Tuesday, September 07, 2010

Reply to Readers Comments

Comment sent by black man after BWIR Circle was linked on CNN


I find this whole notion of “black” women dating Caucasian men as an alternative to dating black men to be unfortunate and an absurdity at best.

Black women CAN NOT, repeat CAN NOT exist without black men. Neither black women nor black women can reproduce themselves without each other. The notion that black women would or should consider white men as an alternative to black men is grossly selfish which is by large the biggest problem with relationships in a western society, the almighty EGO. Consider that a black female would say I want a man so bad, nearly any man will do, even if that selection means that I cannot reproduce myself and propel my race into the future. Contrary to popular belief, a bi-racial child is no more black that he or she is white. Consider if black women in large chose this remarkably selfish perspective. The black race as we have understood it historically would cease to exist in this country.

Now please allow me to express that race is more so a social construct than it is a biological construct. However, I will say that children reared in a racist society will certainly not want to identify themselves a “black” especially when they bare less and less resemblance to their African heritage. I can go on and on but I believe it’s not difficult to see how incredibly selfish it would be for black women to begin actively engaging white men as an alternative to black men. If black women want “good” black men my suggestion is to raise one! To much of the trifle behaviour exhibited by black men can be attributed to their poor upbringing by confused mothers and absent fathers.


Response

Even though there are a couple of misconceptions about what we BWE do in your letter e.g. that we suggest dating white men ‘as an alternative to black men‘, I will skip over those to focus on the key issues I think need to be addressed here.

When you say that black women cannot exist without black men, I take it to mean that you think that black women cannot forge a life without black men. It is a pity that it is only when black women seem to be charting a life course that is ’independent’ of black men that we suddenly start getting all the warning and finger wagging. I am wondering why black men are not given the same stern warning that they, cannot exist without black women, given how their interracial dating and marrying is way higher and in places three times the rate of black women. Indeed one could argue that they seem to be managing to exist, pretty well without black women. This scuppers any suggestion that we are somewhat dependent in black men for existence don’t you think, since they seem to be getting on pretty well without black women!

Re reproducing self, I don’t think that the average everyday human is overtly concerned about race engineering, as this is a project best left to the Creator. All a human being can do it try to live the best life they can and make the best life with the resources and choices available to them. The recreating of the black race does not rest only on the activities and ‘say so’ of black women neither is it supposed to continue to be something only black women care about and sacrifice towards, while black men simply supply the male seed (which appears to by and large be how it is being played!). Indeed as things stand, it is left for black men to show the commitment to both recreating and sustaining the black race for it to be a viable project.

You have used the word ‘selfish’ quite a number of times in your comment. It is amazing how many times you have used the word selfish to qualify black women’s actions regarding interracial dating. It is a bit of a surprise to me given that the people who could aptly be described as selfish then are black men who are dating out way in excess of the numbers that black women date out, but then again, I suppose it is no surprise when black men confront this issue in a very hypocritical and self-serving manner, putting black women in line for condemnation while black men escape any mention!

You want us to consider that the black race will decline because of the actions of black women without giving any consideration to the fact that black men’s actions in this regard would end the race a generation ahead of the actions of black women, not to even mention the mass abandonment of their black families that black men practice throughout the western world. For being this hypocritical and biased, I don’t think that anyone need take your comments seriously!

P.S As for the comment about black women raising a man to marry, what kind of nonsensical reasoning is contained in that suggestion? Surely black women deserve a serious response to their concerns…I think so, even if you don’t!

Please note, no anonymous comments will be published so please give yourself a title even if you do not have a google account. There has been an excess of spam at this site recently and so to save myself the hassle of opening spam any anonymous comments will just be deleted!


Gain insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, and find out more about the Interracial Option, read the IR E-book


Questions to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com

53 comments:

vonnie said...

"If they want good black men to marry then raise them" WTF? Black women are supposed to date their sons now? Okay, that sounds just awesome! There is an entire continent out there of black people, not sure if anyone has heard of Africa...no? I don't think that the "black race" will disappear simply because some women decide to not wait on their sons to hit 18 before marrying them, which is apparently the suggestion.

And yes, where oh where are the black men who lament to the "brothas" that they should stay "home" and support their sistas? Why no outrage at them over being selfish? STILL blame black women by saying well raise better sons. MEN need to raise their sons, but they'd have to be AROUND to do that now wouldn't they?


http://www.socialitedreams.com/

TruthBTold said...

Halima,

I understand that you're rightfully using this narcissistic lunatics comment as a teachable moment. I'm sure your readership has some words of wisdom to share regarding this nonsense and the importance of BW CONTINUING to focus on the health, well being, and continuation of INDIVIDUAL black women's (NOT the "community" and NOT the "black race") blood lines.

Regardless of what the ignorant wish to believe, in spite of differences in color, features, hair-texture, eye color, and so on and so on... It has been scientifically proven that we as a human species belong to the SAME human race.

And LOVE transcends these superficial features we call "race".

Case in point Donna Summer and her Grand children...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J19HTvHJdhQ

If I do say so myself, this African-American sista has done quite well for herself - as have her daughters - and not one of them are attached to black men. All four are happily married to white men.

The world doesn't come to an end if your image is not reflected in your children and/or grandchildren.

Love is based on the INTERIOR NOT EXTERIOR.

