Monday, August 10, 2009

The Results are in

From www.divorcereform.org/black.html

"Today the number of children born into a black marriage averages less than 0.9 children per marriage (less than one per family). "The birthrates of black married women have fallen so sharply that absent out-of-wedlock childbearing, the African American population would not only fail to reproduce itself, but would rapidly die off."


Thanks Felicia for locating this information, what would we do without your research!

Now if this doesnt remove the rose colored glasses from the eyes of black unity aggitators I wonder what will. Indeed, do folks understand what is being said here? In case you missed it, black marriages and the children they produce, can no longer sustain the black community numbers as we have them. The marriage numbers of black folk and the resultant children have so bottomed out, that left to this group alone, we are looking at the so called black community (which essentially and really means the black head count) dying off in who knows, say as little as 3-4 generations.

So to the rescue have come single black women, taking up the task of supplying and topping up the numbers of black folk born. I remember reading Mitchelle Wallace's book years ago where she said that black women see themselves as responsible for birthing the black army. I rolled my eyes at that one, but I can now see how this underlying meme, could be informing the actions of black women, who looking around and seeing the gross disinterest in black men over the fate of the black community, decide to just 'keep things going' for black people, to just keep birthing black children without support, and do this so at least black people do not physically disappear if ever black people should rise up.

All of us know of women who have said, 'Well now that there is no black man come for me, I'll just have kids.' This is all part of it.

Indeed if for black women, it was just about having children and not the political act of 'topping up' black numbers, then black women would be willing to explore other options for fathering these kids not just black men. Indeed if it was just about black women loving the OOW lifestyle then they would have as many OOW for all races of men, white, black, Asian, Native American. Instead you see that black womens OOW status is significantly confined within the race.

Women of every group have offspring, that is what they do, it is a fact of life. However it is the men of the group that decide wether these women will be having these children within the confines of a marriage relationship or not. I repeat,
women of child bearing age will have children one way or another. It is the men who decide wether these childen will be born in or out of wedluck.

I indeed hear arguments blaming black women for opening their legs to irresponsible men, but do the folks who speak so realize that they have these single black mothers to thank for sustaining the numbers of black people existing in this country. Are they willing to now say that black women should not have children OOW even if this sets blacks on a clear path to extinction. hmmm...

Black women are simply displaying their utter commitment to having black children even without any support because as I said above, at the end of the day, if this was simply about ‘promiscuity and getting paid and whatever, black women would be doing the OOW dance across the board and with white, black and Mexican etc (and particularly with better odds of some support from other men). Yep those who blame black women for having OOW please note that without OOW there would be almost no black population for the future.

By the way and for clarification, I am not in favour of black women 'doing it alone.' I am simply pointing out that the whole idea that black men have the will and inclination to build a black community is false and black women waiting for and relying on black men is sadly misguided as a result. The high OOW of black women points clearly to black women wanting to continue the black agenda in the absense of black male participation!




Black women Well and Truly punked!


And I got this one off Khadija's Blog (please see the sidebar link to The Mind Workout) and all thanks to the commentor Beverly for these stats.

While 42 percent of Black men were now married, just 31 percent of Black women were married when Census 2000 was taken. The LOWEST PROPORTION FOR WOMEN OF ANY RACE or origin groups. The 10 percentage-point difference in the percentage of Black men and Black women who were now married was the largest difference between men and women in any of the groups.

(source: http://www.census.gov/prod/2003pubs/c2kbr-30.pdf)


So while y'all were sitting at home waiting patiently for your black prince to come for you, they were out there cranking up their own marriage numbers till now they give you an eleven point lead. Wow! And you can imagine what the numbers are today 9 years later. Jesus take the wheel!

Even though on a whole, men are supposed to have rates of marriage slightly more elevated than women(because of the higher numbers of women to men), it is a big shame on women of any group to have men more married than them at such a greater rate. It underscores once again that black women have lost sight of self-care.

All I can say again is 'Black women, wake up'. 'People are laughing at you not with you'!

Halima is on Break

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39 comments:

ActsofFaithBlog said...

If this is the case then I'd rather see the population fall. Perhaps the misleaders of the CRIC would pull their heads out of the sand sooner. This army of black women having fatherless children presents it's own set of problems for the quality of life of the ones still here. The population of black males has been in steady decline as well. Black women already outnumber them. There's still too much of a willingness to settle for crumbs from black men instead of having a feast by selecting a man of any race with caliber.

Divine Purpose said...

"Women of every group have offspring, that is what they do, it is a fact of life. However it is the men of the group that decided wether these women will be having these children within the confines of a marriage relationship or not."

