Hi Halima, I really want to get serious about getting 'hitched,' soon. I want to start prospecting my interracial opportunities, and this might sound strange and naive for a 35 year old but, how do I get started?
Self Search approach (going out, networking)
Accelerated Self Search (eg online ads that work for you even while you sleep and drives more 'tracffic' than you could ever achieve on a one-to-one personal self search approach, I add speed dating because of the volume of prospective partners you make contact with )
Advanced professional search through agencies eg matchmakers
If you are a black woman over a certain age and you know for yourself that time is against you (every one has to decided what their time scales are for themselves but you have to be really honest with yourself here), then I suggest you shell out money for a matchmaker, and then add accelerated self search and self search to the mix.
But Halima, 'I dont have the money,' I hear you say.
You are actually paying for 'time' with a matchmaker service because it could take you in excess of 2 years to move from a relationship to a marriage. How much is that time worth to you? Would it really make a difference to you if you were married in six months, or a years time. For some women 6 months difference is critical? Are you this woman. Indeed take out the old calculator and calculate how much 'months' are worth in terms of dating and marriage, you might just find that the matchmaker fees are no longer a big deal, in fact it is good value!
The self search approach is very linear ie you meet one guy, you date, four months later it's off, you get back in the game maybe a month later, you date three months, its serious, you talk marriage, 6 months later you are married when you can get all the family to be there (you know this is just all too ideal isnt it yet this little scenerio here has cost you 1 year and 2 months). How much is it worth in monetary terms if you could possibly (I say possibly) slash the time to half that?
The matchmaker essentially saves you anything up to one and half years by matching you with men who 1)Have already clarified their desires around marriage etc (ie she/he will match you with only those who desire marriage if thats what you require) 2) Are likely working to a similar time table as you. With the self search approach, it is usual for the 'desires' around marriage to emerge as the relationship progresses and while its all well and good for things to develop 'organically' sometimes that would mean taking forever. The matchmaker works backwards from this approach.
The matchmaker also matches you with the qualities you prefer or desire which you could search years to get a good mix on.
A 20 year old I would suggest should focus on the self-search and maybe an accelerated self-search because time might not be as much as an issue and they need to grow and develope in their understanding of what they want from men (which dating teaches). With the older woman it is not much about 'learning' as it is about now finding.
Before anyone rushes off to sign up to any ol match maker I want to make it plain now that very few matchmakers out there are set up to do an adequate 'service' to black women. Its a sad fact but true (If you have any information of good matchmaker services please do drop a comment or email me so I can share these). Many just have men on their books, men who may say they are 'open' but are not aware they are really not (this is true and it happens quite a lot). So there could be a number of false starts. To be of clear use to a black woman client, they would usually have to administer a specific questionaire to find out details for starters around race and racial attitudes etc that would be meaningful around interracial dating at least to black women.
I hope this posts higlights the key message that I want to bring to black women out there, that, many of you are doing absolutely nothing significant towards your goal of marriage and family and this is another year on from the date you said you were going to be really serious about this stuff!
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