It would be a fascinating thing to profile black women’s thinking around in particular, the issue of being black and what this entails, what areas and opportunities are thus open to them and which ones are restricted.
The question is, where are black women ‘mentally’ now (at least the masses of them), and even better still, what is black women’s psychology currently in terms of what continues to cause them barriers and hinders their self actualisation in such a way that they complain? What mental set up of black women is causing them grief?
A Couple of most common thinking to be found among black women
Having false ideas holding them hostage -or believing false doctrines particularly about what black men are up to and what is up between the genders.
Permission seekers- Black women tend to be permission-seekers/prone, which is a problem. They want permission to change their mind, their approach and their response and their tact to reflect their current reality. Black women are the only ones doing the heavy lifting for the race and making the sacrifices, so how can they be set free? It’s the classic willing horse situation.
Believing that blacks and whites are still in the ‘us’ versus ‘them’ state of play- I see this anytime black women come together to deliberate or even for a girly chat. Someone will pull up a chair and say ‘So what’s going on in ‘us versus them’ land. In these kinds of meetings, black women incline their ears for the latest on the ‘us’ versus ‘them’ state of play, and ask, ‘What’s going on, and how we can do/launch the next stage to move ‘us’ ahead in this game or us versus them’.
Can I say the only ‘Us’ versus ‘them’ situation is black women barricading themselves off from the rest of society all to their deep detriment.
Indeed, black women have to be tapped gently to notice what is around them and to note the human interactions around and how black men refuse to be segregated, as to make their own ‘stand apart’ from the rest of society, non viable and self damaging indeed the root of a lot of their heartache.
Operating from a point of power deficiency - Everything about black women’s reactions speak to their feelings of being power deficient i.e. ‘lets wait’, ‘lets not give up on black men’, lets have faith, lets not rouse them to displeasure and anger, lets be a bit more understanding, lets bear more burden/take on more responsibility to see this thing works out between us.
Ascribing profundity to nonsense coming from black men - Black women feel they cannot ignore black men even when they are talking rubbish, black women feel obliged to listen to them, hear them out and find some profound sense even in foolish utterings. ‘Lets listen’ they say, ‘The brother is saying something deep and meaningful.’ ‘Ssshs, they might be saying something important.’ Black women tell themselves these and nod along as if an oracle of god is speaking!
Black women are too worried about what other blacks think of them- Other black peoples acceptance is central to their personal equanimity.
The insistence that life be fair to them or they boycott making any efforts at living well- Black women are often found opting out of making an effort as if saying, “This is an unfair situation and I am not dealing.” Life is however not fair, and must still be lived. Many black women do not think they can play to win and this is why they insist on a ’fair’ situation before they move forward.
Looking for the consensus for everything- Black women are always asking, ‘What is the party line so we can toe it.’ What is the black perspective on this one‘. By being so clingy to what black community says or the community line they hope to show everyone how loyal and devoted they are and get their brownie points and head pats. Rather than use their intelligence to work out what is happening and what to do next, an ability which has been given every being, they instead decide to be told what to do and given their instructions.
Insisting on the approach of shaming black men into doing right by them- Black women continue their efforts to try to shame black men into loving and preferring them. It isn’t working!
Black women feel that every situation however unrelated is calling for them to stand up for blackness- They have this unending tape playing in their heads, ‘Now! Do it! This one calls for you defend blackness’. ‘This calls for you to perform you love for your race in full view, ‘this is a good opportunity to display your how besotted you are with black‘, ‘this is a time to rush to defend the brothers’.
Always looking out for that ‘plan’ for black people- Many black women are found constantly gathering together, looking for ‘the’ plan to rescue/emancipate the whole of our people.
Black women working to be approved, working for the affection of others- Black women display a strong need to be approved of and ‘confirmed’ by their community in everything they do. This leads them into all kinds of roles of protector, healer, defender, mule in the black “community as they strive to get that approval.
An external locus of control (other people’s approval etc) means that black women are easy puppets in the hands of others who turn them whichever way they will and to their own ends.
In addition, it is beginning to look like black women feel unworthy of love and support and feel they must constantly work to show they are good and approvable, so they work extremely hard on behalf of others. This is the real self esteem issue for black women. The ‘dead to self’ syndrome being displayed by many black women in their bid to be esteemed black women means they are always asking, ‘What more can we do to please or bring back black men’s love, black unity and what ever other duty they are required to’.
