Tuesday, July 14, 2009

A reponse that deserves a comment



An anonymous commentor left the following response on one of my past articles. It didnt quite fit in so I decided to make it a post on its own and one that will give an opportunity to address a few issues raised by black women who can be largely defined by the term 'race women'.

Interesting post. I find it interesting that you assume so much about the mentality of black women who openly prefer black men over other races and are not very open to IR dating. I can't speak for all these women but I will speak for myself.

I never have nor do I think I ever will date a white man, ever. This has absolutely nothing to do with me wanting to remain loyal to black men or boost their egos and has everything to do with my personal beliefs and my goals. I am very "racially conscious" and I make a point to discuss race-related issues whenever I get a chance to because I am aware that racism is still very rampid and across the globes blacks are not equal to whites. I cannot imagine walking the path I have laid out for myself with a white man by my side. It simply would not work. I would be a walking representation of everything that has gone wrong in my community. In addition to this I do not believe a white man could ever fully understand my struggle as a black woman. I do not think a black man could fully understand it either being that he is a man and I am woman but as a child of a black woman and having grown up in black skin he can gain a pretty decent understanding of my vision and my life. I do not want to have to educate my partner on things I think are so obvious. And when it comes down to it I am not attracted to white men. Physically they are not appealing to me and do absolutely nothing for me.

That being said, I am not against IR relationships. I have family members who are biracial or involved in IR relationships and I have no problem with it and think love is a beautiful thing no matter the color of the two people but you must recognize that IR relationships are not for everyone.

Personally I am open to dating Latinos and Asian men but I still prefer black men.

I think most people simply prefer dating people they have things in common with and as a black woman I have a lot more in common with black men than men of any other race.

I was never made to feel guilty for being attracted to men of other races. I actually wish I was more attracted to men of other races because then it would probably be easier to find a guy I'm interested in.


The first thing I need to say to the anonymous (and by extension all other women who feel similarly), is, live your life the way you choose! However I have a right to speak about the attitudes and activities of black women ('race women')in the same way that you can comment on black women who refuse the mantle of living for the sole purpose of advancing the race.

Also for me comes the realization, that there are black women at this point that are at the crossroads and I am morally obliged to point out as many holes as I see in the whole 'suffer for the race' approach which is prevelant among black women.

All in all, you havent laid down any new revelations on what drives black women to be race women. I just needed to point that out because you did seem to me to be trying to school me, and show me the 'logic' for your frame of mind. I already understand the logic, but no matter how many times it is repeated, I do not find it a sensible and viable way of thinking and living in this day and age, and even you yourself have admitted that you are having a hard time of it.

See further response in blue...

Interesting post. I find it interesting that you assume so much about the mentality of black women who openly prefer black men over other races and are not very open to IR dating. I can't speak for all these women but I will speak for myself.

As a bw myself, I think I reserve the right to make comments about the mentality of black women, don’t you think?

I never have nor do I think I ever will date a white man, ever. This has absolutely nothing to do with me wanting to remain loyal to black men or boost their egos and has everything to do with my personal beliefs and my goals.

You are not bringing a new revelation here. I have addressed the issue of black women seeing themselves as some sort of infrasture and equipment for advancing the race (I glean this from what you are saying further down). Yes many black women do see themselves as bulldozers, cranes, trucks and other assorted earth moving equipment for and on behalf of the race.

Now if this is what you want to be and have reached this position from giving the issue thought, then please feel free to be who and what you want. However I find I have a moral duty and obligation to other black women out there, who are just following the crowd into a position that could potentially leave them hurt and bitter. Many have not thought through their position to any great extent nor followed the path they are on to its logical conclussion in their minds, to grasp the fact that there might be consequences that they are NOT going to be ok with.

At least if black women are to martyr themselves for the race, let them do so knowing the full arguments and what is at stake. ‘Uninformed martyrdom’ is what many black women are headed towards at this point.

Similar black women online writers like myself have already addressed and continue to address the issue of black women being in the mind frame of ‘saving alla people’ and as a result feeling duty bound to restrict themselves in their dating options. So nothing new here.


I am very "racially conscious" and I make a point to discuss race-related issues whenever I get a chance to because I am aware that racism is still very rampid and across the globes blacks are not equal to whites.

The common description is that you are a ‘race woman’. I do not encourage black women to be ‘race woman’, who are constantly talking about and focussed on race. You can affirm your race without being obsessive. However if this is your choice then go for it.

I cannot imagine walking the path I have laid out for myself with a white man by my side. It simply would not work. I would be a walking representation of everything that has gone wrong in my community.

Your response is stepped in 'in-group symbolism' which you hold tight to and feel should have profound meaning to everyone. Its one of those statements/comments that black women put out there and think that they are so profound but really they say nothing if you look past the reverence they are supposed to generate in us. Indeed, their power lies only in the fact that the person spouting them expects the listener to bow their heads in deep reverence to the sacred symbols of the race contained. I mean really, what does it mean that you and a white man 'would be the walking representation of everything that has gone wrong with the race'? I know that black women are suppose to read these statements within an 'altered' state of religious fervor for our race and get the deeper menaings, but without being assisted by altered state, such statements really have no inherent sense and are not as self-explanatory as you think!

As for it not working with white men, well duh! Of course it is not going to work when you clearly dont want it to. It is not going to work in your particular case but it works fine with thousands of black women who are married to or in relationships with white men. So this is about you and the relationship not being able to work in your specific case not the inability of such relationships to work on the whole.

Many black women and a growing number, do not subscribe to the idea that they cannot be racially conscious being with a white man. If you choose to see it this way, so be it, but it isn’t a universal truth because you hold it to be true.


In addition to this I do not believe a white man could ever fully understand my struggle as a black woman. I do not think a black man could fully understand it either being that he is a man and I am woman but as a child of a black woman and having grown up in black skin he can gain a pretty decent understanding of my vision and my life. I do not want to have to educate my partner on things I think are so obvious.