So... contrary to this numbskulls delusions, it DOES seem to be the case that there IS life outside of BM.

And a happy, successful and content one at that.

This character is SO transparent trying to use that TIRED, played out, and hypocritical "the black race will die out if BW date and mate out" schtick.

The continuation of the "black race" is NOT the responsibility and should not be the concern of black women.

That burden should be laid squarely on the shoulders of BM like this joker who sent in this mess to Halima.

EVERYBODY knows that BM don't give TWO DAMNS about the fate or continuation of the black race.

And BW shouldn't carry that burden EITHER.

Any BW who does is a FOOL and a mule for sure.

Bellydancer said...

First of all there had been a rash of videos on youtube where black men were saying they didn't need the black womb to make black babies so bw's wombs had no value to them. They said they could make a black baby with latinas, asians and ww. Bw have not come out and said they could make black babies with non black men only bm have stated that foolishness. We know our children will be biracial with others.

This guy kills me now that bw are moving on and having the families they deserve bm and other black publications are trying to admonish bw about their dating and marrying choices.
Where was this guy when the OOW births was rising, where was he when black children started to be incarcerated at higher numbers than everyone else's children, where was he when CPS (Child Protective Services) started taking black people's children away at higher numbers than everyone else.

I think black men like him need to examine their own selfishness in regards to their children after all we didn't make them by ourselves.
This whole black women are selfish for giving up on the black family, community, or man routine shows that some black people are aware the we are leaving them behind and they are trying to guilt trip us.

Neecy said...

Oh dear god where do I begin. Lemme just start with the "if you want a good black man, then raise one". LMAO! Really, is this the level of desperation and stupidity BM are clinging onto to keep their Black female puppets in their harem?

Uhm, wth does a 20, 30 something year old woman with NO KIDS who is looking to start a family and meet a healthy sane compatible mate HER AGE have to do with raising some damn Black male to "date". is he suggesting that BW in thier prime dating years of 20's and 30's wait till their 90's when all these "good BM have been raised"?

And even the BW raising young BM. WTH is he suggesting for them? Hopefully if they are rasing "good BM" then they are already MARRIED thus why they are rasing a child.

This is the kind of nonsesne that makes people wonder if Black people are simply DUMB?

And you know what makes me even more mad and sad, there are going to be a boatload of dumb BW who will agree and buy into that crap.

UGH!

ValeriesWorld said...

I have to say, when I read this, I was absolutely shocked, not only shocked, I could not believe what I read and I have to re-read this again.

Either this man is sick, mentally ill or he is putting himself in the place of God Almighty. If he is sick, he needs help and quick, but if he is putting himself in place of God, this is a serious, serious step, because he is be judged like God and he will come up falling very fast and he will be cast out into the darkness, so I pray that he repents of this and asks for forgiveness.

You really have to say, Lord forgive him his sins, for he does not understand what he is saying.

Even if all the black women married every black man, there will be 15 out of every humdred left, are they not entited to get married and have children. How long must they wait for a good black man, raise them themselves, is he suggesting incest, because that will really destroy the black race.

Black men do not belong to black women and black women do not belong to black men. He should say, "I don't feel comfortable about interracial marriages, but if these ladies are in interracial relationships, I bless them and let them go!".

Bullying them, brainwashing them, threatening them is not going to make black women come to black men. They were and still are giving free will. One of God's name is Jehovah Jireh, God who provides and if you run out of black men, there are many others to consider, fine looking men, who are hard working and loving.

Marriage, sex, babies comes from God. As for the black race, it will still be around long after we have left this earthly plane. Africa is full of black people and the Almighty does everything for his good and we shall glorify his name.

Aimee said...

"Black women CAN NOT, repeat CAN NOT exist without black men."

If this were true, most black women would have ceased to exist many years ago.

Excellent response, Halima!

Shan said...

Typical. However, your response nailed it. This is why I don't respect bm as a whole. They are selfish and have an egocentric (childish) way of looking at things. I see it almost everyday. These men are DAMAGED BEYOND REPAIR. I honestly believe that many of them are to the point of no return where they really can't reason and see how hypocritical and selfish they are in their thinking because they are baby boys!

I bet that same man who wrote that response will be the first one celebrating his manhood and bragging to his friends if a nonbw threw herself at him

Tatum M. Forbes said...

This comment really just killed me softly. I can believe the audacity of this man, then again I can. This is "typical" black man posturing.

"Consider that a black female would say I want a man so bad, nearly any man will do, even if that selection means that I cannot reproduce myself and propel my race into the future."

I know good and damn well he is NOT trying to say that we should go with black men just because they are black? And that we seek out "better" options aka men of other races because we are desperate ? And its not like white men are our only options either.

I also don't like how he places the burden persevering of the "black race" on bw shoulders. We aren't "breeding" machines! And like my mother told me, if I have children by a man who is not black my kids are black. And any black woman in her right mind will raise her kids to appreciate/take pride in their culture and race as well as that of their fathers.

CNS said...

His statements remind me of the same propanga that Hitler spewn out about obtaining the perfect race.

Black women CAN NOT, repeat CAN NOT exist without black men."-This sounds like what batters tell their women when they try to leave, regardless of race.

Felicia said...

"Consider that a black female would say I want a man so bad, nearly any man will do, even if that selection means that I cannot reproduce myself and propel my race into the future."


