Q: Why do you promote IR?
I have two broad reasons why I propose that black women begin to take their wider options seriously. Firstly is for practical reasons of shortfall of black men. According to recent U.S. Census Bureau figures, there are only 70 single black men for every 100 single black women. This number does not take into account the number of black men artificially excluded from the dating pool because of such factors as incarceration.
In cities like Atlanta the situation is so dire it is mind boggling:
the ratio of Black men to Black women
is 597 men for every 1,000 “sistahs”, nearly 2-1.
When Black male employment is thrown in, the figures shrink to
279 eligibles for every 1,000 Black women. Full report here
It is only sensible under such circumstances that black women consider a wider pool than that which leaves them with a significant shortfall.
Let me add that there are sections of our community are on a cover up mission. They are invested in circumventing or obscuring this grim reality for black women. Some don’t even want to acknowledge that it is an important part of the black dialogue as if a generation of sistas remaining manless and alone is a non-issue!
Sistas, please insure that you don’t become one of the victims of these pitiless folk!
Q: What is the other reason?
The other reason is a bit more complex but has to do with the fact that there is a marriage-resistance among bm in our communities. Now I know you all have loving brothers and fathers and uncles and all that, but lets just take a moment to look at the bigger picture. If we assume that there are at least 70 BM per 100 single bw, then there is a good number of bm, to marry a significant portion of bw. However the recent stats show that 70% of black women are single! This is an unprecedented and unacceptably high ratio. I do say to people, if bm wanted to do something about this number, they would have done it long before now. It is therefore necessary to consider that a growing number of bm are marriage resistant particularly towards bw.
Some have argued that the reason why BM are unable to ‘take up’ in marriage, a sizable portion of these single women is because their economic situation is precarious and while I agree that this has something to do with it, when you look at the other sign of the coin, you will see that when bm actually become more financially stable and achieve middle class status, they are more likely to marry white or other non-black women. This is a clear note to those who feel that the solution to black women’s mate squeeze lies with us all helping to elevate black males economically. The grim truth is -and if the records are anything to go by- elevating BM will not result in automatic elevation of bw, it will ensure the elevation of non-black women!
There is nothing more effective at thugging at black women’s heart strings than thinking on the economic plight of the brothas but many more women should ask themselves, “If this man/men where to get it made today, would I be considered a worthy mate to share in his riches?”
I suspect the average bw knows the answer to that question!
Do you hate BM, why use the term Damaged Beyond Repair BM (DBR)?
I must have used this term once or twice and I think many people took offence at the word without understanding what the term is about. With calmer emotions and a look at the term one word at a time, you can make out its significance. Damaged denotes that there is a recognition that an external occurrence impacted to shape the person in unfortunate ways indeed, no one damages themselves so there is an acknowledgment there that some men either due to abuse, lack of role models or other circumstances are not fit for purpose and this applies largely to the issue of dating and having relationships particularly with bw. This term does not apply to all bm but to those who consistently and unrelentingly attack, denigrate and abuse bw and children.
Many black people are up in arms over the terms, I suspect because it goes against one of the ‘sacred articles’ of blackness which holds that no black person is unsalvageable (alongside the corollary that all white people are unredeemable). However the untold damage done by this attitude towards people who have the mind to cause damage and hurt will be with us for another generation. Many bw are hurt and are bitter, because as a community we failed to see that it is necessary to identify and isolate those of us who are a menace to others. The ‘brother is still a brother’ tenent has meant that men who should have been singled out and shunned have felt free to run rampant, leaving destroyed lives in their wake.
Black male protecting is also at the root of why we pretend not to see and speak up and thus discourage victimisation of black women and children in our communities.
There are black people who will be dangerous to others and trying to deny this fact doesn’t make us in any way wise.
There is also another benefit to identifying (by a designation) and thus isolating the misusers in our midst. It is a sanction that gives cause for such ones to reflect on their behaviour and reconsider their actions. Seemingly harsh words can precipitate change!
To illustrate this, a freind and I once visited a pub in the English countryside, when we were seated he told me that the name Wetherspoon was not the pub owners name (there are a chain of wetherspoon pubs), but that it was the name of the owners teacher, who had one day said, "A... will never amount to much". It was a reminder to him and his teacher that he had overcome her pronouncements. After a brief discussion about the issue I told him, "He owes that teacher gratitude and a fat cheque!"
Apparently he had been a traunt kid and when the teacher made the pronouncement it marked a turning point in his life. It become he's life goal to disprove her comments. And so it can be with DBRM if no one coddles them and approves their behaviour and there is a negative social repercussion for their actions, they just might have a rethink about victimising the next person!
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