Indeed black men do not understand what it means to be a woman, which begs the question, ‘do men really have to understand what it means to be a woman before they can be adequate lovers and partners to women?' There is a key discussion about what it really takes to be an adequate companion but to cut a long story short, no one needs to 'live in the body' of the other person in order to be adequate companions or else we would all have to be in relationships with the same sex.

For you, just racial understanding is key. To me this is just very narrow. You can imagine how many things a woman can be which have little to do with race, and even if they do at points intersect with the reality of race, it is not exactly that frequent.

A woman can be a botanist, who likes rock and reads John Grisham and Maya Angelou. She can come from a large family and be a mother of two. She might have a long term illness, attend the methodist church, be a size 10 and be a vegan and she is also black. Now in this just very simplified picture of all that a woman can be, I see a dozen areas for 'understanding' and awareness arising for any prospective partner, areas where race doesnt even come into it.

In addition, you seem to be saying that it is impossible for white people to develop race understanding.

Your comments also lie on the bed of the assumption that understanding another racially means automatic commitment to working with them. But what of those who pretty much understand the black woman’s life but it doesn’t make them anymore caring towards her or make them want to lighten her load (ask the average black woman if she recieves help from her black male counterpart) or worst, what of a situation where that understanding becomes a ready weapon in the hands of others.

Some things to think about....


And when it comes down to it I am not attracted to white men. Physically they are not appealing to me and do absolutely nothing for me.

I am not surprised you do not find them attractive after everything you feel. Ruminating on the negative of any group will block out any possible attraction (basic psychology which doesnt require any pavlovian experiment).

You are indeed no different from white men who have issues with dating black women from negative stereotypes and racist reasons, though I daresay you will rationalize your own sentiments by using some black moral justification.


That being said, I am not against IR relationships. I have family members who are biracial or involved in IR relationships and I have no problem with it and think love is a beautiful thing no matter the color of the two people but you must recognize that IR relationships are not for everyone.

I am not trying to convert you trust me.

Personally I am open to dating Latinos and Asian men but I still prefer black men.

I think most people simply prefer dating people they have things in common with and as a black woman I have a lot more in common with black men than men of any other race.

So I see that you have now undercut your own 'poetic' arguments above about not dating white men because of them, as you put it, 'not being born of black women' or being in black skin. You cant seem to remain consistent, and that is because your developed argument is just a manufactured cover.

You hate white men but are trying to manufacture some plausible theory as cover.

I think it is high time many black women stopped being dishonest with themselves and everyone else and just admit and own the fact that they have a burning anger and resentment of white men, and they want to keep this anger going. They want to continue to revel in their hatred of white men and this 'lovely and comforting' feeling of hate towards white men would have to be given up for relationships with them.

It is more freeing to be honest.

Yes black women hate white men more so than even black men, but this is kept quiet. This is why black women see an obvious solution to their current dating crisis and decide to turn right round and stay in their massive disadvantage. They do not want to give up their hate and eternal feud with white men, this is the block. Keeping this anger to them is more important than companionship, the loss of opportunity to have kids etc etc. The posture of disdain towards white males (characterised by an anti reconciliation attitude) is a core part of who they have become.

It took me a while to see this white male-hate as a key hindrance to black women forming relationships with white men. Before then, I used to think it was all about society restraining her and the inculcated fears she had etc. The hatred for white men is the fourth binding cord.

But if you want to dismiss white men, please feel free, but just be honest (at least to yourself) and there is no need to manufacture some long winding theory to justify your decided negative feeling towards them.


I was never made to feel guilty for being attracted to men of other races. I actually wish I was more attracted to men of other races because then it would probably be easier to find a guy I'm interested in.

Trust me no one is loosing sleep over the fact that you are committed to not being interested in white men so don’t worry too much about it.

All in all, whatever floats one's boat….




Get clued up about interracial dating, read the Interracial Dating E-Book

Send your questions to relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com (I will try my best to give a reply/answer)

44 comments:

Pamela said...

This woman is a pure racist. I almost jumped out of my chair when she stated:

I cannot imagine walking the path I have laid out for myself with a white man by my side. It simply would not work. I would be a walking representation of everything that has gone wrong in my community.

That is pure and total racism against whites. She would have a major problem with my boyfriend. He is probably more race sympathetic than many blacks today. What he does not know he learns. His heart has always been toward all oppressed people, probably because of being born and reared in Europe and his faith as a follower of Christ. He actually weeps thinking about how whites have treated blacks in this country. He delayed immigrating here until things had died down here with the racists actions of whites. Any bw who desires to marry IR would want someone like my boyfriend by their side. He has way more empathy for bw than many bm do at this point in time.

She knows other views and has decided to save the race. Let her suffer alone more than likely since her chances of getting a black prince are pretty slim from her own comment. It is interesting that she has so much hatred in her heart but wants a loving relationship with a man. That generally does not work.

Also she is a big hypocrite. She is accusing you of lumping people into a category when she has basically stated she feels that every white person that has lived or will ever live has caused 'her people' harm.

She and I would not get along at all. I refuse to be around people that are hate-filled.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like the blogger "R........" to me. She goes from blog to blog making sure everyone is aware of her dislike for the white man. She seems to think she is a 21st century Assata Shakur.

jazine said...

Halima, I think the real issue here is not this blogger. You cleverly used her comments as a platform to raise the possibility of certain bw who harbor an intense hatred against white men. I think this is a real possibility, but it’s also a taboo subject.

I can tell you from my own anecdotal observations that I have seen wm get literally cursed out from bw in public (subways and buses to be exact). What I have found interesting in these verbal assaults is how each bw stated how the wm is the devil, the lowest scum on the earth, and is trying to take away from black people. One woman told a white man who accidentally brushed passed her on the bus that if he touches her one more time she will f*ck him up. These examples were in your face aggression, but I have heard bw express such intense dislike for wm in subtle ways by private conversations with other bw.

