Friday, January 21, 2011

Why I never enagage in 'what black women did to make things the way they are' discussions -Part II

The destruction of black community was never a joint enterprise between black men and black women. Black women never had the casting vote in the majority of the destructive practices operating in the black community. Often time they are trying to correct or make the best of a bad situation unwittingly worsening it!

Last week I was reading a newspaper article about a gang of paedophiles that had been smashed by police.

It consisted of four women and one man.

But guess what (if you haven’t guessed already), the four women (all white mind you), where made out to have been ‘controlled’ by this lone man. The word Svengali was used repeatedly in the article to describe the man (and if I may say so has become a commonly used term whenever issues of males and females joint enterprise of abuse comes up, where the women are white of course). It is amazing that this is term is used quite commonly and repeatedly, given that Svengali is actually a fictional character!

Yes it is always spun that the white female in the picture is somehow under some strong mind control of the man even if there was only one man and multiple women as in this instance. I am not even sure if the gang ever met up physically. From what little I read (I was disgusted), these women abused their own children and posted pictures on the internet, under 'remote' control of course of said 'Svengali'.

You best believe that a black woman would never be able to plead mind control, she would be deemed as well and truly in full control of all her senses to do such evil!

Why is the white community invested in the idea of guiltlessness in white females?

I have a theory.

It is in part possibly due to the strong reaction against the notion of the mother (the universal nurturer), the dependable carer of humanity, ever being in possession of malicious and evil impulses. Even if it is clear such is the case, it is better to give a benefit of a doubt to women than discard the model that mothers have their childrens best interest (imagine the social upheavel if this were not assumed to be true). It helps us all sleep well at night for sure. 'Indeed best push all that ability for evil unto the male figure, I mean he can handle it cant he.'

Have you noticed that males are always deemed to be perpetrators of evil until proven otherwise. If you watch any of those crime series; Law and Order, CSI etc etc, the ’perp’ is always identified as a ’he’, if a pronoun is needed in building a story, that is until firm evidence comes that a female is possibly responsible. Also look at how males are interrogated! They are almost always assumed guilty in interrogation rooms and they have to communicate in the necessary ’tone’ to extract themselves.

This leads me to the other part of my theory. There is actually another hidden part of the reason why males in general are deemed to be the morally deficient party in any such situation and even overall in the wider (not black) context. It came to me when I noted how black men respond to the taking any responsibility, or the lead part in any activities towards social improvement, restoration even well doing.

As we know, most black men will refuse any responsibility or blame for any negative that has befallen black people, but also notice the way they frame their responses. They will say something like this, ‘Well what about black women? Black women didn’t do ‘A’ therefore I couldn’t do B‘, or Black women weren’t A so I couldn’t be B, or black women weren’t playing part X so I couldn’t do P’.

They make their part dependent on black women doing some bit. It might not seem obvious at first but this quickly sets up an ‘impasse’ situation (beloved of those who enjoy the status quo or cant be bothered to do anything to address a situation).

In this situation men can hold their communities to a standstill by saying others have to 'move' or 'prove' before them. By introducing a 'negative' status to men and a positive to women as is done in the wider society, men find they are under an obligation to ‘prove’ themselves whether good, resourceful, worthy etc etc. Men therefore 'initiate', they kick things of and forget about looking for women to start up proceedings. They get busy doing and forget about what women are doing or not doing!

This is the principle of the simple cell battery. No current flows if both poles are at the same charge (your batteries grow weaker as the poles charges come to the same level). Males being under a negative charge means they are under an impetus to work and prove, and if you notice real men relish a chance to prove themselves ‘Men’. This is especially true when men realize that the male privilege and status has to be balanced by responsibility. Thus if you are a ‘Man’ and have all the trappings and privileges of manhood attached to you, then it is only sensible and socially responsible for you to have responsibility attached to that privilege.

Think about that for a second. We moan about sexism, but in the wider society males do not just enjoy male privileges. They have responsibilities attached to them, so they must 'get up,' and investigate when something goes 'bump' in the night and women and children must be allowed 'off the titanic' first. Thats what it takes to have the privilege of manhood attached to you. You have to pay for it in all sorts of ways and I can imagine all those men on the titanic wanting that chance to go into the boats with the women and children!

