Black women and White men receive 'Thumbs up' for their ability to keep IR marriages beyond average!

We are talking The National Council on Family Relations (NCFR) folks,  doing an intense, well researched study and it can be found at Study

The research aimed at comparing the likelihood of divorce for interracial couples to that of same-race couples, using the 2002 National Survey of Family Growth (Cycle VI).

Now if you believe the 'tattle' out there, black women are the reason why ‘Black love’ is in a bad place. According to wide spread views, black women are too aggressive, too independent and wont ‘let men be men' and all the other host of stuff they get accused of. Well then, you would expect that this report would show that black women (being the problem that we are said to be), would prove this by carrying their 'palaver' wherever they went.

But........the study says that black women just cant help themselves as usual in doing good!

Some highlights:

Compared to White/White couples, White female/Black male, and White female/Asian male marriages were more prone to divorce; meanwhile, those involving non-White females and White males and Hispanics and non-Hispanic persons had similar or lower risks of divorce.


Elevated divorce rates among interracial couples may occur because members of these couples are more likely to have characteristics other than race associated with a greater likelihood of marital dissolution. (Cough cough)

Whites, specifically White females, who intermarry tend to be less educated than those who marry other Whites (Qian, 1997).

I see that these NCFR folks are not of the 'let's lump all IR couples in one batch and hide the real picture' school of thought!

You would also think that given how black men constantly complain about black women, that when they go on to pair with other races of women, everything would be fantastic. Well not so according to this study,  it appears other women are reporting ‘distress’ when in relationship with black men…………hmmm

When compared to their same-race counterparts, intermarried White females and Hispanics individuals reported higher rates of distress, but the same did not emerge for intermarried African Americans or White males (Bratter & Eschbach, 2006).

(Yes even though intermarried ww could be intermarried with not just bm, we do know who does the significant part of IRing with ww)


And

According to the adjusted models predicting divorce as of their 10th year of marriage, interracial marriages that are most vulnerable involve White females and non-White males (with the exception of White females/Hispanic White males) relative to White/White couples. (hmmm I see they have exonerated hispanic males)

You know, I do so believe that even if you give black men 'little green women' from Mars, they'd still find a way to mess it up royaly.

 

But ……..

Conversely, White men/ non-White women couples show either very little or no differences in divorce rates; or, as in the case of White men and Black women, are substantially less likely than White/White couples to divorce by their 10th year.

So it appears that even white men stand an even better chance of having a long-lasting marriage with a black woman than white!

Damn we are good!


And the clincher


Racial differences in marriage, on the other hand, correspond to higher divorce rates but mostly in marriages where the White spouse is female. NH Black husband/White wife marriages were twice as likely to divorce as White/White couples, and NH Asian husband/ White wife couples were 59% more likely, according to Model II. Highlighting the role of gender in interracial dynamics, the reverse combinations actually showed a lower or similar risk of divorce. White husband/NH Black wife couples were 44% less likely to divorce than White/White couples, and White husband/NH Asian wife couples were only 4% more likely to divorce by Year 10.


As for black love


Finally, we compared NH Black/ White unions to NH Black/NH Black marriages, which showed a persistently higher risk of divorce than White/White unions. We found again that crossing the racial divide for marriages between NH Black men and White women coincided with even greater marital instability than NH Black homogamous marriages experience. Generally, non-Whites who intermarry experienced less marital stability than their same-race married coethnics.

And there are all these women running around saying , white men cannot be adequate ‘partners’ for a black woman and touting that only black love can be able to meet their unique needs. hmmmmmm

Overall, way to go black women!

Background research for this blog entry by Felicia (thanks!)

Get clued up about interracial dating, read the IR Dating E-book

And send your questions to relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com
(I will try my best to give a reply/answer)

Black Women as Drones and Self-Saboteurs

There has been a massive campaign to extinguish self –concern in black women/girls in the last three decades, and the campaign has been largely successfully. I see it everyday, mindless, selfless drones of black women all worked up over and rushing around the cares of everyone else, with very little awareness that they have loads and loads of critical concerns that need to be addressed urgently. It’s really very shocking to me when I have to point out to black women, obvious issues that black women should attend to yet are busy turning over rocks to find issues that they can get stuck in to on behalf of others. It feels like pointing out the huge big soot stain across the forehead of a person who has just gazed at a mirror. I remeber a year ago writing to a well known journalist who wrote a lengthy article about supporting black men who are caught in the correction system. Since she decided to write about the correction system as a single gender issue, I wrote her back and asked her if she was aware that black women in the UK are proportionally more likely to be incacerated than any other race or gender (a sizable number as a result of being drug mules). She wrote back waffling about how she does care about black women as well. Oh really, yet even when black women are more likely than black men to be in prison, you still write about the situation as if it is something only black men face. I wouldnt even be suprised if women like her dont even know of this situation with black women/girls, given how occluded the whole picture around black women is. It is really a regime of 'obscure black women's issue so we can serve black men's issues exclusively' isnt it.