This crackhead is insane!LOL Doesn't this fool realize that the statement ""Consider that a black female would say I want a man so bad, nearly any man will do" describes to a TEE the majority of single BW who are degrading themselves with damaged BM?

This very statement is the reason why nothing but a black male BW - and ONLY nothing but a black male BW - are the ones with escalating HIV rates. The ones suffering from multiple bad situations do to their sick desperation (because of conditioning) to have damaged beyond repair black males in their lives.

And this idiot must ALSO not have a knowledge of basic human biology. When a woman regardless of "race" (which is a MAN MADE concept/construct) has a child she HAS "reproduced herself". Because she's given birth to a HUMAN BEING JUST LIKE HERSELF.

It's not black women's "job" to reproduce full black children with black men. Black women's wombs do not "belong" to black men or some mythic "community" out there.

Slavery ended in the Western world. Therefor BW are free to marry who they wish and have children by who they wish. Be they white, Asian, Indian, whatever.

Again, BW don't "owe" BM or the "black community" their wombs or anything else.

This crackhead is a hypocrite and needs to realize that a percentage of IR dating and married BW PREFER WM (and/or other non BM) and ALWAYS have for a variety of reasons that have nothing to do with any number imbalances or anything else.

I know this is a hard pill to swallow for many BM and BW in the "community" but it's the truth nonetheless.

What it really boils down to is, it hurts this insecure DBRBM's "feelings" and sense of masculinity to see growing numbers of BW happily IR married with biracial children. Especially biracial children by WM.

He is an egotistical narcissist who feels the world should revolve around him. To see growing numbers of BW moving on and OUT makes him feel inadequate and insignificant.

Most BW have been BM's cheering squad for centuries and for that to be dwindling - even a little bit - must feel unsettling/unnerving for many.

Shan said...

Yes Tatum, that's exactly what he's saying. Many bm feel that their skin tone alone trumps any other qualities a man should have that bw look for. Part of the blame is on the guard dog bw of this generation and the past one who have always claimed, "nothing but a bm" which is a reason why bm were so comfortable looking past a bw for non bw thinking that if his interracial doesn't work out there will be a bw waiting in the wings to take him up. Why do you think so many bm are surprised when bw turn them down or don't look their way? They think that just because we share the same skin tone we are suppose to want them.

Moving to the west coast was the best decision that I've made in my adult life so far because it made me realize who I was truly attracted to and who was truly attracted to me. Back on the east coast where I'm from, I was only approached or surrounded by bm because that is the environment from which I was raised.

I see the high rate of bm/ww marriages as a blessing in disguise because when I look at these court shows and news channels, it's the white and hispanic women having to put up with the bs from black men now. I wanted to tell Jill Scott to shut up when she was on her rant a few months ago about bm and ww. Let them date. That saves us bw the drama. Let the other women put up with it because we've put up with it long enough.

ARLYNE said...

I am not surprised by this man's comments. I have always heard the you are "sleeping with the enemy" message. This argument is used whenever BW(only BW) begin to IR date and marry. I was told by a pious BM that, instead of hanging in there with the BM, I ran into the arms of "Pharaoh". The person responsible for the plight of the BM. The guilt trip or race card is a tactic used by the BM to control the BW. He hopes this will appeal to her softness, sense of fairness and symphony for the him. He hopes this will reignite her contempt of WM and thus putting her back into the stuck mode. I am happy to see more BW ignoring this tactic and moving on to a better life

Having a man at any cost (like you are selling out--guilt) is being done by BW who have settled for single motherhood. At any cost, are BW who marry convicts. At any cost, are BW who share a BM.

BTW, WM (non-BM) are not our consolation prizes. They are the winners of our hearts.

Pat said...

If I were you I would have posted this letter just so that other black women could see what nonsense that black men spout out. However, I think a reply is too good for him. It would have been really smart and arrogant to not reply... but just post it AS AN EXHIBIT. See... I refuse to go back and forth with these conversations with no value, black men...I will ARROGANTLY ignore them...I have choices and I will exercise those choices...Jackass!!!

LaSteph said...

I always SMH when BM comment on blogs focused on interracial dating for black women and say that white men are second choices and that BW would only want to date interracially if they were desperate. Uh, hate to break it to you "brothas" but WM are and always have been my FIRST choice. I've known since I was a little girl watching Johnathan Taylor Thomas on Home Improvement (y'all don't remember him, huh? LOL) that I was attracted to white guys and I'm 99.9% sure that I'm going to marry one. The end.

Anonymous said...

This guy doesn't realise that it takes REAL MEN TO RAISE SONS especially after the age of 13--blackwomen or whitewomen canNOT raise teenage sons properly without a strong steady male nearby

Shan said...

Halle Berry has been caught kissing her co-star Olivier Martinez. He was the guy Diane Lane had an affair with in Unfaithful. Well, I visited a few blogs about Halle and her supposedly new beau and read a few of the comments. And as usual the DBR were out in full force using their all time famous mind control garbage such as "Wm don't want yall" "You bw are just slutting it up for the wm" "He won't marry her" and the usual nonsense.

I found it to be quite amusing.

pAT said...

Having a man at any cost (like you are selling out--guilt) is being done by BW who have settled for single motherhood. At any cost, are BW who marry convicts. At any cost, are BW who share a BM.

Great point!!!


