Last year I came across an article in a local paper about a black couple who had had been out to lunch and when they requested their bill, someone had written, ’The black couple’ on it. I don’t think there was any malicious intent behind the writing, just that the waiter or whoever had just seized the most obvious thing about them to classify them rather than maybe use table number etc. Anyway, what got my attention was the picture of the couple used. While the black man was snapped with a slightly bemused and hurt expression, the black woman was snapped looking menacing!
I kid you not, she looked like she was about to aim a karate kick, her face was ducked and low and all that and she was standing behind the black man. Wow! Talk about role reversal.
I don’t know if she had been coached or they just snapped her at a ‘moment’ but the picture made me think about the discussions we have been having for a while now about a general move to de-feminize black women and make them out to be not worth any mans attention in fact to deny them the Curtsey, Concern, Consideration and Concessions readily extended to other women. Indeed we live in a situation of patriarchy, we are not yet a society of gender equality and therefore a female has 'currency' if she can elicit the CCCC response.
It made me also reflect on how black women, mostly unknowingly, have begun to cooperate with this dynamic to push them out of the female category, with the attendant benefits which come under the terms of patriarchy, mostly because of being blind to the situation and to the intentions to push them out of a profitable category.
Anyway I was talking the other day about how nervous I get around young black girls in my local area. Whenever I hear a blood curdling scream in the morning on my way to work, I can be sure to look round and find black girls behaving uncouth in public. Every. Time.
I might have said this somewhere before but when I look at how black girls are being left to run wild and without manners in society, and how no one is taking the time to pass on instructions about how to conduct themselves like ladies, I have my suspicions that they are being prepared for their roles as the servant girls and milk maids of society. Lowly roles for coarse women.
When you look at the care and polishing that goes into raising princesses and even women who parents want to occupy pride of places in society, you will understand why I feel that society is simply conveyor-belting black girls into the lowliest places of all, with their parents/mothers blisfully unaware as usual.
Indeed that’s what a racist system does, it makes for the worst outcomes for black women and it is only those who are aware and watchful and understand and read the signs, and see things for what they are, that can provide effective manouvers against the ‘will’ of the system.
The most important thing a family can do is to provide an effective barrier to the railroading of their black children towards becoming fodder for the system, by putting strategies in place, but with what I am seeing around me, I can tell that hardly any of the black parents around even gets it, not to mention putting together some semblance of a strategy towards preventing the likely negative outcome that is sure to be the case if there is no intervention. All they do is supply food, clothes and housing and think this is all their children will need, that is until they receive a knock on the door from the police or hospital. Even among the Africans who still have some sort of family units intact, I see this happening again and again.
Cooperating with the system out for you…
I was also on a public bus a few days ago and two black girls starting talking about their friend, mentioning loudly that she was a lesbian even calling her by her name etc etc and then they started on about ‘eating’! This was on a public bus with over forty people seated. No one else was talking and these girls (young mums) felt very comfortable talking very explicitly all under the guise of being morally superior to ‘the lesbian‘.
To detour a bit, you see, in addition to other issues we as black women have, I believe one of our greatest downfalls comes from a need to cling to self-righteousness, piousness and ‘moral rectitude’ as a way of being. Usually it’s all cover up and I suspect born out of feelings of lowliness and not being good enough and a need to strive for approval however I think it also provides black women a good cover for their need to brutally tear down other women in the guise of talking about them not being upright black women.
(The constant need for moral rectitude is indeed revealed to me in that fact that it is almost always only black woman who are handing out tracks or preaching on trains and what have you-another talk for another day.)
I also notice in these situations how that black women reserve their ire for other black women, who they are always picking apart and denouncing of course having bought into the general disdain being shown towards black women currently. They talk about their fellow women not the men who for sure have a catalogue of issues from which they can pick to talk about.
What I found very bothersome was the total lack of shame in discussing sexual issues and believing somehow they had a right to talk about such issues in public (act of social interractional vandalism) . I am very sure they saw some unconfortable looks because the black man at my side was shooting them disapproving glances, but you see in the peversity that has befallen many black women, they actually enjoy luridness and the fact that they are making others uncomfortable, but they will be the first to talk about how white folks are racist! I admit that even I felt racist that day because when another set of black girls came on the bus I started praying for deliverance. Let us not pretend that we do not know how some folks develop their prejudices against us. To me its almost like many black women have become perverse that they actually enjoy bringing down upon themselves the repercussios that will likely result from their activities eg social shunning, limited social range. Its almost like sticking a finger to themselves.
I agree with the discussion that happened a while back at http://sojournerspassport.com/ that black women who want to thrive, must begin to set themselves apart from such self-spiters and black women who revel in being uncouth and doing damage to their general image. I know some black women are of the belief that, all our fates are tied together and thus we must interrupt our onward journey to help push forward and bring into line others. The truth is that some are just too far off and going back to rescue them will cost you greatly. I know we all feel strongly about standing with our fellow women and this is a build on the whole concept strongly held by black folks of standing in solidarity with other blacks, however the new winning strategy for black women must be 'dissociate from those that can tarnish', let it be known that you are a different 'class' a different breed, that you uphold decency, by your actions, a carefully dropped hint or statement, rejecting their forced teaming when they do come around to display that they have 'links' with you.
I can tell you as someone who has only just completed a project on which I was the only black person, that when it counts towards career progression, social status etc etc, you can quite easily make a good impression for yourself or overturn a preexising negative one!
You can gain insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, and find out more about the Interracial Option, read the IR E-book
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