This is for black woman who have somewhere to go and want to get there quickly. Indeed, many black women want to get somewhere but they have all the time in the world! If you have however realized that there are deadlines in life and you don’t have time to waste, I have a few suggestions:
Keep away from all forms of unproductive debates and discussions
Black people as a rule want to have a bunch of unproductive, ‘going nowhere’ discussions. Even when they raise critical questions and debates and say 'come let us talk’, its almost as if they have decided from the outset that they are just going to keep discussions on a superficial level and are not going to do or say anything that will ‘change things’ to any extent or change the status quo. That’s all its going to be; a discussion.
Black folk discuss to appear to be engaged in productive social change like other groups that they see around who are going somewhere. If you engage in discussions that are going nowhere because you can see very well nothing can be enforced or black woman don’t have the leverage to force change on the situation (and it will again all boil down to black women once again carrying the full load and respeonsbility), then you are wasting time and energy best used to build your individual future (which you have a limited time to achieve anyway and especially in these desperate times!).
You are no longer part of rank and file black people
You are now in a different category to most of the other black people around you, in terms of priorities, preoccupations and direction in fact in your mentality and outlook. Many want to blame outside forces or play victims or refuse to make effort for their own elevation, you on the other hand are different. Embrace this reality and stop feeling guilty about separating from and charting a different course to other blacks.
Wave good bye to your friends and what have you and get serious with pursuing your destiny. There are all types of guilt trips used to keep bw back from running after their destiny; ‘you think you are different from us, you want to be white, you will always be seen as black’ etc etc and black women respond by getting back into the black formation.
Stop stewing in anger and bitterness
Bitterness slows you up in many ways including slows your creativity and it also closes doors because it is something that is so hard to hide. For some black women there is a latent demon that gets triggered and when it does, it seems those black women cant even control it! Its almost as if they are standing back and watching the demon kick scream and foam (like an epileptic fit that takes over). These women become vicious, insistent on enforcing their view on others, spearing people left right and centre!
Many black women have a stony heart that refuses to take advice and guidance but are belligerent, arrogant and insistent on their way. Hurt and bitterness can make people spurn that which would be to their benefit! You don’t need to take anyone’s advice but think about why you are rejecting it. If you know an advice has the ring of truth or you know that the advisor is just telling you the real deal, ask yourself why you feel resistant and upset at taking the advice. Again mature and emotionally evolved people know that they don’t have to like the advice or the advice giver to receive the instruction being communicated. Pride and arrogance should never come in the way of doing what is necessary and called for, with regards your situation!
Let me tell you all something you may of may not realize; to be nice is a deliberate act. You determine to be a nice, calm, amiable person and gracious to others and very often at that, there is a disconnect between how you feel and how you act. You know an evolved professional person by how they can separate what they are feeling inside from how they are acting. After a while of emotion control and not acting ugly because you feel that way or the demon has kicked in (ie you control it) then you will find it increasingly easier to be a nice, calm person. Remember, some black women don’t care if they appear in negative light, they are essentially saying ‘to hell’ to life, personal advancement etc, because they are bitter.
Count your blessings daily
I seriously suggest you have a little book of blessings where you note down the things you are happy and grateful for. Read it every other day if not every day. People who are grateful live much happier lives indeed it is the saddest thing that some people have so much but they cant see it and therefore don’t enjoy all the good they have! I know personally a woman who has an adoring husband and three wonderful children but you wouldn’t know it from the way she acts, and this woman is always upset with another woman who is a happy person even though this happy woman on the face of it has less than she does. Indeed it is a strange thing in life that if you are happy, people who might have more than you, think you have something hidden that beats what they have!
When you are a minority or in a minority position you need to generate effort, to take you out of a loosing dynamic or diminished situations
Stop saying it is unfair that you have to do something when others don’t, that’s foolishness. Sure it is unfair but so what, who are you going to sue about life’s unfairness? Folks on the political left will continue to harp on about how life should be fair and many seem to be communicating the notion of black people waiting somehow for a change in the whole structure. Intelligent folk on the other hand know they have to do what they have to do!
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