There was a very wise man who lived in a village in india.
People used to come to hear him talk.
This man was very passionate about his topic and he used to lecture with great gusto. Anyway over the years he honed his topic till there were simply three key points which he was able to deliver in a full day lecture.
He said to himself, 'After this session I am sure that people would have heard all I want to communicate and that will be it, I will go on to other things'.
So he did what he thought was his final lecture.
The next day the same group of people gathered at the same time to hear him speak.
When the man saw the audience gathered he was at loss for what to say to them, so he repeated his last lecture and padded it out a bit with jokes and anecdotes.
The next day again the same folks all turned up, and the wise man repeated his routein.
The next day they turned up again.
It then dawned on the wise man that it didn’t matter what he said, these people were invested in turning up to listen to him and he could be saying anything or nothing but they would still feel a need to turn up. So he became bold.
One day he came in and said very little, the next day he brought a mat and slept through the time, but they all considered his actions wise and profound beyond belief, and were convinced that he was really trying to get across something vital even if his delivery was to sleep through the lecture!
He then begun to disdain them for their stupidity and called them out on it at the next lecture date. They still turned up to listen to him faithfully. He realise then that he could use them for his own amusement and so he did, each and every day they turned up to give him their attention and time and even money and he laughed at, taunted and goaded them to 'get a clue' with every single sentence.
Moral of the story: If you don’t catch a clue people will use you for their own amusement.
Are black men now using black women for their amusement, particularly as black women insist on having 'dialogue' when they have shown in every possible way that 'dialoguing' with black women over anything is the last thing on their list, in fact they are happy for things to remain pretty much the way they are feeding towards their own selfish benefit.
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"Are black men now using black women for their amusement, particularly as black women insist on having 'dialogue' when they have shown in every possible way that 'dialoguing' with black women over anything is the last thing on their list, in fact they are happy for things to remain pretty much the way they are feeding towards their own selfish benefit."
ReplyDeleteThis explains why many anti-bw bm come onto my channel and insist on having a dialouge w/ me. And I insist on blocking them!
Khadija stated recently that "African American women are the only resource that african american men control". Take that away and they have nothing. So by dialoguing with these same men over and over again gets you nothing. It uses up your time and energy that can be spent on yourself. Under the guise of the so called black community these bm are able to keep some bw focused on their issues while bm wonder off and support whoever they deem important, everybody else besides the bw.
ReplyDeleteBlack women who eventually cut these leeches off will have to be careful and move quietly and quickly because as we know these types of men get violent and act out when they can't have what they want.
1.Stop telling negative people your business sometimes your family is enemy #1.
2.Find like minded people who live and work in nicer areas and try to move there if you can.
3. Use your available resources for you, don't lend money, do not make any new bills, get a second job.
4. Use your spare time to get to know positive people and places, try to avoid some black areas especially of they have a rep for being bad even some middle class areas of black folks can be tricky so don't be fooled by the nice cars.
It's incredible that we have to avoid all black areas. Kinda sad really; anyway, if black women stop being the 'man' in the black mans life, maybe he WILL grow up for his OWN sake, for a few generations. We should not be the soldiers for the community, that's the job of MEN and MEN ONLY---i agree with Bellydancer about family; I think black women who act 'white' are some of the prettiest around. Ghetto on a woman isnt pretty these days
ReplyDeleteGreat and honest post! Some black women know the deal and they will thrive...Some are in denial and the rest are oblivious...It will be interesting to see the state of black women in even just five years from now...
ReplyDeleteI notice since bw are getting the message a lot of websites or blogs are sprouting up with bw trying to defend bm and attacking other bw for making certain decisions in their life.
ReplyDeleteThese bw are mocking or attacking bw for dating other races of men by saying silly things like
"well you are only choosing white men cuz black men did not want you"
"bw do need to get their act together or maybe look at themselves if they can't get a man"
"I have a black man I don't know why all these other women can't find one"
I want to tell these bitches get a clue!
Is he quality or just some old tired ass broke ass leech whom you can't get rid of.
Is he educated or gainfully employed or does he live with you without the benefits of marriage of course.
Is he supportive of you and your goals or does he foul everything up just cuz he feels left out or less then a real man. (Won't take phone messages, hides your mail, acts nasty in front of your co-workers, disrespects your family, friends etc...)
