I keep getting emails from bm challenging things I have said by asking me to prove it(though many of them refute the stats that I do present). The truth is that these men want to leave me with no argument whatsoever, they know certain things cannot be readily proved at least with hard evidence and they might as well be asking me to prove that 'water is wet'lol!.
Some one said I should prove what I wrote in one of my recent articles; ‘90 % of bw who say a wm cannot love a bw the way a bm can have never dated out’. Another one said I should prove that bm prefer lighter skinned women! I ask you sisters, do we need to wait for someone to do a study to confirm what we see everyday with our eyes, what our instincts tell us despite the protestations of bm and other bw. Or maybe some of us think our instinct are only there to be ignored!
Let me tell you something sisters, Never Ever doubt your own experiences and the deductions you make from them! Never put what you know deep down aside for what folks tell you is the reality!
I think we have done a lot of that in the past to our detriment. Remember many black folks will never admit how dire things are or admit anything that could suggest a change of strategy is in order, they are invested in 'keeping hope alive' in the old way, and so if you are waiting on them to give you the go ahead to ‘try something new/a new way’, you will be waiting forever.
Trust me you don’t reach 70% singleness without a few alarm bells going off along the way. I believe we are at this crisis point as bw because we decided to ignore our gut instincts, our judgements on how things are and everything our eyes were clearly telling us, for some explanation that suited our romantic ideals about the black community. And there were many many folks who capitalised on this need to 'keep the faith' to put us off what we knew we had to do. Some of you will never get back the years you have lost by believing in someone else’s version of events!
Most of us trust an alarm system in the event of a fire. But what happens if the alarm system doesn’t go off and you see smoke or flames? Do you sit there waiting for the next beam to collapse or does your instinct of survival kick in. Some of you have been sitting in that burning house and there is just one beam left holding up the place and you are still sitting there waiting to be given permission to survive!
I am asking every bw to reactivate her survival instinct over this issue of relationship. Essence will not tell you its time to think differently (in fact they have just done another one of those bachelor things they do and there are no non-black male in the line up, and so the message remains, ‘keep your focus and hopes on bm!’), Ebony wont (they might but in a way that would make the option seem unappealing because they would rather keep you hanging around for bm). If the alarm systems have failed for whatever reason, let your instinct take over.
If I am saying anything on this blog that does not rhyme with your experiences then throw it away! If you know that all the BM around you dont celebrate light skin, dont expect you to be an unrewarded mule, are eager to marry you and the black women around them (and this is not just about your need to give 'vote of confidence' to your beloved race), then ignore everything said here. If however you know that a lot of what is said here resonates with your experiences then its time to move forward. I hear people repeat the mantra 'There are good bm out there'. What does your experience tell you? Does it say, ‘Yes keep searching’ or ‘keep your options open for all good men!’.
Sistas its time to get serious with taking our future. Some of you are acting like you have the proverbial 9 lives of a cat, and can very easily sacrifice one of them to your loyalty to the race, because the next time around you can open your options, but ladies this is it, this is the only life you have to live!
Mourn the dream of a black prince if you have to, but get up soon because there is a world of opportunity waiting and there needs to be some movement towards survival and towards the future. What has your experience been so far? What does your gut instinct tell you at this point in time? Listen and act accordingly!