The Beautiful Whitney Houston, RIP we will always love you!
Who is a self-advocate? She is a person who with her internal energy and exertion lifts herself up and out of any negative situation within which she has found herself. She lifts herself out of the waters of disadvantage that has become the lot of black women, she lifts herself up and out of deprivation which is the lifestyle that a whole host of black women have fallen into.
Even animals exert themselves to get out of a bad situation no matter who put them in in the first place!
Black women battle so many things not of their own making, this doesn't however mean they should just sit there and moan and complain. Many black women actually feel it is somehow 'wrong' for them to struggle against what they find themselves in because someone else put them in it be it government, the racist society structure created by whites etc etc. The self-advocate however is more interested in the future that she could have, to stand and wait for those who caused the issue in the first place to come and right the wrong! She is committed 110% to do something to alleviate her problems, whinging and complaining about what put her in the situation and how unfair the fact that she has to make an effort now to free herself when others are responsible for her sitiation...well all that doesnt take up any of her time and emotional energy. Even with a sense of the injustice of it all she still moves forward with her life and does all in her power to break herself free from any negative situation.
Self advocates dont dwell on the fact that Asian women are not being asked to 'pursue' white men, or are not asked to talk to men first, they push all that to the back of their minds and strike up conversation with the white man standing at their side on the queue.
Self advocates will do all they can to get themselves up and out of the cloak of invisibility that surrounds black women, and break from all the other forces and factors that are acting together to make for the poor social harvest that many black women are reaping. Self advocates are way too in love with the bright future they could have to waste time complaining about the effort that will amount to nothing when compared to the future that awaits.
Are you a self-advocate? Tell us how you have achieved self-advocacy in your situation.
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2 e-books Available on Amazon Kindle early 2012
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Beautiful post Halima,
ReplyDeleteI would like to chime in here. I cannot put into words how simple the act of self advocacy really is.
It is simply having enough of whatever negative that surrounds a person, taking a deep breath and moving away from it. It is really that simple.
Simple does not mean it is going to be pleasant. Suprise!!! It is going to take work, focused, centralized work.
I wrote to another blog writer recently, sharing my truly emotional response to the wonderful HBO documentary on Richard and Mildred Loving. The tears of joy, deep gratitude and as a woman who enjoys historical books,documentarys etc I was just elated to see and hear Mildred and Richard's own voices. To see these two humble people's simple elegance of being..to see how they loved each other and simply wanted to live together as husband a wife was an amazing moment for me.
That being said - the work that each woman who happens to black must do, must come from the inside.
I can attest personally that from where I sit this morning, and looking back at from where I came I can truly say that I am glad that I took hold of what I "knew" and made it work for me.
I lost the weight, I moved physically out of an all black neighborhood, I read and still read the improvement books, I still align myself with ONLY the positive people I come in contact with. I made a spiritual connection to a higher power, I took hold of my personal,emotional boundaries. I loved myself through all the naysayers..then realized that if I didnt want to HEAR from the naysayers around me- I would not and did not open my mouth and tell anyone about all the "work" I was doing on myself/for myself.
And believe me when people started seeing the physical changes ( pounds and inches gone) the naysayers came out of the woodwork even more. BUT - I did not let that stop me ..I actually let the "haters" voices lift my wings even higher.
I guess, what I am really trying to say is ..the work is not going to be pleasant..it is necessary if you REALLY want to move forward you will.
"What you are seeking, is seeking you"!!
Onward and upward ladies
MsMellody
I decided last year to close the door once and for all on this weight thing. At almost 270 lbs, I was facing an early death, and it was putting the kibosh on my love life. It took almost a year of putting everything aside that was not helping me improve, but today I stand 105 lbs lighter, more energy than I know what to do with, and drop dead gorgeous if I do say so myself.
ReplyDeleteI have turned two things in which I love into thriving businesses for extra cash, let go of a using partner and am setting my sights overseas for love.
It's all me me me, and I'm fine with that. After over six years from being introduced to BWE, I can say that Im glad I got into it when I did. I feel invincible, and I can't waste time trying to convince someone that wants to stay in the muck and mire to escape. If you can't see it in my life, and want to change, well good luck to ya!
Hello! I LOVE your blog, BTW.
ReplyDeleteI am indeed a self-advocate. What I have come to realize is that in the black community, women actually have no value other than being assets to men as opposed to partners. Frankly, I see no reason to feel responsible to a structure that doesn't feel responsible to me and I have chosen to opt-out of it all together.
I live my life by a principle that basically states that I am the center of my own universe and anything that brings me benefit and pleasure I invest in and anything that brings any less I separate myself from completely. Other peoples' ideas of what I am supposed to be are not my problem and I give them no importance whatsoever.
As far as being a part of a community, I feel that anyone who shares the ideals and value system that I have is my community whether they are my ethnicity or not. As far as those of my ethnicity, I only consider them my community when I see that they demonstrate the behaviors and lifestyles that I believe are consistent with our amazing heritage.
I get my bachelors this December (whohoo!) and I hope to travel soon after and live abroad for a while- or maybe forever if I meet Mr. Right while I'm globetrotting. Lol! Education is so important to me and I love learning and I view that as a huge part of my identity as well as an investment in myself.
Ultimately I have realized that if I don't fight for my dignity no one else will. This unfortunately is doubly true for us as black women. No community that views you as it's mule is going to turn around and carry you as the already have too much of a vested interest in keeping you how you are. Therefore, we have to be willing to say enough is enough and if the community powers that be aren't able to take then tough. I am my OWN possession and nobody elses.
Peace.
I agree, self advocacy must come first. After watching Kevin Costner's beautiful speech about Whitney I am inclined to remind black women to fill their lives with supportive white men second.
ReplyDeleteBeing my own advocate is something that is difficult at times. When I'm not sure what exactly I should do, I imagine my daughter or a dear friend coming to me with the situation. Whatever I would tell them to do to protect their own self interest, is what I then do for myself. This technique has helped me to make some very hard choices.
ReplyDeleteBeing my self advocate has put me in a position where I face criticism from people who honestly do love me, but just don't have all of the facts or the understanding of the life I'm trying to create. So I just let their disapproval roll off my back. It's not easy, but I remind myself often that I only get this one life!
Insightful article Halima,
ReplyDeleteI was taking the transit bus to the library and two individual, a male and female sat behind me. I notice that the male was commenting on the young lady history of bad relationship with men. It is a public bus and I want to scream at this lady "Why are you telling this stranger your life history" This man was telling her that she should had listen to her husband and pray about their relationship. This lady husband is cheaping on her, this same man asked for her telephone number. I thinking what in the world is this young woman is doing. This man is looking for prey and she is it. The importance of self-advocacy is missing among these young women. I decided to step away and not waste my time and energy to point out her lack of thinking because she would not heed my advice/warning.
This post and comments are very inspiring. I'm more geared up to do the hard work. Thanks Ladies!
ReplyDeleteGood for you Tracy! Your life is sounding excellent.
ReplyDeleteI'm still studying to be an accountant and because of the helpful advice of people like Kahadija back when she was still blogging, I will set up a practice with the help of a 'face' and a lot of 'colorless-ness'.