The black community is the only community that has broken the link between male privileged and any sense or form of responsibility be it social, moral, leadership, or otherwise to said community. Instead women do for men and still present men with the same accolades of manhood. No wonder destructive masculinity runs riot in black settings. Indeed masculine privilege without responsibility = destruction!

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20 comments:

Mary said...

"The black community is the only community that has broken the link between male privileged and any sense or form of responsibility be it social, moral, leadership, or otherwise to said community. Instead women do for men and still present men with the same accolades of manhood."


what a profound (and unfortunately true) statement Halima. having lived in the states for over 15 years, I recently visited my family in Africa. My grandfather had three wives and about 21 children. His wives of course did not work. From what everyone says, he used to work day and night to be able to take care of all his children AND educate them. public school is not free in our country, it wasn’t then and isn’t now. So he was a very hard working man, an example of privilege being balanced with responsibility. Now here is where I provide proof for your theory. Things have changed, men (bm) are not what they used to be.


Now my grandfather’s house is literally teeming with young able bodied men that do not work. They literally drink tea all day. yes, I’m not kidding, they wake up, make tea, their also useless friends come over, and they drink tea and kid around all day. I could not even make this up if I wanted to. The girls of course still do women things. They have to wake up early as heck. Sweep the compound. Cook, clean the house, wash everyone’s cloths (even the useless guys). They still are doing their part but the guys just sit there, literally all day. I can’t imagine being so useless and purposeless. And worse, when you visit, they ask you for a phone or money to buy tea. Nobody forces them to work or anything, btw, these are “men” in their late 20s and early 30s. can you believe it

Faith said...

Yup.......I may be back to add something more profound but this is my immediate reaction upon reading this post!

Neecy said...

Halima,

You've hit it out the ballpark once again. And funny this post came up. last night my grandmother was watching some Crime show (the one with laurence Fishbourne) I think its a csi kinda of show. Anyway, Vita Don Teese was a guest star in it. Anyway, one of the CSI officers fell for her when she came with a group to tour the facilties.

So they began this very qiuck whirlwind romance and he was really captivated by her. She said she was a teacher and played this innocent role. Well anyway, the base of the story was that they kept finding males who were burned and electrocuted being dumped in the same location.

And YES it was assumed that it was a male who was doing this.

At one point, she came to his offce to visit him for lunch and started asking questions about the case. He gave her brief not so detailed description of what was going on. Well he had walked out of his office for a moment and when he came back she was looking through the files on his desk. He got upset and told her that she should not be looking at his files b/c it was confidential info. Well she pulled her sweet innocent "i didnt relaize what I was doing" act and he got over it and fell back into her trap.

After that, he started researching her background further and found that yes she was at one point a teacher but found she performed as a burlesque stripper at a club - something she NEVER told him. He went to the club and met up with her manager who was some real shady acting/looking character. Anyway, as she was performing he walked right up to the front stage just looking ta he rin dissapointment b/c she lied to him.

To make a long story short, this woman was actuially the serial killer. And even when all his collegues started piecing together everything and told him that his "girlfriend" started looking more and more suspicious, he kept denying it and kept blaming it on her shady manager with a criminal past.

This kept going until she convinced him to meet her at a diner where she tried to have him killed unsuccessfully. EVEN THEN he still tried denying to his collegues she was responsible. (granted she fled the scene after they started shooting at him).

Its like this man was so caught up in this woman that he couldn't believe she could have been so evil and that it was all a plan of her manager making her look bad. You could tell even at the end when they arrested her and she ADMITTED to the crimes he was still upset b/c he wanted ot believe so bad she wasn't responsible.

I think this storyline sums up how normal socities and males always want to think its not the woman committing such acts of evil. And if the guy loves or likes her forget it he will do everything in his power (like this stupid cop) to try to find a man to blame for her actions. EVEN when the evidence pointed to her as the perpetrator.

in general, this is the role WM and other take when it comes to trying to accept a WW is guilty of evil. It damn near has to be speeled out and even then they will try to find a man to blame for why she did it.

Amanda said...

It probably is CSI as Fishbourne is now a regular.

Anonymous said...

LOL, Neecy...Long story short my Aunt's fanny.

Good grief Mary your cousins live in Africa where men are supposed to know what hard work is all about. Some A men and AA men do have similarities.

jan

focusedpurpose said...