I was told by a pious BM that, instead of hanging in there with the BM, I ran into the arms of "Pharaoh". The person responsible for the plight of the BM.

You dont owe anything to the whole race of black men. I wish a blk man would approach me like that. I would look right THROUGH him

MaSoulDeep said...

So I just checked out the blog. The black man expresses the concerns I've been expressing to black men in terms of "sustainment of race." Funny how suddenly this point is now valid to them, now that the tables have turned. I love the black woman's rebuttal as well. It's obvious that there are issues that need to be addressed between the two (black men and black women). Frankly, I think black women are tired of being ignored, disrespected and belittled by black men and have finally decided to kick them off that pedestal and replace them with someone more worthy of the crown. At the same time its fair to say that black men have had such negative experiences with the wrong black women that they simply put us all in that little box. Black men, leave the rats alone and stop thinking that the educated ones are stuck up; what you misunderstand to be stuck is actually pride, the same type of pride and self respect you see in that white woman and love is what's being displayed in that black woman, the same exact way, yet it intimidates you.

MaSoulDeep said...

My parents have been madly in love and married for 32 years. My mother and the other women in my family have always carried themselves with great respect and have always respected their husbands. They all have careers and are very loving toward their children. My mother has raised to good men, but they are with white women. One of my brothers said, "black women don't do it for me, they're all hoes." We were laying there in his room having a serious and profound discussion about this & as we discussed the matter further he said, "black women these days aren't like you and mom, they're all gold diggers, they wanna be players like men, they don't take care of themselves, they're just nasty." My male friends say the same to my female friends and myself when discuss this, "black women aren't like you guys." And my response to that is, "what block are you hanging out on because you're limiting yourself?!! I have a great many black female friends who are very much like myself and mom if that's what you're looking for." His justification was that "its the new generation. The females my age." So what's the older black man's excuse? Excuses, excuses. It hurt that my own brother would say something like this, but it goes even deeper than that. I've been interviewing the black man and black woman for almost 10 years on the matter and what I see is a lot of hurt, resentment and disgust on both parts. We have to communicate and forgive. We have a long way to go.

zoopath said...

@MaSoulDeep: I respectfully suggest that you make your peace with that and move on. Men like that don't deserve your energy.

Anonymous said...

@MaSoulDeep,

Your brother must not watch much TV or listen to much music, lately. White girls are very outlandish in their past behaviors and all have very sordid past, but many black atheletes and professional men can look past that fact. Black men need to me honest and just say they don't bw are good enough for them.

Amanda said...

Pharoah?

That's rich because these same BM will go on about how Pharaoh was black etc.

My comp went out before the post went through. Sorry if this is a repeat.

Amanda said...

Seriously we don't need anymore dialogue. When are bw going to realize that dialogue has gotten us nowhere and won't. BM don't want the dialogue or the solution. They don't care so why should we?

Shan said...

You know what I find strange? When bm date ww, those bm have something negative to say about bw, but when bw date wm, those bw hardly ever mention bm. Does this prove that bm/ww are simply superficial because the bm dates the ww simply because he is fed up with bw? If I were those ww, I would be insulted to have a man only want me because of his "disgust" with another group of women and not because of any of my personality traits.

Bm only talk about loyalty when they feel threatened by bw/wm relationships, especially since they are increasing. I do believe as another poster mentioned, they don't want bw interracial numbers to increase because they feel that's the only thing they have us beat in.

Daughter of the First said...

MaSoulDeep...

As some one stated before me, there is too much energy expended on reconciling issues that we have tried to reconcile before. The message to BW is: Move on. The let's talk it out thing has been done many times before only for the "emmy" to end up in BM shelves. (One sided).

They have proven by ACTIONS they are not into it at all.

We need to reoriented our thinking as BW...stop crying and boohooing over BM, dialogue has been done....it failed...

Set your mind to something else and that is WM and other non-BM men.

Thes emen offering excuses simply want WW. That is it. Point blank. No need to talk it out.


Move on.

Bellydancer said...

Shan said:
"Bm only talk about loyalty when they feel threatened by bw/wm relationships, especially since they are increasing. I do believe as another poster mentioned, they don't want bw interracial numbers to increase because they feel that's the only thing they have us beat in."

Thank you shan everytime some article is done bm comment in droves to discuss how many bm/ww marriages there are and that bw need to get over themselves then will turn around and talk shit about how nobody really wants bw and how bw need to stop acting so this and that. These same men will go off on rants when some bw celebrity goes and marries or dates IR. They will then talk shit about said actress or celebrity by calling her old, crazy or a ho. Now she was fine at first but now she is all these things because she chose other.
Some will even say well the wm only wants her money or she married him for his forgetting that half of the bm athletes today would not be with ww, latinas or asians if they didn't have that prestige, without it they would some random negro working at a Sprint cell phone counter.
It's like they are constantly competing against us in everything since they cannot out do the wm or any other man.
Khadija stated once on her blog:
"the bm's only asset is the bw once he loses that he has nothing"
That's why they are going off at the thought that we do have options and are benefitting greatly from them.

MaSoulDeep said...

