Tuesday, March 15, 2011

The Sickness that is Black male Culture and Other things...


There is a sickness at the heart of black male practiced black culture.


It is for the very fact that black women are trying to continue to team with black men and to be one culture with them, to connect and incorporate black men into their plans and strategies, that the black female life giving expression of black culture is struggling, in fact has become disfigured and almost unrecognizable for the affirming thing it once was.


Instead of separating out and thus preserving the wholesomeness of the black culture as practiced by black women, by a series of compromises, made so that black men and women ‘can be together in this,’ black women have allowed evil and things that are not supposed to be mentioned in the same sentence as black culture to creep in and now define them and their cultural expression. They have in their desperation to 'team' with black men, made themselves agree with and validate evil and black negating activities as 'all part of valid and genuine black cultural output', all for the sake of having black men along.


See black female culture is life giving, it values blackness and sees it as positive thing to be preserved, but because black women have refused to separate themselves from the self serving, black negating evil that a significant majority of black men practice as their black culture and by trying to 'compromise' so that black men and women can be ‘in one fold’, what black women now have is a severely corrupted expression of blackness.


This is why black women now do things shocking to all, things you wouldn’t ever believe possible from a woman, just becvause she is trying to align and be in with the black men, and thus is following him down into the mud.


Indeed look at what constitutes black male culture:


Worship of white/whiter flesh


Subjugating everything and everyone to the black male ego (black male supremacy). Everything to and for the use of the glory and personal enjoyment of the black men!


A requirement of blind worship from black women


Utter disregard for the continuation and health of the next generation


Destruction of the future (gang rape culture, family abandonment, indiscriminate impregnating)


Trading on notions of ‘black inferiority’ for personal gain/forsakeing black dignity and pride (mandingo etc)


Extreme self serving 


Pure machismo and the crushing of the female spirit and the destruction of any goodness that should come from the female.


Because black women have let black men set the tone and the parameters, the whole of black cultural  expression has ended up in the gutter. Indeed when black men have kicked the ball into the gutter, black women have gone into the gutter to try to play a game ‘within the parameters’ of the gutter as decided by black men. When black men have kicked the ball into the water black women have jumped in to try to ‘play’ in the water, when black men have kicked it into the fire, black women have jumped into the fire.




This is the black culture as practiced by black women


A love and healthy appreciation for blackness


A concern for the future of black people/ Nurturing of the next black generation

Striving to love and appreciate uniquely black features even against the tide


Willingness to make personal sacrifice for the greater good


Diligence in investing for the uplift of black people


As long as black women continue to desperately try to be ‘a team’ with black men, they will continue to move away from their ‘life giving’ and nurturing functions, as black male culture drags them to the bottom!


It is time for black women to ensure that when you see a black man and black women, there is a prompt recognition that, yes we might be of the same color, but we are of two disctinct cultures!




The Current Black Set up has nothing for black women


The current black set up has nothing, I repeat, nothing for black women, though they try so hard to convince themselves it does! Black women want to convince themselves they feel secure and accepted in black circles, but when was the last time you a black woman felt accepted and belonging in black circles, if it wasn’t your manufactured emotions of happiness?


I spent many years attending ‘black churches’ and each Sunday I knew my mask dare not slip!


In the midst of black circles and black networks, if we are really real, we know that we have to maintain a certain impression or else we are in deep trouble. Everything is controlled, your lines are fed you and if you even go off the accepted ‘discourse’ a fraction of a millimetre, the black sheep dogs (usually an older, sharp tongued bw) get you.


I had a chance over the weekend to reconnect with a ‘group’ of bw from the church I once attended. Do you know folks, I felt such a sense of relief to be ‘liberated’ from them, their mutual urging each other on in their pretence and in finding status in those things that mean so much to black people (but are totally meaningless). I really thanked the creator as i felt exhausted even thinking about the energy, I expended trying to maintain my membership as a good black woman. 


Black women frequent black clubs were if they are not 'lightskinned,' they are pretty much invisible, they visit black comedy events to be grievously insulted but yet these same women will swear up and down how black circles are the ones where they feel supported and were they feel belonging, and they don’t want to go into ‘mainstream’ networks because they will feel left out.


It is amazing how the mind can hold on to a notion that no longer remains true in ones circumstances.
The mind is a powerful thing and can be used to great foolishness!


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42 comments:

Felicia said...

Halima,

That is nothing but the TRUTH! Thank you for articulating what plenty of normal, thinking, decent BW have been feeling for decades.

Many BW will continue to live lives basically in the gutter for as long as they continue to associate with and get their sense of identity from BM. The majority of whom these days are quite damaged.

It's as clear as day. Those populations of women (and their children) with the LEAST contact with the typical BM (that your typical BW comes across anyway) are suffering the LEAST amount of problems globally.

They certainly aren't suffering the types of life and death problems that untold numbers of BW are suffering throughout the diaspora AND in Africa for that matter.

Not to the same degree.

BW are suffering because of their insistence on LYING to themselves and pretending that BM as a group are deep down like other non BM the majority of whom actually DO care about the women and children of their group which represent their groups FUTURES.

BM as a whole don't give a d*mn about the future unless maybe it's their PERSONAL future. They could care less about the suffering of black women and black children and even the continuation of black existence period. Instead most would rather live an animals existence approaching life on a day by day basis.

They wake and if they have enough food to eat, shelter, and someone to scr*w, that's all they deem necessary.

Then, they're pacified. Maybe.

