Monday, August 02, 2010

'The road black women are on now will not take them to where they want to be!'

Whatever your feelings about Interracial dating I think it is critical that black women everywhere have an ‘overview’ of their reality within society.


We have talked about how stereotypes like 'Angry Black Woman' are used effectively to shut out black women from opportunities and resources. We know about sexism and we would have learnt while sitting on our mothers lap about ‘white people’ but I am going to say again that it ‘behoves’ every single black woman to understand the lens of society’s on black woman in order to make her way within it.

Most of the times I perceive black women only operating in a ‘boxed view’ or a bubble view, in other words having an understanding about immediate dynamics around her and day to day situation, no far reaching views or overviews of her situation.


I want every black woman to mentally picture herself climbing on top of the box (instead of seeing only what is within it), to survey her situation.


One of the critical things black women should do is divide her society into inner and outer. Most black women received only instructions about how to face the ‘outer’ or wider mainstream community (read: white) and very little on the skills to navigate the internal (black) construct/community. Today I can tell you that this outer focus is the cause of many a black woman’s destruction because black women are more likely to face immediate threat from her inner community (which she lovingly looks upon as a sanctuary and haven from the harsh outer world as you can see in black poetry) than out of it and there are mechanisms to deal with outter threats while very little if any have been set up to deal with inside threats (e.g. racio-misogyny) which are not even acknowledged to begin with!

I have to also mention here that because of skin color, even a black woman who opts out of the prevailing , ideology, beliefs, norms, attitudes and behaviour even priorities of the black political construct will still be dragged into the mix simply by being black. When people who barely know you or strangers on the street make demands on your time and money etc and expect you to abide by one or the other black social convention, for the mere fact that you are black, it shows this dynamic of being drawn back into the black mix even without consenting to being a part. Don’t forget that many black people reserve the bitterest part of anger and vindictiveness for other black people and this is why many BWE advice black women to get very far away from black settings and constructs especially those with high levels of crime and anti-social behaviour because they are more likely to be the targets of any hostile activities for being black in addition to being seen as female (because of gender and the undefended/unbefreinded status of black womanhood).



In Summary

  • Get on top of the box to have an ‘overview’ of your circumstances as a black woman.


  • Divide your community into inner and outer sectors and understand each of them and what skills are needed to navigate each different sector because they are not the same

Ten Worst Places to Live if you are a Woman (any wonder 7 of them are black countries!)


'The road that black women are on now will not take them to where they want to be!'

We need to repeat this meme as many times as possible. There is essentially nothing that I see in the direction of the general body of black women at present that will take them to a better place in terms of their current circumstances.

I see people trying to do bits and pieces that they hope will somehow move along black womanhood but even the bits that are in the right direction e.g. academic pursuits etc, when seen in the context of the whole mix of what black women are up to at present, these are either neutralized or have a negative balance. Its like multiplying a figure or some by zero, whatever the value is high or low, a billion or one, as long as you are multiplying by zero it leads to zero so it is the zero paradigm that needs to be changed not the effort!

Indeed many black women are saying ‘lets clean this bit up, and lets just polish this side and repair this bit, and the general formula still works or is workable’.

Newsflash! A wholesale rejection of the overarching paradigm/model being used is the only way!

The key reason why all the activities and focus of black womanhood is amounting to nought is because even when black women make these advances in education or set up their own business etc etc they then try to bend to fit into the current black male specified paradigm of the black community. They try to fit into what black men are about and their advancement immediately nose dives to zero. We see so many examples of it around, a recent case was one in which a black woman ‘advancer‘ was murdered by her black husband who clearly she was trying to prop up and ‘fit‘ into her advancement mix.

We cant make it without black men= Zero

Trying desperately to fit black men into your advancement mix when they are not fitting = Zero

Black women are currently operating in a ’self sabotaging’ paradigm. Almost every instruction being issued to black women is one to drain her and keep her stymied and less than others. These instructions are about limiting her world view and her social range and keeping her in ‘servant’ girl mindset. Many black women do not even know they are in ‘servant girl’ mindset but when the net effect of your output is serving to shore up all other parties than yourself then most definitely you are in 'servant girl' paradigm.

Thus I am not thus surprised when black women are cheered on for doing something that will clearly make them pariahs to other social circles and limit their social range and make people run from them. When a black woman announces her latest 'foot shooting' endeavour she receives a standing ovation. As always it is black women who are the last to understand why people are so happy for them to make themselves persona non grata.

I have said this once before..maybe that when I want to work with any black woman and it transpires that she says, lets add black men to the solution side of this equation, I know that her project will 1) bite the dust 2) I wont be in on it with her!

As long as black women continue to want to add black men to their advancement plans or ‘want to go it with the black man’ they will continue to go down and down. You can see that the general body of black womanhood is suffering. You can see it in our young girls, in their faces, their attitudes, the fact that many of them are hiding or ashamed the features that make them black.

The only solution is to place black men/boys away from them and instil in these young black women that the average black boy is not a brother, or a comrade but a poison carrier, that will inflict them with self hatred and that their sanity and self respect is directly proportional to the decrease of black men in their social circles.

Will black elders have the courage admit this honestly. No because the well-being and sanity of black girls coems secondary to not making black men and boys feel bad about themselves.

A class of black woman who are totally 'out of it'

The self sabotaging paradigm black women are operating in is as a result as I have said of instructions pass unto them and mostly from other women (aunts, mums, peers), who are not in anyway thinking 'how does this serve to profit this black girl', but are more concerned about upholding some black propriety or symbolic attitude or activity ('black by numbers' attitude).

One scary thing I see about the immigrant mothers around me is an absolute disconnect with what the hell is going on around them in the society they live. They seem cut off from modern society in key ways, 'healthy eating and keeping fit (even knowing they are obese), green issues and recycling, laws around child protection (hence a good number are under inspection by child care agencies). Unfortunately I see many overwhlemed (single mothers or not understanding the culture and how the society works), I also see them passing on obsolete ideas to their daughters (you will find a man in church). Thus a generation of black girls are growing up without any kind of effective counsel in fact they are left to fend for themselves with no guidelines and no maps! I feel for them the little resiliant dears, trying to make the best of life, while their mothers and aunts look far off into the distance or go around bemused by everything!

I met one such girls a few weeks ago crying at the train station, she looked a whole mess, matted weave and all! I stopped to ask her what was up and it was so hard for her to even articulate what the problem was, I could sense it was something deeper than a 'forgotten key' or something that she mumbled!
 
Gain insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, and find out more about the Interracial Option, read the IR E-book


Questions to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com

77 comments:

Anonymous said...

Halima, I've been seeing black women changing. I went to the state fair (U.S.) and been seeing many couples with WM/BW lately, at least 6 different ones. The women are also the ebony hued ones; some have cute weaves and others have sisterlocks. What I didnt see is 'believe it or not' WW/BM couples. What im saying is, we black women CAN GET BEYOND COLORISM. Just stop listening to the now defunct 'temporary' black community. Right now, it will take GOOD MEN to straighten up the 'community' women CANT TAME TEENAGE BOYS. Some strong churches that are bibical need the men to go inside it to help the boys. [I think the BWE sites are WORKING!]

Shan said...

This is a great post. On another post I mentioned that I am an actress and am now producing my own film with me in the lead role of course. Well, on yesterday we had auditions. Now I am also the writer of the script and it is not what anyone would consider a "black" film. Now a white lady who is also a friend of mine, and a hispanic man who I hired as the director helped out with casting. One of the supporting roles came down to a black lady and an asian lady. The asian lady is "beautiful" but gave a "good" read. The black lady is "cute" but gave a "great read." (Their words not mine.) The director and I were leaning more towards the black lady because her read was the best. My friend, I could tell favored the asian lady. The director also at one point favored the asian lady because we want the film to not necessariy have an "american" feel to it because we were also testing actors to see if they could do different dialects and accents, so we thought the asian's lady look could work, but I was not so convinced because different races are all over the world. Well, my friend, favored the asian lady I could tell even though her performance wasn't as great as the black lady's performance. Now at this point we're stuck between the two. My friend gave a reason that she likes to see different faces.She said this a few times but in different ways. Now of course, I read between the lines. In other words, she didn't want to see too many black women in this film. Now the other roles will either be hispanic or white men, so there are only five roles since it's a short film.

Now I wrote that to prove my point: White women will fight for other races of women just to keep from seeing too many good looking black women starring opposite good looking white/hispanic men because it threatens their place on that high pedestal. Even though she's a nice person, I saw right through her. Me, being black, will already be in the lead and to have another black female in the supporting role was just too much for her, especially since there are no white women in the film. Now I am quite sure when the females are all white in a film, she doesn't complain. A few years ago, I coordinated a community pageant. One of the judges was a white female. Everyone else was black. After the pageant was over the judges came and told me how she was rooting for one of the few white girls who was in the pageant and how she purposely gave her high scores just so she can win the pageant. Well, she didn't win but she made top five.

Black women should be the same way with each other. White women make no apologies when it comes to looking out for each other. It's essential to their survival in society as being seen as the standard of beauty. Sometimes black women tend to be afraid of the shaking up the status quo when being put in positions to make these kind of decisions. We get in these positions, yet we still let someone non black make the decision for us at times. I am quite sure if this was the typical Tyler Perry type film she would have no problem with the black lady. Black women, we must be active in changing these stereotypes about us being boxed in. No one else will do it for us.