For these disgruntled bw, they personally hold the wm accountable for the bm’s shortcomings. It is wm’s fault that bm can’t successfully participate in society (gainful employment, achieving education, loving husbands and fathers). If wm were to give bm the opportunity, bw would have fully functional mates and would live happily ever after. SMH.

It’s wise to let any disgruntled bw know that they are free to live the life they want, including holding out hopes for a bm mate and date bm exclusively. Adults are responsible for their own lives and choices. I still have to scratch my head on why disgruntled pro intraracial relationship bw come on IR boards continuously to debate. Go to the all black sites and promote the black love message. What’s scaring them is they can’t enforce the group think mentality that has plagued bw for so long.

GoldenAh said...

Not sure why people like her need to visit every BW/IR blog, and state her fear / hatred of sex with white men over, and over, and over again. Okay, point taken.

Henceforth, see a therapist, and run along now.

Anonymous said...

You cleverly used her comments as a platform to raise the possibility of certain bw who harbor an intense hatred against white men. I think this is a real possibility, but it’s also a taboo subject.


If we look at some common conceptions about black men and white men that many black women have we can see this: black male features are more attractive; black men have bigger penises; white men have "devilish" personalities; white men are nerdy etc.

It's quite amazing how these common conceptions are hardly ever considered prejudicial, but are actually taken at face value among many black women.

Anonymous said...

That woman need to give a tape of the President's speech to the NAACP last night in NYC to the DBRBM out there.

ActsofFaithBlog said...

Wow I hadn't really considered this hatred as such an issue. If some black women - and really aren't we talking about African American women specifically - hate white men then I think I'd say many black men are afraid or feel inferior to them. Or is it competition? And what of white women? This is interesting and I'm going to need to give this some thought.

Anonymous said...

First of all, the self-sabotaging and delusional woman who wrote that note needs to read the below essay.

Which sums up everything nicely. And helps explain why African-American BW as opposed to non African-American black women, are losing OUT (to an embarrassing degree) in the dating and mating game.

And will continue to as long as they defend their BULLDOZER, CRANE, and TRUCK "strong black woman", "race-woman", masculine personas.

http://muslimbushido.blogspot.com
/2009/06/open-letter-to-african-american-women.html


Second of all, this writer is a FOOL (and a hilarious one at that) if she honestly believes that most Latino and Asian men are any different then DBRBM when it comes to worshiping whiteness and lightness.

Third of all, white men aren't losing any sleep over these rough around the edges, single, harsh, and masculine acting black women making these pronouncements. White men aren't interested in these shemales to begin with.

And the funny thing is, non WM aren't either.

What a bind they must be in...

The ball isn't in this letter writers court to begin with. So it's laughable to read her huffing and puffing, going on and on about who she would and wouldn't date.LOL

NO man - INCLUDING BM (damaged or not) - would be interested in dating less more marrying such a de-feminized individual.

Felicia said...

IS EXTREME RACISM A MENTAL ILLNESS?

YES

It can be a delusional symptom of psychotic disorders

Alvin F Poussaint, Professor of psychiatry

http://www.pubmedcentral.nih.gov/
articlerender.fcgi?artid=1071634


Jazine,

The unprovoked instances of hatred you've witnessed are disturbing and are clearly abnormal.

Most people suffering from mental illness go untreated. And in the "bc" even more so.

Those BW that you described show clear signs of impaired thinking. And impaired thinking that is not treated with counseling and/or medication, leads to insane behavior.

Acting out.

This "magical thinking" (related to so many issues) that so many black folks - especially single BW - adhere to is straight up mental illness.

No bones about it.

"For these disgruntled bw, they personally hold the wm accountable for the bm’s shortcomings. It is wm’s fault that bm can’t successfully participate in society (gainful employment, achieving education, loving husbands and fathers). If wm were to give bm the opportunity, bw would have fully functional mates and would live happily ever after. SMH. "

I've made that exact same observation before. These disgruntled and ignorant black women are in denial and simply can't accept the fact that DBRBM aren't doing for BW, black children, and the "community" BECAUSE THEY DON'T WANT TO. And it has NOTHING to do with WM.

To accept the truth would mean they'd been HAD and had waisted their life on a loosing proposition all along.

Instead of accepting the truth and moving on, they would rather hold on to their fantasy that the mean ole' WM just has it in for the po BM.

These "disgruntled" BW are pitiful.

NO ONE, not WM, not BM, not WW, not ANYONE gives a DAMN about why their angry.

Anonymiss said...

After reading this post and the responses I can't help but ROTFL. I am the anonymiss poster and I really did not expect this kind of reaction from my COMMENT. Just like you have the right to voice your opinion, so do I. Clearly, you are feeling some type of way about your decision to date IR if you felt the need to dedicate an entire post to me.

Unsurprisingly, you took my words out of context in order to make the argument that I am "racist" when in fact I am far from it. The sole purpose of my comment was to inform you that not all BM or BW are the way you perceive them to be. You seem to think that if a BW does not date IR its because she feels guilty but that's not always the case. In case you haven't noticed, every type of woman (black, white, asian, hispanic) are interested in BM. As, I stated earlier. Most people prefer to date within their own race. Their some psychology term to describe it. I forget what it is but basically most people are attracted to what they are familiar with.

It's interesting how you disregarded the part where I said "LOVE IS A BEAUTIFUL THING NO MATTER THE COLOR OF THE TWO INDIVIDUALS". That alone shows that I am not racist. I suppose you prefer labeling me as a racist because it makes it easier for you to dismiss my comments. Not once did I say that it is wrong for anyone to date IR. I just said that it's not for everyone.