Obviously NOT all BM think and behave like this naturally (and thankfully), BUT a GOOD and growing number have this exact mindset. AND lets not forget the minority of "good BM" (who Khadija postulates is at about 2% I believe) the majority of the time DON'T SAY SQUAT about the abhorrent, irresponsible, unmasculine, and deviant behavior of the growing masses of BM.

Which says a lot about the majority of even these "good BM".

Again, Halima you NAILED it with this one.

BW with a semblance of a brain left and their morality intact, need to FLEE this "black community" NONSENSE and join the outer Western functioning world where the majority of men and women relate to each other in a civilized equal manner.

The "black community" is degenerating and devolving as we speak which means it's basically a dead rotten corpse that should be abandoned.

DEAD WEIGHT. That's what all of this nonsense about "black love" and the "black community" is about these days.

NO ONE is suggesting marriage minded BW cross off ANY DECENT MARRIAGE MINDED, RESPECTABLE, NON-VIOLENT, RESPONSIBLE, DEPENDABLE, GAINFULLY EMPLOYED, FAMILY ORIENTED, NON COLOR-STRUCK, NON MISOGYNISTIC man WITHOUT a prison record, AIDS, or drug/alcohol problems off her list of potential mates.

It's about QUALITY NOT color/"race". If a BM comes correct, than he should be a candidate too. BUT, he should NOT get ANY "extra points" for being black. And a BW should ONLY be looking at these important non negotiable qualities I just mentioned. NOT "race".

The fact is statiscally speaking MORE WM and other non BM fit the bill when it comes to possessing the qualities that make a great husband and father.

And we ALL know this. The dead "black community" is dead because the majority of BM have made it clear that they are not interested in being responsible and protective husbands, fathers, and community leaders.

Again, the focus should STAY on QUALITY not color.

And if BW truly wish to INCREASE their chances of marrying QUALITY men and baring children WITHIN wedlock, they are going to have to put their primary focus on dating, marrying, and mating OUT to WM and other non BM while keeping BM as a possible option but ONLY those who come correct and posses the SAME non negotiable qualities that decent marriage minded non BM posses in higher numbers.

Jess said...

"BM as a whole don't give a d*mn about the future unless maybe it's their PERSONAL future."
100% true, it's all about them.

Felicia said...

FATHERS DAY FOR ELEPHANTS: TEENS NEED MALE PARENTS

http://www.sacredelephants.com
/2006/06/fathers_day_for.html

Does anyone see the correlation?

"When elephant babies are young, they’re inseparable from their mothers and extended circle of aunts and cousins that make up the matriarchal community. It would be unlikely that a young elephant would even have met their father, as the adult bulls roam free or convene in small bachelor herds, only approaching the female herds when seeking mating opportunities. Adult bull elephants do have a hand in parenting, but their role happens later when young teenage bulls need discipline and guidance.

Adolescent bull elephants break away from the matriarchy in their mid to late teens. Sometimes they go off adventure-seeking on their own, and other times the mothers give them a little push towards independence. The young bulls, who have never been left unattended by governing females begin to find their way in the world. But they still need guidance. What they need is the fathering presence of strong adult bulls.

Bull elephants between the ages of 18-30 begin to experience periods of hormonal “musth” when they are flooded with testosterone. They naturally become more aggressive during these periods, but do not yet know how to temper themselves. Unchecked, they become extremely dangerous and will rampage anyone and anything in the vicinity. There have been problems in African game parks where teenage delinquent bulls have started killing off endangered white rhinos for no reason—just a savage expression of power and dominance over a weaker animal. In size and brute strength, elephants are the real kings of the jungle.

This is where the older bulls become mentors. The only thing stronger than a teenage bull in musth is a senior bull. The young ones quickly learn to back down in the presence of elders. Instead of being cocky and violent, they humbly calm down and act respectful in the male herds. In short, they learn to temper their natural aggression and use it more appropriately.

It is still unknown whether the young bulls are with their biological fathers or have found their male bonding group by accident. Research studies are trying to answer this question. But the social structure is undeniable: teenage male elephants need their fathers to socialize them, just as much as they once needed their mother’s milk. They’re a lot like us humans in that way…we need powerful and present fathers to mentor our children, set respectful boundaries, and demonstrate the wise use of power."


Unlike male elephants who at least have paternal involvement and guidance in their later years, the majority (and it WOULD have to be the majority - not the minority - for any lasting change to take place) of BM ARE not and WILL not be stepping up to the plate to socialize these young black males and teach them one on one by example what it actually means to BE a man. A strong, loving, respectful, intelligent, protector, provider, and contributing member of society. Therefor you're going to have a growing number of young sociopaths amongst the black male population making life a living hell for the unfortunate girls and women who reside in these God forsaken pits.

Women can't teach boys how to be men or control them after a certain point. Just like men can't teach girls how to be women.

It all boils down again to the married TWO-parent functioning family. The bedrock of Civilization.

And if you're a single parent, making it a point to find SOME good male role model/models for your son if you have one.

And most importantly teaching young black women to focus ONLY on QUALITY men who are interested in marrying them REGARDLESS OF RACE who will break the generational curse that legions of DBRBM have left BW with.

shan said...

Great post Halima! As Felicia said, This is nothing but the truth!!! I've noticed that bm never have anything good to say about bw and biracial women who are not a part of the AA community. Women like that tend to be intelligent and upperclass. Bm never insult their intelligence but they will always insult a physical feature of theirs. Bm will compare bw to other races of women or bw's lighter counterparts in a way to "insult" bw. This will stop if bw were to wise up and start comparing bm to other races of men in terms of global power, finances, etc. to let them know they don't measure up themselves!!!