It's time for a change. We should be at a point where it shouldn't matter that there is more than one black woman in a mainstream film. This is why black women in particular who are in the industry should at least try to make their own films. You can not depend on black men. They will hire non black women, especially if its for the role of a girlfriend, wife, sexy femme fatale, or whatever.

You ever heard of the saying: He who has the gold makes the rules?

Well, I have the gold. The black lady gets the role.

Felicia said...

Halima,

That's why I'm always stressing the importance of INDIVIDUAL BW (who see and can accept the fact that in the majority of cases what you're saying is unfortunately true) physically leaving in body and psychologically leaving in mind, the black construct.

Because the black construct (non working as a whole "community") does not, has never, and will not ever view BW as individuals with the rights to pursue PERSONAL advancement and colorblind love and happiness with men of OUR (not the "communities") choosing regardless of "race". Especially when it comes to including (or exclusively dating/marrying) white men.

Because in the "communities" confused mind (totally BM focused remember) the white man is the eternal foe of the black man and magically responsible for all that's wrong in the "community". Therefor, whatever/whoever threatens the black man - for ANY reason legitimate or non - black slave girls attack with a vengeance out of conditioning.

Just like Pavlov's dogs.

This is just the way it is. Thus, the masses of BW will continue to sink. And very sadly, if in no other way SPIRITUALLY so. Because the masses are afraid to go against the grain. They'd rather accept their lowly positions as slave girls and "race women" (SMH) on the plantation. Holding on to a so-called symbolic "black card" (smh) that is absolutely WORTHLESS (especially if one is a BW) in this MODERN time POST segregation. Post a healthier and thriving actual black community that existed pre civil-rights.

Felicia said...

These BW are stuck in a time warp because they just can't face the changed reality that surrounds them.

On the positive side, If enough individual BW who get it ACT ON IT, and start happily dating, mating, and procreating wisely with quality men - THEN the younger generation of black girls will have a positive alternative to look up to. The only way they will know that there are better options when they grow up, is if BW who know better DO better TODAY. NOW. And with smiles on their faces and heads held high.

I've noticed that another "taboo" in the "bc", is If you're throughly enjoying yourself with your non black beloved, you're supposed to hide it. To not "upset the brothas".SMH LOL

Excuse my French but scr*w that.

It's all INSANITY. A "community" full of double standards and non legal "rules" for BW whereas it appears no rules what so ever apply to BM?

This mindset is primitive, and uncivilized MADNESS.

Which explains why growing segments of the"bc" are plagued by SO many ills.

We're living in the 21st century not the Stone Age.

I sincerely hope those who need to hear your message do Halima.

Bellydancer said...

Having grown up in a male centric family I vowed never to do the same thing. My grandmother put up with my grandfather while he drank until they divorced,various uncles and male cousins wondering around begging for change, food and a place to stay, my mother had babies real young while my father never bothered to help with us, my female aunts,cousins and friends put up with abusive men mentally and physically and my sisters continue to deal with men who are beneath them and don't help with their children. I can honestly say just from my family history that bm have so turned me off with their behavior and over bearing attitudes. The few women that did get rid of the bad apples were ostracized and ridiculed "girl you betta keep yo man" and all other such nonsense. Black men run around these communities happy and delirious that bw haven't given their asses those pink slips yet but as the message gets out, they are on the way.

Anonymous said...

I used to tiptoe around my brother and his ego to make sure I dont offend him but I overheard him talking about me one day and I have not spoken to him since. I will not spend holidays with the family just to avoid him. I am presently going out with two white guys. Both are pretty cool but I am trying to see which one makes the best fit for me. And that is if it is one of them...LOL! They both have he same level of education and it is just easy!!!

But I have to say, my mom acts like she does not have a problem with me dating white men as long as it makes me happy. However, she is one of those black women who says anything that comes to her mind when she is in the right mood. My oldest sister is totally against interracial dating.

I know that when it comes to me actually bringing a white guy home, I will see how everyone REALLY feels. My brother is a typical macho black guy. He is going to be offended with me bringing a white man home...but so what!!!

Anonymous said...

Halima, the Black community in the Northeast USA where I live is dangerous to me and my family. The cops don't care about human rights once they see you're alone, a mother, and a single black woman. DBR men have claimed city block corners. My children and I have to fight off feral kids and their families just to have a right to romp around in a neighborhood playground. I want out. But when I ask my quality black mother friends to relocate, they say "there are no black people where you want to go" So I'm faced with the choice of living in a hostile and dangerous Black community, or taking the risk of relocation with two very young kids and no husband to an affordable low crime area with no support system for myself or my kids. I will send a link of your life saving blog to one of my single black mother friends in hopes she will read and believe. There's nothing like having an informed and supportive partner to partake in a journey as important and critical as this one. Regards, April.

Felicia said...

Shan!

I could hug you! THANK YOU for sharing that incident that went down regarding casting. Like you said, you've got the gold so YOU make the final decision.

Everything you said is "sho nuff" the truth.

Folks - including white female folks like any other mere mortals- can be so transparent.

I am so proud of you and the way you handled yourself. And I know I speak for many.

Shan said...

The main problem with black women, especially black women who grow up in these toxic black communities is low self-esteem. They open up their legs to no good men who they know deep down they have no future with and get pregnant. And then get stuck raising the child alone, which makes it even harder to get out, especially if she has no education, so she gets on government assistance and the cycle continues.

DBRM thrive on black women having low self esteem because it benefits them. Before I started dating interracially, I paid attention to the type of black women white men dated. One thing I noticed is that those women always seemed to be worry free, light hearted and happy. No joke.

Black men love to prey on women for money for organizations. If you're a young, black female, then they get happy to see you coming because they think that black females are obligated to donate their money to them. If she says no, then she's this and that. Let a white woman or man of any ethnicity say no, then not one word is said.

Anonymous said...

I live in a mixed neighborhood. I can see a slight change, people are not as welcoming and the new w/neighbors are stand-offish.
However, there are who bring the other wise quite block down and one of them is a non-bp.

My single bw neighbor who is dating a w/detective moved out this weekend. This guy and a friend moved her furniture in 100 degree heat, now that is a man.
He moved his woman out and that is the type of man most women should desire.

Men do not allow your woman and children to live in undesirable neighborhoods. You care and love her then help her to move.

lois

BWMM said...

Many of your friends, family will not get a clue. Those close to you can sometimes be the worst. First of all use stealth. Don't tell anyone anything.

http://blackwomendeservebetter.com/?p=250

BWMM said...

P. 2

This is not my post. I can't remember who posted; I do remember that it was posted on Acts of Faith blog as well as Saras

My steps were:
Step One: Trust in the Lord.

Step Two: Make the MENTAL DECISION that YOU ARE LEAVING...and no matter what your momma say, your daddy say, sisters, cousins, aunt and uncles...you are already gone because you are mentally free from the black community. So again, you have to prepare yourself mentally to leave.

Step Three: DO NOT tell people of your plans unless you know they have your best interests at heart. We all know that some women (and men) can be extremely jealous, they may say “who do you think you are” or “you’ll be back” (I had one woman say that to my face! Followed by a cruel laugh.)..and then you might have some doubts and then your whole plan will be foiled. Don’t do it. If you have naysayers in your family, tell them NOTHING of your plans. You know who I’m talking about. Those people that are always negative when you have good news to share. Cut them out of your plans immediately. Don’t even associate with them because it might slip out. Keep your plans to yourself. (I am so serious about this…because this is where a lot of women start doubting themselves. They might try to bounce an idea off their girlfriends or male friends and be shut down, laughed at, etc.

Step Four: Realize and ACCEPT that the black community is going no where fast. But if you are doing Step Two and Three then you are already there. You don’t care what grocery store Tay Tay and dem robbed, who got stabbed in the foot by Bae Bae, YOU. DON’T. CARE. ….because you are LEAVING, remember?

Step Five: Find a diversified area. My rule of thumb is that I don’t mind being the only black woman as long as I’m not the only minority. I was fortunate to have a good male friend breakdown all the demographic areas in the city for me. So that really helped.
If you don’t know anyone then drive through areas - morning and night. Check it out. Also make sure it's not next to an all black community. Here’s a tip: try to find an area that’s next to a university. Generally those areas are pretty safe. Again, NOT next to an all black community. I know of an Ivy League school that is surrounded by an all black community and there’s a lot of crime very near campus.

Step Four: I found my area, great! However…what building would I live in? More research. For me I needed to know:
How close is public transportation? Where was the nearest hospital, grocery store, health club facility? How would I get to work, church, etc.? How far are the cultural events, museums, beaches, etc.
I went online and researched apartments in the area I was looking into and read MANY reviews. If you can talk to people in the actual building that’s my biggest recommendation. I was able to and that’s how I chose where I am now.
If you can’t talk to anyone I think there may be some sites where you can just ask a basic question of: does anyone know about the apartment building on so and so street. The internet is SO powerful…this is one of your greatest resources, use it!
I cannot stress enough that you need to do your research on the area and building. Believe me when I say it is possible for you to live in a diversified area but be in an all black apartment building – and what would be the point? Again, RESEARCH.

Step five: Move. That’s it. If you have good friends to help you, great. If not, you can move on your own. Rent a truck – I rented from Uhaul – and got a friend to drive it for me. The rest was a piece of cake.
I am so happy that I moved. My area is very diverse, my building is as well. I purposely have surrounded myself with people from many different backgrounds and cultures. I am volunteering, going to cultural events at least 3 times a week, and have lost 50 pounds this year. The change is AMAZING. I only wish I had done this sooner.
Always remember: this is YOUR life. YOURS.

mekare said...

