'Permission to Live, Sir'

Make 2010 the Year you say 'I Do'

I came across a saying the other day that people will give you forgiveness before they will give you permission. Truer words have never been spoken!

Black women spend an inordinate amount of time waiting to be given permission, even permission to do what they want and know they should be doing. They want their community to give them a go-ahead, a green light or a pat on the back and say, 'Yes we have weighed it up now and think that it is ok now for you to proceed'. Very sad to see all these black women who wont move on with their lives, but are just milling around waiting for a 'thumbs up' to get on with life, it is sad because they will never get one. They are the only willing horse now re the so called 'black agenda' and their lot is to be worked to death!

Years ago when I was doing talks and book signing events, I remember going to a 'bw gathering/meeting' to talk about my book. In this particular meeting I really felt out of place because I just sensed that these women had gathered to really marinate in their fantasies about black love, in fact move even deeper into their illusions and I was really about to shatter it all. I recollect that a black women (kind of well known round these parts), read out a poetry which contained a verse about sucking a bm &^%((No I kid thee not!). So it was that kind of meeting where bw wanted to get all 'caught up', in their unshared fantasies about black love.

Anyway after I had talked about my book's subject and gone to get a stiff Martini at the bar, a black woman approached me and said, 'When you came up to talk I said to myself, Interracial dating? Is this one now allowed'.When she said this to me I felt it very odd but couldnt put a finger on why now I see that it conveyed to me how 'permission seeking' as a group black women are, waiting for approval before they put one foot in front of the other.

I realize now that black women go to meetings and events and churches etc etc to be given their orders on what to do and what not to do, orders from which they do not turn to the left or to the right of even when it is clear why they would do well to! It's mind boggling to some of you isnt it, that in the 21st century, black women take their orders and run their lives on the command of Central Committee and do whatever is required of them.

attention attention: Black American Brides.Com set to Launch.  Make 2010 the year you say 'I Do'.

I had one of those revelatory moments the other day, when in a private conversation someone said that white men are not in the habit of 'barricading' themselves from available opportunities, this rather, is the hallmark behaviour of black women in particular, and since they behave that way as a habit (and especially around the issue of dating), they tend to project this unto white men and think they too, put cultural and other concerns way out ahead if their basic desires and need for companionship etc. 'Rational self-maximising economic agent,' is a concept that keeps popping up in my mind these days when I survey the actions of black women, since coming across the book, 'Predicatably Irrational'. A self maximising agent (economic or otherwise) in my understanding, will have a need, look around and seize up the available opportunity for meeting that need. In order words, if you are famished and there is a huge plate of omlette in front of you, barring any immediate and physical barriers (eg a huge dog watching the plate of food), you will reach out and take the plate of food to satisfy the hunger.

I have watched freinds and collageues who are from backgrounds and cultures where self-maximizing are often second or third considerations behind, culture, hierachy, pride, I have watched them struggle to fit in with western systems.

Black women put what I would term, 'cultural concerns' (read: we have to be with black men), way out ahead of their basic and primary needs of mates and companionship, even when they are metaphorically 'starving' and have other opportunitites to meet their basic companionship needs. This means that black women are not behving in a self-maximising way. In the West, believe it or not, people are primed to be 'rational self-maximising' and systems are designed to respond to such 'rational self-maximising'. No, I am not saying this is the case absolutely, but to a very high degree.

The need for a man of black skin color is not a 'Primary need' for black women, though many black women give the impression it is. The truth is that a man of any color can serve.

So am I saying that white men are not putting race ahead of basic and primary needs for female companionship (ie are not racist or discriminating against non-white races)? I am not saying this at all. White men do discriminate but they do because at this point they can. God forbid but if half of white women set sail on a piece of ice to Lapland, you would see how fast racism and discriminating against any group of women would suddenly not make any kind of sense (reconnecting with their basic needs and available opportuntities to satisfy them). This is not the case with black women, they will dry up on the vine, waiting for that 1 in a million chance that a gust of wind will set the ice on a reverse path!

Get clued up about interracial dating, read the IR Dating E-book

And send your questions to mailto:relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com

(I will try my best to give a reply/answer)