Halima, you so eloquently state what I have been feeling for years; I've always wondered why I've never felt 100% comfortable around some groups of black people. I think it could be due to the fact that my interests in the arts, life in general and things extended globally. Therefore those certain black people couldn't relate to me and I couldn't relate to them. It used to bother me, but not anymore! LOL

I don't have the patience for the "poor me syndrome" and the "whitey holding me back mantra". When some bw wise up and separate themselves,they SHOULD NOT apologize for it. That's part of the problem with some bw. They feel like they have to apologize. For what? For looking out for yourself and getting a better life? These dbr men would not have an apology on their mind if a non bw showed him the time of day. Man, I wish most bw would wise up and stop being idiots! Run for the hills ladies!! Run!!!

I don't know why some bw are angry at the white police force because if it wasn't for them, the bm in the AA community would have a chimpfest at the expense of black women and children. "Women and children first" are only practiced in non black communities. Hate to say it but its true. The AA community should be burned to ashes.

Monique said...

This post pretty much sums up BW's complicity and participation in our own demise. BW's insistence in engaging in magical thinking that BM are going to come around and get their acts together and form functioning, healthy relationships with BW is the main reason why so many BW find themsleves in dangerous, horrid conditions and situations.

As several BWE bloggers have stated, there is no calvary coming to save BW or any person for that matter. BW NEED to realize that reality and act accordingly.

I wrote off the vast majority of BM years ago as potential partners/mates. I have no interest in them whether they be "good" or DBR. Sorry, but I just won't spend any more of my time trying to distinguish between the two. As a dark-complexioned BW, I'm certain most BM have written me off as a potential love interest as well...

I think that BW who have awoken from the matrix and have decided to live fuller, richer lives will be better positioned to impart salient cultural mores and healthy values to our offspring in the long run precisly because we SEE and UNDERSTAND the importance of such cultural transmission. No matter who I mate with I will always be a BW, so therefore, certain ways of being are by default going to be taught to my children.

Women have always been the carriers of culture and BW who get it will impart what is healthy and good to the next generation...without BM

Anonymous said...

How does Black women dating nonblack men represent the perpetuation of the 'black' culture or race? Every Black man ain't the devil, and every nonblack man ain't a saint. Instead of focusing on negro males, who technically ain't doing nothing any different than what's being advocated here, why not find DECENT, BLACK men?

Signed...A BLACK woman

Nana said...

I agree with Monique. I don't want to waste anymore time distinguishing between good black men and DBRs. I can acknowledge that there are black men who are not DBR without putting myself in a situation where I will have to expose myself to DBRBM for the sake of being non-judgmental and "not paying attention to race".

I do pay attention to race, and I know that most MEN OF COLOR are terribly color-struck or they discriminate harshly amongst themselves. Latino men are on the top of my list for this category, but Asians, Middle Easterners, and generally all non-Caucasian groups are affected. As a result, I remain open to these groups but I'm not really checking for them either.

You are spot-on about black male culture being different from black women's culture. As I read this, I remembered a couple years ago when I transferred to a new school and I was trying to make friends. I went to an all-black event on campus. At the time, I had very short natural hair and I was growing dreadlocks. My style was also quite different. I felt very uncomfortable, although I made an effort to socialize. It seemed like most people didnt want to talk to me. And forget about the men, they didn't even look my way.

I do not feel comfortable or ACCEPTED in all black groups, nor do I in all white, latino, asian, etc. Diversity is what feels best to me, although all of my close friends right now are either black or hispanic women. I do feel comfortable in some European circles, though.

I prefer European men as a collective to most other men, and I have felt this way ever since I started traveling as a teenager. Aside from physical attraction, the Euro men I've met have been the most receptive to MY type of beauty than any other race.

Actually a large part of the reason why I will not date black men is because there is always a lurking suspicion that he views me as second-rate to white women. With white men, I generally do not have to worry about this because the vast majority of the ones who date black women are at the very least appreciative of African beauty.

squalymade said...

Yes! Thank you for this post! This is something I can give to someone to read and point out. I loved how you properly divided it up, I could have never articulated this. Black men, black women, black man practiced culture and black woman practiced culture. This even helps me to understand why I still feel a need to reach out to bw-because I understand that they are operating in a black male practiced culture.
I’m serious until I found these bwe blogs online-I thought I was the only sane person!
“BW who get it will impart what is healthy and good to the next generation...without BM” I absolutely agree. Every black women I have seen or know of around where I live that is married-is married to a white man. I’ll have to do some research and discover if this is an area that is leading in that…but I think as soon as black women physically leave black areas they’d just forget all about bm.
Thank you Halima for these post God is making my dreams come true through women like you. I am excited about the future for black women. I know some don’t agree/see-but I know the bulk of people are followers-and they always will be. They just need a new following. If bw under the black-male-culture-spell find a new following that works better for them and they are sure of it-they’ll skip that way.

BeaMea said...

I think putting black men in charge of black womanhood is dangerous. Everytime this happens black women are asked to separate themselves further from their femininity and dignity to function as pseudo-males. Black women are told take to the streets leaving the safety of their homes, carry guns, yell, scream, recruit for the harem, and preach on the necessity of black manhood at the expense of her natural role a woman.

If anyone is to blame for this blending of the gender line it is black men and their arrogant attitude towards the pecking order, until it's convenient for them of course. Their attitude toward black women has always been "she can take it" and "they see her as black first" then seem shocked when a black women says she is strong. That's what happens when you give a woman male-oriented duties and function.

Black women should be able to celebrate being just that without the Green Light from black men. But since black men have been given the authority on what is "beautiful" in black women you have groupies spread eagle in rap videos and soft core magazines cleverly called "King" and "Smooth" and even blatantly "BlackMen". Then they dress in drag and "impersonate" black women. Then they get together and collectively decide what we as black women deserve.

