Saturday, September 07, 2013

The New Year is less than 4 Months away, what's the score?

Hello all, its been a while.

I decided I would, and will be taking the summers off because I get furiously busy at this time of year and of course I don't live in a place like sunny California where summers last and never leave! All too often summer is gone and then its a hurtle down to Christmas and the New year which is indeed just less than four months away! -I thought I’d give you a jolt.

If you are one of those women who promised yourself to be engaged or married now and it hasn’t happened I guess this is a teaching moment. You know I asked you to get some matchmaking services and other heavy duty help in the area...well I want you now to calculate how much you have lost in terms of not paying up for services to help you with that goal. Do you think you have lost a thousand pounds a month for not being where you want to be? How about two thousand pounds. If you are older and moving out of the child bearing season then maybe to you, this situation is more costly than money!

Anyway who knows what time costs to you, only you can tell and put a value on not doing all you can to be were you are in any area of life from weight to health (maybe buying that rowing machine a year ago or going on a weight loss plan might have fended off your diabetes or high blood pressure but now it has cost you big time). Never joke with time because you cant get it back. I used to really dither over pressing the 'pay' button even when I knew that what I was buying was essential (comes from being raised cash poor I suppose), now I know that I may get back the 100 dollars but I might never get back an opportunity missed by not just going for what I need.

If you are a black woman as a rule you are swimming against the tide in so many ways (often not your fault but you live the consequence anyway and that's what you must keep in mind), to get married, get a job, get good health and secure your future. You can moan about it or get up and do something to get yourself where you want to be.

I must add a warning about procuring matchmaker services though. A lot of matchmakers are are cashing in on the desperation of women to sell a 'non-service' to them. In other words they take your money and are not do their best to get you a relationship (they might just send you on dates or avail you of a dozen or less men on their books and that’s it!). I am seeing this happen more and more as the demand for the work they can do in today's dating climate becomes inflated. In truth even if you employ the services of a matchmaker, you must still do a lot of work on your end. Don’t look at it like you just have to plop yourself down and say 'fix me up.' Trust me, your membership will expire and that will be that. Look at it this way, you are simply paying them for a 'good lead'. Some matchmakers guide the process e.g. giving pep talks to the candidates allaying their fears that Mr A or Miss C deserves a good consideration. In our very flighty world and one which doesn’t even know what it wants or is confused because of so much choice, this is an invaluable service, however this kind of personal touch has more or less disappeared in the lower and mid end of match maker services. The other thing is also that sometimes you do need someone to broach things that you might have developed a blind spot on, issues that range from how to present yourself in manner and appearance.   

I am having discussions within the BWE network about putting a service in place and I will speak on that once concrete structures for it are in place, however in the mean time please be careful, do your own investigation, read, ask for help, be smart, be creative because there are men out there (of every hue) who want to be in a committed relationship.

Next blog post 22nd Sep

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1 comment:

ak said...

Hi Halima

I hope you've enjoyed all of your summer holidays with your family and friends! :)

My score is that this is the last year of my Accounting degree and I'm happy that I have embarked on my career change towards something more steady and solid such as Accounting after leaving Television Broadcast and Administrative work.

I will study for the ACCA but it's too bad that the ACCA isn't that recognised in the US especially when it comes to becoming a CPA but I believe that I can always go back to the US and take a CPA exam in one of the states, more than likely New York.

On the 'dating' part, I have been dealing with and I have been applying The Rules by Fein and Schneider to online dating and it's been hard to make sure the guys chase you in online dating more than likely because they have so many ladies to choose from but I have stuck to that book's principles like glue.

In the past three months, I've had one disastrous date and that's it. Other suitable men around mne always seem to be taken.

I want to join It's Just Lunch but I have to save up a lot more for that first. So mostly it's just studying and working.