Thursday, October 04, 2012

Spend on your Dream!

As an individual there will be areas in your life that will require you spending real money and effort to build up, while other aspects will come naturally to you.

You might have to spend loads of money to train yourself on public speaking for instance, yet your friend might be a natural in public speaking, she has never had a moment of stage freight and cant understand why people have nerves or cant sleep well a night before any presentation. I certainly know that I have spent loads of money looking for the right formula for weight loss for me (because it is indeed about finding the right formula that works for you from the thousands of methods that are out there-thanks Cher for being willing to share your weight loss surgery experience with us).

I think it is of vital importance to know that you will have to spend your money for self improvement in certain areas of life and not others. It is important not to be resentful of the fact that your friend doesn’t need a personal trainer when you require two (as well as a dietician) for instance. It is easy to fall into resentment and bitterness about the fact that you have to do loads of work in certain areas when others don’t seem to have the same problems and the same demands on their money. I think it would be a big mistake to resent the situation. For one you never know what their struggles are.

The best approach is to get on with what you know you need to do to take your life forward, pushing back the thoughts of 'Why do I have to do XYZ when Annabel doesn’t have struggles in this area'. Embrace the fact that your own life and who you are determines that in these areas you will need to work hard and spend towards the outcome you desire.

Some black women are not going to meet their 'prince' while walking down the streets of Harlem or where have you. Some of you will have to pay for a subscription online with a matchmaker for instance, which could set you back thousands of dollars. The question is, do you want it bad enough to do whatever it takes to get your dream, your desired goal. Its not about measuring your life against that of others or saying, 'If she got him going to church then why do I have to make extra efforts'.

Your dream is not cheap and neither should you be. If it takes buying resources do it! And don’t be waiting for a windfall, for sales or hoping that you may not need the resource like if you pray real hard. There are problems you could have had wrapped up last year but you were being too cheap and now two years later you are still with the problem.

Some of you might need to shell out the money for gastric band surgery. If you have researched and done your due diligence and realized it represents the most effective way for you, then why not be brave and do it, get back your life/start living instead of hoping for some other miracle and putting life on hold not to talk of damaging your health the longer you stay within an unhealthy weight range.

Sure you may sign up for a matchmaker and then subsequently meet Mr Right at the Farmer's market the next day, that still isn’t enough reason not to take out a subscription. I would still be very proud of myself for making the effort even if it worked out some other way. There is also the issue of time. Take the weight loss issue for instance, a personal trainer might get you to your goal faster (and quite possibly keep you on track as opposed to you yoyoing), which means you can get on living the life you want 6 months -1 year earlier than if you took other options. Many folk do not factor in the cost of time lost. Getting you to your goal faster can be the difference between having or loosing the opportunity to have children for instance.

Think carefully about the things you want to achieve and the resources needed and don’t delay in spending the time money and the effort. And do it Now!

Black school boys are out of hand!

I am constantly coming across black boys of school age manhandling black school girls, in such a way that if they were older, the police would be called on them! What the heck is going on. The other day a black boy knocked a fellow school girl to the ground in what started as a sort of play fight on the way home, he suddenly injected real viciousness into an innocent enough play fight. It appears the hatred of the black female is now finding root in black boys at a very young age.

I see white boys play fight with white girls all the time, twisting their arms or pulling their hair but it is never done to the point where the girl is really hurt or bruised, you can actually see how they are preventing any kind of bruising in their hold. Not so with black boys who play fight with black girls with such vehemence that it becomes something else. Maybe some of you mothers need to tell your daughters to avoid black boys outright because some demonic epidemic of black female hatred is sweeping the masses of black boys.

On another day, an idiot black man besides me on the bus, admitted that his son had told him directly that he likes punching girls (read: black girls because these are the only type of girls he will be able to get away with punching). He admitted it to a school age black girl and said it so matter of factly like it was no big deal and he didn’t even say that he countered the idiocy in anyway. In a cinema queue a few days later another black boy openly and while looking to catch my eye also professed finding pleasure in hitting women to the black girl who he had come with.

And let a black girl even tap a black boy lightly even in a playful manner, and that becomes a reason to viciously beat her down because, 'she hit me first'.

My Latest e-books are now available to buy from my website book page or from Amazon. Please click on the corresponding links below for more info.

First Steps to Personal Empowerment
Buy Here or Buy at Amazon

Do Black Women in Afros
Date White Guys?
Buy Here or Buy at Amazon

Supposing I wanted to
Date a White Guy...?
Buy Here or Buy at Amazon


Anonymous said...