Ironically black women who are pleasant, cultured, that carry themselves with dignity, grace, and true femininity appeal to ALL MEN and I think that is why black men want to control our image because God forbid we are looked upon with fresh eyes and a healthy perspective.

They need the world to see us as they do; pure prejudice. They need us to hate every man but them and to be jealous of every woman he wants-even if she is black as well.

They needed the Welfare Queen, The Superhead, The Man-Hating Lesbian, and the Bitter Black Power refugee stereotypes to shape the image of what is now considered Black Womenhood to not only keep black women seeking their approval but to keep other men uninterested.

This new Black "culture" is a groupie colony for black women.

My father is a wonderful man and that is because he followed the tradition of universal manhood with no excuses. Therefore I follow the tradition of universal womanhood with no reservation.

That in itself disqualifies me in the eyes of Black Men.

BeaMae said...

I also want to thank Halima for a fantastic summary of what I couldn't put my finger on YEARS.

And I appreciate the fact that you are objective and uncompromised.

Thank You so Much!

Trenia said...

I just recently came across your blog and while I agree with much of what you've said, I think part of the issue is more black women need to be leaders and not be afraid of being an individual. I also think each woman has to figure out which parts of black culture she wants to keep and which parts she wants to throw away. I was raised in a black church, I felt loved and embraced there and was encouraged to be an explorer and to empathize with the breadth and depth of the human experience. I also attended predominantly white schools and learned how to be an individual in that environment as well. I've traveled and lived all over the world, I'm multilingual and I date a variety of men, but sometimes I prefer to be in Black American community for certain aspects of my life. No matter how many churches I go to in the world, I still prefer the charismatic black church where I was raised for my God experience. Now would I go there looking for a husband, no, because there are very few single and available men there, but I love it just the same.

My experience with many white and/or multi-ethnic communities is the attempt to erase the black woman from the conversation and lump us all into the "women of color" category, as though black womanhood is not a specific and particular experience. So I've often found myself fighting not to be erased or seen as the "race woman" in those circles. But I love traveling and communicating with people all over the world just the same. So the point of all this is you get to choose what's best and right for you.

SS said...

How does Black women dating nonblack men represent the perpetuation of the 'black' culture or race? Every Black man ain't the devil, and every nonblack man ain't a saint. Instead of focusing on negro males, who technically ain't doing nothing any different than what's being advocated here, why not find DECENT, BLACK men?

Signed...A BLACK woman

We don't have to do jack.
Why spend precious time looking for a needle in a haystack? There are numerous white and non-bm that understand how to be men. Black women don't have the time and in my case the inclination to search for such scarce resources.
Thank you, Halima. You do such great work. I just wish such a post could be seen by all black girls and women.
The damaged beyond repair mindset is so entrenched among black males in the community. “DBRism” has spread and it has compromised the host. It is time for black women and girls to abandon ship.

PioneerValleyWoman said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
PioneerValleyWoman said...

Anon:

How does Black women dating nonblack men represent the perpetuation of the 'black' culture or race?

SS:

We don't have to do jack.

My reply:

Exactly, black women don't have to "save the race," or "save all our people," they only have to save themselves, and that means rejecting the current perspectives on black culture and the black community that are grounded exclusively in black men's perspectives.

They need a perspective on blackness grounded in black women's needs not tied to black men and their needs or interests.

Their needs as black women are about their own advancement exclusively. In today's world, black women really don't need connections to black men, since those are already tenuous!

Black women outnumber black men in college and in the professional schools. The black community's black male perspective would say black women need to worry about that. A true black women's perspective would say, I DON'T THINK SO!

The black community's out of wedlock pregnancy rate is at 70% if not higher, which means that black men have already proven that they have no interest in marrying the black women who give birth to their children. So what is a black female perspective on that?

Don't have children by black men who have no interest in marrying.

I'm sure as well that the statistics on marriage would indicate as well that large numbers of black men and women remain unmarried long after other groups tend to marry. So what is the answer from a true black women's perspective?

Date men from other groups who are more likely to marry.

What on earth do black women need black men for? Nothing at all.

BeaMae said...

To Anon,

I'm going to piggy-back off the replies to your comment by saying that other races/cultures including ours have been able to intermarry while preserving their respective cultures.

We know there are SOME decent black men out there but are they decent according to the standard of manhood or decent because their peers are subpar?

A lot of black women LOVE good men just to find out that they were mediocre among other men.

squarlymade said...

Anonymous said...

"why not find DECENT, BLACK men?"

That's what got black women in this terrible state in the first place...are you getting that?

signed...I ain't trying to be anybodies baby mama

Nicole Little said...

I'm through with the back community. It's not like back in the day when black men TRULY loved black women for who they are. I'm almost 34 years old, and I've come to the conclusion that if I don't get marry, then I might as well stay single, and if I do get married, nine times out of ten, it's going to be with a non-black man, but if there's a black man that comes correct like most non-black men, then I give him a chance, but unfortunately, it's very rare to find that. It's either I stay single or be with a non-black man or a DECENT black man. I'm VERY picky in who I be with.

Here's my new post for the month of March

http://blackwomenselflove.blogspot.com/2011/03/black-women-stay-away-frim-self-hating.html

shan said...

Well said, SS. Bw shouldn't have to look for scarce resources. The fact that the so-called AA community have to use the term "good black men" says a lot.

Anonymous said...

