Thursday, August 12, 2010

Gauging the value on black women's lives

You know how I know that black women are simply ‘without inherent value’ to their immediate community? Well one clear way is to notice when said society allows black women to escape for their lives, when they are willing to ‘unbolt’ the doors to let black women do something about their situation. Think about it for a second, when does a black woman’s issue become a legitimate issue that requires concern and consideration and some targeted intervention etc etc etc?

Well look at the statistics, things only become noted and commented on when they involve black women in a situation that is essentially out of control, a situation that has crossed the point of no return, or cant reasonably be expected to be ‘pulled back’, when the situation has well crossed 50%, then and only then, Essence, Ebony, NAACP, black church etc etc decides that it is an ‘issue’ that maybe requires some comment or two!

I wish I was lying but look around and see that it is indeed the truth.

I was going through a few blogs the other day and it struck me how many of the writers even the black female writers of popular blogs are essentially colluding with the overall agenda to keep black women in unsuspecting and ‘unworried’ mode about situations that they should actually and on the contrary should be worried and acutely concerned and hollering as loud as they can about to their younger sisters and friends and daughters etc. These blogs and websites actually see themselves as moral and responsible when telling black women to just relax, about issues that are taking them out, keeping them in poverty and wretchedness, unsatisfied, until like a frog in a pan of heating water, the water gets to 100c and then the frog becomes cooked dinner!

We really need to get out the message to every black woman out there that they should stop thinking they have some black community or black guide or black leader concerned about them and in their corner, or who has their back and will eventually ‘come through for them’ at the critical point (many bw believe this even though many don’t know it on a conscious level, their action and milling around waiting for something to happen instead of 'making hasty tracks' shows it). And when we confront black women with this truth and they say, ‘They know’, ask them what the hell they are standing about for then! As an aside, I think black women are very inert as a group in response to serious issues and even personal goals, I think this is symptomic of the training black women have recived over the years, the conditioning to just wait around, that the right response is 'no response' and things will blow over or come together magically. If you are a black woman who is ambitious for something, you need to be inching towards your goal day by day, and doing something towards it. Sometimes it will only be an inch but you will at points make it up with future 'spurts' expecially when you have gotten over the 'hill' bits eg the learning phase!

BW have to understand that they need to start thinking about themselves and how they can preserve their lives and they need to have started yesterday! There is no calvary coming, what you do is what you get! The other thing is that as a black woman, you have to get rid of the guilt of 'pulling away' from the bulk to strike ahead. This notion that we have to all 'go along together' if any should advance is crippling bw ability to be decisive and take what life has to offer them in particular and is one of those hooks that are attached to the black woman that harnesses them for the use of other people. There are indeed so many skillfully crafted ideas and belivisms inclucated into bw that enables others to tap their resources and have access to the fruits of their labor without having ever contibuted to the black woman in any way.

Now a good bit of the reason why the black female situation just grows worse and worse with no response is because of the dysfunction inherent in the so called black community that is unresponsive (as a good and functioning, community should be) to the needs of the group that it should really be invested in, if it knows what is good for it (but it doesn’t hence the fact that BC is dysfunctional), however the other bit is that black women are essentially cannon fodder who no one (even themselves) thinks needs to have any concern shown them. This is the place black women occupy in the general mind.

Now in many European countries, if women begin to increase their drinking or unsafe sex habits etc etc by anything like even 2% it is immediately picked up on the social radar and even 5% rate warrants full government intervention. Bill boards go up, clinics are set up, and adverts are aired on TV etc etc, to ensure that this trend tails off. However note that for black women adverse trends have to be well over 50% and even beyond to warrant some admission that ‘there is a problem’ and even for bw themselves to even be ‘allowed’ to bring the issue forward in the general conversation space as a legitimate discussion topic. Even then, all sorts of rationalizations for the situation are ‘pulled’ out, ones you can bet that are not about nipping the problem but the rationalization which is all about disarming black women, telling them it could be much worse so they should be thanking their stars (aka put up with it), or the blame black woman game starts.