YES. Black boys are very violent at a young age. I had to find that out the hard way. When I was in the 6th grade a boy I JUST tapped a few times (I had a crush on him) and he literally grabbed my leg and dragged me on the floor! My brother had to beat him up and unfortunately get suspended but he said it was so worth it. I lost respect for him, dragging me like that. I had a SKIRT on! That's why I love my brother so much, he knows his boundaries and right from wrong. It's not hard to teach your son that it's wrong to get violent with a girl like that, my mother did it. And honestly I think it's something natural in men and boys. I still play fight but only with non-black boys. Play fighting is supposed to be fun and sweet. You get tapped a couple of times tug the hair a little, bear hugging... but how could you just flat out DRAG someone on concrete? Sickening.

I avoid black boys period. Not afraid to say it, it's just certain things they do that bother me. Only black boy I hang out with daily is my brother who has proven himself to be a good and a gentlemanly boy.

Anonymous said...

Oh and YES you must spend on your dreams! You also must spend money to make money. Give love to get love in most cases.

samadhi101 said...

Great post Halima, I need to be reminded sometimes. Since I started working when I was 19, I was able to afford stuff for personal fitness and things that enhanced my mental/ emotional health. I remember that year starting out feeling very LOW so I decided to see a therapist. This was something faith couldn't fix, in fact I doubted God existed. My mom was PISSED. I didn't know therapy was such a taboo among black people, so I got no support whatsoever. I knew I needed to take care of myself though, so I worked extra hours to cover the bill. I really do think that was the best decision I'd ever made and my improved mental health definitely enhanced ALL areas of my life. I'm 24 now and I still take time to reflect, meditate, eat healthy and exercise. I was angsting about the money then but now I have no regrets.

I'm still in college (science major) but my dream has always been acting and screenwriting. I found an amazing acting coach but I was thinking this week "Man, I'm gonna need more hours this week!" Acting classes are expensive ;/ The I saw this post and I'm motivated again lol

From reading Evia's recent post and Christelyn's post, more black parents are actually publicly addressing the issue of black girls feeling invisible/mistreated in school (especially affluent black girls). It's about time too. Nobody's called black boys/BM out on their dysfunctional behavior (I think deep down everyone knows they can't be fixed) but their encouraging their girls to expand their options. Most just want their girls to socialize like other other women.

Black Women Deserve Better said...

Thanks for the mention Halima. One has to take responsibility for their lives and not rely upon anyone else swooping in for the rescue. Crying about the situation won't change much!

Soul Alive said...

I thought it was just me who noticed that Black boys are uber violent with the Black girls. I see them push them, throw them to the ground and the sad sick part is that the girls co-sign the behavior and state that they can take care of themselves. That so and so was playing and if it was really that serious she would report him to the school that they both attend.

My daughter is in Middle school here in the states, and she informs me some loser Black kid came and asked her for the answers to an assignment. She quickly told him, what have you ever done for me? I lold at how sharp she is. On a more serious note, I advised her to stay away from that type. She went on to tell me that when she refused to capitulate, he whined and fussed. Eventually one of her friends gave him the answers as well as loan him a pencil! I told her to avoid that friend.

Turns out when the dirtbag was done with the pencil, he threw it at the young lady who had just helped him. I teach my daughter from YOUNG to avoid most things Black and male. R

Patricia Kayden said...

I have to ask why Black girls are being raised to tolerate being hit upon by Black boys? My parents would have got invovled if I was victimized by bullies at school or in any other forum.

The same way that White parents protect their White girls from violence, is the same way that Black parents have to step up when their daughters are subjected to violence.

Patricia Kayden said...

If I was hit by a Black boy, my parents would have stepped up immediately to address this. I don't get why Black parents aren't protecting their Black daughters from violence -- whether from Black boys or predatory Black men.

Jamila said...

"I am constantly coming across black boys of school age manhandling black school girls, in such a way that if they were older, the police would be called on them!"

Oh I have a story for you! Recently I was walking to the bus stop after leaving my apt, I heard yelling and looked up to see a black boy who couldn't have been any older than 8 or 9 push a 5 or 6 year old Indian girl down on the ground. The girls brother was also there and he jumped on the blk boy and was punching him and telling him to leave his sister alone. The black boy was momentarily chased off but then CAME back and started pummeling the girl while she was still struggling to get off the ground. At this point I intervened and gave my contact info the Indian boy and told him to take his sister home; I told the black boy to go home too after I found out his mother's name. Turns out that there had been other incidents where this blk boy had been in trouble and been abusive to the same girl. The girls' father must have called the police because the police ended up contacting me to get a statement. I'm not sure what happened after that but I haven't heard any more about it.

