Tuesday, March 06, 2012

Self-esteem is overated, loose the weight now!

March 6th

Whoever gave black women this idea that they can only undertake ventures that are pleasing and only those that do not give them even the slightest feeling of worry, or doubt or anger. Hogwash!

Sometimes you have to do what you know you need to do with tears in your eyes, even struggling and complaining all the way down the line but still putting one foot in front of the other.

A Cat Named Esteem

This is the season of lent, this is the time to think and rethink ideas. I suggest a rethink of our need for comfort and feeling comfortable all the time and everytime.

Even the psalmist David had reason to say, "It was good that I was afflicted that I might learn your statutes" Psalm 119:71. We cannot always look to be comfortable, pampered, unchallenged, appealed to nicely before we do what is necessary." Fat jokes are cruel but the real truth is that some folks are just so darn sensitive to anything. If they would put as much energy into reaching their goal weight as trying to police how people speak about these issues they would have achieved their goals like yesterday!

There is one line that really jumped out at me in the latest film on Margaret Thatcher, 'The Iron lady'. Meryl Streep playing the Iron Lady, told the doctor treating her that, "People are so concerned these days about how they feel, instead ask me what I think. I think I will be just fine.' And this from a dementing frail old lady.

But real talk folks, why are black people and black women in particular all over 'Newagey-leftish-feel-good' claptrap. "My feelings, my feelings, my feelings", always about feelings and how they were hurt by someone and something! Poor sensitive modern man, you would wonder how our ancestors made it to the modern human. I am thinking they weren’t all that psychologically sensitive a bunch who got upset that a Lion looked at them the wrong way, or an antelope stepped on their foot. Indeed I sometimes wonder what the vegetarians in the group felt about all that killing and eating of meat, their sensitive feelings must have been crushed!

Black women are too focussed on feeling wonderful all the time, blessed and highly favoured, to actually let uncomfortable feelings motivate them into something better. But we should all have realized something was wrong when all these black women were reporting high self esteem when: black women are the least likely to wear their own hair, They are besieged by colorism in their communities, singleness rates (correlated with lack of companionships) and OOW rates are sky high, lets not even mention all the other horrible things black women are subjected to in 'their' communities.

I am afraid the whole high self esteem thing suggests that black women have actually retreated into fairy land because of all the terrors that surround them!
A level of dissatisfaction with self and ones current situation is necessary to motivate a person to take the steps towards self-improvement. Self-esteem is reality based, it is wry, it is hopeful but realistic, it doesnt stay down but bounces back.
It is amazing that as an overweight woman myself I never feel personally attacked by calls to loose weight. Instead I nod at the latest reminder and make another mental note about what to try next because like Thomas Eddison, I know 1000 ways not to loose weight and will know 1 on how to do it succesfully!
If you get upset at these calls to lay aside the weight, then it might be pointing to the fact that you have resigned to the situatuion and dont believe you can ever achieve your healthy weight goal!
Is self-esteem Overated? 
Black women need to look at themselves without attaching all the baggage of black community politics on their shoulders. Be open to examining their possibilities and embracing them wholeheartedly. That's the message I hope black women who are currently dealing with weight issues get eventually. It took me awhile to fully get it, and I thank you and other BWE bloggers for being a source of encouragement and hope for me and countless others -Tiffany

I am not even sure what the media means by "self-esteem". I think as you say, BW might be using the word in a different context. It may mean a surviving and coping tactic of working with what you've got (in hectic environments). From the first day I started work, a BW who's been watching and studying me (my hair, clothes and personal life), has started to tell everyone (who'd listen) how much weight she's lost and will lose.

I feel for her. She suffers from: asthma, diabetes, likely a thyroid problem, and a disabled leg. It's great that she's taken action, but I wonder why she waited all these years after being afflicted with severe health issues to do something about it. I don't know what truly motivates her now, but I hope she sticks with it.
And, by the way, she's got great "self-esteem." - Goldenah

The whole 'Self Esteem' idea has become something that only has one good answer: "Yes, I have good self esteem!" To say anything else would be the public admission of a defect or weakness. How can a 'strong' bw, struggling to take care of everything and everyone in her life possibly say anything else? -Arthur

the problem is that contentment breeds stagnation. black women are overall not winning and instead are dropping dead from heart disease, diabetes, and other obesity related things, so until they aren't content with being "okay" and are instead wanting more and wanting the best, then nothing will change.- SocialiteDreams

There's really only a small amount of bw who will choose to thrive instead of being just okay. And this is what it all comes down to.- Faith

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Christelyn D. Karazin said...


