Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Pavlovian Responses and Old Wine Skins (updates!)

I want to thank Khadija of Sojouners Passport  for fleshing out fully, a concept that I alluded to in my last post.

Thats the beauty of a network exchanging ideas. You build up a kernel of an idea into a fuller picture and you join the dots for each other till you have a deeper nuanced analysis.

Indeed Khadija used the right term for what I was trying to express; that is that black women have pavlovian responses around certain triggers. As soon as they sense the situation, they respond in the ways they have been coached/conditioned to.

Folk understand how black women operate even if they dont know it by its correct term, and they use these triggers (be they situations, narratives and words) to elicit the desired reaction. I can tell you now that the first set of triggers that are used to 'puppet' black women are the words, 'our men', brothers, slavery, black community, Queen, 'the white man'.

 I will say that in my estimation, the strongest of these is the term 'our men'. You only need to insert this term in some scatter brained argument and you can get black women to do just about anything; sign cheques of a  million pounds and what have you. Arguments that have two hundred holes can pass, without even a whimper, just by introducing the words, 'white man' somewhere in the mix. Indeed in one of my previous posts I talked about how a black male panelist wriggled his way out of a critical question by going on the ususal trip of 'what white men did during slavery'. Indeed as soon as he started his 'chat' which made no sense whatsoever he got the desired amens and alleluias ringing from the black women in the crowd and he was able to succesfully redirect the discussion. As soon as he inserted, 'they (understood meaning: the white man), took family away from us' these women immediately fell for his tripe even when it made very little sense. This situation also highlights that there are also pavlovian settings, as I will talk about shortly!

Indeed I have in the past summarised that...

Many black people are deft appliers of this code and like a puppet master, many have learnt to pull the right strings on black women’s emotions almost at will by enlisting the use of certain phrases and words imbued with so much emotional meaning by a Black thought System (BTS). They move black women emotionally with words like, ‘Our men’, ‘Queen’, ‘black unity’. These phrases and words have the power to disengage black women from any sort of critical thinking and comonsense over the rest of what goes after the word is applied, open hearts, open checks books and open whatever else is the result!

Indeed critical thinking should make black women realize that black people who destroy their communities by their actions, are not suppose to be in receipt of any kind of protection. Yet using the word ‘brother’ or ‘our men’ and couching the discussion in terms of 'this is an attack by an ‘external’ on black people,' it is enough to make black women 'close ranks' to protect even those whose activities are far more injurious to them, than that of any external and therefore they concentrate lethal damage and destruction within the black territory.

In the above you can see that the pavlovian response results in them being used as agents of destruction of their own situation and interest, something which anyone in their rightful mind would guard against doing!


As soon as these folks want black women galvanized into action, it is 'our men', as soon as they want black women to step back and relinquish any right to reciprocity and claim on the resources they have by their efforts enabled black men achieve, it becomes, 'men' as in 'men will always want access to different women'. Note how the frames change from 'our men' (responsibility of black women), to 'men' (general, no recirocity, black women have no claim here!).

As I mentioned above, there are Pavlovian settings for black women as well, that is, places and settings where black women behave in conditioned ways as they know they should, eg black unity meetings, church gatherings, state of black people kind events, where black women dare not question or point out foolish arguments with dozens of holes, where they are supposed to 'maintain' a notion of togetherness and 'the enemy is external', and 'our only option is black men' limits on discussions, or pretend 'brother is speaking so much wisdom' when he is speaking utter foolishness. As soon as black women come into such settings, their thinking and behaviour adapts to be in accordance with black community approved black-female ways of being and acting. This is one reason why black women with strong black conditioning/indoctrination need to avoid these settings until they can unlearn their pavlovian responses...

The pull of the 'Old Wine Skin' approach
I firmly believe that there was a key reason why Jesus Christ talked about getting total rid of old wine skins (approaches/frameworks) and getting new ones (new ways of being and doing). When you want to fit a 'new way', into an old way, it is either not very successful or can destroy the new and even old.