Black relationships for community building-Black women believe in the theoretical ideal of their relationships for ‘building the black community’ where relationships can often not have merit within themselves but, in what they can be used to achieve for black folks situation. This links strongly into black women thinking they are ‘resources’ for the race.
Organising their lives around the coming revival- You won’t believe the number of black women who are organising and streamlining their lives around the peripheral notion of a coming/up swell and revival of black people. Somehow in the back of their minds it is organising their lives and keeping them in place. They are then waiting for this occurrence and not moving off as they could. It keeps them tethered to the lamppost, circling a certain spot or locus keeping within ear shot and not moving to far off ‘In case it happens when I have gone for a short walk’. Indeed they are under the feeling that something is about to happen/will happen with black people soon, and we need to be ready and jump on it when it starts.
Clean up women-The song, ‘Clean up woman’ must be the sound track to their lives. They are always busy tidying up behind others, cleaning the mess others have made.
Giving black men undeserved points in a bid to cause a transformation or to glorify their race-Black women are constantly trying to invest the black men with the 'elevation' he hasn’t earned, yet men love women who hold them accountable and do not make excuses for them. This does not mean they won’t take advantage of those who offer the excuses, but they will loose respect.
All you excuse makers for black men are severely despised by them.
Also it is clear and easy to predict black women in this regards and that never fall too far off from their programming, to hold black men aloft!
Adoration of black men- When black women come together, they actively engage in black male adoration, endorsing and eulogising black males and making sometimes poetic pronouncements to convey their love and how enraptured they are by the magnificience of black manhood which is superior to all others lol!
Many black women feel that this is expected of them (just like people think it is expected of them to say hello to their colleagues in the morning) and so they engage in this time worn tradition of black male praise and adoration whenever black meetings are convened.
What these women fail to realise is that they are conveying to black men that they are their suckers and black men have the freedom to do as he pleases and that they will always be there and there are no deal breakers in terms of black men’s treatment of them.
These same women then turn round and wonder why black men are behaving cocky. It might have something to do with the fact that you have said you will never leave regardless of what he does- I am just saying.
Many if not all cultures of the worlds, warn women against excessive adoration of men. Many understand that men need to be focussed and motivated by having their praise and elevation attached to their ‘performance’ and not given regardless of merit. But within the western black community such commonsense cautionary way of preventing the icarius syndrome among black men has been eroded with black women going all out to adore black men in a misguided bid to shore his esteem up in what they deem a ego sapping western situation for black males.
Black male ego protecting- Its very clear that black women are protecting black males egos that’s why they are willing to let black men have one up on them in anything, while still grovelling and pleading for his affection. The ego bolstering game that black women are playing, means they also let black men march all over them all in their misguided notion that this is how black women should serve black male upliftment. But fancy that, they are not protecting and defending anything worth protecting but something that it would do well to even deemphasise.
Black women tend to be passive in the face of major decisions and life and happiness threats e.g. Many are content to sit in church and wait for an answer, wait for ‘God’ as they say, afraid to take up the reigns of their own life. A lot of this has to do with the false sense of security woven around black women to keep them in a non-reacting state within the black community.
The rational self-maximising social agents precept is not in Black women thanks to community indoctrination- Black women often show that they do not act as rational self-maximising social agents who will for instance take into consideration non availability of black men in deciding their dating policy. They put cultural concerns way out in front of practical realities. Unless black women move to this way of thinking it will get progressively hard for them to meet their needs.
Maintain beliefs in the face of contrary evidence - persistent belief or view in spite of contrary evidence (PERVICE). Black women seem to be bound in some kind of spell to persist in an idea that they and black men are in unity of purpose over something, when there is overwhelming evidence that they are not.
I am not saying you wont get one black men here or there but the general and bulk are not into all that. HJNIT
The spell is broken.
There is indeed a whole culture of denial and playing mind games on themselves to stay steadfast in what they have been told are sacred beliefs of blackness and the way we have to be as black women, to stick to the illusions we are so desperate to cling to that it is working or will work out with black men.
The culture of telling ourselves lies and preferring to listen to what we know deep down to be lies and fables as opposed to cold hard truth (tell me lies tell me sweet little lies), is very strong among black women. And the culture of sticking all the more strongly to our illusions and fantasies the more the truth becomes apartment and undeniable is also another strong pattern among black women. Actively fooling ourselves and being fooled is deemed as how good black women behave.
Fear of being deemed as not doing enough-Black women have this fear of not being devout enough to their race. You can scare black women into doing anything by suggesting they haven’t done enough or they have some black self hate on display. It’s funny because the folk who display the most self hatred in choices etc are the least worried about being devoted to their race
Trying to create the ideal black family even without the participation of black men- Many black women have signed up to the campaign to restore and continue the endangered black family without the crucial and necessary part of black men’s involvement.