The problem I have with sites like these is that instead of telling BW to date whoever they want they seem to say "date a WM because BM are horrible". As if all white men are good.

I never asked you to change anything, and I don't expect you to on my behalf. I'm just voicing my opinion and if you are secure in your decisions I don't see why it should bother you this much.

And F.Y.I. I find it hilarious that grown ass women would get so worked up over a comment made by 18 year old me. LOL.

Oh and to the person who called me a 21st century Assata Shakur. Thank you, I'm flattered. =)

Anonymous said...

I cannot imagine walking the path I have laid out for myself with a white man by my side. It simply would not work. I would be a walking representation of everything that has gone wrong in my community.


That's racism all day along. Imagine if a white man had said" I cannot imagine walking the path I have laid out for myself with a black woman by my side. It simply would not work. I would be a walking representation of everything that has gone wrong in my white community."

Who wouldn't be calling a comment like that racist?

foreverloyal said...

Getting worked up, and analyzing are two different things.

One could say you were/are worked up, since you bothered writing such a long comment in the first place.

Anonymous said...

As, I stated earlier. Most people prefer to date within their own race.

Most people besides BM that is.

Their some psychology term to describe it. I forget what it is but basically most people are attracted to what they are familiar with.

Then how does one account for the fact that most black males who are dating these days are dating out? Black males, the majority of whom have been raised by their single black mothers, and surrounded by black grandmothers, cousins, sisters, etc... are not dating the race of women (black) they are most familiar with it?

It's interesting how you disregarded the part where I said "LOVE IS A BEAUTIFUL THING NO MATTER THE COLOR OF THE TWO INDIVIDUALS". That alone shows that I am not racist.

That alone reads as the same thing white racists say when they claim "some of my best friends are black".

I suppose you prefer labeling me as a racist because it makes it easier for you to dismiss my comments. Not once did I say that it is wrong for anyone to date IR. I just said that it's not for everyone.

What's perverse about the statement is no one asked you to begin with what your views on IR relationships are one way or another. No one asked you personally who you are and aren't attracted to. It's doubly strange because only AA black women make these statements. And there is a correlation between these statements and the negative perception of AA black women as opposed to non AA black women.

And yet these statements continue to be made publicly. Without concern for the negative impact these statements make on AA black women as a whole.

This ultimately shows a lack of concern for the welfare and image of AA BW.

Any BW who would harm the BW's image in this fashion would have to be BM identified. Which is a disturbing condition. Especially considering the fact that most BM also hold BM identified BW in contempt.


The problem I have with sites like these is that instead of telling BW to date whoever they want they seem to say "date a WM because BM are horrible".

It's odd that you would frequent sites you have problems with to begin with. These sites have all advised LIKE MINDED BW to be open to ALL men regardless of color who have husband potential.

Pointing out the truth about black men is not sharing "horrible" information.

It's just sharing the truth. So that those black women who limit themselves to this population are doing so with their eyes wide open.


As if all white men are good.

No one ever said all white men are good.

All men should be vetted equally.

Anonymiss said...

Quote from Anonymous: That's racism all day along. Imagine if a white man had said" I cannot imagine walking the path I have laid out for myself with a black woman by my side. It simply would not work. I would be a walking representation of everything that has gone wrong in my white community."

Me: OK I get what you are saying but the last sentence doesn't even make sense coming from a WM as there really isn't anything wrong with the WC. And you don't even know what path I am referring to. If a WM were to say "I cannot imagine walking the path I have laid out for myself with a black woman by my side," I wouldn't be the least bit surprised. Even today, anyone who dates/marries a black person is still looked down upon so I can see why any white person would be skeptical to date/marry a black person. Of course in this case my opinion would be biased because the feelings would be mutual. I imagine if I was more open towards WM, this might bother me more.

Quote: One could say you were/are worked up, since you bothered writing such a long comment in the first place.

Me: This definitely isn't one of the longest comments I've posted. I have a problem with rambling so I tend to post essays on every blog I comment on regardless of whether or not I agree with the post. Actually, if I had agreed I probably would have had a lot more to say.

Anonymous said...

The problem I have with BW who have issues with sites like these, is that they don't go to black sites where BW are being burned at the stake by BM and their BW boot lickers. They don't go to these other sites and express disaprooval with them.

Which leads me to believe these BW with "issues" don't have a problem with what these anti-BW black sites are saying.

Which leads me to believe they have no sensible reason for reading BW empowerement sites to begin with.

What's also mind bogling is that they never ask themselves where are the black male equivelants of them.

Where are the BM who are admonishing their fellow BM who are saying "date a WW because BW are horrible" 24/7?

These are the critical questions that some should seriously ask themselves.

Otherwise, they're simply being played.

And isn't it funny how BW who purport to have no interest in IR dating can't stay away from these blogs? Voicing their opinions when they weren't asked for? It is naturally bothersome when unasked for information is provided when there are a number of non IR black sites that would be more than interested in tired pablum.

sistrunkqueen said...

To anon the fact that you are only 18 says it all right there. You are part of the new generation of black women and if you do not snap out of your delusion than it is too bad for you. You don't want to end up like most bw single and bitter. You better recognize little sis

Jazine said...

Forverloyal, you took the words right out of my mouth! This anon is a trip. She still doesn't get it. I'm not interested in her, or her viewpoints, and neither is Halima. Her viewpoints were used to discuss a larger issue at hand.

Pamela said...

When she said she was 18 my first thought was 'that is really sad. A gal having that much hatred at such a young age'. If I had married and had children I would have raised them the way I was raised to judge people by their character as Dr. Martin Luther King stated in one of his speeches. Both of my parents were black and were victims of the racist treatment of whites but somehow were able to see that being racists themselves was not the best way to go. It is sad that some young people are being raised in this day to be racists. I hope that she can somehow see the light and not waste her life hating white people.