I believe in clean breaks from the old way of being and doing. At the point in time of Jesus manifestation he was trying to communicate a new way of being, but there was a tendency to try to fit his philosophy into the old ways as a kind of 'upgrade'/'update' on an old philosophy (most times the status quo moves to absorb and intrinsically change the newer philosohy and make it a component of itself), and so Jesus talked about new wine skins (doctrine frames, ideological pillars etc) for new wine to prevent the destruction of the new way (spilling of the new wine).

Many black women want to 'BF empowernment' work to somehow feed into the agenda for overall black community uplift. I have seen strange ways in which some black women want to amalgamate IR with the overall agenda for black progress.

The pull of the current black progress agenda, is so very strong with some black women, even when it does not 'mesh' with what we are about. I see black women come up with problems over and over as they try to stream line both black women looking after their situation with black uplift.

Some black women for instance want to use 'IR' to bring black men to their senses. Or they are using IR in the meantime till something happens for black people. 

Black women who want to move forward must totally give up 'being of the mind of black community'. Yes that is a hardline one but it is the crux of the matter I see for many black women. You must now proceed as an individual and forget about being preoccupied with 'community getting theirs,' or participating in uplift of black people as a group.

The 'mind for the black community' mentality is holding many black women back, for instance, do you think that if black women werent 'of the mind of community', by now they wouldnt have figured out that black men are uninterested in community and building together with them, and would have stopped looking to black men to make some sort of sense in these regards. Do you think they wouldnt have figured out that 'giving back' is not something to engage in when you are barely with your head above water! There are a lot of bizzare things that black women are getting up to and involved in, simply because they are 'of the mind of the black community'.

Now let me say something here, there is nothing morally wrong with the idea of black progress. Note however the shapping and formating of how this work must be done and how it leads black women into a pit. Because it has been entrenched that it must happen in X Y Z manner and proceed in XYZ way and because black women are trying to follow and remain loyal these laid down methods and approaches, that results in black women's heartaches. I do not think black women can rewrite the script for black uplift. We all know that any black woman who wants to get involved in uplift of 'her people' must do it under terms of self destruction.  Indeed we all can observe that the acceptable way of involving in black uplift for black women is one of self-sacrificing, putting up with things they shouldnt, limititng themselves, waititng on black men etc etc and we as black women know these rules (no one need bother spell them out) and we get sucked into that way of life simply by agreeing to be in on the uplift effort!

So it is the attendant programs and routeins that come with the whole idea of 'black community' uplift, which as I said is not in itself an idea that is ignoble, that produces problems for black women trying to get into the effort. 

The Black community mindset comes with it's attendant mini philosophies and ideas which keeps black women going round in circles. Like a main computer program like microsoft comes with a dozen or more 'add ons' and sub programmes, the fact that the whole agenda of 'black progress' has 'add on' programs of self-sacrifice and forebearing evil and devaluing self etc means deinstallation of the main 'mind for black community' mindset takes with it, its devaluation of black womanhood 5.01 and Putting up with BS 8.5.

I was about to buy a new program for my computer the other day, and was told that the new package was not a legacy supporting package, meaning it was a total break from the old one. The explanation was that by not supporting the 'old application' the new program could chart new Territories and do things the old package with its settings would not allow it to do. For me it meant the inconvinence of 'reading the manual' and getting into how this current one works, but after this orginal outlay, I could do more and fascinating things with the new program which I wouldnt even have dreamed with the old one

Black women need to unintsall the 'being for black community' mindset (which hopefull would uninstall the other add-on which it comes with, if not then going into 'set up' and doing it manually), and install the 'proceeding as an individual black woman', program.

Black Women you can gain insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, and find out more about the Interracial Option, read the IR E-book

Questions to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com


Felicia said...

...As soon as black women come into such settings, their thinking and behaviour adapts to be in accordance with black community approved black-female ways of being and acting. This is one reason why black women with strong black conditioning/indoctrination need to avoid these settings until they can unlearn their pavlovian responses...

ITA and better yet, I'd advise BW - especially if single - to avoid these stress provoking and stupefying predominantly black settings to begin with. They are a complete and utter waste of precious time that cannot be recaptured. A waste of time that could be far better spent attracting and attaining a quality, non damaged, family oriented and marriage minded man in the global village.

Bellydancer said...

