Its shapping up to be a very busy summer and I might be taking extended breaks however before all that I have a few thoughts to share
Asian Man's Perspective of how BW continue to not get it!
A well known Misogynist being touted as the latest 'black love guru'
In the UK, there is a new black love guru who is helping black women find that elusive black man. He will remain nameless, but I remember once being in a meeting where he was in attendance and where he stood up to make a statement that was very revealing of the 'deep well', of disdain he has for the client group he is selling to, and that is black women.
He said something to the effect of, 'Black women used to play hard to get and make black men work and now they were being paid back in their own coin.' He was cut off before he could round off his point but this was essentially what he said! I recently opened up a black publication to see him touted as the next black John Gray. Once again I was reminded how it is that black women have lost the ability to discern, and pick up when there is malicious intent being directed towards them because they filter eveything through, 'black people/man can only come from a positive place' lets recieve/embrace/open ourselves to whatever he has.
Anyway there was something else that stood out to me from his statement. I realize that black men are using their now strong bargaining position re black women to renegotiate all the long laid down dynamics and norms that have stabilized society over thousands of years.
Indeed most societies have taken great pains in ensuring that men pursue their activities in ways that largely lends to the advancement of their communities (anything from manhood rites to virginity in women can be seen to link into preserving family structure). Here we have a situation however where a group of men are now in a position to be able to say, 'We no longer want to follow these constraints but operate 'runaway manhood' i.e manhood at their total discretion, and they are able to successfully have their way to the extent that they are offering very little to the women and the community they lean so much on .
His whole statement stayed with me and stayed in that 'filed to mull over' place because i felt it was revealing of something deep in terms of a shift in attitudes. Indeed, it is normal in every culture I know of, for men to chase women, and for men to win over women and for women, to make men work for their affection or play hard to get in other words. But here was this 'Love Guru' trying to make black women feel guilty for what is a normal practice. But this isnt an isolated case, as I too have had the experience of being chided for not declaring a full and utter attraction to a certain black man in the past.
The thing here however is that when black women accept the renegotiated terms, it ends up messing up the dynamics between the black genders so bad that even these men become 'unsatisfied' with the resulting situation, making it a no win situation for black women who decide to 'adjust' to the demands.
Very few men cherish and maintain an interest in women that drop into their laps even as they readily take up all and every easy option presented. Usually, watchful elders, who can see more long term, advice the women against catering to men in this potentially disasterous way, but because in the black community, black men are viewed as 'not liable to respond as men would generally do' (even as they continue to clearly do just that) but would respond to the situation as 'brothas' would (read: benevolently), black elders are likely to be the ones championing the idea of black women 'adjusting' to the demands!
The messed up dynamics that currently exists in the black dating arena is one key reason why BWE/IR writers urge black women to seriously prospect beyond the black dating sector.
Gain insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, and find out more about the Interracial Option, read the IR E-book
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