Think about it, HIV/AIDS infections/deaths, Domestic Violence, Singleness, rape, OOW, obesity in fact name all the negative trends that black women are experiencing and you can see that these are trending either in the 70’s or they are 3-4 times the rate of their other race female counterparts. To me and all others that have some sense left, this is a clear sign that black women would do well not to even give ear and any attention to what so called black community and black leadership has to say about anything. The catastrophic failure that resulted in this ridiculous numbers spells out quite clearly that there is nothing for black women from 'black community'. Any other group of women would have seen and already responded appropraitely to this situation but the reason why bw have not is because many bw look to 'BC' as a baby they are responsible for as opposed to a framework of people and dynamics which should equally ensure their safety and concerns are met. Indeed any time you see bw speak about BC, look at the context and the construction of their statements and you will notice how these women look at the BC as 'their responsbility' and something they carry like a baby on their backs. Contrast this thinking with how other women speak of and thus view their communtites or groups etc and you can see they consider themselves 'inserted' into this community, and are giving as well as recieving from it (hence the reason why they regard it as their community)

The fact that life and death issues of black women (the root of the so called community) are just shrugged off and people go about as if nothing is amiss...doesn’t that indeed teach you that you the black woman is of no concern to your so called black community (in fact that this idea of any such community is a deadly joke which needs to be put to rest for public safety) and its so called leaders do not have any ‘response’ to the ugly statistics that surround your lives. Yet every month, tens of thousands of black women dutifully send in their dues and payments to keep these organizations/leaders afloat (as I have said bw see the BC as a project they are repsonsible for and should not look to reap from at any point).

So the message being communicated is:

  • You can only ‘move’ when the fire is on your body
  • You don’t deserve to be ‘responded’ too, even when a situation is dire, and if it is indeed dire it is your responbility and blame, in fact after you have poured out for others then it is then time for you to put in the effort to lift yourself out of whatever sitaution is confronting you as a black woman. You need to pull yourself up by your boot straps
  • You deserve no returns on the efforts you make and all your in put into the 'black agenda (read: black male agenda), you shouldnt look for any returns (eg a man from your church, prioritization of your concerns as a bw) but must expect this to be a one way dynamic where the black community takes and takes and takes. 
Gain insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, and find out more about the Interracial Option, read the IR E-book


Questions to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com

25 comments:

TruthBTold said...

Unlike BM, White men and other men of non African descent love both themselves AND the women AND children of their group. They love their background, civilization, culture, etc... It's a matter of SELF pride when the women who give birth to their image are doing well. They realize that if their women are not fairing well the WHOLE GROUP is ultimately doomed possibly to extension. All white people, men, women, AND innocent children will suffer. They see the direct connection between the health of white women and the health of the white collective.

Black men on a group level the world over by and large DON'T see these simple facts.

And in many cases they DO but DON'T CARE because they detest themselves and therefor all things black anyway.

Therefore, the suffering of BW and black children is of no consequence what so ever.

For these black males it's all about self-annihilation anyway.

If you hate yourself, it's only natural for you to hate your origins.

The black man's origin is Africa and women of African descent.

On a subconscious level many black men HATE this fact.

They feel TRAPPED and humiliated by this reality.

Blackness to many black men is a reminder of enslavement, subjugation, and helplessness. Of being LOSERS. CONQUERED like women.

So like cowards they run from reminders of their blackness.

And nothing reminds black men of their blackness MORE than a black woman.

The sorry state of black women and black children world wide is a reflection of the way the black man feels about himself.

This is a bitter pill to swallow but it's imperative that BW face the facts.

There IS no "black community" BUT individual black women can CREATE communities of THEIR choosing and have the same supportive and loving networks that most non BW have.

IF they choose to.

Bellydancer said...

I think that black women should not contribute to their church, social organization, bail money, commissary or other nonsense for 3 months then use the money for something that benefits them personally.
Even financier Suze Orman said that black women are expected pay everybody else instead of themselves first and that needs to change.
Black women have to build capital in themselves and they can do that by cutting everybody else off.

Anonymous said...

When will they get it that this bc don't give a dame about them and there safety all bm's want to do is use bw for what they got and then spit on 'em bw open your eyes too the games that are being played on you cuz these black devil's don't care a 2 cent about u so bw, bw hear the calling and run for you own safety not for the evil community cuz as bw it's time to come toghter and put our issue's first so please put on your thinging cap and lets hit ground running cuz now is the time shine.

TruthBTold said...

"They realize that if their women are not fairing well the WHOLE GROUP is ultimately doomed possibly to extension."

Correction, I meant to say extinction.

Black women are ultimately engaging in suicide as long as they continue to believe the myth of a "black community" out there.

It's every black woman for herself these days.

Nicole Little said...

That post is truth. Like I said before, there's no such thing as a black communuty. Black men hate themselves more than black women do. The black woman represents Africa. We give birth to the human race. Black men hate themselves and everything that resembles them, and it shows by fatherless homes, HIV/AIDS, obesity, singleness, povery among black women. We as black women have to go for ourselves and look out for ourselves because sadly nobody in the so-called BC is going to do it. Why do you think that once black folks starting moving in certain neighborhoods, white folks move out. Well, you have to think the DBRBM for that.

