Decide to be a loner in pursuit of your goals.
A few year ago when I was doing the rounds, taking on speaking engagements, I recall a young lady coming up to me and saying , "I want a man, find me a man, any man!" She then bought one of my books. I remember feeling strangely warmed and positive as I observed her because contrary to the ready label of 'desperate' that would get slapped on her, I could clearly see she was totally without any shame or doubt and really in touch with what she wanted, then a few months later I realised anoher reason for my feelings. This woman executed what I will call, 'pulling away from the crowd'. She realised her need to get into a relationship and she pulled away from the herd, came to me to make clear what she had recognised and took a book as a step towards achieving her goal. In another book reading the women where all ACTING as if there were no issues, everything was hunky dory, not an expression out of place, sitting straight etc etc. I could see some wanted to take the issue further but something was preventing them from pursuing what they really wanted. In truth I can see that in the presence of a crowd, we can often feel a need to put up an impression that nothing is wrong and we are holding it all together!
There is a lot of comforting of each other in our single situation going on with bw. I believe this is one clear reason why singleness is endemic. Firstly as I have said we dont experince any pressures to be earnest about relatiomships given that every other person around is single but then again, we look to each other in our singleness and take heart and take comfort, unfortunately this is a clear 'preventer' of achieving our goals of relationship.
Years ago a teacher said something that spooked me. She said that in hell, there would be no freinds to help you bear the situaion. I cant even remember what that teacher looks like but her words remain almost fresh today as then because there was an underlying truth there that people can look to others going through the same situation and take solace and thus never change nor reach for their goals with flint focus.
Also and apart from solace-taking in our sitaution, many bw are duped into staying put or supressing their real desires because fellow bw make a ridicule of them. Fellow women can make you go against your deep desires by making you feel silly for having them. "You wanna be married? Girl you are just soo needy, I can have fun all by myself!"
At a young age I learnt not to let fellow women dupe me out of my aims and objectives.
We used to have people is school who would say one thing and make you feel you were all in the same boat, but would switch and you would be the one left in the lurch. The first time I came back to tell my mother I had been duped this way, she said something like 'cest te fou', I learnt fast that if need be, I would need to laugh and smile and nod along but go home and think it all through for myself. Sadly I have seen a lot of bw who just dont know or realise that others are engaging in games and fronting. This one reason why i try to be as explicit as possible, because i know some bw just wont get a hint. I dont know what it is but some of us appear to be unable to read between the lines and draw inferences and get the 'bottom line'. I can only say that bw have been so indoctrinated against their self-interest that you just have to take their hand and take them into the centre of their self interst, while others can smell where their interest lies at 20 paces!
I see bw being duped into taking a particular cause of action only to realise that the person who jeered them for expressing a normal desire or an interest in a wm is now with a wm, or has a relationship while professing to not be too bothered by the petty business of wanting a man. Trust me, some of us know whats up and smile and nodd and say yes but there is always that unfortunate one of us who believes the &%*& and ends up in a bad place. I have seen a person sacked because of being decived; "Yep we are with you on this one and lo and behold she was the only in it 'all the while".
Take care and be willing to pull away from the crowd to 'clarify' your own desires and plan your own strategy. Perhaps because of how 'sad' the touted 70% rate of singleness has made us look to the rest of the world, some bw (a growing number), have begun to say that 'we didnt want to be married in the first place'. I can see many bw nodding along to what is essentially 'we are looking pretty bad quick circle the wagoons', and thereby not putting effort into getting away from the negative stats.
In truth bw often resort to 'face saving mode' when they feel that they are being made to look foolish. Sadly this face saving mode is often to celebrate and claim that negative stat or the thing that hurts them most etc.
In 2008 know, listen and march to the beat of your own desires!
IR Dating E-Book