Whoever wrote this ‘self concern’ obliterating program that has effectively turned the masses of black women into robots working for others, needs to patent the program and sell it for some good money because it sho nuff is most effective!

And what’s more, among young girls I see this kind of ‘resignation’ to their lot, in fact I actually see black girls upholding their lot of being ignored, unsupported, called names like ugly and black as the way it is/should be.

Am I surprised? Not exactly, given that none of their big sisters gave any indication that the situation was to be resisted, wasnt the way things should be or normal, in fact, by their actions, they gave clear instructions that it was all something we should just go along with, tolerate and not try to protect/shield ourselves from in anyway or indeed move away from, but be trusting and hopeful while experiencing the worst kinds of humiliation and self esteem attacks known to humanity.

This weekend I was walking pass a group of black teenagers in a area densely populated by black people and there was this black lad tightly gripping a white girl from behind while rubbing up against her and two black girls were there making conversation with this girl. I actually heard one of them ask, ‘So you say you live round the block from …..’! Yep, these black girls saw nothing wrong with the situation, and where standing there making small talk as the black lad was all over their white ‘friend’. The picture said it all to me, that these girls had absolutely internalized and normalized their ‘inferiorization’ to the point that they are happy to be in vicinity of black boys behaving foolishly over white/light skin. These black girls still have the mind to fraternize with the perpetrators and the same girls exalted above them.

Am I saying that these black girls should crave lewd acts from black boys? Not at all.

And guess what, we their older sister let this situation happen where our young girls are no longer disgusted with expressions of colorism which get carried out and repeated constantly in their midst, at school, at play, at church (yes I have seen this go on in church under the watchful eyes of supervisors who see these patterns of behaviour and think nothing about it and what it means for black girls). These girls watch and look on at the various expressions of their marginalization and rejection as women.

You can imagine the range of accommodating mantra and philosophies these girls and women have stocked up to enable them put up with the situation, you don’t even want to go there to try to get them back to a reasonable frame of mind and one of self-concern. One black girl said to me that, ‘Black boys are allowed to date wherever they want’. ‘I said to her, ‘And where does that leave you, do you recognize that there is an impact on you and you need to take steps to ensure that their freedom to date does not cost you greatly?’

The worse thing is that there are black women who take it upon themselves to facilitate and defend black men’s choice to date whoever, which is essentially black men’s right to discriminate against them. Black girls call fellow white girls racists for not dating any black boy who demands they do (agreeing with a black mans self serving assessment), instead of saying to themselves. ‘What dog do i have in this fight anyway?' I mean, have you ever come across anything so delusional? I know thousands of black women who go out to bat for footballers when they are on the recieving end of racism yet these men wouldnt even spit on them if they were on fire. At what point will black women stop all these campaigns they get into to 'bring back the love of bm'.

But there are other reasosn why black girls are running into fights that are not theirs and that essentially strengthen the discrimination against themselves (shooting themselves in the foot as always)? Very simply, a desperation to show themselves supportive of black men and also sometimes a need to prove they are not like the rest of jealous black women, or that they are not a 'hater' as was elloquently stated by one of the commentors (more about not wanting to be identified among the hater bunch further down).

Everywhere I go black girls are going about in groups (4-5 girl groups). They seem to be the only less integrated group I see around constantly only with themselves or a few white girls. I think this is a reflection of the wider rejection they feel, so they band together however, black girls who are and have essentially been left to fend for themselves tend to adopt a very scolding and caustic attitude towards the world. I watched a black girl who could have been no more than 14 talking the other day, and you could have thought this was some old woman who had seen and gone through life. She was not only pontificating very loudly and unfeelingly, which seemed to me to be about her mirroring the attitude that might have been adopted towards her by others who are impatient with black girls vulnerability. Also she was talking about hair of all things, and announcing to all and sundry on the bus, that a girl (who she said was trying to run away from being black and ugly) has to deal with it, because she cant run away from her fate! Like I said, she was pontificating and a lot from her statements suggested she was internalizing not challenging the idea of black = ugly and in addition, her uncaring tone suggested a strong element of masochism for black women here represented by the girl who shouldnt/couldn’t run away from being black and ugly! I felt very sad for this generation of black girls.