To the Anonymous who wants to leave her all black setting. I left an all black construct to live in an safter neighborhood. Im one of the few blacks around and I had to build a new support system. Its not so bad. Still have to be cautious of whites and their attitudes but it is better than living around a bunch of men who sexually prey on the young girls on the block and dealing with drive by shootings. Its not so bad out here.

BWMM said...

Sorry found the post it's by Lynn. It's near the end of the comments

Anonymous said...

anon 10:59,You do whatever to protect your child DONT LISTEN to those women, if you know someone who can help you move out--you'll even make new friends.

GoldenAh said...

Shan,

I hope you do become an executive producer and make many films or TV shows.

Goodness. Everything you said I have always suspected to be true. I know there are tons of beautiful black women in Hollywood. They don't get to work, but the stereotypical overweight, unattractive, and angry loudmouth always do. I'm glad they work too, but there should be some balance.

I'm not surprised there are people who don't like seeing vibrant black women in leading roles or having too many acting parts.

What you said is a sensible counterpoint to the latest nonsense being spouted by Angela Burt-Murray of Essence.

Everyone looks out for their own kind, but for some reason only black women have to be "fair" to everyone when they could not care less about us.

More power to you.

Anonymous said...

Do what ever to leave the all Black construct. The Black construct is dead. RIP. As women , making friends will be no problem since women tend to be more socialable. Do not endanger yourself and kids and make sure the building is diverse. Also, fidn out where the food bank is if you need some food and clothing to get yourself started.

Shan said...

Thank you Felicia. I feel that the headshot is what get you the audition, but the audition is what get you the role. The black lady had the best audition and everyone admitted to that.

I guess it's too threatening to see more than one black woman in a movie that's mainstream, especially if they are both good looking. Now I know for a fact if the black woman looks asexual, like a "mammy" then it would be no problem.

Daughter of the First said...

Anon 5:31 pm. I think these sites are working. In addition to that, that is the way this universe works too. It kind of reminds me of biology class: when one side is out of equilibrium, the other side has to adapt and fill in the space, and achieving equilibrium or homostasis. You can't expect things to keep being onesided all the time.

@Shan...hello fellow filmmaker! And ditto to what you say.
Especially-- Sometimes black women tend to be afraid of the shaking up the status quo when being put in positions to make these kind of decisions. We get in these positions, yet we still let someone non black make the decision for us at times. I am quite sure if this was the typical Tyler Perry type film she would have no problem with the black lady.**

My latest video: http://daughterofthefirst.blogspot.com/

Icon said...

Lois: "Men do not allow your woman and children to live in undesirable neighborhoods."

The protection of women and children was never about muscles. It can be summed up as black women being taught to desire aggressively masculine men because they believe "they can protect them", where as other women were taught to find a man who had the ability or desire to move them AWAY from harm, so that there wouldn't be a need for physical protection...

Nicole Little said...

Hi, everybody. I just want to tell all the BWE supporters that I just post a new post today, and I hope that you like it. If you want to post your comments, then you can go ahead. The post is called, "Black Women, Broaden Your Horizons, Expanding Your Options". Here it is:

http://blackwomenselflove.blogspot.com/2010/08/black-women-broaden-your-horizons.html

shimmy said...

Great post once again. The dynamics are definitely different for black women today as individuals.


There was a time when the black community was more united and supportive, but those days are long gone. During the time of segregation, blacks in general could see the black community as a sort of refuge against racism from outside. Now, many black communities have become danger zones for women and children. Many of them live hopeless lives. There is also a lot of sexual assault and crime. They also have this policy of "don't snitch" where they protect criminals and allow them to prey on innocent people.


I think this is a global problem for black women too. In many predominantly black nations, you can see some of the same bad things that take place in a lot of these black areas.

To me, it's amazing how some black women still want black men because many black men today hate or disrespect us. They have failed as fathers and leaders collectively. The only hope we have is to surround ourselves in good positive environment and try to meet quality people/men regardless of race.

Afua said...

Halima--Thank you for your open and honest post. I think we Black women are facing the greatest threat from within our own community. As we become more educated and independent we are still constantly devalued by our men, who would rather choose white women over us. Moreover, we receive messages from our mothers and the church that we will find Mr. Right in church. Well I have yet to found any man, much less Mr. Right in church. I think a major shift is needed in how Black women conceptualize their sense of agency and began demanding better from our community and for ourselves. Currently, I blog about women of color, dating, love, and relationships. My blog site is http://smelodydiva.wordpress.com. I would love to hear your feedback, thoughts, and comments. Cheers!--Afua

BLACK WOMEN MOVE ON!! said...

Ten Worst Places to Live if you are a Woman (any wonder 7 of them are black countries!)

___
There goes that theory that African men are "better" than UK & American black males. Yeah they may not be color struck like their westernized brethren, but they're definitely just at sexist and uncivilized.

Anonymous said...

The first thing black women need to do is deprogram themselves by realizing that the "black community" is only "their community" if they deem it so. If they don't, it isn't. Community is of ones OWN choosing.

No one can force black women to financially or emotionally support black others (male or female) who do not return the favor.

No one can force black women to live in unsafe anti-BW "communities". They can move to safer mixed/predominantly white areas. Specifically if one is educated and has the resources to leave.

That's why an education is so important. With education comes life saving opportunities to LEAVE all black Hell Holes for good.

No one can force black women to claim on any level black males. That's a personal choice and black women can make different choices anytime they choose. They can claim normal, non colorist, undamaged non black males instead.

Just like the VAST majority of white, asian, hispanic, and indian women.

The ONLY ones "claiming" damaged black males and calling them "their own", and "our men" are deluded black women.

I - like MOST women on planet earth - DON'T claim them and live a wonderful life as a result.

Black women seriously need to stop this "our men" in reference to damaged black males and "our community" in reference to the dead black "community" talk.

It's pure RUBBISH.

The longer BW "claim" damaged black males the longer BW are going to continue to be hurt/saddened/let down by these same damaged black males.

Because they feel BM have "betrayed them". The only reason BW feel BM have betrayed them is because they still on some level view themselves as CONNECTED to BM. When they don't have to be.

Once that connection is cut/gone BW are free to "connect" with ACTUAL normal functioning men. Instead of the black abnormal, non functioning males most BW are used to.

As a happily interracially married mother I can confidently say MY man is my white husband.

The fate of black males and what they do or don't do doesn't effect me or my biracial children.

Once more black women start having healthy relationships with quality white men and other non black men, maybe this "our men" and "our community" (in reference to blacks) nonsense will go the way of the Dinosaurs.

A woman's man is the man who RETURNS her love and is a PROVIDER, PROTECTER, and involved FATHER to his children.

MOST black women don't have men because MOST black males don't fit the bill.

Since black males have been the singular focus for most black women due to indoctrination, THAT'S why BW's lives are in shambles.

Anonymous said...

The first thing black women need to do is deprogram themselves by realizing that the "black community" is only "their community" if they deem it so. If they don't, it isn't. Community is of ones OWN choosing.

No one can force black women to financially or emotionally support black others (male or female) who do not return the favor.

No one can force black women to live in unsafe anti-BW "communities". They can move to safer mixed/predominantly white areas. Specifically if one is educated and has the resources to leave.

That's why an education is so important. With education comes life saving opportunities to LEAVE all black Hell Holes for good.

No one can force black women to claim on any level black males. That's a personal choice and black women can make different choices anytime they choose. They can claim normal, non colorist, undamaged non black males instead.

Just like the VAST majority of white, asian, hispanic, and indian women.

The ONLY ones "claiming" damaged black males and calling them "their own", and "our men" are deluded black women.

I - like MOST women on planet earth - DON'T claim them and live a wonderful life as a result.

Black women seriously need to stop this "our men" in reference to damaged black males and "our community" in reference to the dead black "community" talk.

It's pure RUBBISH.

Anonymous said...

BW , please leave the b/c, quick, fast and in a hurry. These communties are not war zones. I live in Chicago and almost every week you here about a young person being killed. It is so sad and most of these young people come from HH where the mothers are the head. Please remove yourself and your children from these environments. I know it is easier said than done, but do whatever you have to do. I am currently working a second job and I wll be moving soon. Please seek additonal classes at community colleges because education will always be the key to a better life.
Please stay safe and start packing to move to a bigger and better environment for you and your children.

Nana said...

Um...I think it's insulting that someone would write an article about worse places to live, and ONLY list black countries. I also find it sad that the author of this article supports the notion that black men are the most harmful types of men. All men can be equally harmful.I am half Nigerian and spent two years in Nigeria. Nigerian men and white men preyed on me while I was there. If anything, white guys over there wanted to take even more advantage of me because they thought I was a poor, desperate African girl in need of a white savior.
As for the rest of the post, I don't think it's much of an issue. Educated black women tend to move out of all black neighborhoods because their jobs are farther from them, and so are their social networks. It is a natural progression, and most BW who are "stuck" in the ghetto are there because they lack education, resources, and made some bad decisions in life. Those women will not be reading this blog or anything like it because they probably don't have much internet access to boot. There is no need to focus on uplifting a group of BW who do not care to uplift themselves.
Furthermore, I do not like living in all-white areas. They are just as bad as all-black areas, just in different ways. I much prefer diverse areas, where I can see a multitude of races and ethnicities each day. Luckily I live and school in such places.
As for dating, most of the men who show interest in me are non-black men, and sometimes, Carribean men. I am open to dating all races, but I really just care about quality, not skin color. White men do not get extra brownie points for being white. They too, have to prove that they don't just want a piece of a$$. I don't like how black women give white men extra brownie points for no good reason. There are things to watch out for with them, too.
While some black men certainly show interest in me, I do not fit the white standard of beauty and most of them, educated or not, wouldn't go for me. I'm medium brown complexioned, skinny, and I have freeform dreadlocks. I also have a unique sense of style and I have hobbies and interests that would be coined "white"-so while I am open to dating BM, I don't really look their way.