Halima-

your post is precisely what i was thinking today.

i have been reading a variety of things and it is all weaving together perfectly.

as i drove in silence today, it occurred to me that too many bm behave as the softest of women. there are a significant number of bw that have morphed into callous, tattooed, profane male-like creatures. i met one such female today and quietly asked her WHY she was yelling into her cell phone. yes, i was so fed up, i interrupted her loud convo to inquire. lol. she glared at me, turned her back-revealing her GIANT playboy bunny tattoo on her exposed shoulder-but most importantly she lowered her voice.

http://wwnh.wordpress.com/

is an execellent site. keep in mind that ww's version of feminism is being addressed. as a child, it occurred to me that the issue ww have with wm was none of my business as a black girl. i recall being annoyed that they were sick of standing on their ww pedestals and wanted to behave as wm. as a little girl, i remember thinking sarcasticly, "great, you fools are sick of the option to remain at home, well provided for, and having bw care for your children." working is not this big brand new thing for bw!

it is interesting to note that the baby daddies' inability to hold themselves accountable to impregnate only a woman worthy of wifedom, is being laid at the feet of "bitter women". they don't have access to their children, not because they failed to marry and create a family with the mothers and their children-but because the legal system is unfair and leans in mothers' favors.

ok, forgive the rant. great post. i am going to go and meditate. it is amazing to see all of the thoughts come together so clearly.

i will make every effort to pull out posts on that site i linked that address what you are saying. the author is 79 i believe. he says frequently that where the women go, so will society. this is another reason, ww, at all costs seek to protect and shield the mothers of white people. as with all things, sometimes the rotten apples make it into a good batch. and just as with apples, the rotten ones will ruin the whole batch. this we can see playing out in real time.

the author of that site calls the role reversals "bastardized patriarchy"... not too long ago a ww feminist was lamenting that they (ww) ruined their men. of course there was a femininized negro praising the good white wimmins and wondering why bw refused to take such responsibility. LOL.

ak said...

Halima I bow down to you regarding this post. You said it all well and you said it all plain too.

What can I tell you? Nothing.

What Mary said just underlines and exemplifies what Khadija said on her blog about immigrants leaving whatever nation they're from that are usually the best and brightest, the ones with the most drive, hardest working, and willing to create their own businesses, and send their kids to college. And those ones won't go into the details of the fools that they left behind.

I know what Mary says it's true because it's true in the West Indies too. The better, hard working ones who were worth something leave the islands to do what they have to do, or want to do. What's left behind are some of the worst criminals ever at worst, as I've heard from Jamaica, how some of those still there will plot to rob and murder the ex-pats that came back to retire home after years upon years of hard work and saving up money because they think what the ex-pat is owed to them. *shrugs shoulders*

On the lesser but more pathetic end of it, you have the ones who are still out there who are of course the 'visa hunters' that a woman should watch out for before she listens to any sweet worthless words on some beach somewhere. Huh! And of course the 'rent-a-dreds' or 'rastitutes' the males who loc up their hair usually and parade themselves for rich older WW tourists for cash, gifts, and visas.

Great God! My mother's a nurse in a hospital and she said the Nigerian nurses that she work with say that back in Nigeria, they kill off and rob out their ex-pats coming home too! I didn't know that....

Anonymous said...

I remember during Hurricane Katrina. I watched a news clip from a local news station. A bm rescuer was being interviewed and you could see he was on the verge of tears. I can't remember what he said verbatim but it was along the lines "what is wrong with bm? We are trying to save the women, children, elderly, disabled first but the bm were struggling to get on first". Apparently, some men would actually pull some of the women AND EVEN CHILDREN off the boat or push them out of the way to get there first. This included ppl that were members of their own household. It should be noted that the other race men that stayed behind did not do this. It was only in the black areas that this derangement was encountered. At the time I was glad it was only shown on a local station but now, thinking back, maybe such nonsense being shown on national tv could have helped to open bw's eyes a bit more to what is up.

FoxyCleopatra

Anonymous said...

Anyone notice how in communities and/or countries where the burden of the male behavior is somehow placed on the women, that they are always in chaos and just seem to never progress?

I noticed that pattern a long time ago, so I definitely agree with what Halima is saying. Once you have that mindset/attitude catching hold and becoming part of the wider fabric of that society WATCH OUT. A society/culture can go from being relatively stable and progressive to utter chaos and devolution in decade or so.