Anonymous said...

@2:17 AM wrote:

What's also mind boggling is that they never ask themselves where are the black male equivalents of them.

Where are the BM who are admonishing their fellow BM who are saying "date a WW because BW are horrible" 24/7?

---------------------------------------

THAT'S A GOOD POINT. BW IR BLOGGERS HAVE NEVER SAID DATE WM BECAUSE BM SUCK. THEY'VE SAID DATE THE MAN WHO TREATS YOU BEST NO MATTER WHAT RACE THEY ARE.

HOWEVER, THE MAJORITY OF BM DISS BW AND PRAISE WW SIMPLY BECAUSE WE'RE BLACK AND THEIR WHITE.

WHICH MAKES MOST BM ALIGNED WITH WHITE SUPREMACISTS.

SOME BW DON'T WANT TO ADMIT THIS FACT. BECAUSE THAT WOULD MAKE THEM LOOK LIKE MASOCHISTS.

THESE CONFUSED BW NEED TO ACCEPT WHAT THEY ARE AND GET TREATMENT.

Anonymous said...

Forverloyal, you took the words right out of my mouth! This anon is a trip. She still doesn't get it.

OR this anon is a troll. Whatever it is, female OR male (this is the internet and BM posing as BW are a dime a dozen), it's tired diatribe is not of interest or welcome here.

GoldenAh said...

Frankly, I'm tired of all these "nothing but a brotha for me" black women.

If you like them so much, why are you posting in BW / IR forums?

Also, these dog biscuits ya'll love to throw at minority men, who are not black or white, are insulting. You think any real man, who does not view himself as a helpless victim as some black men in America (or worldwide) do, will want you, after saying he's your second or third choice?

I'm tired of telling non-black men, that Yes, I, as a black woman, find them appealing. They wouldn't ask if there weren't so many silly, unaware, mentally challenged, crazy, unsophisticated, and ignorant bw barking to the world how much a "brotha" does it for them.

Seriously, who cares?

Men are competitive creatures. They go after women who are in high demand. They want what others want. Either you learn to say all men are equally attractive, especially among those who has the strength of character you like, or STFU.

Telling a tiny percentage of a male population that you belong to them is sheer stupidity. It invites being taken for granted and abuse. Next time you declare yourself exclusive to only this tiny male population - remember that the majority cannot even be bothered to marry the (same race) mothers of their offspring, or stay around long enough to raise them.

Anonymous said...

Telling a tiny percentage of a male population that you belong to them is sheer stupidity.

Tell it.

It invites being taken for granted and abuse.

Isn't this the black woman's story through and through?

Next time you declare yourself exclusive to only this tiny male population - remember that the majority cannot even be bothered to marry the (same race) mothers of their offspring, or stay around long enough to raise them.

YOU BETTER PREACH!

Aphrodite said...

Anon @ 12:34 AM

Thank you for the clarity!


"Any BW who would harm the BW's image in this fashion would have to be BM identified. Which is a disturbing condition. Especially considering the fact that most BM also hold BM identified BW in contempt."


This is the clincher. I guess I could suppose that a lot of those type of women can be called DBR -BM identified.


This for me says it all:

"In case you haven't noticed, every type of woman (black, white, asian, hispanic) are interested in BM."


I suppose if a BW has shut herself off from other men refusing to date them bc of waiting on the Black Knight, loudly proclaiming nothing but a BM, segregating herself socially, and rebuffing the advances of non BM then it would seem that way.

The major difference is that BM take advantage of opportunities to date/marry others- BW don't and go even further to generate PR to repel others.

Aphrodite said...

@ Sistrunkqueen


You are right. And 18 flies by so fast. It is advisable for Miss to not waste any youth (which it sounds like she is trying hard to do) bc she will regret it.

Anonymous said...

"In case you haven't noticed, every type of woman (black, white, asian, hispanic) are interested in BM."

In case YOU haven't noticed dear/sir, every type of man (White men, Asian men, Hispanic men, Indian men, Arabic men, Native-American men, and non DBR BM who are usually not African-American) are interested in BW.

And growing numbers of THESE men are marrying BW who respect themselves enough to not accept the rotten scraps thrown at them by the "black community".

MOST African-American BW have been INDOCTRINATED to accept suffering at the hands of self-hating, and damaged beyond repair BM.

And to call this suffering "love".

So lets get the facts straight.

Karua said...

I've never responded on your site before but I have been reading it for a long time. I am also 18 like the lady you showcased as the main discussion but I have a vastly different mindset than she has. Perhaps I should preface by saying that I'm not an AA girl but grew up primarily on Jamaican values so they may have shaped how I see things.

Personally, even if she does not see herself as such, she *is* racist and has a racist mindset. Whenever you're basing a whole group of people based on your perceptions on them - especially widely held stereotypes - it is racist. My dad raised me to take each person as they are personally and not just based on something as baseless as aesthetics. I go to a predominantly white prep boarding high school and I can tell you that in my more than 3 years, I have met some racist white boys who I would not touch with a 10 foot pole, and I have white boys as friends who I love dearly. They listen to my grievances as a black woman, and though they may not be able to fully empathize, they *sympathize* and use that knowledge to better understand the constructs of racism and sexism. You offend me by your reasoning that all white men are not capable of this when it is obviously not true.

Now, my boyfriend of 2 years is Asian and yes, he may not be too quick on the uptake with something that may offend me or something with black culture and in the beginning he even unwittingly said/did mildly offensive things, but I explained and he learned. Not everyone has a worldly outlook but as long as they're willing to learn, that's fine by me. Even though I'm more race conscious than he his, he still taught me how things are concerning Taiwanese culture and I also learned from it. Besides this though, race problems come mainly from outside forces (the worse of which, being his mom, unfortunately).