One of the key reasons why bw are never good allies of each other is that they are so busy trying to prove that they are not with the rest of black women particularly around the issue of being jealous/envious of white women. This singular fear of being lumped into the category of those who are jealous ('haters'), have nappy hair issues, {insert newest accusation against black women} means that constantly black women undercut their own cause and agenda because it becomes more important to not be seen as jealous or having low esteem etc (and you display this by agreeing against your interests or against you understanding of a situation)

An example is, I watched a friend go gaga over her cousin marrying a Filipino woman. Now this young man was the first in his family to become a ‘professional’ in his field and you know as these things just happen, he ends up marrying a Filipina (sarcasm off), anyway I wasn’t expecting my friend to go all warm and mushy over the fact or even reveal it in the first place, but she made it seem like such a ‘progressive’ thing that he had done. Hmmm, you want me to believe that a black woman in the west has not deciphered that this situation is definitely not about black men being progressive in their choices.

This running away from other black women to not share their labels, is indeed an indication of the circumstance of black women, and that their collective situation has become so bad that each one is trying to put a distance between herself and the general ‘lot’ of black women, particularly the jealousy bit. Many black women are so bent on proving they are unfazed by the obvious white female preference (in real life not on the net) that they will deny a very clear case and evidence of such, and broadside other ‘sisters’ in a discussion about the phenomenon just to prove how ok with it all they are.

Yes in a bid to prove, ‘I am not like those other black women who have an issue with black men marrying others’ (particularly when they acquire some economic status), my freind went all gushy and kept repeating the fact that he had married a Filipina! Truth is that she didn’t even need to mention that bit of information apart from the fact that she was ‘performing’ and trying to distinguish herself from the close minded black women out there. Here she was agreeing with liberal definitions of progressive activities when we all know that interracial dating among these groups of men is anything but about applying the principles of progressiveness.

I hear Oprah has done something similar re the recent Good Hair Bad Hair mock-umentary (thanks faith), by Chris Rock. I might be wrong here and have got the wrong end of the stick (and am willing to retract the following) but it was reported that she tried to separate herself out from the weave wearing/non follicle growing members of black womanhood, by asking that her someone feel her hair to prove it to be the real deal.

I am not surprised one bit, about the separation antics being displayed among black women. As long as black women’s situation remains pitiful and something to mock and laugh at, black women will continue to scramble to get away from the rest of the black female collective even if they have to 'grenade' the rest to get away!

Get clued up about interracial dating, read the Interracial Dating E-book


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The Image of Black Women Part I

One of the very entrenched images that will not be given up without a fight is the image of the brash, loud black woman, unfeminine, unattractive.


The whole of western civilisation needs that image to continue for their collective sanity. I see it everyday. If anyone where to shift the portrayal (not sporadic representations of pretty black woman), to the point that the image of brash, unattractive black woman become severely eroded the prescription for Prosac and other calming medication would go up. This image is required to maintain the present way society is set up and run.

Indeed, one of the key reasons for the persistence of this image is the benefits it generates for all other parties, as we have discussed ad nauseum, however the key thing here is that the image ensures that black women are shut out of social and power alliances. You see, in a world where women depend on building alliances to survive and thrive, the very ability to create alliances is being attacked and taken from black women to mire them in disadvantage and to ensure that they never move into a better social situation and hence ‘reserve’ the good of the land for others.

I hear folks say that women should make their own money etc. BULL! We do not yet live in a society were women don’t need alliances and to be linked and connected to make it.

We still need social contact and to be linked in firmly to secure jobs, contracts, relationships, good education etc etc. A deliberate con man's (and women) argument is being sold to black women that they are an island that can live comfortably alone.