Neecy said...

NANA SAID:
Um...I think it's insulting that someone would write an article about worse places to live, and ONLY list black countries.

I SAY:
It is what it is. You are not the first or last BW to get all up in arms b/c the truth has been brought forth about the black man. No matter how ugly it is. The fact is Black women who are born and raised in WESTERN / EUROPEAN WHITE MALE run societies and countries are living the best. PERIOD. You cannot even argue that. However, we can all see how the Black women in non westernized or NON EUROPEAN BLACK MALE countries and societies and communities fare - hence the article.

You couldn't PAY me to go and live in a Black run country or society or community. Not when I see the overall results of how the women and children fare.

Ungrateful American BW need to be thanking their lucky stars that the White man keeps Black men in control. B/C where there is no white male rule the Black men are running crazy and the poor BW and their kids who have to live near and with them are experiencing EXTREME suffering.

Like I said - it is what it is. No one said anything about White men not being crazy at times too or even sexist. But that's just splitting hairs. fact is White/European women globally are living a hell of a whole lot better than Black women are globally. And women of any race who live in White male dominated / run countries and societies are faring better than most women globally. That is b/c White/European male sexism is quite low on the radar compared to other cultures. and White men GENERALLY take care of their women and children and uplift them - unlike Black societies and countries that take sexism to the limit.

Nicole Little said...

Nana, that article is telling the truth, and it's obvious in every black community and black countries that we go to. I notice the difference between white male-dominated countries and black male dominated countries. You said that not all white men are perfect which is true, but we have to face reality. Madonna even said that she will never date a black man again because they are the most sexist. I notice this myself that black men are more sexist than white men, and they see women as third class. My father is one of them. He believes that a woman should stay in her place. He believes tha a woman is not suppose to travel by herself. I notice that when I go to an all-white or mixed neighborhood, I don't have to worry about straightening my hair or bleaching my skin, and what have you like I do in a black community. I grew up mostly in a diverse neighborhood, went to diverse schools growing up. My father didn't want me to go to all-black schools. That's one thing that I thank my dad for, and I don't blame him. I work in a school system, and I make sure that where I work at is not all-black. It's either diverse or all-white or non-black. The so-called black community, and everything that pertain to all-black is destructive. I may live in a so-called black neighborhood, but the good thing is that I'm lucky enough to live six blocks from the Temple University in Philly because it's very diverse over there, so if I want to go further away from my neighborhood, I go either at the Temple area or go downtown or go far out of the city. I don't hang around in my neighborhood. If I'm in my neighborhood, I stay in my house.

Marisol said...

The white man is and has always been much more progressive towards women than all the other men on the face of the earth.
If we analyze all the backward societies, they are usually the ones in which women are vastly illiterate,brutalized, marginalized and discriminated against with no laws to protect them.
Women have always been the barometer or standard to judge a civilized society.
I would never visit many African and Muslim countries .If women in those socities are not treated well, then what on God's earth am I doing going there.

White men have always had no qualms in adapting laws to protect and grant women opportunities and equal rights.They understand that empowering women means adding to the present and future advancement of their world.

This is the difference between the Western world and the vast African and Muslim world.
There is no need for black women to pretend deaf,blind and dead when they hear the truth but to be glad there are people trying to open their r eyes to the reality of things.
Black women are much better off living in the western world, white male dominated society than in any other one.
Black women need to stop defending or lying that all tmen are the same.
All societies are not equal regarding women in this male dominated world that we live in.

Icon said...

"Ungrateful American BW need to be thanking their lucky stars that the White man keeps Black men in control. B/C where there is no white male rule the Black men are running crazy and the poor BW and their kids who have to live near and with them are experiencing EXTREME suffering."

A tough pill to swallow, but a necessary pill to swallow nonetheless. If NOT for the white cops and prison system in America, where I'm from, there'd be total anarchy, public rape, shooting for not responding to harassment and/or "punishment by gang rape" etc., if black men were allowed to actually FULLY control and operate black American neighborhoods. If black men could, we'd have precisely the same "community" as the Congo and South Africa where repeated rape of everyone from infants to old women running rampant, drug wars and shoot outs by militias CONSTANTLY (where now, as soon as a shoot out occurs, someone calls the cops and it's squashed), etc.

I agree, we are EXTREMELY privileged as People of African Descent in Predominately White Countries (PODnPWC will be my henceforth abbreviation :-P). And every black woman that walks around hating white men and defending black men should know exactly what our circumstances would be if not for WM laws keeping black men in check. It is, truly, a hard pill to swallow.

Anonymous said...

I will like to add that when men
White and non-Black get out of hand there usually is another MAN to confront them and correct them. Men are inherently stronger than women, so it right that get corrected from another man. Also most men do not have a problem in making sure the women are provided for because as you said in previous posts, women want above all, protection and provision. When a woman is protected then she knows he has her back and she not tensed up and when she is provided for she can take herself and her family properly to avoid the dangers becasue the walls are up for protection.

Shan said...

It is definitely true that bm are more sexist. I never thought of it that way and I am glad it was mentioned here because now I realize as to why I was always apprehensive about getting married to a bm. Here's the reason: I always felt that a bm would have a problem with me doing "big things" such as making movies and I never felt comfortable telling them about my accomplishments. Either they would fake enthusiam. You can tell when someone is not genuine with their enthusiasm or they would say something underhanded to try to kill my joy. I had one bm friend for about 10 years. We would share our dreams and goals with each all the time. The difference is that he would just talk about his. I actually moved out here to LA to make mine come true. As soon as he found out that I got in a movie, he started saying very negative things about the industry. Now he never set foot in Hollywood or had any contacts but he had so much negativity about it. I was actually surprised. Where did all this negativity come from? He didn't have anything negative to say until I actually got in a movie. This is a big reason why I no longer trust bm.

Nana said...

@ all the women who commented after me
I agree that black men tend to be more sexist than white men. Feminism is a Western concept, and it has only just started trickling into other regions.
However, many of you are repulsed by Africa because of what you've been taught by white people, not because you have actually been there.
African men are NOT like African American men in several ways. There's very little baby mama drama, jail bird scenarios, etc. Even though I prefer not to get into serious relationships with African/Carribean men, I can still differentiate between African Americans and immigrant blacks and I will say they work to provide more stable situations for their wives and families, no matter how much they have to work with. I hate when people of any race put all blacks into the same category as if we all belong to the same culture.

I encourage interracial dating, but not out of insecurity and self-hatred. I prefer to date interracially because it doesn't make sense to look towards black men given my education level and hobbies-it is just more likely that I will find a partner of a different cultural background who suits me. It is not because I hate them or think they're all worthless slobs, like many women I've come across.

Oshun said...

"The fact is Black women who are born and raised in WESTERN / EUROPEAN WHITE MALE run societies and countries are living the best. PERIOD."


Thank you Neecy. I was thinking the same thing just yesterday.

Marisol said...

Nana:
I don't believe anyone who commented here hates Africa.
But we need to accept the truth of what is gong on around us because I have noticed too many black women walk around with blinders on their eyes, tryng to hide the sun with their finger.
These are a facts:

Men from traditional societies tend to be sexists.
Modern men from advanced societies are the least sexist and are not threatened by educated women or any type of women as a whiole.

It is so easy for black immigrants or any immigrant to pretend that everything is fine in their native country and that only black American men are the evil ones.Let us stop lying to ourselves.

All we were saying here is that Western society offers more opportunities and protection to women.
Since you mentioned African men, I will mentioned this.
In Spain(Barcelona) many African women have been brought in and forced to work as prostitutes by African men.

Yes, many Nigerians,Gambians, Sierra Leonians, and other African women, etc...
Young African women are forced by Nigerian and other African men to work on the streets in Spain as prostitutes.

It is so bad that a Spanish news paper(El Pais) published pictures of African women having sex with men right on the streets.
I was going to put up the link, but it is too graphic and out of respect for the blog author for I do not have her permission .

Residents of La Borqueria de Barcelona have been complaining about the problem.

We have eyes, ears and intelligence and know that in Africa there are also bad men who take advantage of women.

I believe that it is out of insecurity, fear , loyalty to race and self hatred that black women are only interested in dating black men.

Also the foolish belief that the white man is enemy and Massa, or slave master.
The truth is no white Westener owns slaves today.
As a matter of fact, many Africans, and Muslims, still up to this day own slaves.
Western men are not the enemies of black women.
We should date and marry men who we have things in common with such as education,affinities,professions,values,etc.
In the western world with its rich cultural diversity,sharing the same skin color,ethnicity and natioinality are not enough reasons to fall in love with and marry anyone.

Nicole Little said...

