Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Some black women are holding up the traffic aka MindGuards
Tom Teichman is a Founder shareholder and Vice Chairman of Dialog, one of the world's largest on-line business information companies. He has been married to Sandra (Ghanian/Barbadian) for 10 years and they have a son.
Scroll down to see Sandra
Some black women are consumed with worry that their noses and weaves and etc will disqualify them from dating beyond their race.
Well I guess Sandra wasnt!
Some black women will really be shocked to discover that the things they firmly believe men are after are not necessarily what they think!
Holding up the traffic? How?
As black women we tend to take our cues from the 'alpha females' among us. I have seen this dynamic play out so many times that I dont doubt it any longer. I have seen how an idea suddenly becomes 'ok with me' or legitimate, because another black woman who is esteemed and looked up to, agrees with the idea. Before then, a black woman might recognise it as the truth from weighing up the issue for herself, yet will pull back and manufacture excuses which will magically get resolved once she sees sister A (who she deems as at the top of the pyramid) agree with the view.
It is indeed fascinating to study the dynamics existing in the black group particularly those that we strongly deny. Many of us (including myself) will claim to have independent minds for sure lol!
This 'deferring' to the endorsing personality rather than what we sense as the truth is however a very powerful 'checking' force among black women. It means that some women, well aware of their power to 'allow' certain ideas and conversations to take place, can position themselves as obstacles to black women moving on, moving forward and doing what is logical and needed. These women (consciously or unconsciously) knowing that they are being looked upon to broach certain topics for instance, and by so doing confirm them as issues of importance, validity and urgency or they are being looked upon to set the pace, context, tone and direction for the deliberation, might decided to hold back or give a negative or luke warm response, knowing this attitude will carry along. These women are mindguards — self-appointed group members who shield others from or block out dissenting information.
For instance some 'influencial' black women know that if they dont raise the topic of broader dating options on their forums etc, their audience will think that its not an important issue or it doesnt concern them, or 'nothing needs to change in the way I am conducting affairs'. Imagine how such women who have personal 'issues' with dating white men for instance can stymie a very important and necessary exploration or discussion for other black women at this critical time because of this. I am particularly worried when such women claim to be open minded, or they claim they can rise above their personal bias, or they say they have an open forum that will discuss honestly all issues pertaining to black women etc (when in the analysis of it they do not). This claim in itself elicits undeserved trust and belief from women who take them at their word and respond to their writings and etc without recognizing that they are unable to have an honest discussion.
A simple way of looking at what transpires is that alpha female says, 'I hate white men and the idea of dating white men or the notion of giving up on black love thus; I will not allow my forum etc to be used to explore this key issue, or I will weave a crafty article which will have the net effect of keeping black women where they already are.
Indeed, for some 'alpha females', its all about giving a superficial treatment to the topic and thus communicating no urgency or need for action (which they realise with their logical minds there should be). Instead they create an impression from their writing and in their forums that there is 'no big deal to the situation,' 'you will get by, you dont need to consider this an issue to look into personally' etc etc.
All over blogosphere, black female bloggers are coming up with the understanding that the black group suffers as a result of a lack of critical knowledge and it does appear that there is a deliberate blocking of such knowledge, which has itself become a commodity and tool for control and dominace. Never underestimate the ability of those who have access to knowlege (or knowledge portals) to control it, ration it and to give it a parculiar twist to either create, or sustain a situation of their liking among others or maintain a social gap between themselves and the rest, which then accrues some material or social benefits. Indeed one of the key problems of the black group is the fact that it continues to depend on knowledge, power and political brokers to make transactions on its behalf, while the rest of the population operates at a substantial deficit in all these areas. A very corrupting interface is thus created for the brokers, particularly when these brokers are interfacing for other black people with the wider white society.
Now some of us will have to answer for how we have used our positions and influence to control and cripple others, but individual black woman have to decided wether they want others to hold up their lives like traffic and indeed if you have commonsense and understanding and yet would rather defer to personality, then thats on you really!
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Posted by Halima at 2:12 pm