Remember that Gideon had only three hundred men and these men defeated their enemies running into tens of thousands using 'tactics' rather than numbers.
'Ugly Sisters' a school production (from my 2002 newspaper cuttings)
We have too much to do, the focus cannot be on entertaining ourselves
Effectiveness is what counts. I see a young group emerge in the BWE battle that will position themselves (as CEOs, Film Directors, wives and friends of powerful men) for maximum effectiveness. They will be grounded in the precepts of Black women empowerment and they will achieve and influence for the better of black women and achieve what thousands wont be able to achieve in 10 years! That’s why we do what we do here, that’s why we keep writing and preaching; that we may plant the seeds into the younger black women and they are there, never doubt it!
I was really encouraged when a teenage black girl wrote me to say she 'gets' BWE. She wasn't asking what BWE is, or how can one be BWE? she read a few articles and she 'caught' it, she understood BWE in the spirit.
Please encourage our newest young blogger http://ablackgirlsview.blogspot.com/
She understood the spirit of BWE and therefore she didn't need a dictionary or guide book. When you know 'the spirit' of a thing you don't need any step by step guidance, that’s why I can be on one side of the Atlantic and I am on the same page as women I have never met on the other side of the Atlantic Its a beautiful thing when you understand others in the spirit. If something is blocking your understanding of what BWE is about, maybe its time for some soul searching. What is the block, is it resentment, fear, refusal to let go of old formula and old unproductive models? Is any of these holding back your understanding?
I also want to say here that what binds me with most of you on the BWE path isn't sisterhood or friendship (even though I am sure many of you are wonderful and we would be friends in real life), it is our commitment to an ideal, a commitment to the best for black women. That’s all that binds us and all that needs to bind us. Friendships can result from this, but first and foremost it is our dedication to achieving victory for black women that is the primary bond. We are like secret agents in the crowd. We have a goal and we are working our assignment. That is what binds us!
Never think that you have to bind together with the crowd. I would even go further to say that this empowerment walk will be a very individual one as you aim to be excellent in everything. Many black women 'match' their energies with those in their sister-friend group without even being aware. The refusal to let go of others in pursuit of their goals is one reason why you find cohorts of friends etc suffering the same issue whether it be obesity or singleness and there are little ways in which other black women enforce the group status quo and prevent each other from reaching for more or from breaking free from limit.
I was in the local library a few months ago and there were these two black girls sitting and 'reading' a bit further off from where I was. There was a free chair by my side and a young college white boy came up and asked if he could have the seat. Immediately these black girls let put a loud giggle, when we both looked across they put down their heads to pretend something else was going on but I knew that it was the interaction between the young white lad and myself that these girls were trying to disrupt, sending a disapproving signal disguised as a laugh.
Another incident which I may or may not have recounted before is that of a 10 year old who came around when I was having a conversation with a white guy at our church. She hung around until I excused myself thinking she wanted to talk to me about something urgent, but no sooner had I turned to speak to her she rushed off without a word.
See even at these young ages these young black girls had already learnt how to police the boundaries using ingenious methods like coughing, laughing (to make other black girls self conscious), interrupting etc. What this does is it makes those who are uncertain pull back because you begin to feel that something is wrong with what you are doing or about to do. Only if you are strong minded and really know your mind would you be able to shrug off the antics of others to go for what you want. But since most of us are growing into certain ideas and perspectives or becoming aware of options available out there, and our next course of action is suggested by these interactions in the first place, these kind of disruptive actions are designed to effectively nip in the bud our 'potential'. This is why they are so effective because they cut of the potential for an activity before the activity has a chance to even begin to happen.
Some people are moved by impulses they are not even aware of and these people are dangerous because they don't understand what is 'driving' them (self awareness), and neither will you until that invisible force moves them to do something counterproductive!
The Kindle books are a little behind schedule. I shall make them available for PDF downloads as well as some have requested!
New e-Books Available on Amazon Kindle early 2012
Wondering about Interracial dating?