On one hand I feel like we should just stop wasting our time and move on, but that's the bitter & hurt part of me talking. On the other hand I can't give up, I have to much of that black pride going. Fortunately, I'm married to a bm who loves his woman as natural and as Afrocentric as they come, but I can't help but think will my sons grow up to be like their uncles if I give up the fight and act like it's ok to treat bw as if we don't exist? I'd just be beside myself!!! And you're right for some reason bm always gets the emmy for this one. Society ignores them in every other aspect, but when they talk about their disgust for bw, boy do ppl listen! Maybe that's their way of getting noticed. Attention by any means necessary, even through self hate. We're at the bottom of the barrel. It's a damn shame. wm, ww, bm, all other categories, then bw (smh)

Skypurple15 said...

Masouldeep, im sorry that you wasted 10 yrs discussing much-a-do-about-nothing w/ bm, especially when it comes to terms with what they think bw are. I don't know why you bothered,becuz I sure as hell wouldn't. I long stopped caring what bm think of bw. Sadly none of your bm counterparts even mentioned the word "love" for whom they are married to and that is very telling. I would be damned if someone married me soley out of spite for someone else. That marriage would go to hell in a hand basket. That would explain why bm have the highest IR marraiges ALONG WITH highest IR divorces. While bw/wm relationships last longer. I hope you mentioned that to your "bw are digusting" friends. Cause I wouln't put up with that kind of talk. In addition any man who thinks bw are disgusting think all women are disgusting. We are women!

I want to make mention, that even when bm date IRacially they still wanna know what's going on w/ bw. Reason being they need to know they have a back up. Yes a back up. They know their relationship typically do not last, so should things hit the fan, they'll go running back to these "digusting" women. This is why they are in such panic attack that even though they got their's they don't want us getting ours. Because they know once we get ours we ain't sharing. Just like Bellydancer mention here...

Khadija stated once on her blog:
"the bm's only asset is the bw once he loses that he has nothing"

When racially charged accusation comes about who does he go to for help? certainly not his non-bw wife (just as the man who committed murder-suicide against his white employees even though his gf was white) who does he ask for money when he needs to go to school? Where does he sleep when the wife kicks him out? who does he send his children off to when things dont' work out? Yep...bw. Bw are the back-up plan to bm. Just read the pitful Essence articles they feature every year Why Black Men Love Black Women and they'll give you the most mammified answers..."they're always down for you. they always pick up the pieces. no matter how much you mess up they'll always take you back. she's the queen of africa(although they treat their queens like sh*t). I love how they cook". Realize it's always about what you do for them? not how beautiful you look? or how you make them feel?

Bw if you don't know by now, then i feel sorry for you. Bm don't want you to move on, let alone be happy. Quit arguing with these fools, quit trying to justify why you moved on, quit trying to explain why date other men. It's none of their freakin business, since they made it their business not to deal with you. MOVE ON!

Skypurple15 said...

Masouldeep, im sorry that you wasted 10 yrs discussing much-a-do-about-nothing w/ bm, especially when it comes to terms with what they think bw are. I don't know why you bothered,becuz I sure as hell wouldn't. I long stopped caring what bm think of bw. Sadly none of your bm counterparts even mentioned the word "love" for whom they are married to and that is very telling. I would be damned if someone married me soley out of spite for someone else. That marriage would go to hell in a hand basket. That would explain why bm have the highest IR marraiges ALONG WITH highest IR divorces. While bw/wm relationships last longer. I hope you mentioned that to your "bw are digusting" friends. Cause I wouln't put up with that kind of talk. In addition any man who thinks bw are disgusting think all women are disgusting. We are women!

I want to make mention, that even when bm date IRacially they still wanna know what's going on w/ bw. Reason being they need to know they have a back up. Yes a back up. They know their relationship typically do not last, so should things hit the fan, they'll go running back to these "digusting" women. This is why they are in such panic attack that even though they got their's they don't want us getting ours. Because they know once we get ours we ain't sharing. Just like Bellydancer mention here...

Khadija stated once on her blog:
"the bm's only asset is the bw once he loses that he has nothing"

When racially charged accusation comes about who does he go to for help? certainly not his non-bw wife (just as the man who committed murder-suicide against his white employees even though his gf was white) who does he ask for money when he needs to go to school? Where does he sleep when the wife kicks him out? who does he send his children off to when things dont' work out? Yep...bw. Bw are the back-up plan to bm. Just read the pitful Essence articles they feature every year Why Black Men Love Black Women and they'll give you the most mammified answers..."they're always down for you. they always pick up the pieces. no matter how much you mess up they'll always take you back. she's the queen of africa(although they treat their queens like sh*t). I look how they cook". Realize it's always about what you do for them? not how beautiful you look? or how you make them feel?

Bw if you don't know by now, then i feel sorry for you. Bm don't want you to move on, let alone be happy. Quit arguing with these fools, quit trying to justify why you moved on, quit trying to explain why date other men. It's none of their freakin business, since they made it their business not to deal with you. MOVE ON!

C said...

I find this whole notion of “black” women dating Caucasian men as an alternative to dating black men to be unfortunate and an absurdity at best.

Then you need to look up which race of women gets murdered in the highest percentages by her intimate partner; and which ethnicity's women experience the most domestic violence.

And yet, violence toward black women by white men, is pretty darned low. Can't exactly say the same for black male violence toward white women though.

I'd say based on that alone, black women would be perfectly rational in dating white men.

And please note: It was actually much worse for black women in terms of intimate partner violence in the 1970's. People in the 70's would have been born and raised, say, in the 40's and 50's.