A slight detour here, but have you, like I, noticed that black women are often asked to run out in front of everyone else in living by standards and conventions that are light years ahead and thus impratical in societies current configuration. Yes even though these life concepts that black women are being told to run with might be progressive, society is not yet in such a place where living by such standards is practical and does not result in a sever penalties to all those who would dare live so out of tune with the rest of society. Indeed the move to make black women totally self sufficient and able to ‘go it alone’ can be seen by some as the ultimate feminist dream (for white women that is), but we can all observe what damage this has done to the image of black women deemed now a 'mules', 'beasts of burden,' 'masculine', needing no help or respite…who but a sadist would want that kind of life for black women.

In lots of ways black women are being urged to be pathfinders and battering rams to scale walls and beat down iron doors and when they have taken the brunt of it all, others come in after the battles have been hard won, to pick and choose the spoils they want.

Now back to the issue of black women and our image, ask yourself, who would want to build relationships(alliances) with the stereotypical black women, indeed who would want to give a job to the neck rolling, shrill black woman that occupies popular imagination? Not many for sure. It is important to see then why this image of black women is in heavy rotation and heavily guarded so that it does not move off and away from popular imagination. Remember that it is the very ability to create alliances that is being attacked and taken from black women here, so that societies assets and material resources continue to circulate only in specific circles.

Indeed the stereotypical image of black women has such a powerful hold over the general perception as folks can’t even believe, and I have a key example for you to underscore this point.

Now some of you have said that in online dating, you have often been ‘contacted’ by men who have stated in their online profile, that they do not want black women i.e. they want a selection of anything but black replying to their profiles or they want to be matched only to non-black women. So here you are preparing to respond to this nice white or other guy who has ‘winked’ at you and just before you fire off a nice flirty email, you decide to check his profile once more (you casually glanced at it first and it said he was a writer!), anyway you are in for a shock because he has clearly checked for everything but black! So how come he is emailing you, does he not see from your profile that you are black? What kind of disconnected thinking is that?

Many of you have wondered about this totally confusing situation. I mean why would a man who says or who indicates that he doesn’t want a black woman suddenly IM or respond to one. What many of us fail to understand is that the general idea of ‘black woman’ conjures up negative associations in many of these men’s minds, so when these men are filling out the generalised form and come across white, black, asian etc, as soon as black comes up, it taps into the negative associations and images particular those which saturate society.

But guess what, as soon as that classification assumed a personality e.g. Tyra, Oprah, Halle, Gabriella etc or you in your cute photo, suddenly he is no longer thinking stereotypes. Trust me on this one, but if these dating sites changed the system of demographic identification and made it more personalized e.g. instead of asian, white, black, they have asian =Lucy Lui or black = Oprah, you would note the difference before too long. The negative ideas of black women are triggered in all sorts of areas and ways, denying black women opportunity and their humanity. Yes I know we like to believe that people can think for themselves and all that, but the reality is that the average person (the population from whom most of your social interractions will come) has tastes and choices that are easily controlled and dictated. Humanity unfortunately is sheep that can be lead and manipulated and suggested to, and this is what those who control resources play on.

The image of black women is being controlled to sustain an impression that prevents her from moving to a more propitious place socially. This is a feminist issue for black women, not for white women for sure, because anything that would redistribute the resouces accruing to white woman will be avoided and down played and even made a figment of our active imagination.

Those that determine social images will, even in deep sleep, tightly hold the image and idea of black womanhood captive to the most negative stereotypes available!

What to do?
I have always said that I am not even worried about what folk plan for black women, IF ONLY BLACK WOMEN COULD BECOME SELF AWARE!

Black women walking about clueless about what they face and showing even less willingness to figure things out is the key problem. Indeed even if folks are training a nuclear weapon against black women, as long as we know they are, we can strategize against their worst plans.

But instead what do you get? Black women intent on remaining ignorant and preferring to run after dead dreams, work for crumbs or work to buy the affection of the very folk that would use them and in the end be happy to see them destroyed.

Under such a situation, very little can be done on a broader scale to wrest the image of black women from the negativity unless black women become serious and invested in the idea of organizing themselves. Each of us is left with the option of working on an individual basis to create the best impression of ourselves and the image we have in the minds of others.

Get clued up about interracial dating, read the Interracial Dating E-book

Send your questions to relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com (I will try my best to give a reply/answer)

Black women actually 'sign up' to the twisted thinking they have

http://interracialloveandspicebysara.blogspot.com/ which is Sara Taylors blog, is one of my favourite haunts!