Nana, I'm going to give you an example of what I'm talking about when it comes to black males ALL around the world. About a couple of months ago, Halima posted something about Pan-Africanism, and she showed a WHOOOLE lot of pictured of these black revolutionists in AFRICA who are married to WHITE WOMEN! African men in parts of the country in Africa will RAPE little black girls over there. You don't believe me, look at the international news! The other day, I told my father that when my finances get straightened out, I'm going to go to Paris, UK, and what have you, and he told me that because I've never been on a plane before, I shouldn't go that far for the first time yet when HE was in his 20s, he went to Germany BY HIMSELF because he was in the military. I love my father very much, but he's sexist. Like 3 years ago, when I told him that I was going to New York City ALONE so I can look around and walk around, he told me that I need to take my 13-year-old cousin with me because he believes that a woman is not suppose to travel by herself, even if New York City is TWO HOURS AWAY FROM PHILADELPHIA!!! I didn't finist community college because my father told me that college is nothing yet my brother went and he didn't say anything. I said that I want to do something in the music department, but he told me that there's no money in that. I know that I'm a little overweight, but my dad will always let me know that yet my brother is WAY bigger than me, and he didn't tell him that he's fat. I'm going to tell you the truth, the way my father treated me is the reason why my life is so screwed up. It's because of his insecurities and his sexist attitude towards women. It's like he gets mad when I have a mind of my own.

Shan said...

Nicole, you are grown now, and I know you love your daddy but its time to put him in his place. That's only if he is still that way with you. People will treat you the way you allow them to treat you, parents included because they are people too. If as an adult, you allow them to run your life and make your decisions, that's exactly what they will do. I speak from experience and observation.

ARLYNE said...

I have been told that societies where the MEN take care of the WOMEN (and children) are more prosperous than other societies. The men of these societies are more industrious so the societies progress forward. This is also evident in how the BC compares to other communities here in the US. This is a hard pill for some to swallow. I think once you realize and accept this reality you will be free. You will be free not to be concerned about the BM's "plight". Free to take care of your own needs as a woman. This revelation has taken a load off my back, and it has given me a brighter, more peaceful outlook.

Sadly BM-identified women think BM are their protectors and are afraid to stop agonizing over BM for fear of being left in danger. Unfortunately, BM are usually the dangerous ones. WM do not necessarily want to hurt BW. In a patriarchal society, it is really a man-to-man combat. BW's biggest protectors are WM whether it be directly by the police or indirectly by government programs (WIC, Section 8, Welfare). These are necessary because BM do not behave as men. They would rather dehumanize, devalue, and(of course)defeminize BW instead of competing with other men. (Oh yeah, and blaming the WM) It is always the BW or the WM.

Nana said...

@Nicole Little
My father is also sexist in my eyes, but compared to his Nigerian colleagues, he is extremely progressive. Given the fact that he was raised in such a traditional setting (village), I give him lots of credit for the non-traditional views he does have. During my teen years he pressured me to be more domesticated because "I'm a girl", and although I was stubborn about it then, I realize domestication is a good quality for both genders-so I let my guard down. We have had some bumps in the road but other than that, we love each other and he only wants to see me succeed educationally and otherwise, and that is alright with me.

I don't think you should blame your father for your life situation, and forgiveness is always the best option, but I would not want to counsel you-I'm sure you can make such decisions alone.

I truly believe progression is relative, and sexism is deeply ingrained into human nature. Whatever progressive views we hold today will be too conservative in 50 years. It is difficult to find a man who isn't sexist in some way-I believe sexism in the West and amongst white men is sometimes expressed differently given the cultural differences, but it is certainly still present in the majority. Most men are sexist. Period. Each man expresses it differently according to his social/cultural status quo.

Neecy said...

MARISOL SAID:
--The white man is and has always been much more progressive towards women than all the other men on the face of the earth….

--Women have always been the barometer or standard to judge a civilized society.

--White men have always had no qualms in adapting laws to protect and grant women opportunities and equal rights. They understand that empowering women means adding to the present and future advancement of their world.

I SAY:
Yep. It makes me seethe when I hear so many BW (who are trying to impress BM and other Blacks) by talking about how horrible the WM and America is. America is not perfect by any stretch. But no other country or race of people would give Blacks what the WM has been willing to share with Blacks in the Western world. I say to all those BW, fine, there are BLACK countries and societies they can move to and be around all the Black men and people they choose. Of course they never have anything to say after that. The fact is EVERYONE knows (including those race loyal / BM loyal BW) that the White mans country is the best most progressive place for ANY female & child to live. Why do you think so many cultures and races come to America?
I always remind them to try and visit any other non White Non Black country and see how the Blacks/women and children are treated. The Asian countries, Latin, Indian, Middle Eastern peoples are not even close to willing to share with Blacks what the White male dominated countries have been willing to provide for Blacks and BW.
It irks me to no end when people talk down about America – especially those who have respective countries they can go to, to be around people who look like them if they are that unhappy with America or “da white man”. All the BW in America who are always foaming at the mouth about “da white man” try sending their butts over to any other Black run country or continent and see how hard they fight to keep their American citizenship.

Neecy said...

ICON SAID:
I agree, we are EXTREMELY privileged as People of African Descent in Predominately White Countries (PODnPWC will be my henceforth abbreviation :-P). And every black woman that walks around hating white men and defending black men should know exactly what our circumstances would be if not for WM laws keeping black men in check. It is, truly, a hard pill to swallow.


I SAY:
Yes Icon its a hard ugly jagged pill to swallow, but I am a realist even in my own personal life. if the truth hurts - then OH WELL is my philosophy. The fact is Whites in general can be just as corrupt in government etc as other cultures and races. But the biggest difference I have seen is in White male dominated societies and countries, they are MUCH more willing to police themselves and hold themselves accountable for crimes and actions that victimize women AND CHILDREN . Also in White male dominated societies and countries MEN police themselves and like someone else mentioned, there is an EFFORT to protect women and children even those who fall victim to the hands of males. Many other Non White countries are so rife with extreme gov't / female / child corruption that the general population fears them and fears speaking out against them b/c they are often brutally killed and murdered. it seems that in African countries and Latin and Middle eastern societies there is no place for the general population to police the government or those in power. And damn sure no effort to protect women against the males in those countries. Look at the recent surge of "honor killings" that Middle eastern & Indian women have to put up with. The fathers can kill their daughters if they do not agree with their lifestyles etc. That is just crazy. I have just read about two cases of this happening. Unbelievable.
Look at how the young children in many Asian countries are shoved into the sex trade industry to foreigners (pedophile White men and others) who go to those countries b/c there is no protection for the women or children. The fact is. No other race or culture of males plan to come to America to have sex with underage women and boys b/c they know in America there is a huge price to pay if one gets caught victimizing or having sexual contact with underage kids. This is not so in other countries, where the value of women and children is typically low on the scale.

I say all that to say. You are absolutely correct. if the American Black community was left to run under the hands of BM, BW would be suffering like the BW in Africa. Hell if BW were left under the control of any other Non White group, they would be suffering. BW are already suffering, but it would be ten fold if WM did not police BM and hold them accountable for their crimes and actions.

I am not saying WM are perfect, but so far their record is the best when it comes to protection and valuing the quality of lives of women AND children. It is what it is.

BLACK WOMEN MOVE ON!!! said...

if the American Black community was left to run under the hands of BM, BW would be suffering like the BW in Africa.

____

Thank you for calling a spade a spade. I've always wondered why these sista-soulja-black-male-worshippering Jill Scott types don't move to Haiti, Zimbabwe or Rwanda so they can finally have the "black utopia" that they are desperately seeking.

But we all know they aren't going anywhere!

They're going to stay right here in the U.S. (or U.K., & Canada) and **continue** to enjoy the HIGHEST STANDARD OF LIVING that can only be found in white men's democracies.

Like someone else said, you couldn't pay me to live in a black man's democracy.

Not only have I gotten used to luxury items like indoor plumbing and SHOES, but the thought of being at the mercy of black males scares the sh!t out of me. Their behavior towards women (particarly black women) and overrall views on life hasn't evolved past the 1600's.

For those of you suffering from reading comprehension problems...nobody is saying wm are perfect; but you'd have to be hiding under a rock or on drugs to deny that they run their countries more efficiently than bm.

Nicole Little said...

Shan said...
Nicole, you are grown now, and I know you love your daddy but its time to put him in his place. That's only if he is still that way with you. People will treat you the way you allow them to treat you, parents included because they are people too. If as an adult, you allow them to run your life and make your decisions, that's exactly what they will do. I speak from experience and observation.

Oh, I already done that through letter, and everything, but I finally realize that he's not going to change his sexist ways so I distant myself from him. I notice that it's only when I separate from my family when I start to know the REAL me and know what I like. People say that families are the safe have, but for me, it's not the case. Sometimes family will kill you quicker than strangers. My family favors men and boys more than girls and women. The only things my father did is he took care of me when I was a child, and he made sure that the one that molested me get in trouble.

Nana, I forgave my dad. I don't believe in holding grudges. I'm just using my dad as an example of how black men are more sexist than white men. I know that you don't want to completely give up on black men because of your experiences, but a lot of ladies here experience the abuse and sexism from black men all our lives and like Neecy said, this is a VERY hard pill to swallow for a WHOOOOOOLE lot of black women who still want to hold on to black men even though black men hate their guts simply because they're BLACK LIKE THEM! I'm telling you by experience that white men are not as SEVERELY sexist as black men. Here's another example. When I was working at the factory in South Jersey, the white guy that drove me back to Philly told me that I should do something with my life and finish up college or take some kind of classes or find a job that's above minimum wage. I don't even KNOW this guy, and he gave me some good advice. He told me in the car that if you want something out of life, you have to go for it and take some necessary classes for it. It's a shame that my father NEVER tell me all of this. Even though my dad told me that a minimum wage job is terrible which it is, he STILL thinks that college is not the way to live a good life. He feels that way because he went to the military, and one thing about the military, they will pay your way to go to school. He took a trade back in the 70s for engineering, and he's been working as a master plumber for over 40 years because of it. He feels because makes a WHOOOLE lot of money without going to college, I should be able to do that, but that's not the case. I think that he's insecure that if I do finish up community college or whatever, I will make more money than him or maybe he thinks that college is run by the "white man", I don't know, that's my opinion.