In most Black communities (North America, Europe, Caribbean, Africa)........ What we have is a bunch of weak-willed men who don't know how to challenge their mis-LEADERS and power groups in any constructive way. There is a lot of built up resentment that they don't know what to do with.

The more powerless they feel, the more they try to latch on to the more superficial benefits of MALE PRIVILEGE. It's really way more easier to focus on controlling women and children. That's the number one classic diversionary tactic used by most mis-leaders and controlling parties.

Have the powerless men focus on feeling a little bit powerful in the control of the women around them. That way they don't focus on these power groups causing chaos and strife. Even if the men are aware, they're weak-willed and cowards so they'll rather oppress their women than challenge the real culprits of the powerlessness.

NijaG

Anonymous said...

To Focuspurpose...
You were right to inform this young girl that she needed to bring her volume down. And, good for her she listened.

Sometimes people do not realize that they are being loud. I had to remind a female student this week about her profane language. Ladies that type of language really isn't becoming on a female, think about it.

jan

ARLYNE said...

The BC accepts the double standard where the BM uses the BW's "attitude and temperament problems" to justify their abandonment, abuse and rejection of BW, but BM's shortcomings are blamed on racism. The BM is substandard because of racism, and he should get understanding and sympathy. Whereas the BW's "bad attitudes and other shortcomings" are her problem, and she gets no consideration at all.

The BC lets the BM remain a "boy" who is a totally irresponsible victim. The BM demands the respect of a man, but is too victimized to act like one.

bered said...

I think the point that Halima and others have made is the key to pathology in black communities around the world. Black men feel powerless because racism has limited their ability to feel like men by restricting their access to power, status, "desirable" women etc, all the benefits of partriarchy. So they create this facade of hypermasculinity in an effort to salvage some aspect of their manhood and claim the benefits of being a man, see the rapper image & lifestyle. It results in them taking the privileges of patriarchy, feeling the need to control women & children, being "kings", sleeping w/ any women they want, expecting ALL BW to want to sleep with them etc, in ways that are very detrimental to BW, (resulting in abuse, neglect, rape). But hypermasculinity has none of the responsibility associated with being a man; they dont want to temper the privileges of manhood with some of the sacrifices that come with it; by providing some of the other necessities that men in other cultures are responsible for providing BECAUSE they are the supposed heads of the community/households etc. Many DBR BM are always quote that they need to be kings in their homes b/c of biblical dictate but they dont perform the role of men or kings.

Other cultures dont need hypermasculinity because they are aware that their are multiple paths to manhood and are willing to do what is needed to access those trappings of masculinity. The are also aware that with the trappings of patriarchy come the responsibilities of a man. In the black community BM feel like the false pretense of hypermasculinity is the only way to be a man, which spells disaster for BW & children.

Mary said...

i wish bw would stop throwing bm a bone with this whole "it's b/c of racism that bm do x, y and z". maybe it's because that's their character that they do x, y, z. i do think they feel ashamed deep down that they can't compare to other men, they're not as innovative or motivated, but it has nothing to do with racism.

my cousins for example, what racism are they experiencing, what system is holding them back. bm as a group are very very selfish and lazy. they are very self serving. And that’s just how they are, that’s their character. i came to this conclusion by observing african men in africa and african men in America and of course, the king of being useless, AA men. that's just their character, they're number one. it's that simple. Stop throwing them a bone.

but i do want to say this about bw, we also have a lot of issues. this wholesale kissing bm's butt and making the bm feel better is one of the stupidest things i've ever seen. i have literally never seen a group of women kiss their male counterpart's arse the way i see bw do it. why is that, and when is the common sense going to kick in that bm will never return the favor and feel sympathy towards you. They’ll never sit around and give out excuses for bw’s behavior so why do it for them.

As someone said before, bw need to learn to be shrewd!!! Put yourself first. Those that treat you with indifference, return the favor. Whatever group is against us, we need to turn to them with guns blazing, not throwing flowers. I say all this cause as I’m growing up, it’s pretty clear to me that other women have it much better than bw, esp AA bw.

Anonymous said...