Is he paying your bills or making more bills.
Is he taking care of any children he may have by you and other women or are you both mad at his other babymama for taking him to court for child support.
Is he out sweating like a runaway slave at his job(s) or is he out driving your car around why you flit back and forth trying to make ends meet while he is running out your gas and air, if he is not at home playing video games, looking at cable/pay per view running up the air there.
Is he taking you out to eat every now and then or buying groceries for the house and making sure you have lunch for work or is he eating up your budget for the week in a single afternoon.
Because if he doing the latter and not the former then you don't have a man either you have a dependent!
@ Bellydancer
ReplyDelete"These bw are mocking or attacking bw for dating other races of men by saying silly things like
"well you are only choosing white men cuz black men did not want you"
"bw do need to get their act together or maybe look at themselves if they can't get a man"
"I have a black man I don't know why all these other women can't find one""
This is like fingernails on a chalkboard to me. What is so special about a BM? Are these fools old fools or young fools? I guess it doesn't matter.
And I bet none of these fools were married right? They just "had" a BM.
You know, I have been trying my best to shore up my bases in preparation for my next moves and I have been scrutinizing the demos of places- trying to do some amateur forecasting (jobs, housing, recovery rates, population trends etc) because I need roots and security.
The next time I move that is it. I may travel, but I am tired of schleping here and there.
At any rate I looked at the city I live in again to compare and the demos have shifted for the worse. I knew that the education level and per capita income was bad, but there are 30k more women in this city than men. That is not even factoring in race.
I was sick when I read that. And I was able to find this info from several different sources.
Men of all colors are fleeing this city quickly. Probably bc of the recession and average income being so low.
I told my mom...there is no way I can stay here. There is no way I can live in a place with that many more women than men. But at least this explains a lot now in terms of dating where I am concerned.
But to tie in to what these silly stupid women were saying... the numbers of men just aren't there. There are almost 2 million more of us than there are of BM.
And I don't think BM are a good catch. Definitely not marriage material. What sane BW wants the hassle of dealing with all that comes with a BM?
And I think it is a case of sour grapes. WM as a whole perform better than BM as fathers, husbands, providers etc... so who cares if BM don't want BW...or if some backwards BW has a BM.
I would have to want what she has to be jealous that she has one. I would have to want a BM to feel rejected that one allegedly didn't want me.
It seems like everyone is having a bunch of delusions.
BellyDancer what you wrote there was def. an open letter to these bm protectionist. Anyone from a mile away can see where many bm are headed. You were so on point!!!
ReplyDeleteWhat I don't understand is why is that these bm protectionist don't see how they will finally get the "good bm" they've been wanting since the small percentage of us (and growing) are stepping out the way.
Now that bw are opening their options, these nothing but a bm can now, not have to worry about competing with other bw. Instead they are literally begging for more competition. Begging to give bm a chance...you idiot i'm giving you the chance without me being in the way!!! Can you be that stupid?
Of course we know why these men are begging because if a small % of us are moving on, that means that number will grow, and they'll have no bw to leech off of. I believe at this point in time there are more IR videos up on YT (feat. bw/non-bm) than the "I hate bw videos", mind you those videos are getting limited viewing. So I know where they(bm) stand. But bw??? how many times are they going to continue to shoot themselves in the foot and call it a scratch?
They need to leave our names out of it. And I highly suggest not commenting on their blogs/channels/videos. Just ignore them. They are on some serious gender war issues, that we have no interest in. We are interested in moving on, finding love w/ a quality man. Their petty arguments is a distraction and keeps your thoughts on bm, which i have no desire of doing.
Bellydancer said,
ReplyDelete"I notice since bw are getting the message a lot of websites or blogs are sprouting up with bw trying to defend bm and attacking other bw for making certain decisions in their life.
These bw are mocking or attacking bw for dating other races of men by saying silly things like
"well you are only choosing white men cuz black men did not want you"
"bw do need to get their act together or maybe look at themselves if they can't get a man"
"I have a black man I don't know why all these other women can't find one"
I want to tell these bitches get a clue!.."
Do not waste anymore of your precious time and energy "looking back at Sodom".
Let the dead bury the dead.
Yes ladies I used to comment on some of their silliness about bm but now I just sit and observe their comments and make notes for teaching tools.