Anonymous said...

Halima, dbrbm use deception to infect us w/std's, hostility toward black women in the sc black community is rife and black churches need our tithes but not necessarily our presence in the pews because there are way too many women in the black church and not enough men. Interracial relationships are a viable option to support the value of bw and quality wm are a group bw should seriously consider as mates. Regards, April.

Anonymous said...

This blog resonated so much to me. I'm on some I/R boards, mostly to read the romances, but whenever the topic or HIV/AIDS headlines one of the discussion threads, there's hardly little or no input/comments from the numerous members of these boards. I get the feeling by avoiding it, they render it untrue or they just don't believe the statistics. I've had one friend who lives in Canada tell me that it can't be true that the highest rate of (new) HIV/AIDS infections are amongst people from the Caribbean and Africa who live in Canada (along with the first peoples). We're so unwilling to face these truths/facts, same with obesity and the situations are getting worse. I don't read a lot of blogs or gossip sites as I want facts and honest reporting, but even those legitimate, reliable and non-partial news outlets are not painting the situation within black communities around the world positively for the future.
I agree too with TruthBTold re black men and their horrible negative stance towards blackwomen/children. They (especially in North America) are some of the most negative towards black women off and online. I've yet to see/hear the amount of viciousness/hate spewed towards other races of women by their men. I believe because of this hatefulness and lack of protection from black men, is the reason why black women are being so sidelined in the media.

trish said...

Excellent analysis! You've made it crystal clear about how black women are valued by the so called community. It's time we talk about how we go about leaving the community behind whether physically or mentally. How do you go about fostering relationships with persons interested in our elevation as black women? How do we go about fostering relationships with powerful persons that would protect us from the wrath of those unwilling to let us live lives as truly free women? It is clear that the black community spells death to any black woman that wishes to thrive and it's time we map out strategies to form rewarding relationships (not just romantic) with persons of quality. How do we go about doing this and what are the pitfalls we can expect to encounter?

Nicole Little said...

Anonymous said...
agree too with TruthBTold re black men and their horrible negative stance towards blackwomen/children. They (especially in North America) are some of the most negative towards black women off and online. I've yet to see/hear the amount of viciousness/hate spewed towards other races of women by their men. I believe because of this hatefulness and lack of protection from black men, is the reason why black women are being so sidelined in the media.


The Bible says in the book of Ephesians that a man should love his wife like he loves his own body. When a man loves himself. he will love everything and everyone that resembles him. TruthBTold mentioned this in the first comment. The woman is the reflection of the man, and when a man hates a woman, he hates himself. When a man loves his woman, he loves himself.

The way that the so-called BC is shows how much the black man feels about himself. I think that the black man hates his blackness so much that he's will to KILL those who resembles him. He murders women/children that look like him through:

HIV/AIDS(when a black man who KNOWS that he has HIV/AIDS, he will purposely not wear a condom because he will use an excuse like "I can't feel nothing". He knows exectly what he's doing when he have sex with a black woman raw)

OBESITY (depression, low self-esteem, and abuse from black men will draw you to eat and eat and eat. This is what I call emotional eating)

ABANDONMENT(when the black man abandons his children that look like him, according to research, a child is going to behavior recklessly. The boy will sell drugs, join in gangs, and will most likely going to be killed by these things. The girl will wind up be promiscious

BLACK-ON-BLACK CRIME (not only will he kill black women and children, but he will kill other black men as well. This is also a sign of self hatred)

DOMESTIC ABUSE(when black hates himself, he will despises a black woman so much that he will beat her to death. The news articles a prime example of this)

HAIR PRODUCTS/BLEACHING CREAMS(black men wants black women to look like the imitation of white women, so black women will spend hundreds of dollars to put chemicls in our hair not know that lye and other dangerous chemicals can give you cancer. The same for bleaching creams. You can get diseases by putting bleaching creams in your body, and it can kill you)

Anonymous said...

You know I had never considered how the health and well-being of BW are ignored by the so called black community and the wider population. You have given me a wake up call.

As you mention everyone knows diabetes, poverty, obesity, HIV, hypertension, domestic violence, stress, lack of vitamin D, alcohol dependence and more affects BW disproportionately yet where are the emergency summits, educational endeavours, articles, national health programmes, marches for BW?

I notice BW are very good at holding up the black man be they lover, son or some random fellow. We do it instinctively even when not asked of us. We do it when we are coerced to. We do it when we are manipulated into position of holding up the black man.

It is time we put our interests first.

Faith said...

