Wednesday, June 03, 2009

'I think you glorify white men and make them out as saviours'

Gloria and the late TRex

Would you not say you lift white men up as saviours?

I would say that that speaks more to the fact that the person making such a comment, has been carefully trained to see any positive discussion of white men as worship. You see, when people have been indoctrinated to dwell on the evils of white men and never see or say anything good about them, then even speaking of them in the most nuetral of terms, brings on charges of ‘white worship’.

We cannot deny the following:

White men are the largest group of men available to women in the western hemisphere therefore it is logical that they be the main focus of any attempts of black women to expand their traditional dating options.

White men at present ‘recommend’ themselves in terms of a range of social indicators. Pointing out their positive scorings on these indicators is not worshipping it is simply noting the facts.

White men occupy a negative position in the overall black narrative, pointing out the positives of white men or pointing out that there are ‘created’ myths about white men in black narratives particularly aimed at keeping black women negative about them, is not worshipping, rather it is actually balancing out an unfair and negative picture that works more to the detriment of black women.

I repeat, we (particularly black women), have been carefully taught that saying anything even slightly positive about white men, is tantamount to worship. In the mindset of ‘white men are so evil and the source of everything evil', even acknowledging a white man's good golf swing amounts to ultimate worship. This is the kind of perceptional calibration we are dealing with.

The instructions for black women are clear, ‘See nothing good in white men’, ‘Only see and talk on the evil and negative in the actions of white men’, ‘If you observe any good in a white man then that means you are in alignment with white supremacy‘.

Women who obey these injunctions are the ones who have such a knee jerk reaction to anyone saying anything slightly positive about a white male. They rush to annihilate any black woman who didn’t get the memo about how they ought to be speaking about white males.

In addition, in popular black discourses and narratives, you sense that just like a see-saw, the elevating of black men has been carefully tied and secured to the downing of white men.

So up white man (or anything interpreted as upping white man) automatically means downing black man. And this is the notion that black people are responding to when they ‘knee-jerk’ into accusing others of worshipping white men.

We must not forget also how black women are expected not to mention their positive experiences with white men, and how this is seen as doing white male obeisance. If black women want to talk about their real and positive experiences here, they feel compelled to doctor their statements to show they are not saying that all white men are wonderful, yet anyone with a smatering of comonsense should already know that this is not what is being said. Why then do black women feel a need to qualify and make certain of things which should be comonsense?

Many black women take pains to down play any white-male positive comments or introduce a range of caveats or weave round and round just to make a straightforward comment. For an instance and instead of saying ‘He (white man), is the best boyfriend I ever had’, the acceptable version of events is:

‘There are good and bad in every race, it so happens I found a white man who loves me and treats me right’.

I am yet to see equal desperation in black women to similarly ‘qualify’ their good experiences with black men by saying perhaps, ‘It so happens I found a black man who treats me right’. On the contrary, black women are under strain to convey that there a hordes and hordes of ‘do right’ brothas out there for black women.

Let me mention here that I do not think IR bloggers claim that there is a mainstream white male stampede for black women. Instead there is the realisation of an existence of a sub section of white men who can and do provide appropriate and satisfactory partnering prospects for black women and there are good odds and in some cases, even better odds of dating these than dating black men. We have also pointed out that some of the believed ideas about white men's taste, and habits and preferences are indeed ‘political stories’ used to put black women 'off' white men.

Yes there is racism which has implications for the chances and choices that are available to black women, but good prospects are to be found particularly by black women who take advantage of their full range of dating opportunities.

Get clued up about interracial dating, read the Interracial Dating E-Book

Send your questions to (I will try my best to give a reply/answer)


sistrunkqueen said...

Thanks Halima for this commentary. I am glad that you and Sara are still on message. You are so right about the availabilty of white men to date. I have one who is trying to contact me now for dating.

Pamela said...

bw that blog are trying to reveal what options are available to other bw that want to date/marry. Because of this they have to reveal what reasons are hindering that process, mainly mental strongholds about (1) their allegiance to dating only bm aka support for the black race and (2) wondering if men from other races will find them attractive. wm are the largest group of men in this country. They are also the so-called scourge when it comes to the bc. Bloggers are NOT saying that wm are it. They hit this issue because the bc does not rail on other races of men like they do wm. That is the only reason I feel.

shermyb said...

Excellent post!!!!! Keep 'em comin'!!!

Martine Bernard said...

Halima you are a blessing to BW everywhere. I have been blessed to have had several longterm relationships with wonderful white men who have truly "cherished" me as a Woman! Thankyou for remaining BW that a negitive perspective regarding WM is not balanced, healthy or honest. IF I had waited to have had my beauty celebrated by BM, I would have waited forever.BW, please stop waiting, Claim Your Joy, Happiness, & Good NOW!!!

Felicia said...

Thank you Halima for giving your thoughtful (and IMO very truthful) analysis of a situation that ultimately only hurts BW in the end. And is meant to by design.

You've touched on a "sacred cow" issue really and have broken down the elements quite well.

White women have historically and to this day played just as much of a part in the oppression of black people and specifically BM.

So to be fair and honest, any discussion of past (or present) misdeeds perpetrated against black people by whites MUST also include white women.

And if this is not the case - and it never is - a light bulb should be going of in a black woman's mind if she's of reasonable intelligence.

Besides, individuals white, black, and other aren't responsible for what their ancestors did and should only be judged on their current behavior.

To make a long story short, IMO actions speak louder than words.

Therefor BW interested in exercising their full options shouldn't "explain" their reasons for doing so to anyone. Black, white, or other. They just need to EXERCISE those options.

Anyone with an undamaged, non biased, non racist brain can clearly see why a BW would prefer being loved, cherished, respected, and honored regardless of the color/"race" of her beloved.

Because it makes perfect sense. Because it's natural to be in a normal respectful and reciprocal relationship.

My advice would be for BW to CUT ties immediately with any person and/or social group they feel they have to "explain" themselves to.

Adults should act like adults and not children looking for the approval of a parent.

What you described Halima in my mind is tantamount to attempted mind control.

VERY cult like lock step behavior.

The antipathy to freedom and free choice.

If intense fear, anxiety, and or shame is involved in a relationship - ANY significant relationship - that is a BAD sign.

Because those who truly love and support you will do so whether you're in an IR relationship or not.

Again, thank you for breaking this mess down.

BWF said...

In addition, in popular black discourses and narratives, you sense that just like a see-saw, the elevating of black men has been carefully tied and secured to the downing of white men.


Yes. I see this all the time within black oriented media. "The white man is the devil" blah... blah... blah... While white females are conventently left out of the equation.

The sad part is most black women will never question or challenge black males SELF SERVING demagoguery.

Mo said...


I love how you had the see-saw diagram to illustrate the concept of how some in the black community think when comparing black men to white men.