Let me first acknowledge your wisdom on this post.
For a long time I thought I was crazy when I did not agree with so called popular "black" thinking especially when around other black people. I soon realized that I had every right to be and think differently especially if life was easier for me to think and act differently. There are so many areas of our lives where we follow blindly.

1. In the Home (Even if the husband is crazy, overbearing, possessive and abusive, he is still the head and should be obeyed, hence all this talk coming from bm about why can't bw submit]

2. In the Church (this is an institution that only survives because of bw but yet we cannot make any decisions, head a church, control the finances we bring in, we are often shunned because of gossip usually directed at us by other bw especially if the few men there are looking at you and don't catch the preacher's eye especially if he is single.]

3. In the Family (BW should be available at all times for bm relatives who may need something bail money,commissary, car payment, baby mama expenses just generally any extra money you may have must go to support these cretins who of course never give back and what is so bad about it, is that usually it is another black female family member that tells him to contact you because after all you have a job, single and no children so you must have extra money this is of course so he will leave her alone.]

4. In the BC ( Every time someone needs a volunteer, a cook, babysitter, taxi driver, extra food, sundry items anything to constantly be knocking on your door, to bother your peace and quiet and you let them because you don't won't black folks to think your ass is up on your shoulders cuz you have a car, decent apt/house, food in your pantry, you know how to work the computer etc...]

I could go on this is a different type of response conditioning but still triggers can be applied in these situations

Anonymous said...

This post was again spot on!

I'm reading your comments and I feel especially grateful that I don't keep up with my extended family. Because ALL of those scenarios you described would definitely be something that would happen to me. "Call her, she's single, no kids, she got money." "Call her, she's single, she can baby sit." "Call her, she's single you can stay with her for a bit until you get on your feet." Man, I'm glad I dodged those bullets! I don't talk to NO ONE from my extended family. I'm basically by myself and in a way I really don't think that's a bad thing!

Park Avenue said...


I agree w/ you totally, especially @ #1(even though I've never been married)& #2!

shimmy said...

Being in these all black settings can be very stressful. Many black people have a "black code" for black women on how they feel you should act. If you don't fit in with so called black behavior, they will make you feel alienated and rejected. They make sure they isolate you because they don't consider you a "real" black woman. This "black behavior" can include the way one lives, talks, acts and even making gestures.

Many black people in those all black settings are the main ones that judge black women on superficial petty things like hair, and skin color.I think this is one of the reasons why black women in these constructs can't seem to unite with each other. There is a lot of petty jealousy amongst themselves. The only thing that unifies them is the so called black community and sticking up for black men.

I definitely feel that more open minded black women should separate themselves from situations like this, especially for their mental and emotional well being. Many black people today unfortunately can be very judgmental. They have turned the racism outward and projected it inward towards black women.

cool_splash1 said...

I just read an article about black people being told to leave Wal-mart over the intercom. A black man (former employee)talking about that's not the worse thing he's heard. I don't care it's was still an ignorant thing for someone to do and if black people want to stop shopping at Wal-mart until they find out what happened then who is this guy to say it's no big deal.

Bellydancer said...

Well put shimmy especially on the so called black codes. In high school I was considered suspect because I did not follow certain codes like smoking, drugs, not liking rap music, having sex with random black boys, holding drugs or weapons for random black boys. Black boys figured out real quick that I was not down and for the most part left me alone but some black girls thought I was nerdish or weird and acted baffled when I did not do the things they did. Even as I grew older you would here girls talk about doing stuff for men that could get them sent to jail. I am not having that and for the most part do not go to the hood unless I have to see my mother and pretty much avoid certain family members who seem to think I should hand them my hard earned money.

Anonymous said...

"Some black women for instance want to use 'IR' to bring black men to their senses. Or they are using IR in the meantime till something happens for black people."

I have seen this online a time or two and find it disturbing. This needs to be squashed.

sky said...

"Some black women for instance want to use 'IR' to bring black men to their senses. Or they are using IR in the meantime till something happens for black people."

I have seen this online a time or two and find it disturbing. This needs to be squashed.

Hopefully people can tell the difference. I've seen the same myself. Usually they are the ones who constantly argue w/ bm online.

Bellydancer said...

