When I was growing up, we had occassion to sing the song, ‘Girls are made of sugar and spice and all things nice’. I remember that at some point in the song, I would have a small prick of conscience that it was all too unfair to boys, they being made of slugs and snakes and puppy dog tails.
But the overall feeling I always got from that ditty was that women where precious and to be ‘preserved’ and protected as a way of preserving the good in society.
Years later I read another book that again built another layer on my impression that a double standard favouring women as virtuous and due preservation was in operation in the wider community. The book’s name escapes me but it was about a poor author who makes a deal with the devil to get his book published. Anyway I must have been in my early teens when I read it so as you can imagine, I have little recollection of the whole book, but one particular passage stuck with me all these years. At a point in the book, the devil/satan, reveals himself and takes this author on a trip to hell. I remember that in all the horror that he saw and the people he knew in there, he kept saying that his highest fear was to see the loveliness of his mother there in hell!
Hell is not a place I would wish for my worst enemy, and I for sure wouldn’t want my father, mother, sister and brother to be in there, but this man was struck with terror that he would happen upon his mother there, he wasn’t too bothered about anyone else!
For a society that thinks in binary, it makes sense to anchor goodness with women. Yes there is something to be said for anchoring ‘goodness’ with women (and even though it has apparently become a burden that white women struggle to throw off, think about would have been their lot if there wasn’t this general view operating that women are good and sent down by God to grace the earth).
In Law and Order, the perp is assumed to be male until forensic science confirms otherwise and then there is the whole shock in the faces of the team that a woman 'could do such a thing'!
To protect women and lift them up as paragons of virtue and to be willing to step in to deflect any accusation of wrong doing. To save women and children and let men fend for themselves as in the Titanic, I believe these are the actions and activities of civilisations and cultures that are self-preserving and sensible.
Contrast it with what happens within the black community
Black folks want and demand that black women share blame 50/50 if not 80/20. This is such a standard protocol that in any discussion or discourse focussed on men, there must be the compulsory throwing in of ‘something to blame the women for,’ as if the analysis isn’t quite complete or is ‘off’ if somehow something is not blamed on black women (whatever we can drag in to fulfil that requirement). Every analysis of blame, have you noticed, finds its way back to 'single mothers' and cannot seem to imagine any step beyond that!
Other groups know the necessity of treating their womenfolk with sensitivity, great care and stepping in to deflect criticism from them, so they don’t crush their female psyches, their ability to be nurturing, kind, open and caring. Yes I do believe that this is done to preserve women as the caring, mothering, patient and kind part of humanity a role without which society would disintegrate. Do you think these folks don’t realize that women can be just as brutal and get up to mischief as the men? They do, but they have reasons to give women a benefit of doubt to safeguard them from anything that will harden their disposition and make them less of nurturers of society.
I believe one of the reasons why white society (read: white men) come down hard on men who mistreat women is because they don’t want women to become closed to them and to male advances in egenral. Indeed imagine a society where women are repeatedly and openly brutalized by men without any deterrent? Do you think those women would not become hardened towards and rejecting of men in general. It is only the BC that thinks men can target women with their hostility and harassment and yet women should somehow magically have the ability to shake it all of and suffer no loss of openness towards men, still giving them a benefit of a doubt over and over. It is only the BC that judges women *&&%chs for closing off to the men who victimize them repeatedly.
Most sensible cultures move to protect their women from full blame and full chastisement to prevent them from becoming bitter and developing a hardness to them (note I said sensible cultures). They realize that the emotional health of the community is tied to its women folk and their disposition, even the image of the community is protected when the image of its women is guarded. This, in addition to the fact that women have less agency is why there is a whole lot of rationalization when women get up to no good.
Think about it for a second. Many of us roll our eyes when white female criminals etc are cast as misguided or women who have fallen into the wrong crowd (their evil instincts have come from elsewhere). Conditions like ‘Stockholm’ syndrome are pulled in quickly to account for their activities (imagine black women being the test case for Stockholm syndrome, lol that one would be laughed out of court)
The ‘black community,’ wants black women to have the full barrel of untempered blame and criticism. They want black women to stand side by side black men and take a full barrel of blame and criticism even in clear cases when black women are doing more than their fair share and shouldering more responsbility. They the BC want women to take an equal lash with men. There is absolutely not even the slightest feeling that maybe or somehow black women should be spared the full brunt of it given that they are women...