ReplyDeleteI used to comment on the IMDB board for the movie Something New and got into an argument with a bw because she had once been in an IR relationship and it had gone bad so now she is engaged to a bm so she gets upset when people comment about how they prefer white men, she is always saying well they ain't no better and we need to stop bashing bm etc... of course a dbrbm waded in on the comments and I told this bw that I was not going to argue with her since this bm wanted to see us argue he of course had fueded with her in the past so I just let it go and he crawled back to where he came from. Most bw do not get it these bm love to be fussed over, fought for and like to keep things they way they are.
Wow. Bellydancer and some of the other sisters whose comments I've read I'm truly sorry that your experiences with Black men have been so universally bad that you write about us with absolutely no nuance at all. Open question: Have your experience been THAT universally negative that your only advise to women is to don't date black men or are you taking on a personality/POV that is extra extreme to build up your blog and book?
ReplyDelete90% of my family, work, educational and social experience has been with black people so I'm not coming from an experience that is outside the norm for many black people. Admittedly we have problems. I've known many brothers who were far from perfect in their relationships and who have some of the problems you ascribe to all BM. But the level of hatred in your voice toward what seems like all black men is not something I can resonate with my experience. I know a lot of successful men with successful relationships with BW too. I know a good number of black women who are happy with their relationship with the men in their lives. So what's the bottom line...do ya'll write all black men off or can you at least admit that it is possible for some black women and black men can be successful together?
There is an amazing level of TRUTH in what you ladies say. The truth is often misconstrued as "hatred" by those who benefit from BW staying clueless.
ReplyDeleteBM as a group, plus the dead (for BW anyway) "bc" BENEFIT from BW staying clueless.
DON'T stay clueless about your experiences and the experiences of those BW around you. Your BW family members and friends.
Tell the TRUTH because only the truth will set you free.
You don't have to listen to subpar men and don't have to accept subpar treatment.
The world is overflowing with undamaged men who know their roles as men is too love, protect, and provide for their wives and children.
Something the majority of BM obviously fail to understand because MOST BW are raising their black children ALONE. Without the benefit of marriage and without the benefit of a father for their children.
A few normal BM does not take a way from the fact that the majority are clearly damaged.
Those "good BM" who are disturbed/saddened by BW telling the truth need to educate and stop the disturbed BM who are abandoning their children and saying unspeakably hateful things towards BW, and doing unspeakably horrible things to BW.
If these "good BM" aren't willing to do that, then they're as worthless as the obviously disturbed DBRBM.
Talk is cheap. The ONLY language BW need to understand is ACTION.
BM - as a group - (we're talking the majority not the minority) have proven themselves time and time again to be INACTIVE the WORLD OVER.
Therefor, no sane woman period should be overly concerned with what a BM has to say. Or their feelings about anything.
ALL women the world over who are interested in quality marriages with quality men who will be quality fathers for defenseless children gravitate towards populations that have HIGHER than above marriage averages. Not LOWER than average.
This is common sense.
BW need to start using the SAME common sense that all other women on this planet use.
And we must never forget that just because a black man makes a comment, doesn't mean anyone has to respond to it or debate him.
That time is better spent finding a Quality man offline.
Tell me something Urban do you visit bm/ww sites and asked them these same questions about their relationships....probably not.
ReplyDeleteDo you ask other bm about their relationship choices....probably not.
@ Urban Upscale
ReplyDeleteAs another wise commenter stated- let the dead bury the dead.
I will not date, sex, or marry a BM and I most certainly will not birth his children.
Do you understand now?
Oshun I feel you, I don't have any interest in bm romantically either. That ship has long sailed. Anything bm say about "the state of black relationships" just goes in one ear and out the other, because I know it's most likely going to be a self-serving and anti-bw point of view.
ReplyDeleteA smart bw will NEVER disregard her own experiences just to appease "the brothas". Of course black males will try to convince us [black women] that "its not like that" and "we just trippin" because they benefit when there's a large number of unmarried, lonely, self-deprecating, desperate women at there disposal. Why do you think the "community" continues to sell Atlanta and D.C. as "wonderful" places for bw to live?
Bw need to be honest with themeselves. When it comes to marriage partners its pretty clear who's worth a damn and who's not.
I dont care "how" or "why" its this way. It just is! and as a WOMAN 1st I'm going to act accordingly.