In my school, I am the only black girl in a stable relationship (though my bf is now in college) while all the other girls bemoan the fact that all the other black boys only date white girls. I tell them to go out with other guys but then the girls fall on the excuse that they don't like them, wg don't like them, they won't understand them, they don't want to be a "white girl", they don't want to seem bougie (which is sadly implying that dating white is "uppity" behavior). It's very frustrating. They don't hold those same standards to black guys even though black guys obviously treat them much worse and don't want to date them at all (flings/sex is different).

I know if I wasn't with my boyfriend there are at least 3 white guys I know who've expressed their interest in me, from getting to know me and would want a relationship with me. At least I let them know it's not *all* black girls who do not want white guys until I can get the other girls' head's out of the sand. *sigh*

lormarie said...

In all honesty, I'd like to see bw exercise her "right" to pursue the type of man she wants, even if she prefers blacks. The problem I have is that such women are deemed as a representation of ALL black women.

Contrary to popular belief, there are some of us who do NOT see black men as the epitome of manhood or desire. Some of us, myself included, are not at all bothered by black men seeking and marrying nonblack women. With that said, I'll respond to a few of her comments.

In case you haven't noticed, every type of woman (black, white, asian, hispanic) are interested in BM.--Anon

In case you haven't noticed, the "interest" in black men pales in comparison to the worldwide "interest" in white men. Of all the races and both sexes, white men are the most desired group. Black women are the only group who have not caught on to that. And event that is changing among black women.

As if all white men are good.

Amen to that. Gov. Sandford anyone? Sen. John Edwards? Prince Charles? Heck, Adolf Hitler? The problem is, we already know that there are bad white men. Black women need to wake up to the fact that not all black men are good. The men who commit the most crimes against black women ARE BLACK MEN. So if bw want to reject any race because of horrible behavior towards us, they should reject black men. Of course, rejecting black men due to the bad behavior of some is just as stupid as rejecting white men.

if you are secure in your decisions I don't see why it should bother you this much.--Anon

Are you secure in your decisions? Or do you dislike white men because you feel you can't get one? Just trying to prove a point.

Again, I believe that many black women are attracted to black men for sincere reasons. However, such women should remember a few things:

Black men do not show the same loyalty to bw that bw show to bm.

No matter how much you prefer bm, they don't have to prefer you. Many do not.

Don't complain when you come across bm who prefer nonblack women. Tbey have the right to prefer nonblack women just as you prefer bm.

Also, have you ever visited a blog where the black men bash black women? Have you taken them to task over their hatred? Or are you only offended by what black women say while letting the hatred of black men slide?

If a woman truly valued who she is as a black woman, she would not put up with insults directed at bw in general.

If you have taken these black men to task, please provide the link. A bw who tolerates that behavior would likely tolerate other forms of abuse.

CW said...

Unfortunately this particular commenter has fallen for the temporary pat on the head from her co-bloggers who are more than likely BM...This is one of the more recent sad displays of jumping thru hoops for approval...


...If I show these brothers my loyalty and true blueness, then they'll give me a Scooby-snack!


Not too much unlike this young lady at that age...There were prevailing thoughts of "If I looovvvve them enough, then they'll come/stay home and man up!" ...Admittedly it's a nice cozy steaming bubble-bath fantasy for some BW...


Well let me tell you something...That temporary Scooby snack will no satisfy:

-The disproportionate ratio of eligible BW to BM of the same

-Conceal the sickness that has infected the Black Community

-Save "Alla Our PEEEEPLE"

Phantom Mare said...

Pamela I agree with you and btw congrats-- I see your photo.
-------

These kind of women are going to be the same ones sitting alone and Still Wondering why black men do this and why black men do that. But will not connect the dots on the issue that many black men absolutely DO NOT feel the same way as her. They DO NOT feel loyalty towards black women the same way black women feel towards them. The gender roles have switched. Black men feel chased, so it is natural for them to keep running as men DO NOT like being chased, they like to hunt. This is what many black women don't understand. They are looking VERY manly in this sense.

cool_splash1 said...

In my school, I am the only black girl in a stable relationship (though my bf is now in college) while all the other girls bemoan the fact that all the other black boys only date white girls. I tell them to go out with other guys but then the girls fall on the excuse that they don't like them, wg don't like them, they won't understand them, they don't want to be a "white girl", they don't want to seem bougie (which is sadly implying that dating white is "uppity" behavior). It's very frustrating. They don't hold those same standards to black guys even though black guys obviously treat them much worse and don't want to date them at all (flings/sex is different).

That's crazy being that you have proven that non-bm are interested in bw, date bw and marry bw.

Ava said...

I cannot imagine walking the path I have laid out for myself with a white man by my side. It simply would not work. I would be a walking representation of everything that has gone wrong in my community


Halima,

Why waste your time to respond to this woman and psychoanalyze her? I would not call this woman a racist. She is just on a site rambling. Yes there are white men who are attracted to black women. But they are not beating down the doors the way that black men are doing the opposite. And regarding walking the "PATH" with a black man, honey there are a lot of black women who wanted to walk the "PATH" and they are pretty and single in their 40's and 50's. You are probably someone that most white men would not be attacted to anyway so dont sweat it!

BWF said...

The ball isn't in this letter writers court to begin with. So it's laughable to read her huffing and puffing, going on and on about who she would and wouldn't date.LOL

NO man - INCLUDING BM (damaged or not) - would be interested in dating less more marrying such a de-feminized individual.


______________

Yep. Black women do NOT benefit and basically can't "afford" to be racist when it comes to dating. bw need to be neutral and open (like bm!!!) This young lady even said herself that she's having a hard time dating. Yet and still she has NOT put two and two together.

Oh well. Im glad she is just speaking for **HERSELF**. Because I sho 'nuff DONT agree with her views on love/sex/marriage. If she wants to reserve herself for the "brothas", then thats on her. We're all grown.