This stuck out STRONG to me. In patriarchy, yeah patriarchy, men are the controlling and ruling oppressor class. To not recognize, or speak to this truth, is to do a great disservice to your comment.

It's not that black women who are waiting around for the black prince charming to come rescue them are stupid, or guilty of their own ill fate. We have to link it back to a systemic oppression that many of us, of all races, have internalized and that is misogyny and patriarchy. It is patriarchy that values a woman for marrying a man, and it is racialized misogyny that keeps her wanting to be with black men, only.

You said:
"I indeed hear arguments blaming black women for opening their legs to for irresponsible men, but do the folks who speak so realize that they have these single black mothers to thank for sustaining the numbers of black people existing in this country."

An even more poignant piece is the misogyny in the "opening her legs to irresponsible men" refrain. Where, exactly, is the responsibility of these men? Patriarchy has taught us that the only time we are to partake of sex is to please men, or to have children. When the men we're pleasing have gotten us pregnant the "keep your legs closed" bs starts. Women can, and do, enjoy sex; I don't see anything wrong with it. What I do have a problem with is when the responsibility is placed solely on female shoulders. I understand that we cannot rely on men to make decisions in our best interest (such as being in a relationship with a man, getting pregnant then watching him run like the dickens from the responsibility), but I still do not think that the responsibility for having children OOW should be on women alone. I don’t think you mean to say that, but I’m trying to point out to you how that *is* what the argument is saying. Maybe you see this point, and didn’t mention it.

Whether or not black women partner with white men, misogyny and patriarchy are still a part of our reality, and do factor into how ppl respond. I am quite sure that any time I get grief from some ignorant bitter black person re-my marriage, it's coming from a very misogynist place. Black women who call me a "sell out" for um taking care of myself and best interest, are deriding me as a woman, which is a great tool in patriarchy. We cannot undo one system, without linking it to, and acknowledging another.

Divine Purpose said...

"There's still too much of a willingness to settle for crumbs from black men instead of having a feast by selecting a man of any race with caliber."

Can I first just say I'm so happy to be free of the brainwashing we all receive as black womeen. Had I not been free of this mess, I'd have been deeply offended by this commment and replied with the bs we all have to hear from women who aren't yet awake to the reality they face.

Women will call this comment "bashment" and all sorts of other bs. I call it truth. If there were all these "elligible black bachelors" as is typically touted to any suggestion of IR dating, then why the hell are the stats where they are? Why is it that 31% of BW are married to BM, then?

What sucks the most is that too often black women get involved with black men, less than worthy of her, have a baby with him, only to wake up and realize he is a piece of crap, and then moves on with her life. By then she is already a single black mother, and has already brought a child into that reality.

We have got to reject the conditioning we all receive as women! It's the only way we will be fully liberated from these ideals.

Anonymous said...

THANK YOU Halima! This is a POWERFUL stat to say the least! Hopefully, it will finally SHUT UP the minions of "Not ALL bruthas abandon BW to go marry/date other race wimmins!"

Khadija said...

Faith said, "If this is the case then I'd rather see the population fall. Perhaps the misleaders of the CRIC would pull their heads out of the sand sooner. This army of black women having fatherless children presents it's own set of problems for the quality of life of the ones still here."

I 100% co-sign. At some point, AAs need to grow up and recognize that quality is more important that quantity. A "head-count" by itself does NOT do anything for a people. It's better to have smaller numbers of highly functional people than to have huge numbers of fatherless nuts. Mass fatherlessness breeds anarchy, chaos, and group self-detruction. We see the proof of this everyday in AA residential areas.

A group's progress is determined by its percentage of highly functional people within the group, NOT based on raw-number head counts. Just look at the Jewish people for proof of this.

Peace, blessings and solidarity.

Felicia said...

"There's still too much of a willingness to settle for crumbs from black men instead of having a feast by selecting a man of any race with caliber."

AND...

"I 100% co-sign. At some point, AAs need to grow up and recognize that quality is more important that quantity. A "head-count" by itself does NOT do anything for a people. It's better to have smaller numbers of highly functional people than to have huge numbers of fatherless nuts. Mass fatherlessness breeds anarchy, chaos, and group self-destruction. We see the proof of this everyday in AA residential areas."

I co-sign 1000%. It's about QUALITY REGARDLESS of "race"/ethnicity/nationality. Finding a man of the HIGHEST caliber around who is husband and father material. Those BW who refuse to use common sense in the area of relationships, will continue to suffer as will their innocent children.

