Friday, October 12, 2012

Dont Get into the Ditch in the first place, then you wont need any Rescuing

Khalia (Mohammad Ali's daughter) her Jewish husband Spencer, and  son Jacob


Muhammed Ali Celebrates Grandson's Barmitvah



In a recent newspaper article a well-known black politician stated categorically that absent black fathers were the major reason behind knife and gang crime in the UK.

This is no news to any BWE proponent I am sure, even as we watch other folk struggle to be politically correct about it all, laying the blame at the door of slavery, poverty, government and what have you. Indeed this black politician comes from the Labour party (democrat equivalent) where you kind of, don’t say such things. However he decided to break with protocol. You could almost feel from his words, the frustration with the situation, how that things had gotten to such a head that it couldn’t be covered over any longer and he just had to speak the truth as he saw it. Of course the white media, tried to contain the message and water it down by injecting exceptions and humour etc, I guess as they are required to do by journalistic protocols these days!

Now the fact that this was a black politician even from the left, making this kind of assertion, is not really the big deal for me, instead two or should I say three other things from the back story grabbed me.

One is that he said he had sat with countless single mothers in the black community who were desperate for black fathers to participate in the lives of their sons, the second was that he was the son of a single mother himself and maybe I should add that he himself is married interracially.

Of recent I have been writing about how certain incidents have served to illuminate many of the core concepts we have been preaching with BWE, concepts that to even me have sometimes seemed purely theoretical, well this was another of those instances.

As I pictured this room full of single mothers (standing room only perhaps), imploring for this black man politician (this symbol of black manhood and a black person who would thus care about their situation) to do something- who knows what- on their behalf, maybe find a political wand that would magically make these men come back into their son's lives, it came home to me strongly, how black women make their own way hard.

Instead of taking easy steps to avoid getting into the situation in the first place, these women prefer to trust that some kind of magic will come to the rescue in the end, some kind of undiscovered, unexplored solution would somehow come into view and make things alright! Someone once made a snide comment about the fact that 'Black women are looking to government but government cannot find you a husband', once on a BWE blog and I know it came from a hateful place so was dismissed, but there is a load of sense in that statement.

The situation with these single mothers is no unpredictable accident, for the most parts, these women choose men who they knew and had seen, display a lack family values. Such women also get pregnant under conditions that have a 70:30 chance of landing them in single-parenthood. They can see and observe this to be the case all day and everyday so it's not like they didn’t see what was ahead or where taking by surprise at how it all panned out (as is the impression about mothers ending up alone). Some of these men have even had offspring with their friends and acquaintances and so they know what is likely, despite the crocodile tears they shed later.

Lets look at this lifestyle of having an option not to get into a predicament, yet deciding to do that which will clearly land you in the bad situation. Lets look at a lifestyle of expecting to be bailed out somehow, by the system, by government or by God etc even as you make decisions that are leading you into a place of problems. Apart from anything else, this is an amazingly inefficient way to conduct one's affairs. In today's parlance it would be termed purely 'unsustainable' and unacceptable in an age when as humans we have a moral obligation to conserve and live reasonably and sensibly with our resources, if not for anything, for the continuation of our very planet. Such a lifestyle if it was the model for an organisational, business etc, would lead to the catastrophic failure of the company and the loss of jobs. Think about that.

Think about the whole idea of asking a politician to somehow solve something outside the realm of human capabilities as in bringing back men (who very likely where never committed to the offspring or mother to start off with), into a family unity. Even if it could be managed by some wonderful alchemy, think of how much time, effort, resources would have to go into any kind of solution which will never be ideal, and then imagine how easy it is and would be for any black women to just opt out of getting into such a predicament in the first place.

In any case, I doubt even angel Gabriel could manage to do something for the situation of these women let a lone a singular black politician. This is the place where personal responsibility is the only solution or should I say personal common sense.

Think about how very straightforward it is to avoid having to end up in this situation with men who don’t participate in their children's lives. We are talking about marriage here, about not trusting just a word of promise (especially uttered in the heat of passion), one that is not immediately backed up with an offer of commitment.

