Tuesday, December 22, 2009
This is a Mental War and Pamela gets Married!
Good news: Pamela gets married.
I am awaiting a situation update, but Pamela tied the knot this Friday past, with her French-American Beau. Many congratulations Pamela. I know you are on your honey moon but when you have a spare minute, let us know how it all went. We are excited for you!
Pamela has been on board with black women empowernment from the get go, and her contributions and encouragement have been there to help and streghten the BWE bloggers and readers along the way. We have had an eventful journey with our pamela, on these blogs. We were here when she experienced loss and when she hit a milestone age (all experiences which she freely shared to encourage others) and then despite the negative barrage of ideas about black women, she secured what she wanted for herself; the love of a man with old school chivalry.
One thing I can definitely say is that Pamela won the mental battle that is being waged fiercely against black women and she has always written about the types of mental warfare that was directed against her. From close freinds, from the black church (especially from the church where people wanted her to 'settle' and where folks knocked her higher education and wanted her to down play it) etc etc.
Pamela won but many of you have been conquered.
How do I know?
I know because I see how some of you always see the cup as half empty with respect to your broader options. Yes I have countless letters complaining that white and other men are not in a stamped to get at black women and this upsets many black women and makes them feel there is no hope on the interracial front.
I have come to the understanding that our message will fall on the various 'soil' of black women out there (like the parable of the sower). Some women will take even half a percent of a chance and run with it and will produce a 100 fold, others will recieve the same message and immediately see a reason to be more depressed than when they thought they had only one option available.
So how you recieve the idea of the interracial option and the message that black women can have the relationships they want, is simply a question of, 'What soil are you' (read the parable of the sower (Mark 4:1-20, Matthew 13:1-23, and Luke 8:1-15).
My advice to those trying to open black women's minds to the opportunitites out there is, dont struggle with them. Some women are naturally negative and will zone in on the negative (half empty). Its about their mental set up, not you.
I also know that many black women are conquered because of how eager they are to spread the 'gospel' of bad news about black women's lot and how they are attracted like bees to honey to websites where the dirge of black women's lot, is being played. Some of you would pay to get access to those websites lol!
And many of you hold up with glee the latest confirmation of black women's hard luck, shouting, 'Come and see, come and see'. The fact that black women have started glorying in their situation is a clear sign that they have been mentally conquered by the psychological warfare aimed at securing black women in the underclass position with respect to everyone else.
I live in a place where government has been condemned for employing so much spin doctoring, ie making a negative into positive, but you see, this is actually how people who are unbowed behave, they try to get out, to do something to overturn the negative and to see a silver linning.
A little detour; when I used to go on speaking engagements in no distant past, I remember always being on the look out for a sign that black women were in 'fight back'. I wanted to see the spark that black women had not been 'taken out', that they were still live and kicking. Actually in many cases what I saw was mentally bowed black women, standing there taking the punches from black men who were mocking them, not even a little bitsy self-presevation spark, to at least if anything, move away from the source of abuse. Thats conquered women for you. You see somewhere along the line black women decided that their self-respect was also to be forfeit if it came to it, to serve the black construct, and once self respect is offered up, that is essentially it, one is conquered. Indeed instead of drawing a line and saying 'Signing away my self-respect will never be part of this deal', black women just bent over and let their self-respect be sacrificed to for black unity to happen. Well look at the mess situation we have right now.
Back to black women prefering bad news to good, it seems to me that it has become more important for the body of black women to get the confirmation that they are scrapping the bottom than that there is hope, I have seen how so protective they are of the bad news of their lot, that they will flay you for pointing out any hope or anyway round.
Fancy that, black women enjoying their 'no hope' situation.
Indeed 'Ok cupid' survey is now being used as a confirmation of the ill luck of black women and how no one wants black women, over and over and over. But do you know that that survey, if it can be used to confirm anything, actually puts black women in a slightly better position re black men with respect to interracial dating! Indeed and and yet I doubt any of you would suggest that black men are hurting for interracial attention (go back to those stats and have a look of you doubt me). Like I said, it is how you are primed to receive and the fact that some folks just go out there and make things work for them.
Yes, I went on a website recently where the writer actually set a trap to see how many black women would zone in on the 'woe is us', and do you know, the trap worked because dozens of responses on how 'we are the lowest of the low' ensued, and of course IR bloggers got a dishonorable mention for selling false hope. Finally the author revealed that others could be seen to come out slightly worse. No one came back to admit they were hunting and pecking for the negative though...
This is a warfare y'all and those of you who still remain free from the 'beaten up' virus need to guard yourselves so very carefully because this negative virus spreads like wild fire and in such a sophisticated way.
Let me state it clearly now that I dont trust anything a black man writes. I dont think I am linked to any black male author on the side bar of this blog, but those of you who need to be fair and diverse and all that, go right ahead, dont think I am trying to get you to change.
I believe at some point they will gently start to nudge black women to 'their place', the place they prefer to see black women, demonstrably under or behind black men socially. These men feed off the signs and sounds of black women trailing in social acceptance vis a vis themselves and try to secure black women in this place however they can, often in very sophisticated ways, for instance they might pretend to be commiserating with the latest evidence of how excluded black women are in the dating scene yet I firmly believe that these men are having an (*&&^)&&&%3 reading all the coments from black women agreeing and providing further evidence that they are not as socially accepted as black men (one place black men feel they are doing better than black women and are desperate to keep it as such).
I tell a lie, there is one black male blogger who I have observed not to be among, the 'feeding off black women's plight' as confirming that black women do not have as much universal appeal as black men.
Anyway like Pamela, some of us are winning the war, for others, feel free to make as many excuses for yourself as you like.
Get clued up about interracial dating, read the IR Dating E-book
And send your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org
(I will try my best to give a reply/answer)
Posted by Halima at 10:49 am