Monday, January 16, 2012

Here's the thing right...

I am trying to focus this blog and my work a bit more so I can be of benefit to my readers. I am thinking that the age group I appeal to, are black women over thirty and white men over 35.

I suppose mentally mature and firing to get going with getting the best from life and love, is who I am reaching loud and clear, however I then come across black women who are even beyond thirty and dont seem to quite get the fact that they are finite beings and there is time to just leave every other concern and preoccupation and agenda (of which there seems no end) and ive 100% focus to yourself; worry about you, worry about your life, your progress, your man, your reproducing.

The saddest thing is that the older you get can also mean the harder it is to teach. Certain ways of being and thinking can become 'ingrained'. At a certain age you might think, 'I've tried that and failed, why try it again?' There is something about a 'formed identity' at that point that doesnt let you easily manouver, change, turn around or aside from certain attitudes.

With BWE I know that those who will make something out of it just in time are those who have just crossed the thirty threshold now. Anyone above 35 who had just come across the idea of black women living for themselves aka BWE will have to work tripple time to secure something for themselves. This is because 35 and over are still the pioneers of this new black woman activism front; working on a hard land that has not been broken up yet, combating stereotypes that have not been softened and also battling their own self esteem issues and complexes, fears about ticking clocks, self recriminations, self pity etc etc etc.

By the time the younger ones come throught, a lot of work would have been done to change attitudes about who a black woman is and what her social range is, change will be in the air, the pioneers would have changed attitudes or at least introduced doubt, dissonance, hestitation in the minds of whites, other blacks and other minorities who wont be as quick to label or slot black women into a particular role, or archtype because they have come across a couple of black women (the pioneers), who didnt fit the bill in the past. The word would be out in other words that black women can and are living for themselves and there will be a better understanding of the silent mistreatment and the particular brand of discrimination she has been experincing (all covered up now), from bothe ww and bm.

If you are a 35 year old and above black woman who hasnt secured her milestones around marriage, children, finances, a house and career etc, I expect that you will be working at a greatly increased pace, making use of every shortcut and catchup strategy available to you. If you are working at the pace of a 25 year old or 30 year old than I am worried for you!

This is not to scare anyone but just to get many black women who have a tendency to match their 'energy' with that of other black people around them and their black girlfreinds and acquintances etc, without taking into consideration their own milestone achievements, to get these black women, to 'see the light' and realize they cannot be doing 20 miles per hour at their age and level of achievement.

To be contd


The Kindle books are a little behind schedule but still within January. I shall make them available for PDF downloads as well as some have requested!

 New e-Books Available on Amazon Kindle January 2012

Wondering about Interracial dating?

You will find answers in this e-book which gives a clear insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, including her interracial dating option. Get yourself clued up!

Questions to be sent to:


CHER! said...

Hi Halima,

The 30-35+ audience is one where I also find unique challenges in getting similar messages across. Being over 30 myself, there are particular negative/neutral habits that are more difficult to break than at 18,21 & 25 years old. Your project may also benefit a few areas in my personal life. With that being said, I'd like to contribute in any way possible.

Anonymous said...

I am 24 and have always been open to interracial dating and pursued it because that is my desire. I thank those who are striving to make what is normative for me known as a opportunity for every black woman. I would like to know what the pace of a 20 year old compared to a 30 and/40 year old should be.

Jamila said...

I'm almost 30 and since I've been reading the BWE blogs for a year or two now and they've really helped me tremendously. I think I am more aware of the transience of time, an awareness that makes me realize that I want certain things in my life I need to go full-speed ahead to get them because I am not getting any younger and life is not getting any easier (in certain ways).

Zabeth said...

It can feel frustrating when you feel like you’re doing everything you can but you’re still not getting the results you want. I’m hearing this more.

Anonymous said...

I just want to thank you and others for being out there on the forefront. Hi! I'm under 30 (not by that much though), and although I've lost some black women friends by showing them these blogs (and a few copying my own life trends)... even the ones that went CRAZY at the thought of living their lives for THEM (and I no longer speak to)... are ALL over these sites daily and making positive adjustment to their own lives. I hear from the peanut gallery that they are adjusting their lives thanks to things that YOU BWE bloggers have posted about. While the backlash is why I only tell strangers about these blogs, I can see the response in the general black community (of some women). If nothing else, you and several others have TOTALLY (or at least entered the seed), that time is NOT standing still for women in bad situations and we need to GET IT TOGETHER before the issues get worse. So as someone who wishes that this info had been around when I was bordering on 20 instead of 30, for those BW bordering on 40, ... Ya'll need to ROLL OUT! I know I'm young enough for optimism and all of that, but I'm not THAT young. There's a time for every season, and when winter's over, it is OVAH.

GoldenAh said...

Happy (belated) New Year Halima,

I have some catching up to do in reading your blog. :) However, I like the direction you are thinking of going with this post.

We do have to move faster when over 35, time flies so much more quickly! Mistakes are definitely less forgiving.


secretceleb said...

I'm 21 and I saw the light when I was 18. I watched all my aunties and mother go through hell with black men and I've never wanted to be with one.

I saw my former best friend who was a white girl go to hell and back with black boys, from the age of 13 she started having sex and getting into relationships with black boys that just wanted to use her. She even considered lying for a boy that murdered a young father, I put my own head on the line and reported the boy, she insisted I was stupid and that I should have 'protected my brother'. I mean can you believe that, how pathetic, it's the reason we stopped being friends and yes the boy did go to jail. gets better my sisters.

When I was 19 my mother decided I was mentally mature enough to date, I made it into university and got a nice little student job, so she gave me the green light. I began dating a slightly older white guy,he was 25 and pretty well off for his age. When she found out that he was older and well off, she decided to tell everyone that I was his sugarbaby and I was only sleeping with him for money! Lets remember I haven't spoken to this girl in years and she's spreading lies about me.

Apparently having standards makes me a slut -_-

I'm sure alot of young girls read this blog and I would consider maybe having a mixture of posts for both older and younger readers. Not all of our black mothers and fathers are awake, or will ever wake up, so you need to get us when we're still young.My mother has never dictated who I do or do not date, only when. That said, she knows I have high standards, not all young black girls do, I mean just look at the crap Nicki Minaj released a couple of days ago,('Stupid Hoe' aka worst song ever) we have a long fight ahead of us.

Awake. Aware. Alive. said...

Hello. I have been lurking for such a long time and I have just recently decided to post. I am 26 and I think that your blog is instrumental to folks of all ages for sure. I know that it has helped me a lot. Thanks.