I want to say here that concerted efforts have been made to get black women to collapse her sense of self (an identity which when thriving reminds us that we have to take care of ourselves and our personal ambitions as distinct from general concerns for tribe, race etc), into her concern for community so conmmunity becomes all she is striving on behalf of.
Many black women do not actually have a sense of personal concern, if you note the way they behave and the decisions they make! When you find bw shooting themselves in their foot just to do something which 'serves' a broader black agenda then you are looking at a woman whose self concern is no longer clearly marked out from the concern for race or people! Remember it is unhealthy to have only community concern and if you must have only one it must be 'self-concern'.
The truth that has been shielded from black women to keep them working like a mule, is that when black women thrive as individuals, the so called community would thrive automatically, it wouldnt need to be something you have to plot and plan for. Think about that for a second and think about the fact that even ancient tribes understood this basic principle!
So in essence a significant number of black women are going to have to either 'resurrect' a wholesome and healthy sense of self concern or split it out from race focus.
Indeed being about race all of the time is a sign of a missing self concern instinct, so is 'sister soildiering' and indeed any activity that serves 'community' at the expense of a healthy personal ambition. When women cannot decipher how a given ideology will hurt their personal ambitions in the area of love and relationships and careers etc, and when you have to point out the obvious or do remedial coaching (as Khadija aptly titles it) so that a woman can see how a particular course of action will place them at a disadvnatge then you are likely to be talking to a woman who the BC has succesfully made obliterate her sense of self concern for only community concern. These women have a real blindness about how what they do affects their own personal ambitions, they do not look at an issue from the perspective of 'how does this serve my personal interest' or 'whats in it for me, does it pay my rent'. Remember that the black community makes these kind of healthy self concern questioning extreme selfishness, so you would be better to ignore all what the black arbiters and black community agents have to say on this one.
How to carve out a healthy self concern
Look at the picture below.
Getting mine! Thanks
This man has just won 6 million dollars on the tables!
Can you visualize how he is going to go about spending the money he has won on his dream car, house, vacation? If you are like me quite easily! I can run that sequence in my mind without any difficulty, in fact I can almost match his emotions at winning all that money! You dont need to try at all to see and feel how this man's winnings will accrue to himself. Look at him pull in all thise chips towards himself, do you believe he is thinking, 'The church roof is leaking'. Not even close!
Indeed look at that picture and get the emotions, the right emotions of how it feels to focus on self!
Yes that what it feels like to be about self! Most black women would have a heart attack at the thought of being so self indulgent, I can almost see the rosary beads coming out for thinking such unclean thoughts! But this is actually the frame of mind that black women need to be in, particularly after many years of conditioned self abnegation to the extent that black women dont know how to take a slice of life for themselves. You have to loose this inculcated need to keep pouring out and out and out as the right way to be a black woman.
Imagine what this man will buy first, some champagne? Maybe he will go to one of the shops attached to the hotel and get a new $4,000 suit and then next stop a car dealership....
The average black man knows how to get his, he is in no way confused about it. The latest rap video will show you this clearly but not just that, it teachs the next generation of black boys what it means to 'get theirs'.
Contrast this with black women who havent stopped shooting themselves in the foot even when the choice is a clear one between dating in a way that ensures peace and sanity and a real shot at happiness over scrambling over slim pickings!
We interupt this blog post to bring you our comments on 'What Dr Laura did'
Now unless you have been under a rock these past few days, you would have heard about, Dr Laura Schlessinger's N word rant. Apparently she went all crazy on a caller (a black woman married to a white man) who needed some advice on what about her husband not standing up for her to his racially insensitive even racist friends and family. Dr Laura ended up sing songing the N word several times which distressed the caller who she branded sensitive and humourless.
Now that’s my version of events but you can listen to the stuff here by scrolling down to the CNN video and make up your own minds.
Before I say anything else can I ask if the caller (who went by the name Jade), at any point identified herself as a rapper or black comedian?
See I must have missed something because I hear folks saying that black comedians use the N word all the time as a kind of defence for some white folks using it. So my question is, did the caller Jade identify herself as a rapper or comedian of some sorts that I missed. Or did she say at some point that she supported rappers using the N word?
I am still scratching my head on that one and maybe some of you who listened more carefully than I did can help me out here. Or maybe and apparently if I am black then I support every negative thing any other black person does just by virtue of being black and I have no right to detach myself from the wilfully poor mannered just as white folks can.
See folks, there are some of us in this society that just will not submit to codes of decorum and decency. Whether we like it or not they have a right to maintain their flagrant disregard of sane and decent behaviour. So how do we deal with them? Well not that I have a dog left in this 'black community' fight but if you ask me, deal with them by simply putting them in that category of ‘impolite society’, just the same way that white folks deal with the pornographers and the rest and shun them and push them to the fringes. We are polite, they are impolite, end of story.
But apparently as a black person you must have the mill stone of the rest forced on you even when it is a choice to reject or accept. Indeed folks do not want you, a decent black person to refuse to accept coarse behaviour as standard or maybe it’s this idea that ‘black people are one and in unity and brotherhood and all that’ you know the 'all blacks are in perfect harmony and agreement and we have no differences between us' notions that we have sown abroad!
We all know that as black folks we pay a ‘black tax’ because of the effects of structural inequality and the fact that other blacks have let the side down however to suggest that because some black person over in Colorado mentioned the N word that I too have decided to accept it because I am black and have no right to reject foul language and conduct but must 'own it' because one other black person over there uses it, is just ridiculous logic and racist attitude peeping through a facade of tolerance and equality
‘And the Lion drinking upstream from a little lamb drinking down stream, said to the lamb, ‘Hey why are you kicking mud in my drinking water?’ The Lamb replied, but I am down stream sir, I cannot possibly be contaminating your water’. The Lion thought about it for a moment and said, ‘Where you not the one who insulted me six months ago, indeed it is you, you have the same white fur and long ears and awkward gait!’ And the Lamb replied, but I wasn’t born six months ago, I am only a three month old lamb.’ The Lion then insisted, ‘If it wasn’t you then it was your mother or grandmother’. And with that he pounced on the youngling for his dinner!
Those who want to victimize others will look for any excuse to justify why they have a right to do so!
To be continued in part 2
Gain insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, and find out more about the Interracial Option, read the IR E-book
Questions to be sent to: email@example.com