Anonymous said...

Black women need to be educated in healthy food and exercise. Black women are not alone in their lack of education on how to live a healthy lifestyle. We need to grasp the importance of it. THAT SAID, I am by no means in support of initiative to do so which would be based on assaulting the reportedly high self-esteem that Black women have --period!

Anonymous said...

We need to be educated about healthy food and the importance of exercise -- as well as sleep, stress management and all of the other factors that go into weight management.
That said, we can do that AND keep our high self-esteem. One has nothing to do with the other. We don't have to take on the neuroticism of the masses in order to justify self-improvement. I'll never support attacking the self-esteem as a means to encourage betterment. That's counter productive.

Mimi-Louise-Love said...

I Agree completely, we need to not fall in the victim category, we need to pick ourselves up dust ourselves off, and be better, live better. cause we are BETTER than this!

Love in all colors said...

You, Rock!!

Love in all colors said...

This is sooo True! You ROCK!!!

lynn said...


I appreciate your mature blog posts highlighting some of the nuances that are in play when it comes to BW, self-esteem, and weight. I see your blog as a call for dialogue between all BW and not divisionary 'skinny' picking on/against overweight BW.

I admire your goals to lose weight. I have had a career change this year and have picked up 8 pounds. My boyfriend laughs at me when I complain, but to me I know the pounds should not be there and I'm 'overweight' as in, over my normal HEALTHY weight. So, I bought a vitamix, to work on that. Now I drink 6-10 servings of vegetables a day in addition to my workout routine.

Most 'BWE' bloggers like you are coming from a genuine, sincere concern for other BW and are not using weight as an excuse to bash other BW. Though there are some exceptions.

amy said...


Thank you for providing a sound perspective on this issue. It appears that some bw for whatever reason has embraced various forms of extremism to shield themselves from any prodding. Any suggestion to improve oneself in any area especially where weight is concerned is immediately swathed down with charges of 'shaming tactics' and such. Anyway, the world will keep spinning as usual and those who get the (unwritten)rules of the game will play to win and those who don't will be left behind.

lynn said...


Forgive me if this is too long to post, but I feel the need to speak on this.

I'm getting alarmed at the number of BW, who claim to want the best for their daughters, are using the 'weight' issue as a platform to bash the BWE movement and conclude all BWE bloggers to be hateful towards "certain other types of black women", i.e. fat, etc. Twisting BWE bloggers' messages to infer that they are all about 'bashing' othered bw or 'superficial' issues such as mancatchin. If I was a young (maybe chubby) bg who stumbled onto some of these sites where bw are denigriating the entire BWE movement, I will definitely have the impression BWE bloggers, just like the bulk of the Black Construct and are all about denigriating bw/bgs and I might not look into it further.

IMHO, these are the WORST type of bw who are misconstruing BWE's messages so much. They ought to be ashamed of themselves! From what I see in real life with bgs, BWE in the aggregate, are the only forums attempting to raise these girls! Yep, I said it. The bulk of young bgs that I see today are obviously not being coached on how to act in public, how to show respect for their elders, how harmful it is to their own self-interest to be lewd and crude, how to act like ladies, etc. Most of the bw that denigriate BWE bloggers have daughters. Most people, Black or otherwise, have noticed the 'lack of home training' young bgs coming up have. BWE bloggers are basically attempting to do the job of all bp who are parents! I don't know how it is in England, Canada, etc, but young bgs in America are OUT OF CONTROL!!! The bulk of their mothers aren't behaving any better.

So when, bw see life saving being shared concerning:
1. public presentation and how it can be used to either uplift you or set you back
2. encouraging pursuit of education
3. evaluating men to datefor marriage for their character and not their skin color
4. encouraging bg/bw to be happy and content in their own skin
5. taking care of themselves, to include losing excess weight
6. there are so many nuances and aspects to the message that I can't list them all.........

and all they want to do is gripe and complain about the small part of the overall message that offends them (weight) and not concentrate on the entire picture, I say SHAME ON ALL OF YOU WHO HAVE DAUGHTERS. These bw will shout down the entire life-saving message because they have a problem with one tiny aspect of it. Everyday, I'm getting more and more convinced the overwhelming majority of bw ( I won't even touch bm) do not have bgs best interests at heart. The blog hosts who claim they want better for bw/bgs and allow this to happen should also be ashamed.

lynn said...