Women are not supposed to get a full barage of criticism, they are not men!
Women are supposed to be treated more delicately than men. The fact that some folks are having a hard time with this idea shows the level of the problem in the so called Black community!
Indeed it is even more the case in the black community that black women should get no where near 30% of any criticism and blame since they, unlike other women are pitching in more than their fair share to keep the so called community going.
There used to be times when sense reigned, when people would say, 'Dont put too much on her she is a woman/female', and we all understood this to be the right and proper way to treat a female. These days folks are happy to lay on a disproportionate burden on black women, physical and otherwise and nothing tells them this is perverse.
One of the comments I have just receieved to this post from an anonymous comentor says that the expectation is that black women bear 50% of the blame. the commentor says this as if this is somehow right!
You see it is because the black community is in error state that it seems right to make women take on 50% of blame and responsbility. No other thriving and sensible community has this requirement. Essentially this commenter has proved my point. And she is not alone. The vast majority of black people even those who are in line with 'BWE' thinking actually feel in their emotions that women should share the blame 50 50 when the two parties are involved in the situation.
But you see, other sensible communtities realize that women have less agency than men in shaping the way things are or things turn out, and they take this into consideration when assigning blame and responsbility for any state of affairs.
Listen to any black person speak and you would think black women have more agency than black men in a sexist and partriachial society! Thats black logic for you!
I am here to correct that record and say that it is the perverse thinking in the black community that makes it seem that black women have more control and agency than black men in a racist sexist society to shape the current situation.
One clear example is that it is black men who have shaped the situation for violence in their communtities. Rape, DV, gang banging, Drugs etc are largely the result of the dirrect actions and efforts of black men, with the black woman left to contend with the resulting situation.
Black women are simply working with the hand they are dealt more so than black men in a society where sexism and racism are realities. DO NOT GET IT WRONG.
Many black women have deep down indoctrinated feelings that somehow they are responsbile for the way things turn out in the 'BC'. The BC has coached them well, thats why bw always respond readily to blame and responsibility. They have been bombareded with the message that something they have or have not done has created the situation they see around them. And unless black women shake off this sense of guilt, they will continue to jump to any charge of wrong doing and more responsibility to sort the situation out, despite having less agency in society because of the impact of racism and sexism.
There is also the sentiment that black women can somehow control black men's actions. Many folks are acting like we are still in the situation where black women can ask black men to be accountable and it will be so. But let me point out to you that the conditions under which black women could demand one thing or the other, no longer exists. The situation as it stands is being misintepreted as 'bw failure to demand certain standards and accountability and etc from black men', when the reality is that it has long since moved to being one of black women having no ways of enforcing right action in black men.
This is because black men are acting outside the structures of community and there are therefore no ways to enforce 'good behaviour', so to say.
Black women do not have any holds and leverages over black men, thanks to a community that has progressively destroyed this ability by coddling and spoiling a generation of men who are a law unto themselves, who do as they please and can no longer be appealed to by authority, community obligation, the black church, morality and what have you.
I hear someone say, 'Black women should just stop being with these men' or 'women witholding sex can tame men'. Well first and formost, black women are not allowed to have an alternative to black men to make this an approach that can be enforceable and thus a realistic one, in additon and as Evia has explained in one of her recent posts, black women have never been socialized to reject any black man be they a drug pusher, pimp, ex-con etc despite all that 'talk' about how black women should leave thugs and bad boys alone. You will find abundant black norms and injunctions that instruct tacitly or otherwise, black women to keep dealing with these men despite the contrary talk and cries of 'she should have not been with him', when things go badly wrong. Indeed, the whole ideology of black men being 'our brothers' is one of the strong overarching philosophies existing in the black though system that pushes the notion that black women find a way to keep dealing with these men!
You can gain insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, and find out more about the Interracial Option, read the IR E-book
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