Black mothers especially get caught up in these triggers and codes by their children.
I have a friend, V who could not wait to get out on her own even though she had a baby in high school and was not to close to the baby's father. V had her mother cosign for her an apt while her mother tried to convince her to stay at home until she had been on her job for a least a year. The father of the baby was having trouble with his mama and needed a place to stay so he started whispering in V's ear about getting a place together. V had a job but her boyfriend only worked sporadically. So her mother co signs reluctantly not knowing that the boyfriend was moving in until after V moved. They didn't last 3 months before the police were being called V kept putting him out, he kept coming back. Finally mgmt called V's mother and told her that V was going to be evicted and she would be held responsible for any damages. Mgmt was like just move her out and you won't be held accountable but you cannot have your deposit back. V's mom was like okay because she was tired of the back and forth. V was sort of mad but she had no other help so she started to move back to her mother's house, well her boyfriend had a fit and tore up the apt when she left for work cuz he knew his ass was on the way out. Mgmt was mad and decided to press charges on the boyfriend so V's mom had to also press charges since he technically broke in. V had a fit and refuse to sign the papers talking about he didn't mean to do it and I should have stayed here. Her mom was like are you crazy girl we are pressing charges, so this silly girl decides to move from that apt into another complex with her baby's father where they did not know about all this other stuff and left her mom responsible. Financially this almost ruined this woman since she had agreed to move mgmt could not charge too much but they made an entry in her mom's credit report which means she had a mark that she did not cause. 6 months later V's mom won a little money gambling and was planning on paying up some bills and go visit her sister in Florida and maybe look at retiring there. V heard about the money and started making noises about I wanna come home,he is acting out again and I am pregnant and he is mad about it.
Her mother said and I quote" What the hell does that have to do with me" V was shocked and started to make noises like I need money we hardly got any food. Her mother slammed the phone down and refuse to answer it, made travel plans and wouldn't answer her phone or door. That same year she relocated down to florida with her sister and is still there while V has 4 kids by 2 different guys.
Mama had already fallen for the okey doke once and was not going to be fooled again while her daughter is still falling for it

Anonymous said...

I've just lurked before, but I wanted to just throw out a compliment... You are saving lives here. I've been passing on this site and others related to it to the black women that I can TRUST (they've demonstrated that they will not lash back at me, or it will be minimal), and I've only received thanks. Note: I said, black women who already meet a certain standard of not going crazy if they heard an idea they didn't like, or who looked like they were ready to hear this. People are buying books, pointing others to this blog. I just wanted to pop in and say thank you for all that you do with these posts. YOU have CERTAINLY helped me. =)

ak said...

Shimmy this is all true yes!

ak said...


Being in these all black settings can be very stressful. Many black people have a "black code" for black women on how they feel you should act. If you don't fit in with so called black behavior, they will make you feel alienated and rejected. They make sure they isolate you because they don't consider you a "real" black woman. This "black behavior" can include the way one lives, talks, acts and even making gestures.

Yet these same people expect black people who buckled down, studied hard, and who are making it right now to 'come back and help out' the neighborhoods, or kids of the neighborhoods and settings that they left behind. What? Help out the people who called you a nerd or belittled you because you didn't act or talk like them, hang out where they always used to hang out because you had more important things to do? They can help out there own kids and that's no one else's fault if they just can't somehow. Sorry. Kids are expensive in many different examples of 'expense'.

Black people like the ones you described also like to pull out the names of black inventors and innovators of their where sun don't shine also! But the blacks surrounding them who buckled down and saw things through without paying attention to the ghetto are probably doing the same thing the black inventors/innovators did, and all they get today is ridicule and ostracization.

I know some people may think the black inventors/innovators of old received possibly some positive acknowledgement and encouragement from black people back in the day since they lived in the bad ol' days and knew 'how hard they had it' but you know what I wasn't around back then so I don't know what their motives were or how their minds worked back then. So I think their may have been some DBR ABC blacks back then too ridiculing these same pioneer inventors/innovators and telling them that they 'act white' all the time.

Who knows? *shrugs shoulders* Do you know for sure? Because the DBR ghetto-acting black people of today didn't just, you know, fall out of the sky. They must have come from somewhere!