We can't fight battles for men, they have to fight their OWN battles--especially black men;(no more sister soldering!!) then, and only then will they find their manhood....women you canNOT fight for him!! This is why I like these BWE sites because it gives black women choices....

Faith said...

That Anonymous claiming to be a black WOMAN is funny...and oh so typical. Don't these DBRs and Enablers READ? They say the SAME THINGS over and over...and over and over again.

WOMEN
ARE
THE
PRIZE

It is the backwards focus of women chasing after males (cuz let's face it they have the anatomy but not the skills of MEN) that has resulted in this nightmare.

They are chasing after self-hating and black woman hating black males due to the indoctrination and believing the LIE there's a shortage of men.

There are PLENTY of men available.

They're just not going to likely be black.

That's not the black woman's fault!

Carry on.....

Gerri said...

But if BW are so great, why do so many support DBR BM?

Why aren't they more vocal about their non-support for BM who commit horrible crimes -- for example the gang rape in Cleveland, TX?

I just don't see the majority of BW as distinct from BM -- too many support/honor/worship BM and fail to criticize anything they do.

Some have moved on, but too many are still pining for the mythological "Black community".

Faith said...

@Gerri They are indoctrinated because we all know BW are the only thing holding the dead black community together. Whether they take the red pill and leave the Matrix is up to them, but these forums are here to discuss the who, what, when, where and why and how quickly BW need to FLEE.

Anonymous said...

Wow Halima…

This post is so deep I had to read it a few times to let it sink in!

I’m still struggling to detox the remnants of mammyism out of my system but I’ve embraced the BWE message for some time now…

It’s true.. too many black women tolerate the acute familial dysfunction and emotional vampirism that’s rampant in the black community for the sake of “keeping it real” - whatever that means. Even some of the modern day black nationalist dogma I've come across advises black people to stay away from each other if they can’t find a “constructive” reason to be in each other’s presence!

Speaking of the black male ego and the “required blind worship from black women,” I don’t think the average black man takes the black woman’s ego seriously enough. He downplays the effect colorism and the white supremacist beauty standard hierarchy have on black women's dating lives. Our concerns are placed in the periphery of black nationalist discourse because, after all, “black men have it harder” in the global racist system.

BeaMea said...

Black women should be able to celebrate being just that without the Green Light from black men. But since black men have been given the authority on what is "beautiful" in black women you have groupies spread eagle in rap videos and soft core magazines cleverly called "King" and "Smooth" and even blatantly "BlackMen". Then they dress in drag and "impersonate" black women. Then they get together and collectively decide what we as black women deserve.

Ain’t THAT the truth! On top of that you’ve got black nationalist mammy’s encouraging each other to go as far as man-sharing in order to be with a black man. I don’t think so... How does that expression go? “Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.”

TMH

Gleenn said...

wow! This is intense! I never ever imagine that after the black race was liberated from extreme oppression and prejudice of the white people, the black men earned status over black women and started oppressing them. What a culture! How could black men criticize black women of her color and physical attributes when they themselves are black. Such ego-machismo is nonsense.

I agree though, that black men will top worshiping themselves when black women as a whole rise against the deteriorating mentally and culture of black men.

Black, men and women, are created equal. It's time that black women must uphold themselves and earn that self dignity that they so deserve!

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...

We can't fight battles for men, they have to fight their OWN battles--especially black men;(no more sister soldering!!) then, and only then will they find their manhood....women you canNOT fight for him!! This is why I like these BWE sites because it gives black women choices....
4:06 PM

And even if black men do get it together there is nothing that says they'll be of any value to black women and black girls.They may not even be of value to their own mothers and sisters.So I say forget about them and go for self.

Tp

Anonymous said...

Gerri said...

But if BW are so great, why do so many support DBR BM?

Why aren't they more vocal about their non-support for BM who commit horrible crimes -- for example the gang rape in Cleveland, TX?

I just don't see the majority of BW as distinct from BM -- too many support/honor/worship BM and fail to criticize anything they do.

Me:We are great.Indoctrination and never being taught self preservation is why many of these damaged women act the way they do.
I also view damaged black women as being more important than I view damaged black men because many of those damaged black women are raising children.Help the woman stumble out the matrix through telling some very hard truths, and showing them where they went wrong, you help the child have a better existence.Some women are DBR though and should be imprisoned forever.

Tp

BeaMae said...

Yes Gerri it is.

I won't take full credit for the sentiment because a young lady said the same in a Youtube comment. But she basically said black women need to stop asking what black men want and ask themselves what they want independent of what black men are doing and feeling.

Being independent of black male approval, especially in this country, is essential to black women leaving dysfunction in the gutter where it belongs.

Everytime we consider what black American men want we loose either our femininity or our virtue in the process and internalize their negativity.

Black men have horrible attitudes so Black Women have attitudes. Black men don't exercise sexual responsibility so Black women don't exercise sexual responsibility. Black men don't find black features attractive on women so Black Women.....
Black women eventually end up being pseudo-black men.

But when black women realize that being the direct opposite of most black men (compassionate, patient, fair, sexually selective, socially conscious, humble, supportive, family oriented, etc) will restore her femininity and womanhood.

Evia said...

Part 1
@Halima re:

See black female culture is life giving, it values blackness and sees it as positive thing to be preserved, but because black women have refused to separate themselves . . .

Halima, I never read Debra Dickerson's book "The End of Blackness" but as soon as I heard the title, I knew she was on the right track. I also knew that she would be boiled in oil for saying the obvious.

It is WAY past time for bw to let go of "black"ness.