Anyway on a recent post, an 'anonymous' commentor claiming to be a black woman, accused Sara of destroying black men and women. 'She' went on to talk about how black men are being left alone to fend for themselves by disloyal black women running off with white men!

Now even though I do doubt that this commentor was a black woman, I must say that I have and do come across black women giving an account that reverses the situation as it stands and those who do position black women as the aggressor or the abandoner of black men/black relationships.

In the face of the clear evidence that it is black men who have abandoned black relationships and refused to uphold the tenets of black love, you have black women making youtube videos saying black women have dropped the ball and etc etc. Now do you think these women are really seeing a situation that is totally different from what we all can easily observe? Do you think that these women do not see the reality confirmed by statistics (for many years now) that black men have been out dating and out marrying twice the rate of black women for it to be that it is black women are abandoning black men and not vice versa?

My response to this is No. These women have 'signed up' to both believe and distort the picture and reverse the actors to serve the agenda they have.

I want to reiterate that black women actually 'sign up' to believe and promote the twisted logic that is evident with a whole lot of what these types of black women spout and believe. It is very deliberate. So if you are a black woman who believes these ideas then know that somehow and somewhere, you 'checked' a box, that you would believe faslehoods and direct opposites of reality to support the 'false' ideologies of black unity. It is deliberate on your part, dont get it wrong, you decide to believe falsehoods and outright lies about what pertains.

Black women who have PERVICE (persitent views inspite of contrary evidence), do it deliberately but they are also psychologically prepared to recieve these views.

I remember when I used to attend 'strong black women rallies' (out of curiosity), how a mood would be created under which black women would believe anything even when they knew the truth was directly opposite to what they were being told.

Under the spell woven at these rallies and meetings, out and out nonsense and things easily observed as false suddenly started to sound 'sensible' and maybe 'have something to them'. I actually think it is the 'maybe we are not seeing the full picture' spell, that is used effectively to capture black women. Many black women are told that there is another story to what they can visibly observe, and once black women believe that there maybe more than meets the eye, they become duely primed to slot in some 'nonsense' as the missing piece of the story. Now the created mood in these 'conventions' makes statements like 'our brothers need our help and support', become logical and sensible even when it is clearly observable that at this point it is black women that need support. I remember that one of the things that was never done was to challenge patently false accounts, as this would essentially 'break the spell'. I remember once doing this by challenging a particular statement. The women in the room got very angry. To this day, I believe the anger was because I broke the mood necssary for recieving and believing the fantasies they were being told about black men.

I also used to get the one where one of the 'leaders' would try to get me to bend to their will and blind-believe along with everyone else. They try to get a black woman like me who was unwilling to submit/collude with the self deception to bow. One of them said to me, 'You know that when black women get it together, black men will come home'. Now that statement was loaded with all sorts of psychological arm twists and was my 'cue' to give up the rebelion and just like a good black woman, go along with the self deception.

As a black woman you decide to be taken in by such fables, and give your mind over to the deceptions and falsehood! Therefore a black woman has to decide for herself that beliving the truth as evident in what she can observe is more important than agreeing to believe a lie in a bid to serve an agenda!


Get clued up about interracial dating, read Interracial Dating Book


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A Picture and a Thousand Words

Give it up Part II

Black women must give up living their whole existence around the notion of black community. It is the whole obsession of black community; of 'living for' black community, 'surviving' the black community, 'looking out' for black community, 'uplifting' the black community, 'protecting' black community, 'fixing' the black community, working for the benefit of black community, 'fitting in' with black community, 'residing' in black community, 'seeking her needs' within black community, aggitating for black community, 'rescourcing' black community,................. that has mired the black woman in her present hardship and misery and struggle.

It is black womens' refusal to stop playing community engineer or even god with the power to create without the necessary ingredients and raw materials in place, that causes black women to be burdened, stressed, struggling, denied, ill, drained, confused and depressed.

Black women must stop ordering their lives around, even putting themselves on hold for some coming great 'revival of black people.' They must go out and get their needs met NOW and from what is obtained and obtainable in the here and now.

It is black women's insistence on 'making up for', picking up the slack and 'keeping things going meanwhile', that has entrenched the idea that black women can handle it all alone and or need to be just left to get on with it. It is black women trying to be good 'race' women, who are willing to do more than their fair share, even work alone in the trenches of the black struggle, that has enshrined the shirking of responsibility and participation among black men, so much so they now feel that 'sperm' alone is an adequate contribution for the black community 'building' effort!