Halima: There is great disconnect simply because most black women do not view themselves as part of this demographic. It's always some other woman who experiences this - not them. Especially if they hold advanced degrees or earn a high wage.Then they cahlk it up to being part of the lower classes as if class status or income alone dtermines these circumstances. Also, let's face it this is challenging to accept and live with and most would prefer not to. Quite frankly it's rather upsetting to realize just how unprotected black women are in the larger society but especially when the lack of protection is directly experienced or there's pushback from discussing it. I'm starting to wonder who is actually being helped and how effective a meassage any of this is when other black womena are complicit in obstructing the message themselves.

Felicia said...

" I'm starting to wonder who is actually being helped and how effective a meassage any of this is when other black womena are complicit in obstructing the message themselves."

This is SO frightening what you've written Faith.

IMO we all should continue with the truth anyway. Regardless if most BW can come to terms with these truths or not.

I'm all about the individual. Causing the individual BW to think, reflect, and act in their own personal best interest. The masses are still in the Matrix and just downright SCARED I think. To admit the truth. Which is strange to me because they SHOULD be scared of their current situation.

It IS the upwardly mobile black woman's issue when her biological time clock is ticking and she doesn't wish to have OOW children and she doesn't see any suitable marriage prospects in her immediate environment. Or it should be I would think IF she desires marriage and children. All BW don't. But those who DO I would think would be concerned with the issues discussed on the BWE blogs/websites.

Because they directly are related to BW regardless of socio-economic class.

Anyway, you gave us additional food for thought Faith as always.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Jenny said...

Interesting post. I remember years ago, a (black male) professor of mine tried to get me researching the hidden sexism within the early civil rights movement. Apparently, he had found evidence that a number of prominent activists, during the late 1800s and early 1900s, were adamantly opposed to black women's rights. I regret now not having looked into that further.

Nana said...

It is very refreshing to see an online community of educated, racially conscious black women who are not carrying the burden of the BC on their shoulders. I don't see that very often.

I think the greatest message is that educated, upward bound BW need to create their own personal "communities" (social circle) based on common interests, values, and mutually beneficial relationships-not based on something as superficial as race, or in this case, based on common skin complexion. Consequentially, BW find themselves in healthier, more enriching and culturally diverse circles.
BW often carry a lot of baggage-and I've noticed it's usually because we were taught to believe we're the mules of society and carry the weight of our history on our shoulders. I did not grow up in a black community, and my father and mother are 1st and 2nd generation immigrants, respectively.
Still, for a brief period in my life, I believed I was supposed to only date black men because that was the right thing to do-no questions asked.
I remember speaking to a black guy who apparently liked me last year. I was not attracted to him, but we were acquaintances. He had the nerve to tell me I shouldn't waste my beauty and intelligence on a white man. Actually, what made me stop speaking to him was when he reprimanded me for saying I would not date a blue collar worker if I was making 6 figures. Really? All the while, this is the same person who doesn't want to marry a dark skinned woman, because he is also dark and he wouldn't want his dark skinned children to be teased like he was.
It upsets me that I have had so many experiences like this one with black men. They ALWAYS want you to "keep your legs closed and wait for a good black man". Kind of like putting you in the fridge so they can finish you later while they go screw every non black woman in sight.

Anonymous said...

your recent post is right on target. I know that this is not a political blog however, BW not only should manage direct their money to organizations that benenfit them but understand the power of their vote. Many BW continue to blindly follow a party and allies (hollywood)do not consider them as "Women" but part of group AA etc. No one cared that all the "Women" on the supreme court are white. Black woman should stop going to movies and watching TV progams that exclusively show them dressed as clowns, obese, angry and loud.

GoldenAh said...

Oh, I left off talking about politics a while ago, but I may do one post about Pres. Obama and black women come November. Time to show the scorecard with this guy where black women are concerned.

The biggest problem for black women are other black women and men. The women aren't giving themselves all of these diseases, and they aren't being protected by relatives who won't keep away sexual predators, alleviate their personal stresses, or dispense good advice about relationships with quality men.

I finished reading CNN's story about the black church keeping black women single. And wasn't that discussed on this very blog years ago?

I was struck by the comments of Weems: "Telling black women that they should spend their two hours on Sunday elsewhere and drive them away to go to the bar to find a date is not helpful to our communities. Black women are the backbones of their community and without them a lot of charitable work would not get done, social justice on the ground would be diminished and outreach to poor people would be severed."

I'm surprised that she feels entitled to the labors of black women in order to serve the needs of others. I found the comment rather callous. The black community is collapsing, not because we aren't doing enough - everyone continues to expect black women to do all the work.