I have a feeling in about 10 years she'll change her mind. Once black males prove with their ACTIONS that they have NO QUALMS, RESERVATIONS OR ISSUES about dating/marrying all the white, asian, and latin women they can get their hands on. While she is siting back dateless and/or man-sharing.

Ava said...

That's racism all day along. Imagine if a white man had said" I cannot imagine walking the path I have laid out for myself with a black woman by my side. It simply would not work. I would be a walking representation of everything that has gone wrong in my white community."

I think that is so stupid to call her a racist because she does not want to date white men. I dont have a problem with he stating that, I just wish that she would go somewhere else and state it. But I do not think that it is racist.

In case YOU haven't noticed dear/sir, every type of man (White men, Asian men, Hispanic men, Indian men, Arabic men, Native-American men, and non DBR BM who are usually not African-American) are interested in BW.

True. But it is not as easy coming together as it is with black men and other women. Yes I see a lot more of black women with other. It is still so much easier for black men to get with women of other races than the opposite... although I am seeing more black women/other men couples practically any day that I am out in a major city...

Ava said...

No matter how much you prefer bm, they don't have to prefer you. Many do not.

Not only do most bm not prefer bw...EVERYBODY knows it...

sanderosa said...

“And when it comes down to it I am not attracted to white men. Physically they are not appealing to me and do absolutely nothing for me.”

Nobody cares that this statement comes from a black woman – This comment should come from a black man. But that will never happen because black unity is a huge scam like no other. The black man does not reciprocate this sentiment – so all the love, devotion and worship of the black man is pointless. This is why black women are in a jam – black women love black men who do not love them back at all. The black man already sold you out to the white agenda – he himself is married to a white woman, living happily ever after.

This statement cancels itself out – bw are attracted to black men but the vast majority of bm are not attracted to black women…which leaves a tiny leftover group of bm to run the harems that are the result. The average black man has no problem getting with a white woman – no black man alive would ever refuse or reject a white woman – ever. Black men are physically attracted to white women have no problem getting it on but black women have problems getting with a white man??? Something about this statement does not ring true.

If you want to get with a black man, take a number – there are 50 other black women with no bm to mate with that are ahead of you in the harem. They are already trying to out cook, out clean and out screw the next chick, each woman thinking she’s gonna be the one. And this is just in the church. Why would a black man need to get married when there are so many desperate black women hanging onto him….when he gets tired of dealing with desperados all he has to do is marry a white woman and go riding off into the sunset for a storybook ending. There has never been a better time to be a black man.

When it comes to the sorrows of black womanhood, I did not escape like someone who was trapped – I calmly walked out the front door and saw it for the elaborate bluff that it is.

Personally I don’t give a crap about the black man or the black agenda – I am very comfortable with white men. When the black man set himself free to choose women of other races, he set me free also to make myself available to men of other nations.

The black man abandoned his post so if the black race goes down the toilet that’s his problem, not mine. Don’t come to me with black propaganda when the black man brings his balls to a white woman – that’s my cue to don’t give a crap. Black unity is a charade....once I understood the truth about how black unity is a scam, its impossible to pretend like we are the nation of China with 1.2 Billion and counting and pretend as if there are plenty of black men to mate with when the reality is black men have turned AVOIDING black women into an art form.

The black man left the door open for me to leave, so I’m glad to be gone – for me there is such a freedom in tossing the black agenda into the shredder like the toxic waste that it is and moving on - if black women want to continue in their delusion, that’s up to them. The black man is not the prodigal son…. he has found the promised land.

Me get with a black man? Oh hell no…I am supposed to stay on the Titanic with water up to my chin while the black man abandons his race, is on the beach relaxing peacefully in a hammock with his non black wife – when I could easily get off the ship and have a white man row my boat ??? Other black women may be in deep denial and I feel sorry for their pointless pursuit but delusional thinking and lack common sense are for those who choose not to see what is going on.

Anonymous said...

I think that is so stupid to call her a racist because she does not want to date white men.

What's racist is the reasoning behind why she doesn't want to date white men.

She made general assumptions about a group while not acknowledging that on an individual level, there are WM who understand the BW's experience BETTER than BM. If BM truly understood the BW's experience in this country, how come they attack BW based on their blackness? The SAME blackness that they share and are discriminated against by white racists for? That's not understanding. That's not experiencing a "common bond".

It's been my experience that unbiased WM are far more understanding of my experience in America than your average BM. And many BW can say the same.


I dont have a problem with he stating that, I just wish that she would go somewhere else and state it. But I do not think that it is racist.

In case YOU haven't noticed dear/sir, every type of man (White men, Asian men, Hispanic men, Indian men, Arabic men, Native-American men, and non DBR BM who are usually not African-American) are interested in BW.

True. But it is not as easy coming together as it is with black men and other women.

That's only because BW for decades have been screaming from the rafters they're not interested in IR relationships.

BM NEVER did any such thing. Quite the opposite.

Only RECENTLY have BW who ARE interested in IR been letting non BM and society at large know that that those BW who tainted BW's image for decades do NOT speak for them.

And BW interested in options are going to have to KEEP on setting the record straight.

Because the nothing but a "brotha" BW have resigned themselves to perpetual single hood or baby momma status. They therefor have "nothing else to loose" from their point of view. They therefor DON'T CARE about continuing to destroy BW's desirability on the world stage.

Many single BW who've made poor choices actually don't want other BW to live and love well.

ESPECIALLY not with a WM.

Because even though BM don't give a damn about them, never have and never will, their STILL largely BM identified.

And ANY woman (even if not black) who is BM identified, certainly doesn't want to see a BW in a loving relationship with a WM.

This is the ultimate "blow" to many BM's self-esteem.

Most BM don't want sista's today as wives. BUT they sure as hell don't want WM to marry us and father our children.

Aimee said...

