It's like one of those equations that you struggle with and it never balances, you go to bed with it and think and think how you can get it to balance. You say 'Should I put A on the left hand side or on the right?' .... it never balances until you do the right thing and in this case until you put black men in the side of 'the problem'. Then everything falls into place.
'The current stock of black men are not interested in the uplift of the black family, once you recognize this fact, every other thing explains itself.'
'Black men are a fallen pillar which will never uphold a race', looking to them to do this is just an effort in futitlity. Recognize this is and save yourself the time and energy of crying over them and wishing they would just plug in to the black effort etc etc.
Accept that, IT IS THE WAY IT IS, which would then beg the question, 'what are you going to do about it on a practical term now with this situation, to get yourself what you need now they as men are out of the equation?'
One of those things black women are not allowed to admit is that, we are not dealing with the same breed of black men that was our fathers generation.
We are dealing with men who have different uses of women than their fathers. What you think they still need you the black woman, for, well guess what, it is not what they do, just look around you if in doubt.
They are not working or willing to work with black women towards the plans that their fathers had as goals and dreams for their community. And before we start on the ‘what have black women done to bring this about’ detour (which is always the knee jerk response that occurs whenever such issues are raised), let us take needed time to dwell on this analysis part because it is never done and is crucial in understanding what happened and what next for black women.
We have a different breed of black men that have their own priorities, interests, politics and plans and uses for women, again a different set of priorities, concerns and interests and uses of women than that of past generations.
Most black men are not emotionally invested into worrying about the state of the former AA family. Most of them just don't care about it; and they like the status quo (having an unmarried, desperate, "surplus" population of black women to be used for The Booty Call Corps).- Khadija
It is not that black women cannot see but it is often that they are not allowed to admit this to themselves because that is like saying 'THE END'. And of course the black community has no 'terminal point' for black women to throw up their hands and says ‘well there is nothing left to this idea of black men and women together.’ You see black women are expected (and know they are), to stay down in the trenches fighting a lost war (that tells you something about the value on black women's lives doesnt it). Black women are not allowed to admit that 'it is over' even if it is glaringly obvious.
This boils down to permission again, the fact that black women look for permission to name what they see, and admit their fears for what they are, so they can move forward (See, admit, and move on or remain trapped in nervousness and apprehension if you resist the truth!), and because the black community wants them to 'Stay the course', permission will be denied. Indeed didnt you know, that its all about staying the course, all this aggitation when black women think about doing things differently, its because black women have to stay the course, thats all. It has never been about finding a solution to the issues affecting black women, its simply about getting the black woman to stay the course even that which will send them over the clift. I mean notice the exchange when black women say things are hurting or not working for them, there is either blame or a countering of their assertions or folk tell them that they are imagining things and etc etc. Is it not clear that this responses is geared towards getting black women to stay the course no matter how unprofitable. And some of you thought these folks engaging you really cared about your situation lol!
Someone said to me the current crop of black men are created not born, and I agree with that assertion. Many black women are afraid of admitting the truth about black men because they think that would be saying that black men are inherently bad and selfish etc etc but again this has never been the case. Admitting that a generation of men are on a different path to black women has never meant saying they are innately bad, just accepting that paths have divereged, but we have been warned this is what it means by those who 'suprise suprise', want to head off any dawning reality of what black men are really about.
When you look at the actions and acivities of the current crop of black men, it makes sense within the framework of self-centredness and personal aggrandizenment. It is only when you look at their activities throught the prism of 'but they are suppose to be all about the community', thats when you see their actions as selfish....
“If black men where really all about black unity, they wouldn’t have the highest interracial rates in Europe”.
Characteristics of current stock of black men
- Black men have been free agents detached from community concerns
- Black men are about their immediate gratification to much to put up with the regimes of discipline required to push race ahead.
- The focal point of black men isn’t community but personal aggrandizement and there is strong opportunism which comes at the expense of a general black interest so much so a general black interest plan is no longer viable.
- Whether black men do even register their actions on a conscious level, does indeed say something final about their participation in 'continuing’ a black community. “It seems to me that black men have become so used to being given the whole and full floor that they actually have lost the ability to reflect and see how selfish and self serving they have become.”-cw
- Black men act as free agents in the presence of opportunity, they are not used to putting any moral or ethical barriers in the way of personal aggrandizement even that which comes at the expense of the general body of black people.
- BWE/IR writers speak about how black men deliberately leverage wider racism and racist practice in their personal pursuit of status, and self-aggrandizement. Yes black men might not have generated the original oppressive forces against the black community, but have become effective ‘Agents’ of white racism against black women and their communities. Though this key point is down played and skirted in general black commentary for obvious reasons, BWE/IR writers are adamant that this calls for a reassessment of the idea of brotherhood with black men.
It has always been about having the 'spirit' and 'ineterst' and 'committment' to race. Many black women dont understand this key point and go on about, 'Well if black women would do X Y Z then black men would respond favourably!' But you see, the terms and conditions of 'black uplift' were never about it being pleasurable and immediately beneficial to participate! It was always about sacrifice and the willingness to sacrifice and forgo certain options and choices in other words A LABOUR OF LOVE. At the point where it became about making it worth while for black men to be for their communtities, families etc, at that point, all is already lost, because building the race was always going to be a hard, thankless job, that required the spirit of sacrifice and committmnet, not immediate tallying of what stands to my immediate and self-above community gain. This is how it becomes clear that the 'spirit' for community uplift among black men is lost.
A social set up which black men reacted to and where enabled to react to in a very self serving way, has resulted in the self-absorbed black man of today and there is no rewind button, so black women shouldn’t internalise any blame (as they usually do in these cases) and try to get involved in some salvaging operation.
Yes the black man’s politics has become very self serving. Everything about race/racism and the whole ’how black people can overcome’ talk etc is co-opted by them into their own personal aggrandizement plans. He expects to feed from the community and take refuge in it, as a right, and yet is not requested to invest something back into it, in fact is so totally oblivious about how it sustains itself.
Black men’s definition of race uplift is, ‘If I am doing well then that represents the race doing well’, ‘hence my personal aggrandiszement should be pursued with all zeal'. However black women don’t count their individual progress as synonymous with race progress in fact black women feel guilty and are made to feel guilty and to look into ‘giving back’ each time they make marginal progress, even when they do not have the surplus to do so.
Culled from a free booklet, 'Why Are Black Men this way?' available for free download in May 2010
You can gain insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, and find out more about the Interracial Option, read the IR E-book
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