It looks to me like black mothers being more on their own in the 80's and 90's, saved black women's lives, despite the other hardships and challenges brought about.

The final straw for me was when I saw a piece about black women joining the military in disproportionate numbers to escape sexism and violence in the "black" community.

So women enlist in probably the most historically sexist and patriarchal institution to get away from thugs in their own community.

What's absurd now?

Daughter of the First said...

Khadija stated once on her blog:
"the bm's only asset is the bw once he loses that he has nothing"
--

So beautifully put.


And he will be left with nothing, because is how they treat many of us too- like nothing.

Ladies please don't feel sorry and claim "so what will BM have?" Do they worry about BW? No.

Again- move on.

Many men out there to see and things to do!

Felicia said...

MaSoulDeep said...

"We're at the bottom of the barrel. It's a damn shame. wm, ww, bm, all other categories, then bw (smh)"

This is one of the most saddest statements I've read in a long time. It is dripping with self-contempt (unknowingly I believe). I would hope that no BW - especially one who reads these various BWE blogs regularly - honestly holds such a low opinion of themselves.

If so, they need to run like HELL away from whatever "people" and whatever "community" instilled such self-contempt in them.

BW need to turn the TV off, stop listening to CRAP music that degrades them, stop listening to 99.9% of what BM say (and their BW lapdog groupies), etc... etc... Just tune anything NON positive OUT.

CLEANSE themselves because it ridiculous for a BW to be going around holding such a negative opinion of herself.

BM as a group (NOT individually but as a group) are the ULTIMATE FAILURES when it comes to performing their role as men, husbands, and fathers.

Because real men, husbands, and fathers realize that it is their responsibility to uplift, protect, promote, and continue the advancement of their group FIRST AND FOREMOST. To do for those who created them. To do for their culture. To compete against other men and try to win life saving resources for THEIR people.

BM as a group have done none of that. They depend on WM to feed them, cloth them, shelter them, employe them and financially support the illegitimate black and biracial children they create and mostly abandon.

And BW are feeling "less then" THESE males? Who are not even performing their roles as men?(SMH and a big WTF).

Again, any BW out there seriously feeling their at the "bottom of the barrel" needs to do some internal cleansing from all the garbage delusional blacks have fed them.

Because the ONLY ones who think anything about BM are confused brainwashed BW and others who wish to gain financially from them.

Men in general SENSE when a woman has low self-esteem. And the decent ones don't want to have anything to do with such women.

So again BW in the listening audience, if any one of you is believing such nonsense about yourself, purge yourself from this poison ASAP.

And you do that by tuning out the negative. And better yet, cease being around the negative period.

When you can't for temporarily for whatever reason, TUNE IT OUT until you can leave.

Marisol said...

The arrogance of the black male commenter who believes that the future of the black race in the United States is dependent solely on black women.
This fool believes that the black woman's womb has a singular mission to only produce black children for the mere existence (numerical presence )of black people in this country.

Why he does not see a role for black men in this equation is mind boggling and very disrespectful.

MaSoulDeep: Please stop repeating that "black women are at the botton of the barrel".

Any black woman who has self love,intelligence ,self esteem and pride does not repeat this garbage. Stop preaching this nonsense.

Certainly non-blacks do not regard black women as being "at the bottom of the barrel" and I do not understand where black women get off repeating this nonsense.

Black women should consider all non-black men who have passed the requirements(husband material) and not only white men as future husbands and then let God decide the color of the children.

Anonymous said...

MaSoulDeep, it's interesting that you claim you have lots of "black pride," yet turn around and describe black women as being at the "bottom of the barrel." you make no sense.

Pat said...

Black women are not at the bottom of the barrel. We have the least amount of power. And if we are at the bottom of the barrel, a lot of white men are sure checking for us....I dont want to hear that mess. As I always say...Black women had better learn how to use what they got to get what they want!!! Most black women dont know therr power!!!

Salli said...

Notice how he did not mention marriage. He reduced Black Women down to only baby making machines.
Black Women move onward and forward.
Also, as we become the majority meaning marrying Wm and other non-black men, people will have to take notice and realize that BW/WM
marriages last longer. Also BW with other non-black men have more longevity due to the fact we tend to focus on the future to make things better for oruselves and our families.

Faith said...

Don't these people realize how utterly unoriginal their responses are?

Shan said...

The only reason why bm, the media, and society focus on the "ghetto bw" to represent all black women is because they know that the "educated, attractive, well spoken" black woman is light years ahead of other women. Most bm know they don't measure up to the latter. Bw should stop paying attention to this bw this and bw that garbage. That's all it is.

Pat said...

The only reason why bm, the media, and society focus on the "ghetto bw" to represent all black women is because they know that the "educated, attractive, well spoken" black woman is light years ahead of other women. Most bm know they don't measure up to the latter. Bw should stop paying attention to this bw this and bw that garbage. That's all it is.

The media, society, etc. etc. are well aware of the fact that we are all not ghetto...

Harleyq2 said...

1. It's interesting that as black women we cannot have a preference or choice in dating.
2.There are so many "full black" people in this world there is no concerns of extinction but according to him it seem black people are heading for the same fate as the dinosaurs.
3.I noticed that he exclusively blames the black mothers for raising wayward men as if they all went to the sperm bank and not have sex with BLACK MEN who forgo their paternal responsibilities to raise their boys into men.