Generationally. They will continue to suffer alone, and for all intents and purposes be forgotten by most.

As the world keeps spinning.

They won't even be afterthoughts until one (or more) of their once innocent children gets mixed up with trouble and gets locked up.

Then these single BW birthing an "army" (SMH and the stupidity of this nonsense) of helpless powerless dependents (some of whom are bound to become predators) will be blamed 100% for the negative outcome.

And the cycle will continue... Until complications due to AIDS, high-blood pressure, diabetes, obesity, abuse, crime, etc... cut a bamboozled black woman's life short.

As controversial as this may sound, I also believe that quality is more important than quantity when it comes to population numbers. Smaller numbers of moral, family oriented, highly functioning and economically competitive people is preferable to large masses of folks who are basically going down the tubes.

What use are higher numbers (many of whom are unloved and were unplanned to begin with) when there's a corresponding higher rate of suffering, abandonment, and early death.

Divine Purpose said...

I know what I said is pretty radical... and not too many hetero women are interested in feminism. I know, used to be that way.

however, discussion on black women being captive in the ideal that we can single handedly save the race, is null without also including patriarchy and male supremacy in the discussion. People are hinting at it, Halima even you are hinting at it, but for some reason no one will come out and say it. Maybe it's already been done, but most of the comments are all, still, woman blaming. smh

The way women and men are conditioned in patriarchal societies contributes largely to how we act and interact with one another. Sitting up talking about how black men don't have it together (while true) does a huge disservice to ourselves and our sisters, when we won't link it to an even greater cause. Halima has pointed out how black men are assigning us roles under white supremacy... does no one see how they're also doing this, and we to ourselves, under male supremacy?

Anonymous said...

..."What use are higher numbers (many of whom are unloved and were unplanned to begin with) when there's a corresponding higher rate of suffering, abandonment, and early death."...
---------------------------------------

Couple charged in baby's death

http://abclocal.go.com/wls/story?section=news/local&id=6945462

A "Black Army".

Aphrodite said...

I have stalked this post for a while bc I have nothing to add. I am no longer surprised just saddened like nothing else at how bad things are. I wish that BW had starting jumping ship about 20 years ago.


The only thing I can do is keep trying to talk to younger and younger BW to steer them into more sensible options for marriage.

bellydancer said...

Divine Purpose Said:

I know what I said is pretty radical... and not too many hetero women are interested in feminism. I know, used to be that way.
however, discussion on black women being captive in the ideal that we can single handedly save the race, is null without also including patriarchy and male supremacy in the discussion.


Bellydancer says:
Divine that is so true if you notice now a lot of the bm bloggers are blaming feminism for the cause of the cessation of the black family and then will turn around and sprout off male domination theory that caused the feminist movement in the first place.
By obliterating black women's rights they (bm) think they can slip into the wm role and rule things. Wrong wm see how bm take care of things in their own hoods and are like "no thank you" which of course in turn makes bm try harder to dominate bw.
Even the professional ones who divested years ago and live with ww or other races feel like they still have say so in matters concerning the old black community.
Some even try to control other professional black women for fear of competition by uttering silly statements like "I want a wife not a business partner, keep the house and kids in order, why you work so much, why do you earn more than me, if only you would do what I say,just cuz you make more than me don't mean you run me, I lead you follow and other even more aggressive statements and actions that sometimes even lead to violence.

Divine Purpose said...

“Divine that is so true if you notice now a lot of the bm bloggers are blaming feminism for the cause of the cessation of the black family and then will turn around and sprout off male domination theory that caused the feminist movement in the first place.
By obliterating black women's rights they (bm) think they can slip into the wm role and rule things.”

So its NOT just me. Lol Good.

I was just reading the blog of one man, and he created a list: How to not be a black male supremacist. Yet as I’m reading his other writings, he exhibits some of the same behaviors he identifies as being oppressive to women and black women especially. They will never ever get it, it isn’t my goal to help them get it. My goal is to help US get that THEY will NOT get it. They will use any tactic available to promote their selfish goals at one upping white men. If that means they blame feminism, they will do it. If it means that they reject that they are capable of privilege, because their black skin leaves them oh so down trodden, they will do that too. Even if it means that they marginalize, pornify, and completely denigrate black women!
Privilege is a taboo word for bm, they associate privilege with whiteness, but that isn’t the case. White hetero males are the most dominant group, yes, but since abolition men’s rights, black men that is, have been fought for, secured, and promoted, especially by black men. So this isn’t new to us! We cannot afford to ignore this war black men have waged on women, and that was my point here. Black men have internalized the WORST of white supremacy, and part of that supremacy is male supremacy/dominance. Black men continually exhibit these same characteristics they hate in “the man.”