Healthy Distrust

When you look at the mental set that leaves black women in this single-parenthood predicament (excluding rape, and abuse of under-age black girls), you will notice a couple of things:

One is that they know and expect the single parent state will come to pass for them at some point. In other words they don’t resist it but continue down the road when it opens up for them. For black women, single parenthood has become a culture therefore it should not be framed, even tackled as an issue of mishap, mistake or naivete. Black women need to be looked square in the eye and asked, 'Are you simply deciding to go down the road of single parenthood as a way of life?'

I see it all around me, at the right age range say 16-21, boys set up girls to be single-mothers and it follows like clock work to plan. It happens too frequently now for it to be couched as a mistake or something that just happens there is on a level an acceptance even an embrace of single motherhood.

Secondly for some black women who claim to have been fooled (a small percentage), by the whole situation and scheming of black men who they gave a 'brothers trust', it appears these women are relating to black men with trust that is unwarranted given the track records of black men.

If you had a business partner that repeatedly breached contracts (be they gentlemen’s agreements or signed legal documents), at some point you would learn to put into place safeguards, and the right protection whenever you had to deal with them. It appears black women by being so 'fooled' over and over and despite all the backlog of experience to teach them otherwise have not learnt to deal with black men and their repeated betrayal the way that is required and as any sensible being would after repeated disappointment. Which points again to them accepting black men's unreliability on some level, and eschewing a healthy distrust of black men, that would natural evolve in black women's attitudes due to the current state of play between black men and women.

I repeat that very few people would continue to deal with a repeated contract breaker

without adjusting to the fact that they have proved repeatedly unreliable and thus covering themselves legally or otherwise. I am well aware that many black community agents are acting to squelch this naturally evolving and self protecting distrust in interracting with black men, by branding it invalid or self-hate.

Substitutions

There is another thing here and that is that there are and continue to be in our modern society, substitutes for the participation of black men as fathers in their children's lives (welfare, other black women etc), and as long these 'stand ins' remain, the option to choose to be irresponsible and unsustainable in approach will continue to be taken up by a significant number of black women (even while covering themselves with the excuse that 'I was tricked', 'I was fooled'). In other words the motivation to act wisely is just not there currently for who whole host of black women because of the safety nets in place.

Which brings me to the conclusion that, I suppose one of the good things about our tight economic situations is that people are beginning to understand the hard way, how to organise themselves and their situations to be 'efficient' and sensible. The rationale for personal responsibility and common sense is being so effortlessly made as we get squeezed financially and cuts to all sorts of safety nets are being implemented. When there are no more government programs to stand-in for a participating husband and father, many black women curiously become wise!


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10 comments:

ak said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ak said...

Hi this is AK again with slight spelling corrections!:

Halima you never said a better thing! All over London black, white and biracial 16-21 yr olds just go out there with their kids because the government offers them their free housing and weekly welfare/JSA, etc. Madness! They have their parents, siblings, etc. participating in the childrearing and babysitting too readily it's true. Sadly after moving back to the UK seven years ago it seems like the working class blacks want to follow the ways of lazy chavs and don't look at the way whites, Asians and some Africans of other classes choose to live and conduct themselves. Caribbeans of previous generations were never this bad. They had the gumption, hard working ethic and wherewithal to do better so they just got on with it. Sadly there were some horrible womanisers among them who got the single parenthood ball rolling yet even among them they had those with good careers.

But they need to stop making their beds hard just because some chav makes their own bed hard. All they want to do is fit in with their BW friends but there is much more to life than their narrow little circles.

samadhi101 said...

Hi Halima :)

Do you think this politician is genuine about helping BW? Or is he just another politician embarrassed about typical BM behavior and wants to save face for his group by pretending to care? Or maybe he sees how desperate BW are for any signs BM caring about them and this is an easy way to gain more political support for the future? I might as well admit, that I don't take BM's interest in black progress (progress for BOTH genders) seriously, anymore especially if the BM has a non-Black spouse. At the end of the day, when this BM had a choice in spouse, he went right along with his brethren and saw a non-BW as the the better option, therefor adding to BW's problems. Whether intentional or not, adding to BW's problems comes naturally to them.