I hate to see the various western bw I encounter online and offline fighting for and/or grieving about something (black "culture") that is a PAIN-based entity and has actually always been saturated with PAIN all along. Virtually no "black" woman dares to scrutinize "black"ness to determine whether it's worth anything. Obviously, a lot of bm have decided it's not worth anything to them, aside from using it when it's convenient for them.

I repeat: black American "culture" was based on PAIN and is saturated with PAIN. All of its pillars and posts were filled with PAIN. Too many bw cling to that pain, but pain kills eventually because it's an indication that something terrible is going on inside.

Point out anything in black American culture (religion, music, diet, humor, etc.) and I can make a compelling case for how all of these are saturated with pain. Black American culture was erected by our ancestors as a temporary crisis-management culture, but so many AA women won't turn it loose.

"Black"ness is a fake and anti-bw-living-well construct. It's a construct that brings surviving and thriving to a halt for the bulk of bw in 2011 because it smothers the growth of surviving and thriving intelligence.

Evia said...

Part 2

A lot of bw think that non-blacks will still treat them as "black" (in the worst sense) no matter what, but the fact is that most people these days (aside from the most ignorant) will treat you according to the way you carry yourself. I sometimes think that many bw use their "black"ness as a form of power and/or a cover in order to avoid learning how to be successful "females" in the world.

I was at a meeting recently where a lot of highly educated sista soldier bw were discussing how to save alla our people. SMH It's difficult to avoid bw like that because most bw operate in that vein. I felt nauseous, but it was obvious that these deluded bw were feeling POWERFUL. LOL! They obviously felt God-like, as if they had the power to SAVE people.

Just imagine how much different a typical black girl's or bw's life would be if she was conditioned or made it a point to condition herself to simply be a girl or woman who has maybe a lot more melanin and hair with a tighter coil. Just imagine.

"Black"ness is the MAIN noose that is hanging bw and their children these days. If bw let go of the fake construct of "black"ness, that would also get rid of the poisonous connection they have with typical bm. Bm would no longer be able to use them, disappoint them, or bring them PAIN. But it's bw who keep clinging to this pain connection, like it's a drug. SMH Bm, for the most part, have cut the cord.

Felicia said...

Good recent article by Stanley Crouch related to this topic...

http://articles.nydailynews.com/2011-01-03/news/27086139_1_billy-taylor-black-culture-black-identity



Billy Taylor and the death of black culture

"When the jazz pianist Dr. Billy Taylor died last week at 89, he took with him something now symbolized by few black people in mass media or the academy.

Taylor was not a sellout to popular trends: He did not use the uninformed bad tastes of young people against them in order to become a famous musician or a prestigious scholar whose supposed importance is based on irresponsible hot air. Taylor was old school: He sustained a serious belief in quality as the best weapon a group can ever use against stereotypes.

As a black man raised in Washington, he grew up in the middle class. He picked Duke Ellington as a model because Ellington was always melting down the kinds of stereotypes of black people that BET and the imbecilic rappers it celebrates have been reestablishing in the name of "being real."

As an elegant, eloquent man, Taylor fought his battles by bringing the best that he could to his craft, his teaching and his public persona.

Taylor was the first black person who had a serious presence in the arts on television. On the radio program "Jazz Alive" and elsewhere, he presented jazz tradition and jazz experimentation with lucid authority, never stooping to the intellectual lows displayed by "commentators" on MTV, BET and VH1 today.

As a longtime teacher, Taylor believed in the promotion of the very best of the idiom he loved. He was not the kind of academic who peddled popular ideas just because they would get him on television.

Out of the American tradition of innovation and dignity that produced Thomas Edison, the Wright Brothers, Louis Armstrong, Fred Astaire and Duke Ellingon, Dr. Billy Taylor rose to make his mark on our nation's identity. Unlike today's culture of shallow and decadent vulgarity, what he presented and helped make many aware of will remain with us as long as our culture maintains any actual vitality."



These deluded "sista-soliders" (SMDH) need to PACK IT UP AND THROW IN THE TOWEL and get on about the business of using their FEMALE card to get ahead and live abundantly because their "black card" in the DEAD black "community" (SMH) as women of African-decent is USELESS and WORTHLESS.

There can be no saving "a people" when the majority of the people themselves in need of saving are fixated on death and destruction (current black male culture especially popular culture) instead of life and rebuilding.

Plus - and this is a BIG plus - MEN save their people/cultures/societies from harm/destruction/extinction, and since the vast majority of black males are not interested in behaving like men in this regard, it's simply NOT going to happen.

No matter what these well intentioned shemale, Sista-Solider, save alla our people BW think, they're STILL mere mortals (not God) and can't save THEMSELVES from falling into the negative statistics befalling large numbers of BW because of their instance on staying on a sinking ship basically ALONE.

Therefor, they can't and won't save black people or the black community and culture of our parents and grandparents generation.

It WON'T happen. PLUS, BM DON'T WANT TO BE SAVED.

Someone needs to tell these well intentioned mammy's this. They LIKE things the way they are.

Anyway, on a POSITIVE and hopeful note, education and building self-esteem and self-worth is the key for BW. That, and moving out of these Hell Holes.

And staying away from church's that are brainwashing them into sacrificing themselves for NOTHING.

ak said...

Let me tell you gow I really feel, I don't know of course but the Latina child victim in Cleveland TX was probably Mexican. Maybe or maybe not. But if she is I hope that the Mexicans raze Cleveland and raze it down to the ground and I do mean it.

Mexican gang members seem to successfully out do the black ones or so I've read. I tell you that Cleveland would have asked for it when the time comes. I'm shocked that retaliation from Mexicans hasn't come already! I mean it's Texas for Heaven's sake where the late singer Selena came from. That town must have been mostly black then and with the only Latino population probably being only the girl's family.