You will find answers in this e-book which gives a clear insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, including her interracial dating option. Get yourself clued up!
Questions to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com
Halima,
ReplyDeleteBless you for always keeping BW/Bgs interests first and foremost and reminding the rest of us BW to do the same. I'm sorry you received such heat for your last post, but I'm extremely grateful that you did it.
Wow. Your description of young BW's behavior is discouraging. But in my area and on the web, I am seeing young BW dating interracially a lot more now.
ReplyDeleteYou never see BM (young or old) trying to sabotage other BM's interactions with non-BW. NEVER.
Good evening Halima,
ReplyDeleteYour articles is why I will always come back to your blog. Excellent critical thinking and strong standards.You donot take any prisoners and you leave the rubbish by the waste side. I realized from the beginning the purpose of your blog is to enriched progressive black women, to demand more out of there lives. Thank you
I hope there are some BW who will implement BWE and still be pro-BW and educate and assist where they can.
ReplyDeleteOops I didn't mean to post that under my blogger account, if possible please post this under bluegraus--HighRiser
ReplyDelete--
This article was beautiful. I like the idea of thinking of people in terms of their commitment to an idea because they have the same underlying premises/views, even though they may never have met each other or even read the same stuff.
It's like whether we congregate as a group or never do and just live our lives as individuals, we can be agents for change for a cause just in the course of our daily lives. I also think that extends to people in the past, throughout the ages. Some of them we know and some of them we never will or could but we wish them well and I'm sure they did us just as we want the best for those to come. There is a kind of spiritual fellowship that exists and as you said, it's a beautiful thing. This post was inspiring, thank you.
The power of friendship is a double edged sword indeed. I heard a saying on a Korean drama that was very profound in my opinion. "Meeting the wrong friend can ruin your life for 10 years. Meeting the wrong woman (this was from a male POV) can ruin your life forever."
ReplyDeleteWithin the context of black women, our friendships are more often than not, the kind that set you back for 10 years or more, because most black women have been so thoroughly indoctrinated to a BM-centric racio-misogynist worldview, and they police the behavior of BW so aggressively. These BW "friends" push their BW friends into accepting the current framework of BM-worship/BW degradation. So befriending this kind of indoctrinated women is akin to meeting the wrong man- it can ruin your life forever!
It is NOT POSSIBLE to have a real friendship with such a person. My definition of real friendship is a reciprocal platonic relationship based upon uplifting and enriching activities. You can't have that with a person who has her core identity built around ensuring that BW stay within the walls of the Chateau D'If of the Black Collective. It's just not possible.
The examples you gave were good ones to describe the subtle actions of undermining and censure that BW face for even speaking to a white man. From my experience, when a BW ignores those small efforts, the guard dogs step up their efforts more and more. The policing eventually can and does reach violent physical attacks- even for "talking proper" or reading books. For girls like me, who dated Chinese guys as early as sophomore year in high school when the earth's crust was still cooling, the threat of beatings from indoctrinated black girls was constant. I shudder to think where I'd be if I'd been "Friends" with those girls. I'd be in the same boat as they are: babymammas to a fleet of wild children, penniless, bitter, diseased, and used up.
As we grow up and step out into the larger world, the policing may take different forms- more subtle ones that are harder to pinpoint but are nonetheless potent.
Not everyone who claims the name believes the same. We have seen BW fly the flag when they don't have BWE beliefs, really. We have seen people who are perhaps intellectually underprepared for BWE work, proclaim themselves to be the vanguard.
The metaphor of True North has been one I've been meditating on the past few days. I think of these false friends as being planets in the sky- they shine brighter than the north star, but if you follow them you will get hopelessly lost!
Love this post!! Thank you Halima for your accurate in depth examination of this issue of BWE, Black women putting their interest First and Foremost, and the very REAL difference between that and BCE.
ReplyDeleteMsMellody
Thanks for giving us the young lady's link. I went over there to make a comment but for some reason my wordpress account won't let me. I don't know what's up with that, but I added her to my blog roll.