I'm beginning to see why some BWE bloggers are retiring. As Khadija from SPP has said numerous times, bp will take any positive solution that being attempted to rectify our problems and twist it into something that causes further harm to our people. These bw are turning out to be just as stifling, hateful, and message blocking as bm and bm-identified bw. I believe it is truly game over for most bp and they are circling the drain. The fact that I have not seen anyone on these boards standing up for the BWE movement is shameful also. I attempted that yesterday on a board until the blog host refused to post my comments. I know my conscience is clear and I acted in the spirit of advancing all bw's interests. To me, this is another example of what Khadija alluded to: Sometimes when people hate you, they join you.

We need to start thinking critically before we start shooting off at the mouth. Are these tirades helping or harming bw/bgs? Are these tirades in keeping with the supposed goal of your blogs, such as the upliftment of other bw/bgs? Or, are you just practicing another lack of self-control that will ultimately backfire on all bw/bgs? Bp in general cannot have mature, nuanced discussions about any matter in a civilised way. This is one of the reasons why I rarely comment on BWE sites. This is why, as Faith pointed out recently, only very few bw/bgs will 'make it'. As always, bless you Halima for your extreme dedication to the cause.

Faith said...

@Lynn It's a two-fold issue. Well maybe more. There are infiltrators and traitors who have tried to hijack BWE. There are BW bloggers who despite their extensive advocacy on behalf of BW will never support BW leaving the black dead zones. Which ignores one major tenet to BWE. They were never called on it because the advocacy was extensive, but it was always incomplete. The infiltrators just copy the content of the genuine BWE message,dumb it down and corrupt it. Also many bloggers/readers have refused to draw firm lines in the sand by ignoring foul behavior. And too many BW assume any random BW with a blog or who might discuss certain issues should all be lumped together. This has been pointed out repeatedly, but has been ignored. This has always been a matter of individual growth, but everyone won't agree on what that means. I always evaluate these situations by how emotionally reactive people get. As a blogger myself I always knew going into this that nothing was guaranteed. Nobody has to pay any attention to what I write. I don't have to go to a blog that doesn't appeal to me. I have already witnessed the rejection by plenty of BW to do critical evaluation of their lives and the way they want to keep other BW in a similar box is not a surprise. The public back-biting only serves to help the true Outliers/Sojourners distinguish their paths. If a young BW finds these blogs and sees these conflicts played out, she would see how much is at stake and why they occurred. Again, no one should be surprised. Lack of discipline, resisting change and complaining about other people seems to be black people's specialty. All anyone needs to do is ask if the lives of BW will improve by leaving dysfunctional people, places and practices or not? Will the HIV rates drop? Will OOW change? Will BW who want love & support get it? Will black children have better circumstances? Will black actress stop being an oxymoron?

Out of Darkness said...

Amen Lynn!!!!

I have been to this blog, where the women there are supposedly championing for their daughters, and I am truly and utterly disgusted with the way these women are handling the discussion. In all honesty the post was written in response to another blogger who has recently retired from BWE, she did not agree with said bloggers tone and language used to address the obesity issue amongst black women. This is a well respected blog, one thats been around since 2007 and well known for posting, phone numbers and websites to corperations that disrespect black women.

I can understand that when a person addresses an issue in a nasty was, the person its directed to may become offended and simply not listen....but that doesn't mean you can simply overlook the issue.

I absolutely agree with you Lynn and I saw your comments. At least the ones that were allowed.

Hi Halima, Great Post

There were some black women on this blog who were using this as an excuse to bash BWE and lead the way in fat- acceptance activisim. They made it clear, that the only reason for pushing the weight-loss issue to their daughters, was simply out of attracting "white-men" and out of worship for "white men", apparently to them, we are advocating for their daughters to loose weight for the same white men that invented the mammy stereotype, to oppress fat black women. Someone else agreed with her, that all BWE women want to do is try to escape stereotypes, they don't want to be the big-loud black woman so that people can see us as being different, which to her is pointless, since even if you loose-weight your're still black and we don't get to be looked at as individuals.

