We shall be exploring in the coming days and weeks, the key assumptions around which a core group of us 'relationship activists' (often called IR bloggers) base our work. This is to enable a greater understanding and better clarity of why we choose to frame our discussions, articles and even our on-the-ground work, the way we do. This is also that we all know what our position is regarding a range of issues as opposed to what others project onto us or say is our position. Hopefully those who do not share some of these core views can also begin to have a clear idea how they deviate and streghten their own perspective.
Key assumptions include:
• We do not lump all interracial dating together. We regard black male interracial dating as distinctly different in character from black female interracial dating and recognise that black male interracial dating has historically born the hallmarks of being founded upon a rejection of and discrimination against black women.
We recognise the different motivations of black male interracial dating and that of black female interracial dating. We recognise that black female interracial dating is often driven by the unavailability of black male partners(traditional dating pool) , a situation which interracial dating among black men contributes to. This means that black women’s interracial choices are not a direct rejection of black males as can be argued in the case of black men, whose motivations cannot be linked to unavailability of black female partners, yet whose interracial dating rates are higher than black females.
One of the key reasons why we do not promote all interracial relationships or create a space for all interracial dating, is that we recognise that some interracial relationship combinations are based upon notions that denigrate black women. We recognise the social context and climate within which interracial choices are made and are not ignorant of the fact that in a society that builds up white feminity and demotes black feminity, choices to date interracially are often made to exclude black women.
While we recognise that there are many general interracial dating sites promoting an idea of interracial relationships as progressive and rising above societal racism and prejudice, we see this as a very idealistic view of interracial dating and their underlying motivations. The reality is that we preserve and promote black women's choices within a climate that seeks to denigrate and deny them, and this shapes the tone, vigour and bias of our work.
Black women often feel that they cannot legitimately support interracial dating for black women without supporting interracial dating for black men however, we are of a different view. We believe that black men have a right to date who they wish but we do not feel any urge to embrace or be generous towards any interracial choices that are founded upon a rejection, and denigration of black women.
• We believe in propagating the message of black women availing themselves of all their dating options, and in particular the interracial dating options, and in particular their opportunities with white men who constitute the largest group of available men in the West. We do not believe that black women automatically slide into interracial dating and thus there is no need for setting up blogs or having discussions on the interracial option. We do not believe that simplistic notions about dating like ‘love has no color’, or ‘you love who you love’ etc, capture or speak to the realities and context within which black women make their dating and relationship choice.
We believe that black women are both socialised against, socially restrained from and directed away from taking up their ‘full dating options’, in various ways and throughout their lives. We believe that black women must be communicated the truth about broadening their options of men particularly at a time and point when it has becomes expedient to do so. We also realise that black women are on the receiving end of deliberate misguidance around relationships and misdirection about critical issues that impact their in-group dating opportuntities. This is done sometimes deliberately but also is a traditional pattern of ushering black women towards community approved mate choices. So we communicate the advantages of ‘full options dating’ and we also expose the deliberate deceptions about the sufficiency of in-group dating alone, we also challenge the blind behaviour patterns and unquestioned acceptance and belief of rules, regulations and social mores that are issued to black women from their group, and which results in their deepening disadvantage on the dating and marriage market.
To be Continued…..
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