These young boys don't just become thugs who are abuse to women, the elderly,and even small animals, overnight. There was a long process that took place where the anti-social behavior of these boys was developing and no one checked their behavior so it just got worse over time.

Welcome said...

Probably because so many BM aren't in their kids lives. Mom can say something, but she can't come up on boys like the father did when he found out his daughter was being bullied on the bus.

Welcome said...

@Samadhi101 A good book to read in regards to screenwriting is Making a Good Script Great by Linda Seger. With regards to Acting I took courses at Community college. You might also want to look into NYFA

samadhi101 said...

@ Welcome

Connie Fused said...

There are efforts diverted at helping black boys you'd think there would some improvement by now. Then again as long as black adult males spend money to support the image of hostile, violent, and sexually intrusive style manhood, it doesn't matter how many resources you throw at improving the condition and behavior of black boys. And they say black women love thugs.

ak said...

After I get my degree two summers from now I'd like to pay for some etiquette/finishing school-type of lessons from the more reputable etiquette teaching business in London. I agree about the black girls giving the black boys (only the black boys now!) the green light to rough them up!

Three years ago when I lived in a certain part of southeast London and I was on the bus going home from work, a bunch of (12 to 13 yr olds?) black kids got on the bus's lower deck as loud as they pleased. From the window, it looked like three black boys, four black girls and two biracial girls where getting on. There was something going on when all of a sudden one of the biracial girls ran up to the upper deck where I sat. One of the black girls came up after her not to rough her up but to question her about why she left them and the biracial girl said that she wasn't going back downstairs because of one of the boys slapping her face.

The black girl said to her 'Come on Michelle man! I've been hit before plenty of times it's no big deal. Just go back down man you're holding up the bus!' I have to hand it to the biracial girl though she still stood her ground and refused to get up and she said 'No, I don't like being hit and he was there slapping me on my face going mad'. Then of course the WM driver stopped the bus and people had to get up and get out and wait for the next bus. A bunch of older white people were about to get on one of them had her young biracial daughter/granddaughter almost about to cry and the woman was cradling the girl's head.

Huh. Typical, just typical. Black people teaching black girls how to 'other' themselves from an early age because they live on rough destitute projects/estates. Maybe they should move out of those areas before having kids so that their black daughters can discover the pleasures and freedoms of girls and women? This isn't about being a healthy tomboy, this is about being taught to 'other' yourself and then wonder why people hate and/or fear you later on. No bueno!

The biracial girl and the black girl were both petite and slight in build bit the biracial one had a soft quiet childlike timbre in her voice and the black girl's way of speaking was more like 'let's toughen up ourselves here, we're both grown MEN'! Sadly I'm not surprised that one of the biracial girls among that group was the only one to get away and not 'other' herself as if she was living in Menace II Society or something. But this CAN change for black girls amd be improved upon.

GlitterandRoses said...

Great post Halima, I've literally spent this year putting money aside and I'm going to make 2013 my 'Make Myself Amazing Year' as I'm determined to find a quality loving man. I'm 22 and having spent most of my time concentrating on my studies and setting up business, I've had zero time for romance. But its been worth the sacrifice because I know I have alot to offer someone.

I'm getting memberships to a bunch of museums/art galleries (hello handsome patrons) , taking some wine tasting classes, giving my wardrobe a classy makeover (the Baby Phat jeans are getting burned) and I've joined the gym just this week.

Your so right, a quality partner isn't going to come strolling out of the blue, you have to go where the hot stuff is.

I had a white female friend who was obsessed with dating black guys even though most of them treated her like crap (one of them is in jail for murder FYI...he wanted her to give him a fake alibi in court). She would always insist we went to the most ghetto night clubs in London because she knew the place would be sprawling with black guys.

I on the other hand preferred the more upper class lounges in Londons more stylish districts, it's not like you have to pay a fortune to get in, ladies often get in free and a light flutter of your eyelashes will guarantee you don't have to pay for your drinks. Anyways, she called me a snob and accused me of...yep you guessed it 'not being black'. Needless to say were not friends anymore.