Black women must abandon shop, and lay down tools to all this struggling for and on behalf of the race, when the expectation continues to be for them to do it all alone.

Only then can black women be healthy and get themselves a slice of this life of which we all have only one to live.

Get clued up about interracial dating, read the Get clued up about interracial dating, read the http://www.dateawhiteguybook.com/index.htm
Send your questions to relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com (I will try my best to give a reply/answer)

My thoughts on a range of things

I have been on a month long break from this blog, and my thoughts have 'piled up' over everything and anything. I am going to have to do a clearing house style post today to just share from a range of issues.

By the way, thanks to those who emailed and wished me a good one. I think some people do realise that we BWE bloggers are human with needs of rest and nuture and sustenance.

I always remember how Evia talks about sustaining those who are doing a good work, so that they will not only continue, but others will step in and take up the call. Anything rewarded continues and we all need to get into the idea that we need to appreciate those who work on our behalf and I dont mean just financially, you still have a kind word or good deed that you can share even if you dont have money (and I must say thanks again to those who have contributed financially to me and for the work I do, you will not miss your reward. Amen).

Sadly I see an abundance of arrogance among black women, with regard these issues. Some of you are very spiteful and jealous of the BWE bloggers (possibly because you think they have somehow happened upon the leadership of some 'big' movement and you envy that) and you say nasty things about them at the same time enjoy the fruits and employing the principles that they have offered up freely. I trust the 'universe' to be fair on this one, and if you repay good with evil and lift your hindleg at anyone who you have been blessed off, and if you have at anytime benefitted from the work of BWE bloggers (even if it was some nugget or the other of advice you gleaned), and yet turn round and repay them with insults, false accusations, distortions, character attacks etc, then it will not be well with you. Amen. TAIHTSAT.

A few thoughts

On the ever confused state of black women
Every other person seems to know what time it is except black women. Black women appear to be in a particular mind about things which no one else is in, or shares with them. You get black women saying things like 'well I thought we are supposed to be doing it this way' or 'I thought this is what we should be saying.' Yet no one has been doing or saying things that way for years. Black women are so obviously and painfully out of step with everyone else that even a blind person can see it. It leaves one tapping their chin wondering, how in Gods name could anyone have stayed in this isolated and marooned mentality in the midst of everyone else behaving differently? What could have kept them shelterd from reality?

This particular 'lag' in black women's perception and in their thinking on things is a constant and repeating theme.

Their general befuddled state, and the 'so what page are we on now' type confusions black women are displaying especially when the general society has stopped reading and operating from any such 'books' that black women are engrossed with, suggest that 'blocks' and 'filters' have been set on black women's minds to filter out vital information that could have gotten them 'in tune' and in mental line with what the rest of humanity is now doing. This is the kind of thing done to keep people in an exploitable state, not knowing their rights and their opportunitites. The mental marooning of black women means they continue to have their rescources accruing to others, not knowing their rights and oppotunities in the current dispensation.

Black men’s dedication to the race
Are black men dedicated to the idea of black community? Well one way to acertain this is to look at how black men have positioned themselves and responded to the critical ‘needs’ of the community in terms of black male input.
Indeed, instead of locating themselves 'in' the black household and adding to rescources and the push for black families and the black community, they have evidently chosen to locate themselves 'outside' of it (as evidenced by single parent homes headed by black women) and outside it, where they can serve their individual interests better and indeed then constantly negotiate upwards, the price for their ever marginal involvement. Operating by sheer market forces and not the higher principle of 'community outlook' clearly puts black men in the category of self-server.

Another thing that black women havent caught up about black men
Black men now see us as rivals for the attention of white peoples. Over the years, black men have begun to view black women as their rivals for the affection, attention and other attonement overtures of white people. Notice how black men talk about how 'white society props up black women at the expense of black men, notice how they come with a catalogue of their own complaints anytime black women raise the issue of their trials in wider society, to take the focus off black women and block black women from the possibility redress, indeed any redress is due black men not black women. They are also 'measuring shoulders' with black women over IR because for them, it is about 'more white people have to like us than like you,' and 'our profile and universal appeal must be higher than your'. Any wonder then that many are fighting tooth and nail against black women opening up their options, all the while with a blonde on their arm.