Anonymous said...

However, many of you are repulsed by Africa because of what you've been taught by white people, not because you have actually been there.

Nana,

Many of us are repulsed by Africa's treatment of it's women and children because of what we KNOW is currently happening on that continent, and the crimes against humanity that have happened in the recent past. Atrocities committed by black men (not white people) against black women and black children.

http://allafrica.com/stories/200906221073.html

http://www.news24.com/SouthAfrica/
News/Child-murders-up-22-20080630

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree
/belief/2010/jul/29/religion-witchcraft-sorcery-africa-unicef

http://www.reliefweb.int/library/documents
/chilsold.htm

African men are NOT like African American men in several ways. There's very little baby mama drama, jail bird scenarios, etc. Even though I prefer not to get into serious relationships with African/Caribbean men, I can still differentiate between African Americans and immigrant blacks and I will say they work to provide more stable situations for their wives and families, no matter how much they have to work with.

This is BULL SH*T. The African men who come to the U.S. tend to fit the model minority stereotype because these are the only ones with the wherewithal, education/finances to GET HERE. MOST Africans are poor by Western standards. The chaos and sickness that goes on within the African community because of damaged beyond repair African men stays back home out of eyesight by white and black Westerners. BUT the truth IS being reported.

And as far as Caribbean black men... They by and large suffer the same sickness as African-American and African men. And Caribbean women can attest to that fact.


I encourage interracial dating, but not out of insecurity and self-hatred.

The only ones I see being insecure and possibly self-hating are those foolish BW who refuse to open their eyes and ears.

Shan said...

Neecy,

You and the other posters are speaking the truth and then some. Bm, in general, do not seem to hold women and children in high regard. That's why so many bw who live in those bm run communities are disrespected, and the children are fatherless.

Icon said...

"This is BULL SH*T. The African men who come to the U.S. tend to fit the model minority stereotype because these are the only ones with the wherewithal, education/finances to GET HERE. MOST Africans are poor by Western standards. The chaos and sickness that goes on within the African community because of damaged beyond repair African men stays back home out of eyesight by white and black Westerners. BUT the truth IS being reported.

And as far as Caribbean black men... They by and large suffer the same sickness as African-American and African men. And Caribbean women can attest to that fact."


Exactly. I've not personally understood why black men in the continent of Africa or Caribbean are said to be better than African American men. Most are not. Or why it's "only" African American men. I have friends CURRENTLY living in Canada AND Caribbean friends (I am half Caribbean) who can attest to the SAME behavior and WORST in these countries. Not to mention that a friend goes to Paris occassionally and noticed, guess what? Black Parisian men standing on street corners harassing women. It's not self hatred to acknowledge that it is dirty African men who come to the states and harass African American women on the streets knowing that it's publicly acceptable to globally sexually humiliate black women, or that African men are raping black women and girls globally while saving their pennies and abandoning the women in their families who've probably been raped repeatedly from the time they were 2 or 3 yrs old to come to America and "cheese" and smile for white men and date white women. The truth is the truth.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Icon.
One never knows what issues may have occurred in someone's home country.

And, they do come here smiling and grinning as if they were free from sin.

America is still a second chance for many foreigners.


lori

Nicole Little said...

Icon said...
Exactly. I've not personally understood why black men in the continent of Africa or Caribbean are said to be better than African American men. Most are not. Or why it's "only" African American men. I have friends CURRENTLY living in Canada AND Caribbean friends (I am half Caribbean) who can attest to the SAME behavior and WORST in these countries. Not to mention that a friend goes to Paris occassionally and noticed, guess what? Black Parisian men standing on street corners harassing women. It's not self hatred to acknowledge that it is dirty African men who come to the states and harass African American women on the streets knowing that it's publicly acceptable to globally sexually humiliate black women, or that African men are raping black women and girls globally while saving their pennies and abandoning the women in their families who've probably been raped repeatedly from the time they were 2 or 3 yrs old to come to America and "cheese" and smile for white men and date white women. The truth is the truth.

This is cold hard truth that a lot of black women don't want to hear. Foreign black men are VERY sexist just like their American counterparts. They treat American black women like prostitutes. Foreign black men are VERY demanding towards black women. Like there's one African guy that was talking to me on Facebook, and I told him that I have to go because I had something to do. Don't you know that he keeps coming back to my page constantly? He always asked me can I visit him in West Africa, and I was thinking, "Hell no"! Why, so I can be your next victim? No way! Mind you, they don't do this to non-black women. Here's another example. When I was working at the nursing home 15 years ago, there's a lot of foreign black people that work there, and foreign black men always talking nasty to me telling me what they are going to do to me in bed and all of that nonsense but the white girls that worked there, these same men NEVER, I mean NEVER talked like that to them. And you're right about how African men who treat their women and children lower than dirt will save every penny they got so they can leave their women and children behind so that can go to America and date and marry white women in America while sexing black women in America. I've seen it done a whole lot of times. Foreign black men, like their American counterparts, look at black women like sex objects while they look at non-black women like angels, wife material.

So, for all these black women who think that foreign black men are better for them is sadly mistaken and they're fooling themselves. This is a VERY hard pill to swallow that black men all around the world look at women and children in low regards compare to other races of men. We as black women need to stop holding on to the very men that despises us. We need to let them go and stop saying "our men". They are NOT our men. Just because we are of the same ethnicity doesn't mean that they are "our men". When I think of "our men", I think of my father, brothers, uncles, and male cousins, not the black men who are not a part of my family. We as black women need to wake up and smell the coffee and realize that black men all over the world are not and will never be for us! The sooner we realize this, the better off we'll be.

Bellydancer said...

Tell it Icon!
If I had a dollar for every african or caribbean immigrant who bragged about how much better they were than black americans I could buy the cadillac I have been looking at (lol)
They seem to think all black americans are stupid enough to believe that they left paradise to come here to live amongst heathen negroes and to save blacks from themselves all along trying to forget they are also black.
These people leave behind the shananae's and shaquan's of their own countries and then try to talk about our shananae's and shaquan's who just so happen to live here.
They need to clean up there own shit first.

Felicia said...

Anon at 1:40 pm, Icon, Nicole Litte, and Bellydancer, THANK YOU for these reminders.

The majority of BM on a group level (not as individuals because SOME individuals ARE behaving normally but they obviously have no influence over the majority), on an international scale - regardless of nationality - have proven to be failures when it comes to providing safe, reliable, nourishing, and loving environments for black women and black children.

And that's why 7 of the 10 worst countries to live in if you're a woman (at least a black one) listed at that site Halima posted were black countries.

The DBRness is on an INTERNATIONAL scale and NO BM (or BW for that matter) from whatever country or continent has the right to look down their noses at ANY other person of African descent and say "oh we're not like that, yada yada...".

The colorism, deification of white flesh by BM, Racio-Misogyny against BW, neglect of black children and in some cases actually putting them in harms way (like the tragedy of child soldiers for instance), etc... can be seen GLOBALLY.

So any holier than thou non African-American blacks need to stop feigning amnesia. They know exactly why they left their home countries for the West. And it's for the SAME reason why African-Americans and other new world black folks aren't moving to the Motherland.

Nicole Little said...

Felicia said...
The colorism, deification of white flesh by BM, Racio-Misogyny against BW, neglect of black children and in some cases actually putting them in harms way (like the tragedy of child soldiers for instance), etc... can be seen GLOBALLY.

So any holier than thou non African-American blacks need to stop feigning amnesia. They know exactly why they left their home countries for the West. And it's for the SAME reason why African-Americans and other new world black folks aren't moving to the Motherland.


I SAY:
This is the ultimate truth! That's why I will NEVER want to move back to Africa even though I'm of African descent. I used to wish I move out of America because of racism and move to Africa, but according to research, I think I stay in America, and if I do move out of the country, it's not going to be in an all black country I tell you that!

Yes, these foreign black men are just as colorist as their American counterparts. I saw a documentary about how foreign black women in Jamaica, Caribbean, Kenya, Trinidad, Nigeria, Haiti Latin countries will buy bleaching creams and it gave them a break-out in their skin, and according to what I saw in this documentary, a lot of these foreign black women said that they had a hard time finding husbands in their countries because the foreign black men worship fair skin. So, for those black women who think that colorism is a black American thing. That's BS!!!! This poison (that's exactly what it is) is spreading throughout every country that's predominately black. I heard that in Haiti, they used to rape little girls and women too. Jamaica as well.


So the best neighborhood, country, continent, and city for a black woman to live at either DIVERSE neighborhoods, countries, cities, and continents or PREDOMINATELY NON-BLACK neighborhoods, countries, cities, and continents.

I live in Philly, and they said that it is a black city as far as the minority demographics, but thankfully it's only in Philly and not OUTSIDE Philly. I wish I live in New York City. I love New York because it's very rich in diversity and multicultural over there, and I think that New York is one of the cities that's black woman friendly because it's DIVERSE! I love DIVERSITY! God didn't create us to be the same in everything.

Oshun said...

