Whoever gave black women this idea that they can only undertake ventures that are pleasing and only those that do not give them even the slightest feeling of worry, or doubt or anger. Hogwash!
Sometimes you have to do what you know you need to do with tears in your eyes, even struggling and complaining all the way down the line but still putting one foot in front of the other.
A Cat Named Esteem
This is the season of lent, this is the time to think and rethink ideas. I suggest a rethink of our need for comfort and feeling comfortable all the time and everytime.
Even the psalmist David had reason to say, "It was good that I was afflicted that I might learn your statutes" Psalm 119:71. We cannot always look to be comfortable, pampered, unchallenged, appealed to nicely before we do what is necessary." Fat jokes are cruel but the real truth is that some folks are just so darn sensitive to anything. If they would put as much energy into reaching their goal weight as trying to police how people speak about these issues they would have achieved their goals like yesterday!
There is one line that really jumped out at me in the latest film on Margaret Thatcher, 'The Iron lady'. Meryl Streep playing the Iron Lady, told the doctor treating her that, "People are so concerned these days about how they feel, instead ask me what I think. I think I will be just fine.' And this from a dementing frail old lady.
But real talk folks, why are black people and black women in particular all over 'Newagey-leftish-feel-good' claptrap. "My feelings, my feelings, my feelings", always about feelings and how they were hurt by someone and something! Poor sensitive modern man, you would wonder how our ancestors made it to the modern human. I am thinking they weren’t all that psychologically sensitive a bunch who got upset that a Lion looked at them the wrong way, or an antelope stepped on their foot. Indeed I sometimes wonder what the vegetarians in the group felt about all that killing and eating of meat, their sensitive feelings must have been crushed!
Black women are too focussed on feeling wonderful all the time, blessed and highly favoured, to actually let uncomfortable feelings motivate them into something better. But we should all have realized something was wrong when all these black women were reporting high self esteem when: black women are the least likely to wear their own hair, They are besieged by colorism in their communities, singleness rates (correlated with lack of companionships) and OOW rates are sky high, lets not even mention all the other horrible things black women are subjected to in 'their' communities.
I am afraid the whole high self esteem thing suggests that black women have actually retreated into fairy land because of all the terrors that surround them!
A level of dissatisfaction with self and ones current situation is necessary to motivate a person to take the steps towards self-improvement. Self-esteem is reality based, it is wry, it is hopeful but realistic, it doesnt stay down but bounces back.
It is amazing that as an overweight woman myself I never feel personally attacked by calls to loose weight. Instead I nod at the latest reminder and make another mental note about what to try next because like Thomas Eddison, I know 1000 ways not to loose weight and will know 1 on how to do it succesfully!
If you get upset at these calls to lay aside the weight, then it might be pointing to the fact that you have resigned to the situatuion and dont believe you can ever achieve your healthy weight goal!
Is self-esteem Overated?
Black women need to look at themselves without attaching all the baggage of black community politics on their shoulders. Be open to examining their possibilities and embracing them wholeheartedly. That's the message I hope black women who are currently dealing with weight issues get eventually. It took me awhile to fully get it, and I thank you and other BWE bloggers for being a source of encouragement and hope for me and countless others -Tiffany
I am not even sure what the media means by "self-esteem". I think as you say, BW might be using the word in a different context. It may mean a surviving and coping tactic of working with what you've got (in hectic environments). From the first day I started work, a BW who's been watching and studying me (my hair, clothes and personal life), has started to tell everyone (who'd listen) how much weight she's lost and will lose.
I feel for her. She suffers from: asthma, diabetes, likely a thyroid problem, and a disabled leg. It's great that she's taken action, but I wonder why she waited all these years after being afflicted with severe health issues to do something about it. I don't know what truly motivates her now, but I hope she sticks with it.
And, by the way, she's got great "self-esteem." - Goldenah
The whole 'Self Esteem' idea has become something that only has one good answer: "Yes, I have good self esteem!" To say anything else would be the public admission of a defect or weakness. How can a 'strong' bw, struggling to take care of everything and everyone in her life possibly say anything else? -Arthur
the problem is that contentment breeds stagnation. black women are overall not winning and instead are dropping dead from heart disease, diabetes, and other obesity related things, so until they aren't content with being "okay" and are instead wanting more and wanting the best, then nothing will change.- SocialiteDreams
There's really only a small amount of bw who will choose to thrive instead of being just okay. And this is what it all comes down to.- Faith
The Kindle books are a little behind schedule But Any moment Now! I am making the e-books available on PDF downloads as some of you have requested!
2 e-books Available on Amazon Kindle early 2012
However are you wondering about Interracial dating?
You will find answers in this other e-book which gives a clear insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, including her interracial dating option. Get yourself clued up!
Questions to be sent to: firstname.lastname@example.org