ReplyDelete'The examples you gave were good ones to describe the subtle actions of undermining and censure that BW face for even speaking to a white man.'
ReplyDelete@ Joyful
Your absolutely correct about this. During my sophmore year of college, which wasn't too long ago, LOL. I remember being paired with a white guy to work on a project. I remember one night, he passed by my dorm room to speak with me about a few details related to the assignment, and I came down the stairs to the lobby to speak with him. Anyways, you wouldn't imagine the amount of dirty looks I received from other black and non-black women for doing this. When he left a friend of mine came up to me and asked nervously if that was my love interest. I told her no, but it amazed me that seeing me even speak to a man that wasn't the same race as me, made her so comfortable as to believe that we could be an item.
"For girls like me, who dated Chinese guys as early as sophomore year in high school when the earth's crust was still cooling, the threat of beatings from indoctrinated black girls was constant."
I agree. The other day I was watching one of those Housewives shows, where one of the wives was married to a famous black basketball player. I distinctly remember her and the rest of the girls having a dinner party. They were all gathered around this particular housewife, the one married to the athlete, and complementing her about how handsome her husband was, asking about how long she'd been married and the like. And it dawned on me that if that was a black woman, married to a well to do white/asian/hispanic man she probably won't have that many girlfriends. I go further to say that some of them would probably had stopped speaking to her and black listed her the second she started dating this non- black man, giving her nasty looks when she walks into a room, spreading nasty rumors about her. The way these women were oogling at this woman's husband, you'd think she was the wife of GOD himself.
I'm not saying that black women who date interracially should be put on a pedestal and maybe people would say that they are catty women in all races.....but in the BC there a more so than others. Maybe its the low self esteem from watching the message in the media tell us how unattractive we are maybe even the messages we get from the same BM we support, why we are so frantic to lower the black women next to us so we can feel just a little better about ourselves. But I have never seen WW or any other race of women band up unto the women of their group against dating interracially, I could be wrong.
@ Cassie
Thats the truth. Even if that black man has a black wife and black children and loves to talk about black love. They will never make videos on youtube calling black men who date interracially foul names. Some would pretend to be against all interracial dating, yet its Blac.k women's dating choices they give the most hell.
For the position black women are in in this society, this level of censorship of each other is deadly. I'm happy to support black women however I can. I finally made my mind up about Red Tails and when a friend from my class asked if I will go with her, I politely answered no.
Now watch, just watch. There will be NO shortage of so-called "BWE" proponents who will call those mis-guided young Black girls engaging in that behavior EVERY NAME IN THE BOOK, but who will NOT utter one word about the indoctrination from Black MEN in particular who create and maintain the climate for
ReplyDeletesaid indoctrination.
"I also want to say here that what binds me with most of you on the BWE path isn't sisterhood or friendship (even though I am sure many of you are wonderful and we would be friends in real life), it is our commitment to an ideal, a commitment to the best for black women. That’s all that binds us and all that needs to bind us. Friendships can result from this, but first and foremost it is our dedication to achieving victory for black women that is the primary bond. We are like secret agents in the crowd. We have a goal and we are working our assignment. That is what binds us!"
ReplyDeleteThank you for all that you do! Thank you for putting our interests and well being FIRST!
Off topic note: Sara is posting again.
ReplyDeleteThis is a very interesting blog. I an African woman married to an African man but I like the idea of black women exploring their options.
ReplyDeleteThis really concerns me because I have a lot of single friends.
I have noticed that black women limit their marriage options while black men do not limit their options.
It makes NO SENSE AT ALL. I wonder why this happens?
awwh, those little black girls are so animated and cute-you know they would have shined with the right part.
ReplyDeleteThis just reminds me, I have work ahead of me when that red-tails move comes out on dvd-the schools will try to play it for those pop-corn days. Now I have to speak to the superintendant and make sure that doesn't happen. That movie can't be passed off as history.
~squarlymade