"Foreign black men are VERY sexist just like their American counterparts. They treat American black women like prostitutes. Foreign black men are VERY demanding towards black women."

I drunk this kool aide a few years ago. No more.

Nana said...

@ Nicole Little
Everything you mentioned about sexism and colorism amongst black men breaks my heart-it is true. Most black men regard black women the same way racist white men do, because they have adopted the same racist mentality, and believe in the same stereotypes. When I went to Nigeria last year, my dreadlocks were 3 months old (messy stage). All of the Nigerian men who had previously been trying to court me looked at me with disgust and told me I should go back to wearing weave and makeup, except for one kind fellow who happens to be half-Indian. I dated him shortly. To this day, as beautiful as I look with my locs, most of the people who compliment me are white-male and female.
I truly believe most white men who like black women have true appreciation for African beauty-the dark skin, kinky hair and all. I say this because white men who prefer Eurocentric beauty have the option to date white women. Black men on the other hand, prize light skinned black women as surrogate white women because many of them do not have access to the white women they want. I believe most black men would prefer non-black women, but often settle for black women, and subject them to their racio-misogynistic attitudes.
That being said, it is still really difficult for me to throw a blanket over everyone, because there are always exceptions to the rule. I think it's healthier to keep your options open for quality men of all races. I mentioned this before and I got slammed with accusations of "not wanting to accept the truth about black men". Believe it or not, bad guys and good guys come in all shades.

Nicole Little said...

Nana, of course bad guys come in all shades. I noticed it myself, but sadly, and I didn't want to believe this myself, but the majority of those bad guys are of our ethnicity. At least I know where non-black men stand. As much as I didn't want to accept the truth about black men, I have to accept the fact that black men hate black women simply because they're BLACK! Truth hurts.

And yes, I notice that non-black men give me compliments when I wear my hair natural. I wear weaves from time to time but not as often. I usually wear my hair natural, no chemicals. I haven't wore chemicals for 3 years. When I do wear weaves, I notice that's when black men come to me, asking me what am I mixed with and all of that BS, but when I take off my weave and wear it natural the way God intended, that's when black men stop coming to me, and you know what? THAT'S GOOD! I DON'T WANT them to come to me, and the best weapon for that is to wear my hair natural and not bleach my skin. I notice that biracial men and non-black men run to me like crazy when I wear my hair natural and they love my milk chocolate skin.

And yes, if black men can't get a non-black woman, they will settle for a light-skinned black woman, and I feel sorry for light skinned black women because they don't realize that they are being used as surrogate white women until black men have access to them, and once they have access to non-black women and a non-black woman shows interest in them, that's when they will dump their light skinned black wives and go marry a non-black woman. I've seen it done a million times. So evidently, to a black man, a light-skinned black woman is not good enough either!

That's why we as black women of all skin tones need to stick together instead of warring with each other based on skin tone, all of this light skin-dark skin crap. I notice that black men are the ones that causes a division between light skinned black women, medium-skinned black women, and dark skinned black women. And they also have black women and non-black women fighting each other for the attention of black men.

That's why we can't really blame non-black women for how black men treat us. Even they will admit that black men came to THEM, not the other way around, and it's true. Yes, you have non-black women that can't stand black women, but there's reasons behind why they do that.

1. It's because of black men
2. It's because race aside, women always compete with one another.
3. It's because of racism

I feel that we as WOMEN should love each other more and stop competing with one another. I say if a non-black woman is with a black man, we can't be getting jealous and upset and lash at the non-black woman. It's not her fault. Blame the black man. He's the one that causes division between women!

Shan said...

Light skin women are used as surrogate white women. I was once in contact with a lady who works in the entertainment industry, and her "baby's daddy" is a famous football player. I will not give his name because then that would definitely identify her. Now she is light skinned. She told me that he looked at her and said, "You are the closest that I'll probably ever get to a white woman." Shame. Shame. Shame.

Nicole, I know what you mean. When I wore my hair relaxed and long, I used to always get black men coming up to me asking me was I mixed with indian, particularly because I have that cinnamon brown skin tone too and it used to irk me because I knew their only interest was my shell. Now that I wear my hair natural, I get white, hispanic, arab, etc.

It's a good day to be brown/dark, especially if you wear your hair natural because you don't have to worry about dbrm harassing you. Dark women who complain that black men don't look their way don't realize how blessed they are. They should only give their attention to men who are genuinely interested in them, and those men are probably non black.

Anonymous said...

MOST women are NOT fighting over/in competition for BM!

Brainwashed and brain dead BW and the minority of non black women who are either rejects, or desperate for money (or both) are.

And these non BW are in the minority. Otherwise, the West would look like Brazil or any number of Latin American countries where the decedents of white men/black women, and white men/indian women reside in abundance.

Basically, Western countries would look a WHOLE lot browner by now if these hordes of women from the rainbow were indeed fighting for these mutants.

BW should be HAPPY when the see a BM with a non BW. Because that's one LESS BW being abused.

BW of ALL shades need to move on and up.

And black women with brains have ALREADY done this!

As did many high and low profile BW in the past.

BW need to read up on their own history. The dumbing down of BW happened in the 60's during the "black is beautiful" scam started by damaged negro males who NEVER intended on that slogan applying to BW.

Most BW were DUPED but a certain percentage of BW ALWAYS knew that non colorist non racist WM were BETTER than your average negro male and TRULY appreciated and loved BW.

BW need to smarten up and stop caring about the unfortunate women associated with BM.

They don't matter. Who POWERFUL men love and desire is of importance. Not what mutants think.

Powerful normal WM (and other non BM) are simply waiting for the green light.

BW can give it to them any time they want.

Again, MOST women in this world are NOT by ANY means fighting for damaged negro males.

That's a fantasy that soothes BM's fragile little ego's.

Being former slaves of non BM the world over (European, Arab, even East-Asian Indians and Native-American at some points) or being colonized by non BM in Africa, they've LOST in ALL regards to masculinity and strength and have chosen to CONTINUE to be slaves

Therefor these "all women want me" myths sooth them.

I can see how they need these myths but BW should NEVER believe them OR spread them.

Because they are BOLD FACED LIES.

Anonymous said...

Woman Granted Restraining Order Days Before Death

http://www.fox8.com/news/wjw-cleveland-woman-found-stabbed-to-death,0,2781741.story

Black women need to be KICKING black men out the door and PUSHING them into the arms of any white women (or any other non BW) that will take their damaged a**'s.

Why should black women continue to take all of the hits?

If Becky wants to risk her life getting involved with Tyrone that's her business.

I'm tired of BLACK women dying for NOTHING.

Black women MOVE ON and gain some self-respect!

Leave these damaged creatures ALONE.

Date out and mate OUT!

The creature responsible...


http://www.newsnet5.com/dpp/news/local_news
/police-investigating-the-death-of-a-woman-on-the-city's-eastside

Yet ANOTHER case of an educated professional BW who married a criminal.

"Gardner-Carson was an architect and was responsible for the coordination, inspection and completion of the interior of the new juvenile justice center, according to her resume on the website linkedin.com.

She was a graduate of Shaker Heights High School and Kent State University and owned a photography business called Images by Shana.

Police arrested her husband, 51-year-old Ramon Carson. He was charged Monday afternoon with one count of aggravated murder. He is scheduled to appear in court Tuesday morning.

Carson has served time in prison related to burglary and non-payment of child support. However, he did not have any children with the victim."

Anonymous said...

To the young lady Nicole, pursue your dreams and everything else will fall into place. your father means well in his own way and the more he see you pursuing your dream , he will have help insights as a father and just go for it.
Wish you all the success.

Nicole Little said...

Anonymous, 1:06pm,
THANK YOU!!!! This is truth! We should be HAPPY that non-black women are taking these damage beyond repairs off of our backs! One less abuser we have to worry about!

You're right about the dumbing down of black women in the 60s with that "black is beautiful", "black power" BS! Malcolm X is the only black man that I respect, though. Even he said that a lot of black power movements were phony! All of this black power stuff DOES NOT, I repeat, DOES NOT apply to the black community or black women. It only benefits BLACK MEN and BLACK MEN ONLY! That's probably the reason why black women join in with the women's movement and abandon the black power movement because of the phoniness of the black power movement. According to research, in the 60s, the black power movement was EXTREMELY sexist towards black women, and I heard that a WHOOOOOOLE lot of black revolutionists were sexing, dating, mating, and marrying white women left and right. The black power movement was design to benefit black men while silencing, dehumanizing, and enslaving black women. It's also a design for them to boost their fragile ego so they can screw as many non-black women as possible.

The black power movement is a JOKE, a big JOKE! It DID NOT benefit the black community AT ALL because if it did, then the black community will be in good shape today, and by the looks of it, so-called BC is more WORSE! It only benefit black men and their selfish ways. The black power movement is not for black women, and I was foolish enough to believe that black power movement gave black women some credit, but it didn't.

Anonymous said...

The black power movement is a JOKE, a big JOKE! It DID NOT benefit the black community AT ALL because if it did, then the black community will be in good shape today, and by the looks of it, so-called BC is more WORSE! It only benefit black men and their selfish ways. The black power movement is not for black women, and I was foolish enough to believe that black power movement gave black women some credit, but it didn't.


Elaine Brown (former Black Panther) wrote a book called a Taste of Power. It discussed the Black Panthers and the black power movement. It was a good read. Interestingly enough, she mentioned how EVEN the male members of the black panthers favored the lightest of the black women. They were more protective of the light skinned women. Furthermore, they dated openly and treated white women much better than the black women who had their backs.

