I came across a post about 'who makes the first move?'. I was wondering what your thoughts are on a bw making the first move with a wm. I must admit that I feel it is a risky venture for black women.
There are a couple of fears expressed by black women as to why they would prefer not to make the first move with white men. Firstly many black women subscribe to dating 'gender roles' of being 'pursued' as opposed to being the 'pursuer' and do believe that it is a loosing game plan to pursue a man who will then never 'pull his weight' in the relationship or respect her from then on even if he takes what she has to offer. However where black women would be happy to pursue in an in-race dating situation they get cold feet about trying out this protocol outside race.
One reason is that a white man coming across is a strong indicator that at least he is 'non racist', and has given some thoughts and even 'prepared' himself for what interracial dating might mean. Of course this is all 'ideal' thinking because many folks, 'dont even know they dont know' however when a black woman goes over first, she might go up to a man who might be holding her race against her (which is now increasingly the case with black men as well these day!), she might be going up to a man who hasnt prepared himself for interracial dating (which has its own social hurdles). Yes and unfortnately we do not date in a social vacuum, one two many stares and an unprepared white man who was at first blown away by a black woman's beauty etc might suddenly decide he just cant deal. 'I wasnt really convinced you came unto me remember,' is not exactly what a woman wants to hear!
The problem however is how black women define first move. Many black women are paralyzed at the thought of saying 'Hi' and think this is a ‘first move’. Starting a conversation? well thats all sorts of multiple first moves right there! lol
I pitch first move as you saying you are interested explicitly, and 'lets go on date' kind of thing, but thats me, so I would like readers to weight in here (male and female) and with scenerio examples if possible. Lets loosen some mental chains!
How would 'the first move' appear to you?
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