“Some even try to control other professional black women for fear of competition by uttering silly statements like "I want a wife not a business partner, keep the house and kids in order, why you work so much, why do you earn more than me, if only you would do what I say,just cuz you make more than me don't mean you run me, I lead you follow and other even more aggressive statements and actions that sometimes even lead to violence.”

This is just the lowest of the low! And here lies the problem in black relationships. To many men subscribe to sexist ideals of gender roles and false masculinity. You are not more of a man because the little wife cooks your meals and washes your drawers! You are not more of a man because your wife isn’t as educated/successful/ambitious as you. I will be honest, black men turned me OFF because I kept hearing this same kind of crap. I’m not ashamed to say that either. I never wanted a man who thought he had to be the best at everything. I don’t buy the macho bull that they’re selling. When I was 19 I moved out on my own and was working. I went on a double date with my sister, and the guy I was “dating” told me “You’re too independent. No man is going to want you. You’re only 19 and you have your own apartment? Why aren’t you home with your parents? The only man who will want you is a man who is smart enough to let you work while he rides.” Needless to say, I set him straight and never spoke to him again, but that has stuck with me. What he meant, and what he should have said is, no BLACK man is going to want you. The only BLACK man who will want you is one who is smart enough to let you work while he rides. Because that is what happens now in young black America.

Divine Purpose said...

All of my girlfriends are in school, many of them have created their own businesses and are doing their damn thing. Their boyfriends? Lazy, shiftless, nothings who ride the girls coat tails. We’re all 21- 25 and are doing our thing, going to school, working, setting ourselves up for our futures, and the pickins are SLIM. So everyone is looking at me like how the hell did you end up married… I stopped limiting myself to black men. They’re free to be sexist, racist, control freaks if they wanna be, I don’t have to tolerate that.

That is why I love, and direct ppl, to this blog here. Because too many young black women subscribe to the idea of black women needing black men. WE DO NOT NEED black men to be our husbands/fathers of our children. Good man does NOT = black, and we’ve been taught that it does.

bellydancer said...

"To many men subscribe to sexist ideals of gender roles and false masculinity."


To add to that bw will also hold up some of these same ideals to justify staying with bm or to keep other bw from straying to far off the ranch.
I was literally cussed out on another forum the other day because a bw poster was listing reasons why she liked black men of course the very first thing she listed was that she heard white men had small penises.
Now all I did was respond and say that is a known tactic that bm use to disuade interracial dating. This chick cussed me out and you know I had to get her back so I told her this "you must be one of those mammy guardogs who think bm are above criticism" and of course a whole lot of other things that I cannot say here (lol) she then responded back to me in caps" I WILL DEFEND BLACK MEN"
I did not respond to that silly heffa who obviously was either too young to know better or a bm pretending to be a bw.
With the influx of articles lately about why black women are single at such large numbers and some hinting that we might want to look elsewhere it is only a matter of time before people show their true colors.

aladydivine said...

"I did not respond to that silly heffa who obviously was either too young to know better or a bm pretending to be a bw."

I cannot say too young to know better. I'm 23, met my hubby at 20 and we been together ever since. So not all of us youngins are blinded by the black male as king bull.

I will say that too many black women don't get how defending black mens every negative move is imposed upon us via gender and race based misconceptions. I feel bad for black women who defend black men to the death, while they run around sewing their oats, and basically treating black women as if we're breeders or some sh*t.

You cannot help this type of woman, bellydancer. That silly woman is trolling IR blogs posting stupidness about how big black mens d*cks are... whateva. I'd have said this to her:

Well you and your large penis be happy together. If sex is all that matters to you then you will have no problem finding a black man, since sex and not marriage seems to be their primary interest.

There is more to a man and a relationship than how big a penis is. This tells you right here she has problems far beyond being closed to IR dating, sis.

BWF said...

WE DO NOT NEED black men to be our husbands/fathers of our children. Good man does NOT = black

____________________

Girl you better preach it!!

aladydivine said...

BWF thank you. BTW ladies Divine Purpose and aladydivine are the same. Both are me, one is the name I use on blogs the other the name of my blog.

Hapi said...

hello... hapi blogging... have a nice day! just visiting here....

Pamela said...

Yep those who blame black women for having OOW please note that without OOW there would be almost no black population for the future.

Is there not the option of married black women choosing to have more children?

Anonymous said...

"Yep those who blame black women for having OOW please note that without OOW there would be almost no black population for the future."