I would be a walking representation of everything that has gone wrong in my community. In addition to this I do not believe a white man could ever fully understand my struggle as a black woman. I do not think a black man could fully understand it either being that he is a man and I am woman but as a child of a black woman and having grown up in black skin he can gain a pretty decent understanding of my vision and my life. I do not want to have to educate my partner on things I think are so obvious.
___________________________________

Racist or not sister, your assumptions about compatability in relationships are extremely wrongheaded.

Number one, I see the walking representation of everything that is wrong in our community everyday: BW alone, or pushing carriages of fatherless children. The wholesale abandonment of black women and children by black men is what is wrong in our community. And no matter how large a role white racism may play in this abandonment, refusing to hold BM accountable for their role in refusing to be husbands to BW and fathers to black children is simply dishonest. If you can call WM on their behavior, then you can call BM on their's.

Number two, it is clear that you have placed a tremendous and disproportionate, significance on shared race as the necessary foundation for a happy, healthy relationship. It is equally clear, as many others have already pointed out, that you assume that if a man shares your race, he shares your racial experience and understanding--and that if he is white, he cannot possibly share such insight. This simply isn't true.

But, of course, this discussion isn't about you, or any other sister who absolutely isn't attracted to WM and who is opposed to pursuing IRRs for herself. You and other such women should live your lives as you see fit. As Halima recognized, your statement was not especially important in and of itself, but provided value as a "teachable moment" of sorts for other young BW, who hopefully won't be reduced to choosing mates based on what they think their choice "represents" to others. The best possible representation you can make is to be happy and well, and treated wonderfully by a good man.

cool_splash1 said...

"I think that is so stupid to call her a racist because she does not want to date white men. I dont have a problem with he stating that, I just wish that she would go somewhere else and state it. But I do not think that it is racist."

Who and what's stupid? If we would call any other race that said the same thing racist then she is racist. It's funny how we don't like to look at the fact that black people can be racist too. Usually when black people want to talk about black racism it usually involves black on black racism. Black people can be just as racist to other groups as anyone else.

Lovebug said...

Thank you for your post Halima. I
enjoy reading your blog.

Sanderosa, I wanted to say thank you for your comments, I agree with you completely and I couldn't have said it better.

CW said...

Racist or otherwise...The "Anonymous" poster's remarks reveals her future location...


*The Cemetery*

Because that line of thinking is dead...

Anonymous said...

The ball isn't in this letter writers court to begin with. So it's laughable to read her huffing and puffing, going on and on about who she would and wouldn't date.LOL
___________________________________

I find this to be so true. Usually the ones screaming the loudest about how they would never be date or marry or be caught dead with a wm have never even been approached by one.

Case in point, when I was at university, I started dating this really cute German guy. A good BF friend of mine was dead set against it and was opposed to IRR on all levels. She would go into tirades about how she would never lower herself to be seen out holding hands or kissing a white man, how wm are so unattractive and devilish by nature. I finally asked her has a wm ever approached her or asked her out. Her answer no! Why was she making so much noise over something that hasn't even been presented as an option to her? I just don't get it, but I often wondered if the ones on the shows, in the articles, on youtube making all this damn noise are even being asked out and approached by these so-called devils.

Anonymous said...

"when he gets tired of dealing with desperados all he has to do is marry a white woman and go riding off into the sunset for a storybook ending. There has never been a better time to be a black man."

I have only known a few attractive, educated white women who wanted LTRs with black men. One became a good friend while we were both dating DBR bms who were best friends. Her man was the king of that group because he was the only guy to get a pretty ww. But after 2 years she caught him cheating and walked out. He sent her flowers and even proposed to get her back but she wouldn't have any of it. When I ran into her a year later she'd just gotten married to a white man and I'd just forgiven my man for cheating for the second time! She soon introduced me to a good looking, educated, kind Latino co-worker. After one (chaste) lunch date I kicked that DBR to the curb and started dating that Latino and we are now engaged! Engaged for real, not that thing where ghetto people call someone their "fiance" and never plan a wedding or actually get married. But when we first got together that DBR called me up trying to get me back until I put my new man on the phone. When he heard it was my white friend who set us up he left harassing messages on HER phone until her husband threatened to sue! The thing about these DBRs is that they're cowards when it comes to facing other men; they only try their bs with women.

Anyway, back to the point all of the quality white women I've known who dated black men "went back" after being cheated on, otherwise mistreated, or simply getting a better offer from a non-black man. Black male narcissists who go on about how they are the most desired men in America are just spouting false bravado and underneath it all they know that most attractive, educated white, Asian and Hispanic women prefer non-black men and that the majority of such women who are clamoring to marry black men are unattractive, poorly educated, low-class women who've been rejected by men of their races. That's why they don't want black women to date and marry out; if quality black women turn their backs on them most black men will have nothing but the dregs of all groups. Considering how they treat most women that's no more than they deserve.

Cocoa Fly said...

I find it interesting that she talks about how she's against dating outside of her race then ends the post saying "I actually wish I was more attracted to men of other races because then it would probably be easier to find a guy I'm interested in."

She's contradicting herself. Maybe she really is attracted to other men but feels guilty if she steps out of the black box for love.

sean said...

I'm sure many people share her beliefs, she is right, I am not black, nor a woman so what do I know. I know what I do know, and the world is not out to get blacks, we all struggle. However I empathize with your feelings & understand how one can justify these judgments, black people do have real reasons for their resentment- most of us are victims, but racism against blacks is more rampant. But there will always be haters. & this resentment is only making this ignorance grow.
Yea there are haters, but in reality your world is what you make it, it's not exclusively the black community that struggle with "the man".

I just hope that someone like you, who is so determined and fixed upon their beliefs of resentment reinforced with justified reasons for this disdain, that someone like you who still has the capacity to learn can open their minds and let go of the hate- realize that most people aren't racist.