It's time for black women to walk away and focus on saving their own lives.

Halima said...

I am glad you pointed this out GoldeAh, I am severely dispointed in Rev Weems for that comment. It seems to me that some people havent got the memo that slavery ended for black women also, the day it ended for black men and everyone else. one step forward two steps backwards!

foreverloyal said...

Thanks again Halima for being "unbossed and unbowed" for years now. (where does the time go)

Happy to have you on my blogroll.

Oshun said...

@ Goldenah,

I read that article and Rev. Weems is totally out of touch with what is going on. The other guy is too, but he is a non issue for me - I dismiss any and everything BM say - period.

Rev. Weems has no clue about the pimps in the pulpit or sexual/financial exploitation that goes on. Lord Have Mercy for real.

And you are right about her expectation/entitlement that BW continue being the "backbone" with nothing in return.

Khadija said...

I'm also disappointed (and disgusted) by Rev. Weems' comment. It just shows that there are a LOT of folks (BM and BW) who are invested in the current unjust, radioactive status quo. {shaking my head}

Neecy said...

Jenny,

Funny you mentioned that. In regards to research I did a 20 page essay in college on BW writers and their stories during the Harlem Renaissance era and the extreme sexism they faced from prominent male writers who wanted all the recognition for themselves and whom also didn't want to have to deal with the sexism in the stories written by these authors. The Black males writers of that time They simply wanted to focus on how THEY were experiencing RACISM from greater White society.

look what happened to Zora neal Hurston. unbelievable. This woman dies alone and unnoticed, when she was one of the greatest Black female writers of that era. No one gave a damn b/c she dared to write about the suffering and sexism BW faced through her fiction stories.

So many Black female authors went unnoticed and even forgotten b/c Black males often worked to keep them out of the limelight. The fact that when the renaissance started to flourish, BM often wanted to get all the recognition, $$$ and such.

I read so many lost stories written by BW. Stories that can be applied even today. that is how long BW have been quietly dealing with and in many cases IGNORING Black community sexism and general suffering being ignored by her own people and greater society.

The Blk men/leaders of that era of that time didn't approve of that and downplayed the issues of sexism within the writing community - by females.

Needless to say, nothing has changed. Its always ONLY about the BM. And like someone mentioned, a lot of people don't want to acknowledge that BW to also dealt with slavery. To them you'd think BW were living on the island of Tahiti sipping Pina Coladas while BM were suffering in America alone during the slavery era.

Lisa99 said...

I used to read Rev. Weems blog and thought she presented an alternative point of view to the usual BW/church discussion.

Which is why I was stunned to see that comment in the CNN story. What the heck? Her blog hasn't been updated since May, because I really would have wanted to see some sort of explanation for that tripe, for real.

Although I still thought the CNN piece was lacking in a few ways, I'm glad the black women/church/singleness topic is finally being discussed in the mainstream. We on the BWE blogs have been talking about this for a while. :)

PioneerValleyWoman said...

Regarding Rev. Weems: "Telling black women that they should spend their two hours on Sunday elsewhere and drive them away to go to the bar to find a date is not helpful to our communities. Black women are the backbones of their community and without them a lot of charitable work would not get done, social justice on the ground would be diminished and outreach to poor people would be severed."

This raises an interesting point that Khadija once spoke of, that when one is listening to a message, it is important to remember where that message is coming from.

Rev. Weems is married and raising a child who might be about to start college soon. Her position is nowhere near that of the young black women whom she believes should do the work of the church under circumstances where it is less likely for them to find black men of faith whom they might date.

So if she is active in church ministry, it is from a different position; she is already married--her husband might be a minister as well.

Thus, her perspective is not as helpful to those women whose needs/interests in companionship are not being met through church participation.

Shan said...

For six years, I used to work in two different predominantly black low-socioeconomic schools and let me tell you black women are not valued in those systems. You would not believe the things that black students, particulary black boys, could get away with on their teachers: threats, cursing, etc. Administration would do nothing, now if it had been a white teacher complaining of threats, especially if she threatened to sue, something would have been done. I am so glad to be out of those environments. They were physically, emotionally and mentally stressful.

When I experienced a mixed environment, with mostly whites, asians and hispanics the stress levels went down tremendously.

Anonymous said...

Needless to say, nothing has changed. Its always ONLY about the BM

Yep. A young black couple in NJ a couple of months ago were carjacked and murdered after their engagement party. TJ Holmes did a mention on CNN about it because there was not too much mentioned about it in the mainstream news. He mentioned the guy in his newscast. He did not even mention his black female fiance' who died along with him. TYPICAL!