Please note that the continuation of the black race in America (one already mixed) is not the job of black women. If the black race, a minority in America, were to totally cease in this country black people would continue to exist.

Because most blacks live in Africa. Then, you have Brazil, and the Caribbean.

Let BM care about "racial survival". That burden will not be placed on me.

Black women can continue this breeder mentality if they want to but they will continue to not get any respect from BM or anyone else in this country.

Black racial survival in this country which makes up 4 percent of the earths population is not an issue black women need to be concerned with.

Even when black women have these OOW black children it still doesn't guarantee black descendants. Because children - especially BM children - do what they want to do when they grow up.

Obama's deceased mother had black identified Grandchildren. It did not kill her.

And black women having white identified Grandchildren won't kill them either.

The complexion and racial identity of ones descendants is totally out of ones control.

Black women need to be concerned with the children they bare in marriage with their husbands.

Anonymous said...

Is there not the option of married black women choosing to have more children?

You know, this is food for thought. I was reading some statistical information that showed that the OOW birthrate for blacks has basically been steadily declining for 40 years and is significantly lower than it was in the early 70s. Hispanic women currently have a higher OOW birth rate than black women.

What is high among blacks is the PERCENTAGE of OOW births and this is due to the even greater decline in the number of children born to married blacks. Married blacks on average have fewer children than married folks of any other racial/ethnic group in the U.S. So it begs the question of why married blacks are choosing to have so few children.

aladydivine said...

"Black women need to be concerned with the children they bare in marriage with their husbands."

AMEN SISTAFRIEND! Wish you weren't anon, and if you're not blogging, start! lol

bellydancer said...

Some people may take that survey the wrong way and start saying mess like bw need to get their act together and forget about having careers, ya'll need to start having babies. This is so evident on youtube where there are tons of videos blaming feminism and professional woman for the demise of the black community.
I see it like this bw need to be more selective with whom they are having kids with.
Babies born out of wedlock have a disadvantage from birth due to lack of resources. Even if the parents are married black children still have some disadvantages in home income,education and their housing situation depending on how strong the parent's marriage is.

aladydivine said...

Bellydancer said:
This is so evident on youtube where there are tons of videos blaming feminism and professional woman for the demise of the black community.

How true!? And sad to boot, especially for women my age. In all of my classes, there are more women, than men, and in classes where it is an even split, the black men in the class are foreign born! They are NOT black american men. However, when I walk home there are scores, and scores, of black men hanging out, dealing, drinking, cussing, and harassing women who pass by.

But, like I was saying earlier, it does us NO GOOD to point out the failure of black men to step up, without pointing out how this links to patriarchy and male privilege. I just posted a 'Black Male Privileges' list at my blog to point out how black men benefit from this "blame the black woman/feminist" way of thinking.

Bonnie said...

please note that without OOW there would be almost no black population for the future.

I honestly have to disagree with this and I will tell you why. At face value, it would seem like the OOW birth rate is currently essential to maintain the black population, but in all likelihood, a reduction in the OOW birth rate would result in an increase in the in wedlock birthrate. The first law of nature is survival and nature tends to maintain balance. Birthrates tend to increase when a large part of a population dies for some reason (baby boomers are good examples). If black folks stop having children out of wedlock, married blacks will begin having more children and quite possibly, more black folks will marry. Nature somehow tends to adjust human biology and behavior to maintain the survival of a population.

Also, the average number of children residing in a household whereas their parents are married is probably higher than the number of children born in a household whereas their parents are married. Many black couples begin childbearing before taking those vows. If those couples for some reason stop having children out of wedlock, they would simply have all of their children in wedlock instead of having some or all before wedlock.

And lastly, if folks stop having children out of wedlock, those children will be less likely to have children out of wedlock themselves because having children OOW will not be the norm. This will result in more children would be born in wedlock.

Aphrodite said...

@ Pamela,

I am wondering why more married Blacks are barely having one child as well. That is just odd. But I don't think that it should rest on any BW single or otherwise to bear the burden of keeping the Black race growing.



@ Bonnie,

I am not exactly following you.

"The first law of nature is survival and nature tends to maintain balance."


But in the context of your argument AAs are doing many things that are contrary to both survival and nature and have been doing so for a long time.

BM just don't want BW - not in an honorable way at least. That is the bottom line and they actively practice racism and sexism against BW. I don't see that changing at all.

Bonnie said...

But in the context of your argument AAs are doing many things that are contrary to both survival and nature and have been doing so for a long time.