Shan said...

Harleyq2,

In response to your number 3, I say BULLSEYE. This is why bw should stop having these useless conversations with bm about relationships. It is absolutely useless. Bm are like selfish, egocentric babies. They see absolutely no wrong in what they do and cannot or either refuse to see our point of view. It's like a disease they all share. They will not blame the lack of fathers in the household but will blame the mothers.

Beware to anyone who has children by bm. They obviously see nothing wrong with packing up and leaving you to take care of the kids. They are telling you blatantly that it is not their job to take care of the children. Bm don't mind having bw as the mules because it relieves them of all responsibility. BEWARE.

PioneerValleyWoman said...

I found a comment from an earlier reader noteworthy.

She explained that the black men in her family and network of friends argue that the black women they come into contact with are substandard compared to the black women in their family.

She mentioned the men claim: "they're all gold diggers..."

Now, if anything, I am skeptical and question just how black men define gold digging and how non-black men define it. I think if we were to compare the two, we would have different definitions.

Many non-black men realize that the average woman will have certain expectations regarding a man's ability to provide financially for himself and the woman he is with. He knows he is expected to provide her gifts as token of his regard, said gifts depending on his budget.

In some non-black groups, it is expected that a woman of a certain caliber, looks, education, profession, etc., will only want a certain type of high-caliber man, and they aren't called gold diggers for wanting that.

When non-black men think of gold diggers, they tend to think of women at the extreme end, manipulative women who only want a man's money but without caring about him and his well-being.

When black men think of black women as gold diggers, they tend to equate the former with the latter; what average women around the world expect is seen as being on the level of the other extreme I described.

Some black men believe black women should want less than what average women around the world expect, that a man be capable of proving that he is in a good financial position.

If she doesn't want less, she is "stuck up, full of herself, and a gold digger," because a black man need only be a black man-that alone proves his worth.

"Yeah, right," I say...

Amanda said...

MaSoulDeep

I'm not the bottle of nobody's barrel or totem pole. That kind of thinking will get us nowhere. Or it will, but not where we want to be.

Nana said...

Firstly, I don't know why that man's letter was posted here. His thoughts are illegitimate to me and many other women on this site because he is obviously an egocentric child who abuses black women and has no life.

We should be listening to those who UPLIFT us-there are a finite number of messages we can absorb in one day-why subject yourself to the hurtful, senseless ones if you don't have to? This is something I'm trying to do in my personal life as well.

I do not think black women are the bottom of the barrel. I think we have a unique place in society, and there are some odds against us, but many of us are very brilliant, gorgeous, desirable women, myself included lol. I wish to defend the honor of the black woman first because I believe we need to help each other instead of waiting for other people, particularly black men, to come to our rescue. I urge women to never feel loyal to a group of men who do not respect your mind or body-that includes ALL races of men, but I am mentioning this because black women are undeniably loyal to black men as a whole for no good reason. Loyalty should be EARNED in individual cases, and it should be given to an individual person who DESERVES it and who has WORKED for it.

There are plenty of nonblack men who appreciate black women-especially those who TRULY look like black women (dark skin, kinky hair, etc.) Black men unfortunately do not appreciate our African features and I am not checking for them because I am very comfortable with my natural hair and brown skin and I do not want to be around anyone who will try to make me feel like my features are second-rate. I feel much more comfortable in diverse settings where people recognize and appreciate my beautiful uniqueness that is different from their own. Black women who believe they are at the bottom need to stay single so they do not end up settling for an abusive man who agrees with them.
Even these Afrocentric men like the one Halima posted are jokes because they view black women as MULES and expect us to open our legs as soon as we hear the word "sistaqueen". Please. They are some of the most sexist of all.

Nana said...

@PioneerValleyWoman
I totally agree. It is disgusting how many black men I have seen tell black women that they should lower their standards. Nobody tells any other race of women to lower their standards, but black men believe black women are undeserving of quality men because THEY believe we are second rate. Please. My mother told me it's better to be alone and peaceful than frustrated with the wrong person and I will live by those words until the grave-it counts for friendships and romantic relationships and it's 100% true.

Being unrealistic is not the same as having high standards, and ALL quality women should set high standards for men regardless of race because we are the ones cherry picking-there is no need to settle because there will always be a surplus of men at your door IF you have groomed yourself to be a desirable woman physically, emotionally and intellectually.

There are certain groups of men who bash women for our true nature-to seek men with resources. ALL races of men participate in this behavior, but black men do especially because they tend to have the least resources. They say all women are whores and golddiggers just because their cheap *sses don't want to pay for a simple dinner date LOL

By the way, I live in the Pioneer Valley as well XD

Shan said...

Nana, I agree with everything you say. Bm do look at bw as second rate which is why they expect us to lower our standards. It is also because many of them know that if we keep our standards too high, a non bm may come along and meet them, and they don't want too many of us out there with other races of men.

Halima said...

shan and nana

you have both highlighted one of the characteristic of the black thought system that tries to force bw to accept a bad deal eg carry the burden for the race alone etc.

this is how bw are sold a dud, they are told it is something else than what it really is. you have gone to the 'real' heart of why bw are exepcted to accept 'whatever' bm are coming to them with (which is way below what bm offer to others), and that is that bw are viewed as second rate.

