Oh dear, just as soon as I thought I would have a spare moment to begin work on the Facebook page I find myself thrown into a personal time sapping project. For those who have signed up and those who requested for invites, I am on the case, so please be patient with me!
I tell black women that they have to learn to become side steppers per excellence, this I believe is the primary task which confronts black women today because there are just too many obstacles, traps, plans etc that are laid out ahead of each individual black woman. People want black women to be this or that and there is a 'rig' in the system that helps folks conveyor belt black women towards these designated and appropraite 'places' and roles determined for black womanhood.
You must learn to side-step peoples expectations, their traps, side step the places they have prepared for you to occupy, side step their anger when you dont comply... all the while doing it with a smile on your face pretending you dont see their consternation and incredulity when you dont go the path they feel is the one you are meant to be on.
The modern black woman who will succeed will be a 'secret agent' in pursuit of her interests, and she must carry it all out with stealth ane finesse.
An aside here, I found myself thinking the other day about how black women who boast twice the college degrees of black men and etc are easily manipulated by these same black men who dont have as many degrees and qualifications. These men are able to control many bw who boast of having PHDs and the likes, wow! I was watching this manipulation/control dynamic unfold the other day on a black website, how as soon as a certain black woman began to say things that were essentially 'shooting herself in the foot', all of a sudden she acquired a whole host of black male cheerleaders who suddenly materialized to encourage her in her foot shooting 'enterprise'. I sat there shaking my head with a wry smile.
Have you noticed that black men are in no way confused about where their interests lie! You couldnt even convince a black man who is drunk to change the dynamics of a situation to change to flow against his interest, you cannot convince a black man who is half asleep to work against his direct self interest the way that black women do as a matter of course. Like a heat seeking missle, a black man knows where his interests lies even if hidden under layers of rubble or crisscrossed with a thousand and one options.
Yet faced with the choice of doing something to damage their interests and doing something that would further their inetersts, it is black women who are often scratching their heads wondering which they should take, and that is of course if they are able to distinguish between the two in the first place!
Whenever I see a situation online where a gaggle of black men have gathered to cheer a black woman on, just know that woman has a gun pointed at her foot!
Anyway learn to side step peoples schemes and plans, their machinations, their ideas of where you should be placed as a black woman, what weight you should embrace, what reward for your efforts, essentially the pillars of your identity. You will even get pressured by black women into these appropraite roles for the black woman so in essence you have to learn to do this side-stepping dance with all and everyone.
Take time out to create a picture of who you are and what kind of life you want to lead and your goals for different areas of life, make it as detailed as possible. Over time you can refine this picture of you, afterall we all change and so does our priorities, as we get shaped and changed by life and by encounters with people, places and ideas, however at least you will begin your refining with a clear understanding of what you want for yourself and what you are departing from.
It is important to know yourself before others tell you who you are and as a black woman many such others will want to 'plug' you into their set up, their ideals and their vision of the world. Apparently for many, black women are not and cannot be independent entities with the rights to self-determination. If black women choose to go against what is expected or deemed right for them, it seems to unbalance the 'identity' of a whole host of third parties!
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