No, AAs are doing things contrary to a healthy and prosperous society by Western standards. As far as literal survival, AAs are doing just that and are increasing in population. It is estimated that the AA population will increase to 60 million by 2050. There is not a question of AA survival, but rather a question of the quality of life of the general AA population. Either most of our children will be born OOW or within wedlock. Either way, those children will be born. Nature doesn’t care about a culture’s quality as long as the population continues to grow.

I don’t believe that OOW births are necessary in the AA community to prevent extinction. Eliminating OOW births will in my opinion trigger an increase in births within marriage and may also trigger more marriage in that becomes necessary to keep the population growing. Nature works that way.

Anonymous said...

increase in births within marriage and may also trigger more marriage in that becomes necessary to keep the population growing.

@Bonnie
We (black men and women) are not getting married so what are you talking about?

aladydivine said...

Um Halima, glad that you're taking care of yourself and that you're on a break, but I'd be LYIN if I didn't say I come here almost everyday hoping for a new post. :)

Got me hooked. Take care

cool_splash1 said...

I don’t believe that OOW births are necessary in the AA community to prevent extinction. Eliminating OOW births will in my opinion trigger an increase in births within marriage and may also trigger more marriage in that becomes necessary to keep the population growing. Nature works that way.

Noone is saying that it is necessary. What is being said is that without the oow birth rate most of these bm mouthing off about bw needing to close their legs, picking better men, not having sex at all etc. would not be here if their mothers had done all of those things.

sean said...

I just replied to another blog of yours I came across & was intrigued by your views on things- I just want to understand you.

I want to understand your goal, and let you know why I disagree with you, but I want to see how you are who you are & try to agree with you- to relate, because many people share your outlook & I want to end all this that shouldn't be troubling us in life.

I believe there shouldn't be a concern to preserve a "race" we are all people & that is just the course of life, evolution, we are all the same really- it shouldn't matter & as one comedian pointed out we are all going to be philippino in a few generations.

As I've mentioned before I'm not black, I'm white & asian, but I have a black son & I'm actually proud and excited for his diversity.

animals & even humans in historic events die out for not diversifying. illnesses & disorders become rampant- in other words it is very beneficial to be so genetically mixed. The ancient egyptians would have died out from this specific dilemma if they were not pillaged and raped.

I am proud, and even more so, excited to have a son from all around the world- it should be obvious why it is beneficial, he's got very healthy genes.

But what you are saying is I shouldn't be proud, in fact I'm doing something wrong? I am, or the mother should realize she is contributing to the death of blacks? views like this, which many people hold tell my children that they should not accept themselves & be ashamed for being only half black.

I grew up ashamed of being asian, it is not a good feeling & one I shouldn't have grown with- I don't want my kids to be ashamed for their race. I dealt with racism & haters as well, but I never thought the world was out to get me & stick with my race. I know it's rampant & black people have valid reasons- because most racists are vocal against blacks, but the world is not like that. Shit I have had many racist experiences too, I've been robbed & had shit started w/ me by so many black people, but that shouldn't lead me to believe that black people are no good & they are all out to get me. It sounds stupid right? because it is.
Where you are comin from is more real & there are many that agree with you that convince one of this kind of view. All I wish for is to not let it get to you, & people will learn how ignorant they are to spread such hate.

no, the mother and I are not married, it was a one night stand type situation. But in the end, nothing is wrong here & my children & us as a family will be living proof of how life should be.

But I want to know why you feel like instigating such a movement, you'd rather ignore the benefits of diversity? you don't think that separating yourself by race is contributing to a life outlook that is very negative. can you at least empathize with my excitement- that my love for my family will show all the ignorant racists that we are in fact all people with two ears, two eyes, walk up right etc.

realize that our differences are what makes us great & shut the haters up by example.
It is our differences that we should place our pride in, being proud of being a certain race rather than another isn't where you should place your pride.

I really believe in my outlook on life, but I need to know if the author or any who shares her outlook can understand my points as objective not subjective. I would like to know how my view reaches you & know why you disagree with anything. Is it so wrong for me to strive for what attracts me, is it wrong for me to find someone who I only want to be happy with & live life to the fullest?


I wrote my "comment" over the character limit, so I'm posting the rest next...

sean said...

