Sunday, November 17, 2013

What a wrong detour could cost

If the wrong idea takes root in your thinking it could take you off course.

For some it could be twenty years before they come back to their senses and by the time they do, they could have lost so much time and so many lifecycle-dependent opportunities could have been lost forever. No one is going to give you an entry level job at 45, you are supposed to have placed yourself at middle management in the career path of your choice by then, that's why career changes can be very difficult at certain ages except of course you bring transferable skills with you.

The wise king Solomon said 'there is time for everything'. It is important to make sure that wrong ideas, and experimental ideas that lead most but a very few to ruin don't take root in you and equally important to look around and see what others are doing and take a kind of 'bearing' check from the activities of your age cohort. Be aware of certain things you should be doing at certain times in your life even if you do decide eventually that you do not want these things. If you hope to pursue them then make sure you are attending to them when you should.

Yes it might seem boring and conventional to trace out your life path along the same lines as the rest of humanity, you may kiss your teeth at having the same mundane choices to fulfill as your mother and grandmother before, indeed there is this push in society now for people to cast off 'structure' and just float or not commit, for many though there will be lots of regrets. Often travelling in certain sections of my metropolis, I see many older gentlemen who didn't put down roots, making a nuisance of themselves accosting women, looking for the attention they should have secured earlier on in life. But many of these men felt they would be tied down or trapped to 'commit' to their girlfriends at the time. Many found it hilarious and macho to play about with their 'gals' feelings and need for commitment.  

There are too many ideas floating around in our world today that can transfix people and take them off a healthy life course. They might be in a strange place for 40 years just like the children of Israel in the wilderness, before the 'spell' is broken. You have to find a way of directing yourself aright and have some anchors to a place of sanity and commonsense, especially in this day and age where people create social theories (some just for the heck of it) and push these ideas out there for the most gullible to test it out for them.

I have argued that black women are acting at a disadvantage because there is a clear and critical component of guidance and direction that is missing for black women. Some of us are actually the first in our families to experience certain achievements or get to certain social levels therefore no one has gone before us and can show us the ropes. Parents and elders who often know less about the social terrain and how to make it work for them are in the position of guides for black women! They thus offer no insight, no principles that can form the foundation for a successful life or enable their daughters survive the hostile and predatory wider world. Often there is also the toxic dynamic where black women are structured to just be there to resource others and a specific kind of 'training' that turns black women into community mules is delivered from a young age until she becomes a person who acts against her clear interests and becomes adept at forming relationships in which she is host to parasitic others.    

Some 'pyramid selling' ideas are all around you: single parenthood, careless living and not forming attachments and commitments, putting your hope in 'big' government. These ideas will fail the bulk of those who adopt them (that's why I call them pyramid selling ideas because only a few at the peak of the pyramid who embrace these ideas will come out unscathed while most who form the base will rue the day!). 

Humanity has indeed evolved but not to the point where we can jettison tried and tested principles that have worked for past generations, no matter how far removed our lives seem . The principles of commonsense acting, thrift as a lifestyle and building healthy networks and connections will out last shiny modern day gadgetry.

Next blog post 1st Dec

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ak said...

I realised these things finally later than life and wished I could have realised them much earlier but oh well at least now I know!

Halima said...

Hey ak, send me an email. I got something to discuss with you...

Faith said...

This is a bitter pill to swallow and very true.