If you however listen to black explanations, its nothing like that, bw are better than all that and see a bm true worth, or they are not materialistic (or shouldnt be) etc etc, anything to occlude the real reason here which is that bw are not 'worth it'.

in the same way you find redefining and re-explanations for the following:
indolence and inability to move on = rexplained as faith
fear of the wider community = reexplained as so much love for and being sooo enamoured with blackness.
muledom = strength

with these re-explanations, bw can avoid confronting the real reason why they are doing certain things or taking certain options that would cause so much internal conflict because it doesnt speak too good of them!

PioneerValleyWoman said...

Nana:

There are certain groups of men who bash women for our true nature-to seek men with resources. ALL races of men participate in this behavior, but black men do especially because they tend to have the least resources. They say all women are whores and golddiggers just because their cheap *sses don't want to pay for a simple dinner date LOL

By the way, I live in the Pioneer Valley as well XD

My reply:

Glad to meet another pioneervalley-er!

I agree, men of all groups do this, and you have a point. The men of other groups who do this are the ones who are envious of the men who can pull the high quality women they want, but they don't have the ability to compete with those men. So they attack them as "gold diggers," but don't have a word to say about getting on their A-level game to attract those types of women.

PioneerValleyWoman said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kat said...

Nana, I agree with everything you say. Bm do look at bw as second rate which is why they expect us to lower our standards. It is also because many of them know that if we keep our standards too high, a non bm may come along and meet them, and they don't want too many of us out there with other races of men.


So true!!! Black men and white women dont want black women dating white men cause they know that we would live better lives. That scares black men and white women. It scares white women because we are dating THEIR men. Their precious ALPHA men. And they wont let you know about Peter Norton and his black wife or Roland Betts and his black wife and countless other wealthy white men who have made black women's lives better. And they know that being with a white man has its advantages over a black man for black women. Even one bufoon had the nerve to say to me that white men do the same things that black men do they just happened to be "nicer" and more "civil" about it.

This is what I keep telling sisters. The reason that they expect u to settle is because your considered second rate in their eyes and EVERYBODY knows it except some black female MULES!!!

But the sisters who know that they are they SH&%!! are going to figure out a way to use what they got to get what they want...It's going to be interesting. I have also found that a lot of beautiful, black women in their 30's and 40's have become asexual. They are not gay but they are not having sex and dont seem interested. They act like their sex lives are over. White women when they get in their 30's and 40's if they are single and divorced they live it up while they are single and/or look for eligible men for husbands.

I need to start hanging out with younger women or god forbid....white women cause hanging out with 30something/40something ATTRACTIVE black women is the pitts!

Evia said...

"We're at the bottom of the barrel. It's a damn shame. wm, ww, bm, all other categories, then bw (smh)"

Wow! This is one of the key beliefs in the malignant program that keeps SOME bw on their knees around bm--especially a lot of younger bw. I have personally never encountered this belief in bw especially of a certain demographic above 45 or so. I had never even heard any inkling of this type of thought until a couple of years ago on the internet. So how is it that I, a well travelled and widely socially exposed AA woman, could have lived all of these decades without even coming close to hearing this type of malignant thought? It's because I do not mingle for more than a minute with typical AA males.

To me, this is definitely an alien thought that comes from a group of defeated and conquered men--the Typical American black male. Certainly, none of the white or other non-AA men I dated or married thought this way about me, and I'm an average bw.

The goal of these typical AA male losers is to try to make sure that they have an unending supply of easy to use females to lie around with them. That's all this is about and this belief has been lapped up by the unfortunate and/or the weaker minded women (of various groups) who have mingled way too much with these defeated and conquered males. In the world today, those males do not count because they don't bring VALUE or barely any. Their trick is to make uncritically thinking women believe that they bring value.

Let's face it, the opinions of typical AA men are only given brief, if any, attention in the world of political correctness.

I believe that Halima posted this loser's comment because she knows that some AA women actually find some validity in what he says and can therefore be tripped up, paralyzed, trapped, and preyed on due to malignant, self-serving rantings which are pure poison for practically any AA woman and/or any similarly situated bw in 2010. These rantings have worked on SOME bw, so these loser males continue to use what has worked.

As my black male cousin said to me 3 years ago, bw must make a decision to mate out or die out!" What he means is that if bw do not make it a top priority to find Quality loving and lovable men of other higher functioning groups to marry and father their children, then AA women and their children are going to become extinct OR there will be massive ongoing suffering among AA women and their children, the type of which we don't even want to imagine.

Bw must purge their system of defeated, conquered, whining bm because if not, these women will waste very valuable time in their lives focusing on these males or end up in the various holes with them.

Anonymous said...

I didn't see my comment posted. I wrote it over the weekend and I talked about being married to a bm raising a black son but being disappointed in many of todays bm(not all but some). Just wondering why it wasn't posted?

DiosaNegra said...

PioneerValleyWoman:

"If she doesn't want less, she is "stuck up, full of herself..."

PRICELESS!!!

I've heard this my entire life....especially when I was in Junior High/High School/Business School...heard it from male relatives and from boys @ school. I'm glad to say, I didn't drink the Kool-Aid (I'm 43, single...and searching for my "One"...)

And, the detractors....well, let's just say their fates were one of two...the cemetery or the correctional institution....

*smh*