Another poster said that this was completely unnecessary, since a woman's empowerment has nothing to do with how she can attract a man.
Ironic, that this post is labeled " self-esteem is overated loose the weight', many of these women are saying how we are advocating the degradation and dehumanization of bigger black women by saying that these women should not have high self-esteem, because their fat makes them inferior. Apparently we think high self-esteem isn't for black women who are overweight.

BWE in their eyes is just against all the fat, single mothers and uneducted black women, not for all black women..........

lynn said...

Faith says:
There are BW bloggers who despite their extensive advocacy on behalf of BW will never support BW leaving the black dead zones.
......Also many bloggers/readers have refused to draw firm lines in the sand by ignoring foul behavior.

Lynn says:
(Sigh....) I completely agree with you. Everything you talked about is true.

Well, I don't have a blog, but right here and now I'm drawing a line. Any bw who has read 'old skool' BWE blogs for any length of time and do not acknowledge their lives have not benefitted from adopting at least one of the core tenets is A BOLD FACED LIAR! Furthermore, any commentators I read who does not acknowledge the 'gap' 'old skool' BWE blogs fill in schooling the next generation for an optimum life in my book is on par with DBR bm and what to keep bg/bw in the horrible conditions the bulk of them are in. Whether they consciously acknowledge this or not, these women are actively working to sabatoge the upliftment of bg/bw. Blog hosts who let this go on are culpable too.

It is downright evil to badmouth this movement, which contains vital information for bw. Some of these so called BWE critiques have read these blogs for years; I can tell by the detailed analysis that goes into their comments. They will start to rally and agree under the 'weight' issue and then insidiously slip in other poisonous comments such as:
BWE worships white men!
BWE claims you're a mammy or mule if you prefer bm!
BWE is superficial and only concerned with catching a wm!
BWE expresses negativity toward black women who are “fat, single parents, etc
BWE is filled with 'fat shaming' women!

Their comments get progressively less about the original topic (weight) and start to focus solely on the BWE movement. That's why I know they have a hidden agenda.

I know Khadija posted on this topic focusing on one particular blogger, but I see it start to spread to other sites who in the past have been allied with 'old skool' BWE bloggers. I don't know why this is happening, and I don't have a solution. I know when I do see it, I will post a realistic comment highlighting all the hard work 'old skool' BWE blogs have done to uplift bw/bgs. Even if my comment is blocked, my conscious is clear. I hope other bw who have benefitted from these discussions do the same to keep the door open for the next generation of bgs.

Faith said...

Khadija very eloquently discussed Tabletalk For Activists series at her Muslim Bushido blog. I think every BW needs to keep her own individual focus on what she wants in life and discard the rest. These are online forums. While many of us have encouraged adopting new mindsets nobody can force the issue offline.

We're not in each other's lives intimately, even as these conversations might be felt deeply. If some folks can't see themselves a certain way, so be it. You can't want more for folks than what they want for themselves.

Railing against those calling for reevaluation is their way of expressing anger at the "assumption" there might be not only a different option but a BETTER one. There will always be conflicts over that, but that doesn't mean anyone has to be EMOTIONALLY invested in debating it. Or rude about it.

I applaud the work of those BW who've raised awareness of certain issues. It was absolutely necessary. After 5 years you have to make progress though if only for the sake of having a full and balanced life.

The infiltrators don't have the interests of BW at heart despite their flitting around. Mixing the core BWE message with those types is wholly inaccurate.

At the end of the day the quality and type of life each woman lives IS her choice. So godspeed. Everything else is a distraction.

lynn said...

@ Out of Darkness,

Thanks for your support! I'm glad to see that I was not the only one who caught what the real deal going on. I felt like I landed all alone in Bizzaro world!

That blog has been a blessing to many bw/bgs in that they are staunch in calling out people/organizations who contribute to the overall dehumanizing images the MSM portrays on bw. I've learned a lot from it, so I don't want to give the impression the I'm badmouthing the entire blog.

I found it alarming that no one else could acknowledge even one good basic tenet 'old skool' BWE has provided for bgs/bw. I hope every BWE bw seriously thinks about it. I was equally appalled at how the blog host allowed this to go on. Some allies do have to be dealt with at arm's length, because they will turn on you at a moment's notice.