In about 5 years the sh!t is really gonna hit the fan... RWANDA SYTLE. Bw better get with the program!
You know, that same question has been on my mind ever since I watched that ABC News Faceoff show with Steve Harvey, Sherri Shepard and Hill Harper a couple of months ago.
ReplyDeleteAfter watching that a couple of times, it dawned on me that the purpose for those 'dialogues' is to keep black women'in pocket', while black men continue to do what they want with whomever they want. There was all of this discussion about what black women need to do, while there was hardly any discussion about black men's issues and what they need to be doing to correct them. I recall Sherri saying that black men need to work out their manhood issues themselves, and that comment was glossed over.
So, I'm crystal clear on where I stand as a black woman with black men.
@bellydancer
ReplyDeleteWhat did she say happened with the wm she was seeing? I tried to find the post on inbd but couldn't find it.
Black men/Black women issues no longer interest me, and that can be partly because I no longer have a strong attraction to black men like I once had. That ship has definitely sailed and maybe even sunk. I still find them attractive but I am not attracted to them as mates. These conversations about the state of the black community are sickening. This dialogue over the black community with black men has gotten us no where but yet we are still having it?! I think it's ridiculous.
ReplyDelete"Black men/Black women issues no longer interest me, and that can be partly because I no longer have a strong attraction to black men like I once had. That ship has definitely sailed and maybe even sunk. I still find them attractive but I am not attracted to them as mates. "
ReplyDeleteShan I just think you spoke my mind. I have ZERO attraction to BM anymore no matter how good looking or accomplished they are. I have a friend who loves all men, but when she starts pointing out how gorgeous and beautiful some BM is, I simply feel empty towards him. That's pretty bad lol. I guess I just don’t see BM as anymore connected to me than any other race of man. I simply am not moved by them anymore. I think there are more and more BW getting to this point or have already reached it.
And I can say that my lack of attraction to BM now is not based on some stupid self hate "white is right" bologne they always use towards BW. Its truly about their actions as a group over the decades towards BW.
I still often get hit on and asked out by BM but I simply just have no interest whatsoever. While I politely turn them down, I sometimes feel guilty b/c I think well you shouldn't turn down a possible opportunity to be with a good man. So give him a chance. But honestly, I have to remind myself that BM as a whole are not the types of males I want to raise my children or be fathers to my children. And moreso, I don't want any child of mine connected to the Black community. If I have a child by a BM that full Black child will feel or be made to feel like they have to be apart of the Black community or that they have some obligation to connect in some way to the ideals of the BC. If they are bi racial at least they will have that opportunity to separate themselves without guilt or harassment.
That sounds really bad but... it is what it is.
I'm glad that the younger generation of bw has opened their eyes to the bad way BM treat BW.
ReplyDeleteBut this is not new to me - when I was coming up there were no blogs or internet. I didn't need anyone but my own common sense, and in 1986 (i was 26) I decided then that I would never date a bm again! After the living HELL my ex-husband put me through, dear Lord, I never wanted a bm again. (he only married me bc i threatened to leave him- big mistake) Sorry if I offend, but he acted like a nigger. In my opinion a nigger is someone that only cares about themselves & nobody else, selfish, lying, triffling, untrustworthy, and uncaring. I saw for myself how bm had no respect for bw and arrogant. I worked in an office with many wm, they loved me, treated me respectfully, and flirted with me. So i saw a difference.
Well, the final straw came, I left the bm (thank goodness I had no kids with him) and began dating, and eventually moved in with a latino man. (i was always comfortable around latino people. My friends growing up where from panama, cuba, argentina.) He was different he always came home at night, brought his money home, read books (the bm never read anything), he was smart, we had intelligent conversations, he wasn't hanging out and partying every weekend, he was into his family, he was into me.
But eventually he fell off the wagon and started drinking heavily. I left him too.
Moral of the story, vet all men! I knew he had a history of drinking, and I ignored it; yet he treated me in a better manner than the bm. I do not find BM appealing at all! (Im turned off by latino men now too) With all the information from BWE bloggers, women are more at an advantage than I was 24 years ago. So in this day and age, if bw refuse to open their eyes to obvious bad treatment at the hands of bm, or ANY MAN, their bad choices will catch up to them. I just pray they survive dbrbm & others.
Today I'm open, attracted to, and dating WM.