Now the political correctness police chastised me for being prejudice, but then I thought about it some more. MOST BM show at least some contempt for BW in one way or another, but BM with non-BW spouses have racked up a pretty good track record when it comes to nastiness directed at BW. I'll just say it: we have absolutely no reason to trust them. BM destroyed their own image and relations to BW and it's up to them to extend the olive branch if they want our support. BW have put BM on such a high pedestal, that they don't think they have to answer or pay for their groups behavior in anyway (they act the way they do because they can). The red carpet will always be rolled out for them.

Like most BM who speak about Black male abandonment, I doubt he actually intends to anything about it or believes he can. It's an established rule that BM can TALK about what they don't like about BM but they aren't allowed to police other BM. At this point, I'm tired of the TALKING: ALL BW should expect ALL BM, no matter the spouse, to back up their statements with concrete plans which they intend to enforce with OTHER BM. Or BM can show they care by steering BW away from BM worship ala Richard Banks (that was gutsy on his part but you could tell he cared about his daughter's future)I'd prefer politicians like him just remained silent: once again we're reminded of how utterly useless most BM are to BW.

Halima said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Halima said...

you know samadhi, i never even thought of that angle. indeed i too dont trust bm politicians as far as i can throw them (and politicians as a rule.

I guess in this case it was just how dire the situation is and yes maybe all these perenially clueless bw marching into his surgeries to ask for assistance around issues that invariably boil down to 'no father in their sons lives' finally got to him and he just had to 'speak out'.

but ultimately no one will tell bw that (and they ought to have now figured it out for themselves), that bm are not going to do their bit. All this allowing bm to get over on them is them simply allowing themselves to remain victims of bm.

amy said...

"Do you think this politician is genuine about helping BW? Or is he just another politician embarrassed about typical BM behavior and wants to save face for his group by pretending to care? Or maybe he sees how desperate BW are for any signs BM caring about them and this is an easy way to gain more political support for the future?"

Samadhi101, I think this BM politician display of concern is about as geniune as the LV bag being sold by street vendors for $20.00. Here's the thing, many BM have figured out that saying cheap words about black people's progress (or more appropriately lack of) is an easy way to distinguish themselves from the pack. Add in the fact that many BW have been effectively brainwashed into thinking that they can get BM to value them as humans, if only they cry out more, beg more, pray more, support more, give more etc and you have the situation that Halima described above.

Patricia Kayden said...

Does the BM politician's motives matter to Halima's post? I gather that Halima's focus is on Black women not making things hard for themselves by making silly choices, i.e., having children out of wedlock.

It's really not that hard to avoid pregnancy at this point in time. Birth control is readily available and having a child is much more expensive than purchasing contraceptive devices.

Great post as usual, Halima.

maria cummings said...

*Sigh* I've have talked about this and written about this on countless blogs but no one seems to get it. I wrote about single black mothers on my blog and one of them came on my blog and claimed that birth control is not readily available to black women in the US.
I am not buying this. If I am wrong by assuming that it's all bullshit, then someone please reply to my comment and prove me wrong.

There are so many forms of birth control, all a woman has to do is chose one. Just one! But no! They are laying down and spreading their legs for these undeserving black men (yes I said it, they do not deserve pussy in any shape or form, not even a dog pussy) and giving these men free access to their womb!!
I mean come on, seriously!!
Are we as a group really that stupid?! I know some people will get mad from this comment but someone has to say it.
Those single black mothers out there, 98% of them are fools and they're setting a bad example for their children. We have been through so much as a group, the least we can do is have some sense.

Soul Alive said...

Im glad you noticed too Maria. They get on the welfares and then dont do anything to make their or their children's lives any better. Most times they are crass and to put it kindly, unrefined. We can no longer worry about them. Its time to push those with a chance forward and those who are doomed to repeat the past, allow them to do so. After the first baby Im pretty sure you know where they come from.

I see them all the time 2 and 3 kids that they cannot manage. No man in sight. Having sex or babies with a Black man is a death sentence. They dont care about the women or the babies they helped create. Its all a game and aint no one playing but them.

GlitterandRoses said...

The best form of birth control is not to have sex with these idiotic men in the first place. I believe in sex in a loving, trusting relationship with someone who deserves your body in it's most vulnerable state.

If I'm going to open my legs to you, you better be a quality male, because I make every effort to be a quality female. More of us BW need to adopt this attitude instead of chasing around over-used dicks, who will leave us as soon as they have their fun.