I remeber the great discussion that took place on Khadija's blog concerning the Black Power movement. Sure, many bw pointing out a lot of failings on that movement. But Khadija took the time to provide a balanced view and remind us of the many benefits that came out of that movement. Though I don't agree with those bw on their BWE views because I can't think of a single critique I have against the core BWE tenets. I do believe it was incumbent on the blog host to promote a more balanced view of things. The fact that she shut me down, when I was the only commentator who provided a more balanced view says a lot.

On a side note, everyone wants to complain about BWE, the only organized entity provided 'growing up' info to bgs, but I have not seen anyone talk about it, let alone, come up with some other solution to fill this gap. All I see are supposedly enlighted bw tearing down the only people/movement that is 'raising' these girls. What's up with that?

Remember, every shut eye ain't sleep!

deborah evans said...

Learning how to cook food is key.

Learning how to select and prepare healthy food is a major challenge in getting rid of the "extra" weight.

Abandoning food as "comfort", learning to appreciate new tastes (other than fat, sugar, salt) will go a long way in the battle against fat. Learning how to cook in bulk, staying away from highly processed foods that are loaded with salt and high fructose corn syrup, and drinking lots of water every day will help.

Basically, one must reprogram the way one thinks about food. Most people who "diet" regain the weight later because the "diet" is seen as a battle and a struggle and not as an affirmation of life, health, energy, and beauty.

Finally, if you are surrounded by lots of people who are seriously overweight or obese, it's easer to tell yourself that you are OK when you are not.

As in all things, do not look to those around you as the final standard of what is right or good.

A lot of what is called "self esteem" is really group-supported self-delusion.

EbonyFaery said...

I wonder why the Kaiser study did not take into account other factors, such as self-deception.

I am overweight and have struggled to lose weight for years, so when the Fat Acceptance movement came along, I was thrilled!! 'Now I don't have to change myself anymore!!!'. Or so I thought.

But inside I was trying to prop up my (rapidly diminishing) self-esteem. People would ask how I was, and of course, I was fine, but my friends new better.

You're morbidly obese, single, struggling to find positive solutions for your life . . . . . . . . Of course you'll say you're right as rain when some stranger asks about your life!!!! That person just wants to collect data that will (hopefully) prove their theory. If they have no background on what an obese black woman's life is like, why delve deeper? They are not there to provide counselling. Anyone who thinks research is conducted in a vacuum with absolutely no personal/political influence or bias lives in the dark. Research sometimes tracks trends, but if the question only needs a superficial answer before applying for the next research grant, then that is what will be published.

I am just troubled that a long-held cultural myth has been presented as fact after (probably) hundreds of thousands of dollars were thrown at it.

ak said...

Regarding the way larger black women portray themselves to other people, these other people reporting 'high self esteem' are either innocently , or covertly and underhandedly, confusing self-esteem with outwardly being all 'puffed up' about yourself and being loud about it!

The former is healthy and honest, and the latter is based on women lying to themselves, trying to fool other people (sometimes unsuccessfully), and not coming to terms with personal issues. Lisa Vasquez who made her 'Black Women Blow The Trumpet' blog private said that introspection is very important for many BW.

I've remembered Lisa's words and tried to heed them even when it was painful and I made my self feel so stupid with all the perfect 20/20 hindsight vision! But I had to, and all slender and large BW have to do the same, at least some of the time, eventually!

Regarding people I read about or see on TV sometimes-,of any gender, color, and background, who were victims of childhood sexual abuse/rape who turned to food all the time while growing up and even as adults, they lose SO much weight some of them and that weight NEVER seems to return ever again! This is because they receive therapy before or while losing weight to work through their hidden secrets and problems, realise they were not to blame, and to move on and make peace with the past in order to have a great future.

Some of these former obese people who were sexually abused children now look like completely different, and even beautiful people sometimes! Some of them I swear, look like they've been near toothpicks all their life, like a British personality called Gok Wan for instance.

So ladies, if it takes introspection and therapy to get to a better places so that you feel your best, free your mind and therefore your life then please do it.

I do not hate blackness, and I have never been one for the insidious, rootless, and stupidly inexplicable hate that black women have and show for other black women quite often,(my mother doesn't have or share that weird hatred either) so believe me that it makes me feel good to hear of BW actually thriving for a change and it sounds like music to my ears when it actually DOES happen!

ak said...