Anonymous said...

To Anonymous @ 1:06 PM you are right. It's pretty sad that black men were defective and didn't have the aptitude to defeat powerful outsiders in thier own home of Africa. Henceforth slavery and colonization. And the quality of life a black man presents to a black woman in the 21st century has not been one known for its tremendous leaps and bounds either. So what's a black girl to do. Empowerment blogs are saving lives. They get the word out to black women that it's prudent to move out of dysfunctional communities and into low crime areas, away from dbr men and into the comfort of quality men from the global market. Regards, April.

Nana said...

@Nicole,
where did you read about sexism in the black power movement? I cannot find any information online.

Anonymous said...

Nana, read A Taste of Power by Elaine Brown for starters.

Jazine

Bellydancer said...

Nana check out a previous post by Halima called "Who's Zooming Who"
http://dateawhiteguy.blogspot.com/2010_01_01_archive.html
which deals with black activist who married and dated white women while railing against racism.

Also check out a book called:
The Trouble Between Us: An Uneasy History of White and Black Women in the Feminist Movement by Winifred Breines which deals with the issues faced by black and white women during the civil rights and feminist movements.
Black men did not want us to mingle with white women and their ideas but did not mind sleeping with them.

Nicole Little said...

Anonymous 1:14am says...
Elaine Brown (former Black Panther) wrote a book called a Taste of Power. It discussed the Black Panthers and the black power movement. It was a good read. Interestingly enough, she mentioned how EVEN the male members of the black panthers favored the lightest of the black women. They were more protective of the light skinned women. Furthermore, they dated openly and treated white women much better than the black women who had their backs.

I knew that all along that the black power movement is only to benefit black men while enslaving black women. Yes, black panthers were VERY color-struck as well. Eldridge Cleaver married a white woman. They treated white women in a feminine way while treating black women in a terrible way. Huey Newton was dating and sexing a lot of white women, and I heard that black male Panthers will beat up black women. Again, this is what I heard. A lot of black women are fooling themselves to think that the black power movement benefits them as well. It only demonizes black women even more. That's why a lot of black women in the late 60s abandoned the black power movement to join the women's movement simply because of that, but then again those same white feminists were sexing a lot of black panthers as well. Black women need to wake up and realize that BLACK MEN HATE BLACK WOMEN SIMPLY BECAUSE THEY ARE BLACK! IT'S NOT BECAUSE OF ATTITUDES, WEIGHT, OR WHATEVER EXCUSES THAT THEY GIVE! IT IS SIMPLY BECAUSE THEY'RE BLACK LIKE THEM! I mean, look at it this way, if you're a black man being enslaved by European, Arab, and like one of the posters said,
Indian men, and you've been told that you are lower than dirt, and you're less-than, it's going to get in your psyche, and you are going to HATE everything that resembles you. You will screw white women because you think that's going to make you equal with white men, but the truth of the matter is that no matter how many white women he screw, a black man will NEVER, I repeat NEVER be like the white man, and he will NEVER be on the same level as the white man and they hate that. That's why they want to create a myth that "all races of women wants them" because that's the only way that they can feel better about themselves because they KNOW that they can't compete with white men since white men are at the top of the food chain, so they rely on their penises, the "Mandingo" stereotype.


Nana said...
@Nicole,
where did you read about sexism in the black power movement? I cannot find any information online.


There's a lot of good books in the book store that will give you the information that you need. I think bell hooks is a good choice. As far as online, of course you are not going to find that information because black men want to make themselves noble for the public. They don't want their dirty laundry to be aired out in mainstream media, but the black women who were involved in the black power movement KNOW the truth! I forgot one of the black feminists author's name, but she wrote a book about how black women were treated in the black power movement, and trust me, it's not good.

Nicole Little said...

Sorry for posting so much, but I just have to say one thing. I believe that the reason why black women and white women don't get along with each other is because of black men. Black men are the the reason why black and white woman aren't getting along.

Lola said...

Anonymous April . . . if you wait for your friends to wake up and move with you, you'll be waiting till the moon turns blue. Do it for yourself.

Nana said...

@Nicole, Bellydancer and Anonymous
Thank you, I will put those on my list.

Anonymous said...

I think from this point forward I am going to stop reading the comment section here because I'm starting to wonder if this is really a blog full of Black women or Stormfront members having a laugh.

Ladies, it is possible to date/love/respect a White man without turning into narrow-minded racist with highly selective historical memories.

Someone had the nerve to say white men have always championed the rights of women. LORD! Tell that to my neighbor who was tossed in a mental facility simply because her husband was tired of her. This was actually common in her day. Do not trivialize or ingore the fact that there was a STRUGGLE in achieving the rights women achieved-even in the White community (and this is ongoing).

I'm disappointed in some of what Im reading, and when some of you DO find White husbands I'm concerned about the ideology these future children will be raised with. Some of these women have moved beyond self-interests and empowerment and right into racist generalizations.

Another said:
But no other country or race of people would give Blacks what the WM has been willing to share with Blacks in the Western world.

This poor child must not watch the news or read research articles on the state of Blacks in America. Yes, a mouse in a palace will ALWAYS eat more than a mouse in a shack-but you are still a mouse. After all, if Whites globally were so benevolent and willing to give up hierarchy this blog (among others) wouldn't be necessary.

I guess what I'm trying to say is you don't need to turn into Clarence Thomas to be open to other races of men.

Halima said...

Yes anonymous, some of us need to get a balance somewhere! WM are far from perfect and neither is the system they have created (or which has been created around and in response to their input).

thanks for the nudge, we need it from time to time!

Anonymous said...

To Bellydancer:

I remember that blog by Halima and I have to admit I was very surprised.
Those pictures should date back to late 50's and 60's. And, the former first lady Barbara Bush and the other former first lady vivian that was up-to-date pictures. My question is what are those b/african women's thoughts about the highest level men marrying out.

One day I asked my foreign born bw co-worker about those men and she thought seriously about her answer and then she said, "Oh, they were just using those women for information and assistance".
Oh, Really? Then why marry them if they only wanted information and assistance. My co-worker makes me think of alot of bw trying to hold onto that "idea" of men in her culture saying true to the women.

What a joke and the joke was played on bw, even other race women knows it.

a.

Anonymous said...

Didn't Angel Davis write her autobiography? Now that is a book I probably would buy.
The stories should could tell.

a.

Anonymous said...

I second everything Anonymous 11.04pm said. In our quest to raise our awareness please lets not suffer with selective amnesia and in some cases a total re-write of history.

Nicole Little said...

Anonymous said...
I think from this point forward I am going to stop reading the comment section here because I'm starting to wonder if this is really a blog full of Black women or Stormfront members having a laugh.

Ladies, it is possible to date/love/respect a White man without turning into narrow-minded racist with highly selective historical memories.

Someone had the nerve to say white men have always championed the rights of women. LORD! Tell that to my neighbor who was tossed in a mental facility simply because her husband was tired of her. This was actually common in her day. Do not trivialize or ingore the fact that there was a STRUGGLE in achieving the rights women achieved-even in the White community (and this is ongoing).

I'm disappointed in some of what Im reading, and when some of you DO find White husbands I'm concerned about the ideology these future children will be raised with. Some of these women have moved beyond self-interests and empowerment and right into racist generalizations.

Another said:
But no other country or race of people would give Blacks what the WM has been willing to share with Blacks in the Western world.

This poor child must not watch the news or read research articles on the state of Blacks in America. Yes, a mouse in a palace will ALWAYS eat more than a mouse in a shack-but you are still a mouse. After all, if Whites globally were so benevolent and willing to give up hierarchy this blog (among others) wouldn't be necessary.

I guess what I'm trying to say is you don't need to turn into Clarence Thomas to be open to other races of men.


I SAY:
I understand what you are coming from, and nobody is saying that white men are perfect, but telling the truth about black men doesn't mean that we are racist. We as black women need to stop being afraid of calling black men out of their behavior. I understand that in the white community, there's sexism, and that's the reason why white women started the women's movement in the first place, but it doesn't take away the fact that black men ARE more sexist than white men, and I'm not going to apologize and change my views about that. It's like some black women are so afraid of exposing black men's evil ways that they will jump on other black women for calling them out. This is a very hard pill for them to swallow. The truth of the matter is that black men hate black women simply for being black. Calling them out on their DBR behavior doesn't make us like Clarence Thomas. Black men have been talking crap about us for years so why can't we do it? I'm sorry, but I'm not going to back down for nobody. Like I said, white men are far from perfect, we all know that, but on average they are better men when it comes to raising their children, being more family oriented than black men worldwide. I'm sorry, but I'm not going to be a mammy for black men or the black community anymore to the point that I can't call out on their shit. If that makes me self-hating or a sell-out, then so be it.

joan wamaitha said...

Oh Christ which foolish creature was that i read some posts ago who said that Black men in Africa are better than Black US or UK men? Listen, if you love your life do not EVER get into a relationship with an African man. I am an African lady- i should know. Thank your lucky stars that you all were born in the States or wherever. Even if you have trials there, they ARE NOTHING compared with what African women go through. At least you do not have to seek a visa to go outside of the continent husband hunting- because that is what EDUCATED AFRICAN WOMEN have been doing and are still doing! On the lighter side, after reading all the posts about Black American and Black British men, i am abit horrified! I thought after all these centuries of being exposed to a culture that values its women folk they would have changed at least a bit! Oh well, its Northern Europe for me then!!!