the situation as if it is something only black men face. I wouldnt even be suprised if women like her dont even know of this situation with black women/girls, given how occluded the whole picture around black women is. It is really a regime of 'obscure black women's issue so we can serve black men's issues exclusively' isnt it.

Whoever wrote this ‘self concern’ obliterating program that has effectively turned the masses of black women into robots working for others, needs to patent the program and sell it for some good money because it sho nuff is most effective!

And what’s more, among young girls I see this kind of ‘resignation’ to their lot, in fact I actually see black girls upholding their lot of being ignored, unsupported, called names like ugly and black as the way it is/should be.

Am I surprised? Not exactly, given that none of their big sisters gave any indication that the situation was to be resisted, wasnt the way things should be or normal, in fact, by their actions, they gave clear instructions that it was all something we should just go along with, tolerate and not try to protect/shield ourselves from in anyway or indeed move away from, but be trusting and hopeful while experiencing the worst kinds of humiliation and self esteem attacks known to humanity.

This weekend I was walking pass a group of black teenagers in a area densely populated by black people and there was this black lad tightly gripping a white girl from behind while rubbing up against her and two black girls were there making conversation with this girl. I actually heard one of them ask, ‘So you say you live round the block from …..’! Yep, these black girls saw nothing wrong with the situation, and where standing there making small talk as the black lad was all over their white ‘friend’. The picture said it all to me, that these girls had absolutely internalized and normalized their ‘inferiorization’ to the point that they are happy to be in vicinity of black boys behaving foolishly over white/light skin. These black girls still have the mind to fraternize with the perpetrators and the same girls exalted above them.

Am I saying that these black girls should crave lewd acts from black boys? Not at all.

And guess what, we their older sister let this situation happen where our young girls are no longer disgusted with expressions of colorism which get carried out and repeated constantly in their midst, at school, at play, at church (yes I have seen this go on in church under the watchful eyes of supervisors who see these patterns of behaviour and think nothing about it and what it means for black girls). These girls watch and look on at the various expressions of their marginalization and rejection as women.

You can imagine the range of accommodating mantra and philosophies these girls and women have stocked up to enable them put up with the situation, you don’t even want to go there to try to get them back to a reasonable frame of mind and one of self-concern. One black girl said to me that, ‘Black boys are allowed to date wherever they want’. ‘I said to her, ‘And where does that leave you, do you recognize that there is an impact on you and you need to take steps to ensure that their freedom to date does not cost you greatly?’

The worse thing is that there are black women who take it upon themselves to facilitate and defend black men’s choice to date whoever, which is essentially black men’s right to discriminate against them. Black girls call fellow white girls racists for not dating any black boy who demands they do (agreeing with a black mans self serving assessment), instead of saying to themselves. ‘What dog do i have in this fight anyway?' I mean, have you ever come across anything so delusional? I know thousands of black women who go out to bat for footballers when they are on the recieving end of racism yet these men wouldnt even spit on them if they were on fire. At what point will black women stop all these campaigns they get into to 'bring back the love of bm'.

But there are other reasosn why black girls are running into fights that are not theirs and that essentially strengthen the discrimination against themselves (shooting themselves in the foot as always)? Very simply, a desperation to show themselves supportive of black men and also sometimes a need to prove they are not like the rest of jealous black women, or that they are not a 'hater' as was elloquently stated by one of the commentors (more about not wanting to be identified among the hater bunch further down).

Everywhere I go black girls are going about in groups (4-5 girl groups). They seem to be the only less integrated group I see around constantly only with themselves or a few white girls. I think this is a reflection of the wider rejection they feel, so they band together however, black girls who are and have essentially been left to fend for themselves tend to adopt a very scolding and caustic attitude towards the world. I watched a black girl who could have been no more than 14 talking the other day, and you could have thought this was some old woman who had seen and gone through life. She was not only pontificating very loudly and unfeelingly, which seemed to me to be about her mirroring the attitude that might have been adopted towards her by others who are impatient with black girls vulnerability. Also she was talking about hair of all things, and announcing to all and sundry on the bus, that a girl (who she said was trying to run away from being black and ugly) has to deal with it, because she cant run away from her fate! Like I said, she was pontificating and a lot from her statements suggested she was internalizing not challenging the idea of black = ugly and in addition, her uncaring tone suggested a strong element of masochism for black women here represented by the girl who shouldnt/couldn’t run away from being black and ugly! I felt very sad for this generation of black girls.

One of the key reasons why bw are never good allies of each other is that they are so busy trying to prove that they are not with the rest of black women particularly around the issue of being jealous/envious of white women. This singular fear of being lumped into the category of those who are jealous ('haters'), have nappy hair issues, {insert newest accusation against black women} means that constantly black women undercut their own cause and agenda because it becomes more important to not be seen as jealous or having low esteem etc (and you display this by agreeing against your interests or against you understanding of a situation)

An example is, I watched a friend go gaga over her cousin marrying a Filipino woman. Now this young man was the first in his family to become a ‘professional’ in his field and you know as these things just happen, he ends up marrying a Filipina (sarcasm off), anyway I wasn’t expecting my friend to go all warm and mushy over the fact or even reveal it in the first place, but she made it seem like such a ‘progressive’ thing that he had done. Hmmm, you want me to believe that a black woman in the west has not deciphered that this situation is definitely not about black men being progressive in their choices.

This running away from other black women to not share their labels, is indeed an indication of the circumstance of black women, and that their collective situation has become so bad that each one is trying to put a distance between herself and the general ‘lot’ of black women, particularly the jealousy bit. Many black women are so bent on proving they are unfazed by the obvious white female preference (in real life not on the net) that they will deny a very clear case and evidence of such, and broadside other ‘sisters’ in a discussion about the phenomenon just to prove how ok with it all they are.

Yes in a bid to prove, ‘I am not like those other black women who have an issue with black men marrying others’ (particularly when they acquire some economic status), my freind went all gushy and kept repeating the fact that he had married a Filipina! Truth is that she didn’t even need to mention that bit of information apart from the fact that she was ‘performing’ and trying to distinguish herself from the close minded black women out there. Here she was agreeing with liberal definitions of progressive activities when we all know that interracial dating among these groups of men is anything but about applying the principles of progressiveness.

I hear Oprah has done something similar re the recent Good Hair Bad Hair mock-umentary (thanks faith), by Chris Rock. I might be wrong here and have got the wrong end of the stick (and am willing to retract the following) but it was reported that she tried to separate herself out from the weave wearing/non follicle growing members of black womanhood, by asking that her someone feel her hair to prove it to be the real deal.

I am not surprised one bit, about the separation antics being displayed among black women. As long as black women’s situation remains pitiful and something to mock and laugh at, black women will continue to scramble to get away from the rest of the black female collective even if they have to 'grenade' the rest to get away!

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