It nakes me wonder if the victim's family were also migrant workers who were possibly illegal and with no knowledge of English at all. Hmm.

I feel nothing for such creatures just because of their melanin because as even people like Roslyn have stated they have done it all this time to 'their own kind'.

This makes me confused in so many ways because I know that the Recession has obviously hit the US and the UK so badly but I really wanted to pack my bags and move back to the US, possibly to a part I'd never been before, although namely Hawaii. But now after hearing things that I never heard in the US about the black construct only SIX YEARS AGO, I don't know. It's like I'm a woman without a country.

And now they're telling BW to pack up and think about moving outside of the country...which is fine and wonderful but what about people who wanted to pop back for a bit?

Oy gevalt!

nichtkomisch said...

"Plus - and this is a BIG plus - MEN save their people/cultures/societies from harm/destruction/extinction, and since the vast majority of black males are not interested in behaving like men in this regard, it's simply NOT going to happen."

I forgot to add civilized normal men also police and CALL OUT the negative dangerous behavior of other men and don't look for chickene sh*t excuses to explain abhorrent behavior of damaged males.

And they don't blame/disparage the victims of damaged males in any way.

They call a spade a spade. EVEN when the damaged males are of the same background/race.

This is one area where most so called "good BM" - especially in the media - fail miserably.

Which is yet another sickness of modern black male "culture".

Halima is right. It has NOTHING positive or of worth to offer anyone.


"I do not think that rape should be qualified by the dress of the victim, even if she seems to be a "video vixen" in training. Yet irony always walks tall in American life. Those wanting to preserve their crime were caught by the same kind of electronics that may have influenced their behavior: They used their phones to take pictures and to make videos of what happened. That is how the police found out which young men were to be arrested and charged".

http://articles.nydailynews.com/2011-03-14/news/29142974_1_young-women-hispanic-girl-tucker-carlson

cremedream said...

Wow this article really stunned me, and made me think hard. It’s honestly on an uncompromising level. As a black girl and woman I never felt comfortable around black people. I was branded a sellout a long time ago, seeing as I was smart, shy, soft spoken and artsy (weird). Some folks, including family members, even labeled me as retarded. Forget about light skin vs dark skin (I happen to be dark)… black people did not seem to accept me at all. And I never really GOT the whole "loving black culture" thing because it didn't offer much for people like me, who were interested in worldly things and not complaining constantly about whitey holding me back. Besides, step outside that "blackness" box just a little bit by liking a different style of dress, music, or even wanting to do well in school and you're basically told you're a white wanna-be.
“In the midst of black circles and black networks, if we are really real, we know that we have to maintain a certain impression or else we are in deep trouble. Everything is controlled, your lines are fed you and if you even go off the accepted ‘discourse’ a fraction of a millimetre, the black sheep dogs (usually an older, sharp tongued bw) get you.” Ain’t that the truth! I was a victim of it for too long and it was so liberating to drop the act.
Evia says “black American ‘culture’ was based on PAIN and is saturated with PAIN”. I whole-heartedly agree. Everything about current black culture is tense, painful and lends itself to constant whining and stunted growth as a people. It just seems so backwards in the end. By living outside of it I undoubtedly felt left out, but also avoided the misery that I see sooooo many other BW going through. I live a rich and varied life with my non-black friends, not been hurt by the seriously damaged BM, and not fallen for this “blackness” bullshit. I will always be black, but I will also be ME. So I grew up sort of race agnostic, if that makes any sense. I dated nonBM because those guys were interested in someone like ME, and only they offered what I wanted in terms of intelligence, interests, goals, etc.

Evia said...

@cremedream re:

I will always be black, but I will also be ME. So I grew up sort of race agnostic, if that makes any sense.

Almost everything about this issue has to do with IDENTITY. So, it makes total sense because you CHOSE (with your actions) to self-define and to not define or identify yourself according to the "black" PAIN. Many card-carrying "black" people always keep PAIN as the driver of their lives. Their pain often precedes them.

Pain can be in any person's life, but we can CHOOSE to put it on the back burner and not be known for our pain.

The ONLY 2 identity markers for 'keepin it real' AAs are melanin and PAIN. Not just the melanin, but also the PAIN. That's crucial.

This is why a bw who avoids DBRs, is lighthearted and mixes well with all people (the butterfly) is considered "acting white." To the 'keepin it real' black person, she doesn't appear to be in PAIN, which, to them, is necessary to be authentically "black." This is why most AAs cannot quite accept typical Africans as being really "black." LOL!

As long as bw identify via the pain of their "black" ness, then they're keeping the pipeline to the sick black male culture open to them because we certainly know they're filled with PAIN. Pain seeks pain. This is also why so many bw cling to the sick bm culture.

IMO, bw thrivers need to think, behave, and work hard to shed the "black" label, the same as a company that has negative connotations connected to its name.

After all, IF you have accepted the fact that there is no black "community" any more and if you've accepted that black male culture is sick, then why do you NEED to be a "black" woman? Okay, I know that barely any of you have internalized those 2 facts. You say them, but you have not integrated these 2 facts into your emotional circuitry.

Felicia said...

"After all, IF you have accepted the fact that there is no black "community" any more and if you've accepted that black male culture is sick, then why do you NEED to be a "black" woman? Okay, I know that barely any of you have internalized those 2 facts. You say them, but you have not integrated these 2 facts into your emotional circuitry."