I prefer black girls, I shouldn't feel any wrong in admitting that fact, but because I want what's best for me & for someone I want to spend the rest of my life with I want to have her instill a passion within me that keeps me striving for her. There is nothing wrong with me wanting to date a black girl, it's ignorant to think all the crap that haters think. It is a superficial world & you really need to be physically attracted to your partner, otherwise you are repressing problems & not being honest- a future disaster. I'm not shallow, that's just the main reason for my preference of black beauty, but it's not only the physical attraction, it's everything about black girls that drive me crazy. I'm not solely attracted to looks to, I seek a personality with depth that I can fall in love with. I know what I want, & to find my dream girl and earn her love is what I want most in this world. But still I get all these mean stares, from black guys, and draw a lot of attention from people when I take a black girl on a date. My point is, I will only be giving my all to my girl when I find her, why should people feel the need to close themselves to many potential opportunities.I apologize for fueling your fear of the black race dying out, but I am actually proud to take out a black girl & show others that black IS beautiful & there is no reason to hate me for appreciating her and making her happy. it's so hard to get to know a black girl & have her take you serious, because of all the bs. Love has no boundaries!


it shouldn't be shunned to be diversifying, but proud that there are many people accepting and adoring the black race, so what the children aren't fully black- it's great that so many people are realizing how great it is to be someone who is black, dating a black dude/girl is in demand- there is no & shouldn't be any shame in that.
I can't say, because I'm not you, but if I had your views & thought there was such a hatred against blacks, I would be proud that so many people are wanting a black partner, I would be happy that the world is seeing how beautiful our differences are, it's a good sign that times are changing, I wouldn't be worried that black people are dying out by means of love rather than genocide. Black is in demand, be happy :) I'm sad that the poor asian dudes don't really diversify, but maybe that group needs more of a movement like this.

It is a good turn of events & great that the black race is mixing in with many different people, because there are a lot of reasons why many black people have grown to feel this way, but this change in time is proof that your worries shouuld end & the future of the black race is not grim, but beautiful as it is accepted, not resented as once thought, & not only is it accepted, but it's hot on the market. Be happy for all the beautiful mixed raced generations to come- it really is the only hope to end racism, we will all end up with everything eventually making racism obsolete.

sean said...

after reading most of other people's comments, I can say I'm relieved. Although in real life I witness people with views of the author, it's really good that people are growing more open minded.

I also want to point out that a lot of people argue quality, referring to financial stability mostly. I personally am not looking for that, but for happiness and love, that really should be the concern- not race, not money.

with financial stability you really are just settling, although you can grow & be happy, the foundation is flawed, love should be in your hearts desires- where money doesn't belong, too bad it's such a big deal. but if you keep your eye out for what you really desire, you & your partner combined should be able to accomplish so much & in the end be truly happy. screw the money, it will come along as you progress your lives together. Life really is a lot easier with someone there with you, someone you would give your life for and vise versa.

Anonymous said...

..."Noone is saying that it is necessary. What is being said is that without the oow birth rate most of these bm mouthing off about bw needing to close their legs, picking better men, not having sex at all etc. would not be here if their mothers had done all of those things."...

And that wouldn't be a bad thing now would it? Black men as a group are some of the most ungrateful, and unappreciative folks around.

You'd think they'd be grateful that the baby mamas didn't abort them instead of struggling to raise them alone.

But no.

Instead they receive resentment and hatred from their collective black sons.

Black women need to concentrate on giving birth to children born in marriage and if that means less angry, resentful, ungrateful, "full black" bm mouthing off in future generations, all the better.

Karua said...

Sean, you seem like a nice guy but I think you missed Halima's point a bit. Or perhaps I didn't exactly read what you were saying correctly. If you look at the title of her site it's called "Black Women's INTERRACIAL Relationship Circle". No where in any of her articles does she ever condone black women getting together with other races of men. In fact she encourages it just for all the reasons that she has mentioned in this article. Black women are having a hard time with relationships in general, and the ways in which the average black man is exacerbating these problems is only making it worse. Alot of black women don't know that they *do* have options outside of black men and that they should look for a quality man to love regardless of his skin tone.

This article is merely pointing out the collective thoughts of alot of black women, not what Halima thinks women should do. Alot of women think that they have to keep the "black" population "alive" and whether it's making babies with a bum of a man or as a single woman, it's alright. Of course, we know it's not because these kids are being raised in households without male direction and with an often over-stressed mom, making it harder for the kid to succeed which makes the collective black population not raise higher up in society. Perhaps you missed the point because her articles are directed to black women and you don't exactly understand the background and context in which her words are coming from. But Halima *does* want black women to seek out interracial relationships with *all* types of men, just as long as they are willing to support her, her family and will love her as a man should. Again: this article is just reflective of the general black collective that assumes that black babies are necessary to keep the black population alive. Not considering that people are just people and that you should focus on you and your family *first* no matter how it looks, and the generations after will prosper in response. *That* is the successful way to keep a population alive. Black women need to learn that they are who they are *not* the black community.