Thank you Lynn for defending especially the original BWE bloggers on that other blog, and you were right that it was a shame that others didn't defend the original BWE bloggers on that other blog!

I couldn't defend them on that other blogged because I was blocked from commenting a long time ago! LOL

I want to thank Halima, Evia, Khadija, Rev. Lisa Vazquez, Faith, Sara, Pioneer Valley Woman, Aimee, Christelyn Karazin, and a few others for the advice they've freely given and the advice that they've charged for. It was all of great benefit and very important regarding my life and the introspection on the mistakes I've made in my life, and I wouldn't be at all surprised if it has helped others do the same even if for some really silly reason they won't admit to it, or they feel embarassed to admit to it.

But I don't see why they can't admit to it or why they'd feel embarassed or ashamed about it at all!

ak said...

Another thing that people have forgotten or they didn't know because they 'came late to the party' regarding comments on that other blog about anti large BW comments on a BWE, is that the original BWE blogs DID let everybody and anybody comment, have their say, and 'free speech for all' on their blogs.

Because one commenter in particular said that BWE bloggers sound, harsh, hateful, judgmental, unsupportive of black women, mean, rude, and sociopathic according to a few of them! Just because one blogger says to her readers things like 'Take what you do want from this and trash the rest'. But what's so offensive about telling your readers that?

Eveybody's different and all advice won't suit everybody 100% and if some of it helps you but you don't like the rest of the advice, well 'trash the rest' then! LOL I'm sure some people would basically feel like that about people they've met or know offline as well so what's the big deal?

But when the original BWE bloggers (especially sadly with Aimee) let BM and BW comment without monitoring comments heavily they let in people who would disrespect, shout down, try to intimidate other commenters, and even the bloggers just because the BWE bloggers were saying that 'You know what it's wrong for black men to continue doing this and that... and maybe they should totally stop doing this and that disagreeable act' .

Way back then, a lot of obnoxious BM commenters and their BW guard dog/'Sistah Souljah' commenters only wanted to hear how great and superior BM were to all men and all of mankind, how they can never be beld to any responsibility or accountability because slavery and Jim Crow is the ultimate absolution for them and their hallowed victim status (but this could never be applied to BW), and how they're the best in bed. And if bloggers and commenters didn't agree with that and said something to the contrary then they'd rip your face off like a pack of dogs, similar to what a certain woman in France went through or they'd tear your face and eyes out of your head like a chimp on the loose, like what a certain US woman went through!

They tried to intimidate evrybody and tried to push the message of the BWEs away from all history even though there's room on the internet for everybody and their own messages and agendas, so in the end the BWE bloggers HAD to get tough, start monitoring and filtering out overtly and covertly negative comments from any color and gender of person on there to make them get the message. Finally they HAD to block people who didn't care and just refused to get the message. A whole policy had to be started up in most cases.

So to say that any of especially the original BWE bloggers are hateful, unsupportive, and uncaring to BW because of what they're saying. That's because black people were getting so undisciplined online of all places that they had to get 'medieval' and crack the whip after playing the lenient Mr. Nice Guy all the time!

I should have seen it coming that some BW would get in a big froth because another BW is telling her to lay off the Popeye's for a little while even though medical science can show you why and they have evidence that's not just about large BW but anybody with a poor diet and no exercise! It's sad that you may actually care about all BW regardless of their size but if you utter one word about eating better for an improved life not shorterned by diabetes and hypertension they want to rip your whole head clean off because you looked in their general direction when you said it.

Anonymous said...

Looking at the picture of that cat reminds me of a pet bunny we had, and growing up where jack rabbits ran rapid, I knew what they looked like. But when we went to the fair years back-oh, man- I ‘ain’t never’ seen a rabbit of that size hopping about. I mean these rabbits were huge. It’s not natural those poor things couldn’t survive in the wild. Those bunnies are being caged and fed-not allowed to roam freely. I couldn’t even finish the exhibit it was too sad. How much more do we feel that way about people who are made in our own image-black women. We want them to be healthy and free. We all have issues to work on. I just don’t like the promotion of being fat. Giving ‘fat shout outs’. Demeaning people who care about their weight and what they eat. Pretending that it’s about sex appeal (and ones preference) when really it’s a health issue. The ones who care are the ones who approach the subject with health in mind.