Evia,

I have the feeling that a lot of BW feel they must be "black" ("race women") in order to not let their ancestors down. They know that most BM have dropped the ball completely and they're thinking the legacy of AA's in this country shouldn't be completely abandoned/forgotten. They think they must carry on this pain and fight (alone) against injustice against black people. The "save alla our people" mess again.

What they don't understand is if they fail to marry and mate well with normal, decent, respectful, men with old school values, the African-American culture (pre civil rights and so-called "black power" ) they wish to preserve WILL be lost FOREVER because they failed to pass on their genes, VALUES, out-look on life, etc... to the next generation.

What these BW also fail to realize is that their ancestors would NOT think they're being "sell outs" for marrying normal, high-achieving, respectful, family oriented WM and other non BM.

BW pre civil-rights/"black power" were EXPECTED to MARRY WHOEVER treated them with the love and respect they deserved.

It was considered COMMON SENSE.

The DOWNFALL of black culture (and BW who ascribe to the diseased sick modern black male "culture") started after the "brothas" took the wheel.

Thinking BW determined to live, love, marry, and procreate well need to take the wheel back and drop this "black this and black that" BAGGAGE.

Instead, focus on the FEMALE card which is always the winner.

Africans who are the direct ancestors of all New World black people whether in America, Europe, Latin America, or the Caribbean, EXPECT black women to marry WELL REGARDLESS of "race" IF given the opportunity.

That's simply normal human behavior.

And there are AMPLE opportunities for BW to marry well today in the GLOBAL village.

So... BW feeling "guilty" about something... they need to kick that nonsense to the curb.

The ONLY chance of passing on ANY positive aspect of a culture is if women who get it marry WELL and pass on the positives down to their children.

Evia said...

BW pre civil-rights/"black power" were EXPECTED to MARRY WHOEVER treated them with the love and respect they deserved.

It was considered COMMON SENSE.


Bingo! Down south, marrying as well as possible was the first law of COMMON SENSE for EVERY AA woman! Still is.

I know that my mother, grandmother and all of those southern bw and the bm in my family who I knew who fought in the civil rights struggle in Alabama would say Hallelujah re my marriage to Darren because I LIVE WELL. That's what the struggle was about: LIVING WELL.

So many so-called "Black" folks have lost total sight of the objective. I lived with those authentic "black" folks down there. I knew them. They shaped me. I still know some of them because they are my relatives. They are PROUD of me.

Folks were not just praying, marching, fighting and dying just to have something to do. They had an objective in mind and if most "black" people followed the fluid, morphing dictates of COMMON SENSE, most of them would be living well on all of the key fronts. If living well requires you to drop a label that puts a target on your back, weighs you down, causes you unrelenting PAIN, and worst of all connects you to others who use the connection to poison you, they would say "Drop the effing label." COMMON SENSE! Maybe I need to get some quotes from some of those old black folks still down there about some of this. LOL! They did not mince words.

BeaMae said...

@Felicia

I hope you don't mind another cosign because you got a another one coming from me:)

Excellent breakdown.

Anonymous said...

Yeah...most of this foolishness happened AFTER 1980s....there WAS a black community of some sort until, it seems 1985 and later WHEN women started fighting over MEN and letting them 'out think' us...women are the ones who keep the community and men are the ones who protect it...but these so called modern kneegrows and their PORN RAP arent worth it.

Cicely said...

Felicia said:

"It's about QUALITY NOT color/"race". If a BM comes correct, than he should be a candidate too. BUT, he should NOT get ANY "extra points" for being black. And a BW should ONLY be looking at these important non negotiable qualities I just mentioned. NOT "race"."

I say:

This is TRUTH right here. If black women conducted a clinically cold, hard, honest accounting of black men as potential boyfriends, and later, husbands, compared to other races of men, the percentage of interracial parings for black women would blast off like a rocket.

Because, in an honest "comparison shopping" contest, most black men would lose. That's all there is to it. It wouldn't even be close.

Instead, what happens currently is that simply by being black, a black men qualifies to most sistahs as mate material. That single attribute overrides everyting else that other men bring to the table - fidelity, earning power, parenting skills, protective instincts, etc.

Brenda said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Josie said...

I'm black and I always will be black. I'm very happy being black.

I'm not happy about some other people that are black, and the things they do, but c'est la vie. All I can do is let them do what they're going to do, and hope that everyone else in the world will readily see, that although these blacks may share skin tone with me, we don't share much else - values, behaviour, goals, outlook, etc.

When I marry a white guy, I'll still be black, and I'll still be happy about it, and if I am blessed enough to bear children, my children will be half-black and I'll make sure they're happy about that, because it's a beautiful thing.

I love being black; it's wonderful. What is not wonderful is other black people bringing the brand down with their coonery and violent actions. I try to maintain a lot of space between those people and me, but I never keep my distance from my own blackness; my blackness and I stay snuggled up together day and night.

Anonymous said...

These comments are so on point. There are so many black women who have been life long passengers on the "PAIN TRAIN", that they don't know how to exist in any other environment. As a black women, it is painful to watch the continued deterioration of black men/women in the U.S. and around the globe. The majority of leaders in these African countries appear to care ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about the greater population and cultures in their own yards.

My husband is white and we have been married for almost 21 years now. Its still amusing to see the look on the faces of some black men when we are out and about. Back when we were first married they used to try and intimidate my husband, who was having "NONE O' DAT". What's comical is that I am almost 100% sure none of these men would have looked in my direction had we not been together.

I don't owe the BC anything; what I usually received from them was jeering and taunting about being "too black" and acting "too white". The BC for most, even on a good day, is usually a boiling cauldron of put downs and smack downs that are designed to kill your spirit; crabs in a barrel.