I myself am in a relationship with a Taiwanese boy who I've been involved with for over 2 years and I have distant dreams of marrying him after college if our relationship reaches that point by then. And yes, I agree, I think Asian guys in general aren't usually very receptive to the idea of interracial dating but I think that's changing a bit with my generation. I think it'll get better when black women also become more receptive. My boyfriend thought that as a black girl I would never have a crush on him but all I needed to do was flirt a bit and befriend him and a happy relationship was born :) People think our relationship is a bit odd but other than a few confused stares/double takes we've never had any problems. His parents are a different story but I hope I can change their opinions of me (which are based solely on my race).

Belinda said...

Noone is saying that it is necessary. What is being said is that without the oow birth rate most of these bm mouthing off about bw needing to close their legs, picking better men, not having sex at all etc. would not be here if their mothers had done all of those things.

Not necessarily. The DBR black men either don’t care or actually desire for women to be sexually loose and non-vetting of men because such women are available to the DBRs and such women are the main source for DBRs to spread their seed.

Those men who criticize such non-vetting women are probably the very men who grew up in two parent households and were exposed to mothers who gave birth while married or in some type of stable relationship. So eliminating single motherhood would mostly reduce the men who don’t complain, not the ones who do.

The problem with the ones who do complain is that they don't equally complain about the DBRs like they do about the "baby mommas". It takes two to tangle.

cool_splash1 said...

"Not necessarily. The DBR black men either don’t care or actually desire for women to be sexually loose and non-vetting of men because such women are available to the DBRs and such women are the main source for DBRs to spread their seed."

Of course they don't care they would loose what they see as a walking uterus. Now they aren't going to say this. What they are going to go on about is these black females (can't stand when these men say this) today crap. We need to keep our legs closed etc. or be more picky about finding good bm. The thing is most of the think they are good bm. I think it is that some of them have been rejected by bw and they have to boast about how she like da thug etc., but won't bounce wit a good bm. etc.

"Those men who criticize such non-vetting women are probably the very men who grew up in two parent households and were exposed to mothers who gave birth while married or in some type of stable relationship. So eliminating single motherhood would mostly reduce the men who don’t complain, not the ones who do."

Actually it's most the ones who didn't grow up with one. Many bm who have been raised by bw alone grown up to hate them. And then turn around to tell bw how they need to keep their legs closed, then go around making babies like it's not tomorrow. Boasting about how many babies, baby mammas they got etc. Yes you have the ones who grew up in families, but many also see mothers who alone still had to raise them while dad was physically, but not mentally in the home. You also have ones who were/are raised in 2 parent homes, but they are not unaware of what is going on in the bc, because many either live there or see family etc.

And that wouldn't be a bad thing now would it? Black men as a group are some of the most ungrateful, and unappreciative folks around.

You'd think they'd be grateful that the baby mamas didn't abort them instead of struggling to raise them alone.

But no.

Instead they receive resentment and hatred from their collective black sons.

Black women need to concentrate on giving birth to children born in marriage and if that means less angry, resentful, ungrateful, "full black" bm mouthing off in future generations, all the better."

That's exactly what I'm saying. They do realize there would be no black community (or so called) or at least black Americans that trace back ancestors from slavery in America. We would be extinct!

Anonymous said...

LOVE these last few comments! People are FINALLY telling it like it is!

Smokie said...

I agree 100% with Bonnie.

IF more Black women applied better vetting skills in regards to the men they date and procreate with, there would be more black children born in black marriages. There would be more black marriages for a few reasons:

1) A great majority of BM would be forced to straighten up in order to have a chance with a BW. With fewer women choosing low quality men, BM would step up to the plate.

2) BW would be more desirable to black men. Everyone is attracted to someone who values themselves.

3) BW would soften up. With the roles re-shifted to align with their original design, BW would be able to give BM the love and support that women of other races so freely give their DESERVING men. That weight that weighs so heavy on BW's shoulders would be lifted. No more feeling undesirable by black men, no more carrying the financial and emotional weight of the relationship.

Nature would balance out. We'd have more black marriages and more black children born in those marriages. Interracial dating would be still be encouraged because love is love, but the Black race would eventually thrive.

As a personal note, I'm a 37 year old black women married to a 39 year old black man. We have 3 black boys. We're happy. :-) I have black married couple friends. Quality finds quality if it really wants to, even in the current state of the Black family.

Anonymous said...

Smokie is an apologist for Black men.