We have become competition with them for any rescources coming by way of white people (in their minds this is all it is about), hence the sabotage, blocking and ruining of black women's PR with white males and general disorienting of black women re their wider options etc. Think about it, this is classic competition dirty tactics. Rival is the correct sentiment for how many black men now view black women, but poor black women always the last to figure things out and still running with the belief that black men are their 'brothers'.

Black women do indeed have to learn to watch people and deduce who and what they are from their actions not from handed down definitions.

About the framing of the debate about why black women are not marrying
As you all know, another day brings another article about the singleness plight of black women. Recently I read some commentaries and articles again putting the situation down to black women 'driving off' black men (in other words, black men's desire to marry and marry black women at that remains intact and unchanged). When I finished reading the commentary, the obvious question occured to me- as it usually does these days given how black writers and intelligensia have been afflicted with a strange case of 'ignore the huge polka dot elephant in the room'. Anyway the rhetorical question arose and it was, 'I suppose the situation couldnt possibly be that black men are no longer interested in marrying black women to any great extent. No of course not, everything with black men remains the same; this includes their interest in marriage, their motivation, the women they deem worthy of marriage etc etc etc, the issue is all down to black women and their snooty faces. If they could just smile, the rates of marriage would rise faster than the stock market.

My fear is that black women have become very adept at such convulated and disengenious reasonings themselves. I have just read an article written by a black female journalist regurgitating this 'its black women's fault' -of course in nice professional language but that is the bottom line of what she is saying. It is scary because I see intelligent black women who I feel have the trained critical skills to notice how these types of discussions and debates skirt black men's involvement in the state of things. These women unquestioningly go ahead to reproduce these faulty discourse styles and ones which are bent on castigating women as themselves!

Two things are clear, the objective of these articles is damage limitation and to head off any movement away from black men given the state of things. This is indeed an attempt to pull back black women into continuing to confine their choices to black men.

Secondly, I realize that admitting certain things about what is really going on with black men, will collapse the very precept around which building black unity becomes possible ie admitting that black men are just not into marrying black women anymore and by extension building black families, would then make the whole black love/unity aggitation look ridiculous given that black men could care less. It would be like, 'Why are we even pushing for this when the vital piece is missing'. The black unity aggitators know this deep down, that admitting black men are not onboard means admitting the defeat of the whole idea and so, these aggitators (who are predominately black women), will continue to collude with other parties in to not admit the truth just to keep hope alive. Hence they will continue to issue false reasons for the situation and fake solutions and those black women who unfortunately incline their ears to their voices will continue to chase their tails on this one.

The foolish-making effect.....
I know I shouldnt be amazed at what black folk get up to but I said to a freind after reading another article trapping black women in the false dichotomy of 'black men or no men', 'This article is just like me writing a full scientific piece, about how to get your daily vitamin C from eating oranges'.

If I wrote a ten page document about Vitamin C and eating oranges, surely along the way someone would ask, 'but cant you can get vitamin C from eating Apples or Kiwis or etc..' The fact that me, the writter, wrote a ten page article without reference to any other sources of Vitamin C (which is something even a 10 year old knows) would make me an absolute moron, in everyones eyes. But not in the black community. We acknowledge these types of faulty premised 'black men or no man' articles as very valid discussions. I find the whole thing very unnerving and have started to think seriously about carrying my tin foil hat with me to any 'black meetings', so that the 'rays' of whatever idiocy inducing mind control at work doesnt take me in to.

Notice how that women who are all about up 'black unity' display amazingly low levels of intellectual abilities, when you really engage them on the issue. You get a lot of ducking and diving key issues around the possibility of this black love/unity. I used to wonder why such women would suddenly seem dumb and not be able to add 1 an 1 to get 2. Even women with PHD's and etc would suddenly start struggling over obvious issues or try to meander round critical questions about how possible this black love-unity thing is. Clearly in order to believe all this black unity tripe you have to suspend your intellect and power down your critical abilities, because thinking critically is not conducive for holding unto the 'black uplift' blind belief. Indeed you cannot use your brain too keenly if you are a 'black unity' proponent or else you would see clearly how the numbers dont add up and the fundamentals for achieving so called black unity (principally the committment of black men) dont exist to make it possible. Thus being all about black unity means you must depend on strong emotions to carry you through the inherent inconsistencies and glaring gaps of the pro-black unity position. You must switch off/down your brain activity to a level for this black unity spiel to make sense in the light of how things are. Which brings us right back to the cause of foolishness among black writers.


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