Clueless black woman-Folks talk about dizzy blondes, I talk about dizzy black women who don’t seem to or are unable to process what’s going on around them and label the situation correctly. Black women have a major hard time even recognizing what’s up and seem to be the last to identify what an issue or trend is especially in terms of its impact on them.
Indeed, there is something particularly 'off' with the mental acuity of the black women collective. There is this whole 'head in the cloud', not knowing how to add one and one together, inability to see things for what they are, even glaring things that announce themselves with fanfare. As if being a bit slow keeps away grim reality. Now many black women lack social reality awareness either as an inability to add up the clear and undeniable evidence, or the unwillingness to do same because it will lead them to a conclusion and they would rather hang on to a more emotionally pleasing one.
‘The white society is hiding the real deal’. ‘They are presenting us with fudged numbers,’ black women say, yet they go out into the society everyday and confront the confirming evidence. Many black women can and have become ‘skilled’ in the art of ‘faith in black community’ which is detached from all its practical moorings and is now a thing of belief. They seem to be in the belief that, ‘we will win a prize and be approved of, if we can maintain trust in black men when there is little reason to’.
Some black women do think a particular regime still persists within the black group, the regime of brotherliness, care for black uplift and black progress, black women and black men working together etc. We have long since left that reign but the illusion persists because many black women do not want to wake to the reality and they take their messages from those who are invested in sustaining the idea a little longer
There has been an era change which black women have refused to observe or have been keenly guarded from observing
Own goal scorers-Black women are well know for adopting strategies and approaches and basically acting in a way that shoots them in their own foot. I have never seen a group of women get further entrenched in ideas and notions that are not working and clearly put them in disadvantage like, ‘Rejecting the advances of non-black men, even in the face of black men increasing disinterest in settling down and also settling down with black women. What is that if it isn’t shooting ones self in the foot!
Black women are constantly rushing to make black men feel good about themselves- They are always rushing to defend them even when they are doing things that work against the community and has lead us down the path of peril. Black women are in the frontline, defending the men who refuse to have anything to do with the average black woman. As soon as a black man is in trouble etc even when this man has always given all his earthly goods to women of other races, black women are jumping over themselves to rush to his defense.
Black women have Knee jerk resistant reaction to deflect any requirement of accountability from black men- Its akin to how a mother rushes to protect her young. They have a knee jerk reaction against the plain truth being told –This is in the mistaken belief that they are maintaining peace and keeping black people in unity, when all they are doing is papering over deep fissures that are ensuring that the situation continues to decay.
This fear of, 'If the truth gets out things will not hold together or if we have honest discussions someone’s ego will be bruised and they wont wanna continue the (none existent) black union.' is behind this fear to truth telling about black men why (this behavior need to be modified).
Black women have a habit of creating myths and false barriers which rule, ruin and hinder a smooth path- For instance the untested idea that I wont have anything in common with wm. How do they figure this out beyond just looking at skin color! These same women feel that they would have everything in common with a man from Burundi, who lives in his home country just because of skin. I find this the strangest logic of all and a sign of the shallow thinking many black women are happy to have on these issues.
Believing on the face if it arguments (all that glitters)- this is related to the above and indeed because of a deemphasize on critical thinking as opposed to receiving the simple doctrine of symbolism- e.g. black and white are different cultures
Believing that if we have dialogue or explain a few things to black men they will get straight – Thus playing into the hands of those who have no intention of having any sort of productive dialogue but just keeping black women in a spot/not moving off. Remember it has been realized that in the face of the deteriorating situation for black women in the community a whole lot of effort is put into keeping black women either not seeing the truth by a whole range of ploys and in holding with the scales firmly on their eyes.
Black women are constantly performing what they think is expected of them - Indeed a constant need to perform the role of good devout black women, who cares so much and is deeply in love with her community, is something that black women constantly display especially when there are third parties around.
In meetings, even among fellow black women where they can afford to be more subversive and focused on their own interest, black women continue to feel a desperate need to show how ‘sold out’ they are to their race. This constantly performing their ‘good woman’ role gets in the way of being real about their situation, and in touch with their feelings and needs . Indeed in a meeting group, you can often note black women too busy performing for each other to really delve down into the truth. Like peacocks.
Black women do not let yourselves be fooled into being on your own when you want to be in a relationship! There are many options out there. Read the IR E-book
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