WELL WELL just as i thoughT: most of the 'rap' culture is emasculating to the black man---for one thing, he wears TOO MUCH BLING (jewelry) pierces his body like a WOMAN (ears) etc. and EXPECTS HIS WOMAN to fight for him instead of proteting HER from harm--get rid of the rap culture, and you get rid of some of the foolishness-------fat chance----the only jewelry a man should wear is functional: college rings, wedding bands and watches--- mitzpah coin, ok because it symbolizes relationship with you anything else is GIRLY

ak said...

Well everything you just said in your last comment was true. I've never seen a set of women 'lick out the batty' of a man the way I've seen BW do for BM. Please excuse my vulgarity.

No one said a BW has to kiss a WM or any other man's behind, but then why would you make an exception for BM? Why do they have to kiss a BM's behind? And get nothing back on top of that?

No one respects a person who does that so even for a stupid, but strangely well-meaning BW to kiss a BM's behind, if she thinks that he or even anybody else will respect her after that and want to join her side, then she believes in magic and 'magical thinking' obviously.

Evia said...

@ Mary re:

i wish bw would stop throwing bm a bone with this whole "it's b/c of racism that bm do x, y and z".

ITA! I think that racism has impacted bm, but not nearly to the extent that bm claim. It's like someone whose ankle was broken siting in a wheelchair pretending their legs are paralyzed. Notice how bm are never too crippled to have sex! LOL!

So bw should absolutely stop enabling bm to fail by treating them like the po' crippled-for-life bm or like little retarded helpless boys. It's obvious that bm use racism as an excuse not to exert themselves or be creative and innovative. They want sympathy so that they can keep sending liberal wm on a guilt trip and jack up gullible or simple-minded bw and ww for free sex and other freebies. This has worked almost perfectly for them for several decades now, so they're going to keep using that.

If other groups of men were in the exact same mythical cripple situation that bm claim they're in, they would find a way up and out.

And if bm actually have been so disabled by racism as they and all of their sympathizers claim, then what woman in her right mind would want such a mentally disabled man? Bm can't have it both ways. They can't be the "most masculine man on earth" as many of them now claim and at the same time be mentally disabled and unable to compete with other men.

I know that bw have been programmed to be rugs for bm to walk on, but it only enables bw to keep being rugs when we keep telling them that they've been programmed and can't help themselves. That's why I always tell bw that they are responsible to DO this, that, and the other to change their situation. They must be held accountable. Human beings will always look for the easy way out and it's easier for some bw to accept abuse than to stand up and stop being cowards.

I can remember hearing stories when I was growing up about how bw Down South used to boil hot oil or hot grits and dump it on an abusive husband while he was sleeping to teach him a lesson. The other bw all supported that woman and some bm did too. Bw were EXPECTED to fight back in those days, but during the 60s, bm persuaded bw that they were puppets and that white folks were their puppetmasters.

Also to touch on a recent comment I read in the last thread here, white liberals will only cater to bm as long as it doesn't hurt their bottom line. Catering to bm actually helps the bottom line of some whites because it eliminates bm as competitors and feminizes bm.

Nicole Little said...

Here's my brand new post for the year 2011 Here it is:


http://blackwomenselflove.blogspot.com/2011/01/why-are-black-men-causing-division.html

Faith said...

@Evia Hot grits or oil can easily cause 3rd degree burns and leave permanent scarring. Let's just say I saw the evidence on one of my male relatives and leave it at that, lol!

BM are always going to complain about not being allowed to be men while whining about how "aggressive some BW are" and how they are making "so much money" today so they "have to" step it up. I'm basing this on some stupid article in WAPO that isn't worth reading that trots out the usual BW = Pathetic/Holding Out For a BM theme.

Ranger said...

Here is an interesting article related to this topic:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-scientific-fundamentalist/200807/men-do-everything-they-do-in-order-get-laid-iii

Kjen said...

This. Post. Right. Here...
It feels so good to have words to what I have been feeling about "black manhood" for a while now.
I love the social sciences and studying the different institutions within society, so I do believe that racism/and sexism affects POC lives. However, I finally had a breakthrough a few years ago, that despite these circumstances, I was still going to live my life to the fullest/go after what I want/be who I want to be.
After that, the talks about how "the white man" or even the "emasculating black woman" no longer was appealing. Because in essence I now citing these "straw men" as reasons for you not reaching your full potential as just a way of giving up. And in my life, I believe in giving compassion, but I now know that giving up is the one (among a few other things) that I will never condone or allow in my life.