Wednesday, January 04, 2012

White Men are Trapped in Stereotypes too!

David Thewlis and Michelle Yeoh
I went to watch 'the Lady' two weeks ago, the movie about Aung San Suu Kyi the Noble prize winning Burmese opposition politician who has been fighting for democracy for her people who are under military rule and has lived under house arrest for 15 years (recently released).

The Movie features David Thewlis and Michelle Yeoh and I proclaim that I just loveeeee the movie. It was just so tender at moments I found myself tearing up. Just to see the sacrifices made by Michael Aris for his wife Aung San Suu Kyi, my lawd it was so touching and also unbelievably sad (Micheal was a single father bringing up their children in Oxford England while Aung was under house arrest, he later died of cancer denied his desperate last wish to see his wife one last time).

I am so glad to see a movie that challenges the idea of white men as Asian female fetishist and whatever other term folks invoke to tarnish white men and their asian partners.

Micheal Aris married Ms Suu Kyi on New Year's Day 1972 in a simply Buddhist ceremony in England, but it was always on the understanding that they would have to be apart if the Burmese people needed her- BBC

It was amazing to me that David Thewlis who played Michael in the movie confessed that he didnt know that Aung was married to a British man with two officially British children because you see thats the kind of thing that gets 'hidden' so that the narrative of the evil lecherous asian female fetishist goes unchallenged.

I also adore Luc Beeson who produced the movie and will continue to support his efforts because I get him. Luc has been on a mission to bring these stories of fascinating, beautiful and even kick ass minority women who are so often obscured to our attention-- Columbiana being one of his recent offerings. The other day black women were moaning about, 'why dont white men do blogs saying date black women'? Lol how so very myopic and boring. I would rather have powerful white man do it like Luc Beeson and put their resources towards reshaping the popular image of black women as with Columbiana. It helps that he has a black French wife who also worked on the film 'The Lady' in an important and high profile role. 


I repeat, that I am happy that this idea of the white male with his lecherous eye on minority women is being challenged because black women can burst free from a sordid category that they then get trapped in by such rendering, indeed by definition black and other minority women can then only occupy the place of victim, pawn, collaborator in a white man's sick fantasy never as his love and lover. Mainstream has been happy to keep us locked in this category because they are always mindful of pandering to the white female contingent, indeed let a white woman write a book about boinking a whole team of minority men and she gets to feature on a mainstream media program, feminists salute her as an empowered and sexually liberated woman and dare us to 'slut shame', however a black woman writing the same and no one would touch it, because it would then be 'Oh what a sad misguided woman being used by white men who fetishises black skin,' she would be a 'self hater,' a right wing tool...etc etc

Yep it is a rendering of the situation where only white men can occupy the fetishist role and thus minority women can only be pawns and victims. One thing which black women have often been slow to understand is that by piling white men with negative terms and by trapping white men in an unsavoury category they too quite easily trap themselves in an unsavory role/category too.

'She could do better'

    Ayaan has a baby boy
   'Thomas Hirsi Ferguson'

The other day I happened upon a conversation online where a white female participant said that she was 'amazed' at Ayaan Hirsi Ali's choice of partner. She then went on to say that she could do better than Niall. I laughed. Some white women probably think black women are easy to fool (or maybe they actually believe the stuff that comes out from their mouths, which is a scary prospect) or maybe they think they can 'tarnish' a black woman's choice or put her off by these tricks. It aint working and I want black women to take note and get savvy, folks will say things to make you overlook fine men and stay waiting for some mythical creature who is supposedly better for you and as soon as their reverse psychology -or whatever this one can be termed-works, you wont have walked 2 yards before they or their sisters are dating these men.

Be wise!


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20 comments:

Toni said...

I love the idea of breaking down stereotypical barriers, and that definitely sounds like a movie I need to see.

Oh, I've heard that "advice" around the blogsphere. It cracks me up how simple some people sound and don't even realize it.

Jamila said...

Do better than Niall Ferguson? One of the most famous (and richest) historians in the world, a man who married a woman who lives under armed guard because he loved her. Yeah, that's some serious hating if I do say so myself. Who was Ayaan supposed to be waiting for? Prince Charming straight out of the fairy tale I suppose.

Brenda55 said...

Thanks for posting this birth announcement. I had been wondering. Congratulations to the Furgusons on the birth of their son.

I second what Toni has posted.

Anonymous said...

Great post many WW have always done this mess to BW! for their own benifit bw should be very careful around ww i myself dont trust them at all bw know the kinds of tricks they'll pull when trying too mislead bw, ww are all for hepling nobody but ww and screwing bw over!! i myself stay far way from them, their not there too help bw there only into using bw 4 self gain's. BEWAR BLK-WOMEN KEEP YOUR EYE'S OWN THOSE WW.

Anonymous said...

They (ww) always do that....say one thing to you (bw) and do the opposite. It has always made me laugh...I look at what they do not what they say.....I have no problem with ww as a group, but I do not fall for the indivduals who think that I am stupid enough to listen to some mess about doing better etc....they girls in college had me cracking up with their 'I'm not going to be a stay at home mother...I want to contribute to society in the workforce" crap....I jsut listened knowing that when I married and had children I was going to stay home....what do you think 99% of the ww I knew in college are doing.....SAHM!!!!Shocker. In my family there are no SAHM except me and I married a wm so I am looked at all crazy...but for me unlike ww working outside of the home was no big deal, not empowering...I had seen all the women in my family work so not a big deal....Some WW will do whatever it takes to throw you off.....they are out for their own self interest....i guess who can blame them.

Dee said...

I think black women have to date within their options regardless of the color of those options. Most black men do not put restrictions on themselves so why should we.

Anonymous said...

Excellent post! I think you've encapsulated the mission of this blog and our challenge.

HR Professional said...

Hi All,

This is a comment in regards to Ayaan Hirsi Ali and Niall Ferguson.

Perhaps those ww did have malice when they were speaking about Ayaan, however in this occasion I believe they may be correct.

Although we want all BW to live full, abundant lives with a mate, we can not co-sign every relationship.

Niall and Ayaan were carrying on an affair prior to his divorce. He had been married for close to 25 years, with 3 kids. What makes a man who would cheat on his wife a lovable mate? Any man who would cheat on one wife, will, when the novelty wears off, cheat on the next.

I have followed Ayaan for many years. Read all of her books. Watch her every time she is on any program. I find her to be a most remarkable woman. However, I do not think she has made the right move with Mr. Ferguson.

Halima said...

HR professional one could ask why ayaan (and any other bw in a simlar situation) should have to be subject to such exacting standards that they cannot date lotharios, rakes, divorcees, seperated men etc and the rest if they so desire. I mean are ww not dating these same men even contributing to divorces and break ups and what have you even as we speak. so why ayaan gotta be on a pedestal.

its usually the wife that is told 'you are better rid of him and you can do much better', when her husband strays or divorces etc, not the mistress, so to me that comment is very strange. Its easier to tell people 'you are better than him/her', than to say, 'I dont think you should dare go for him/her'. its a very succesful way of getting folk to price themselves out of the market!

HR Professional said...

Halima,

You said ...why ayaan (and any other bw in a simlar situation) should have to be subject to such exacting standards that they cannot date lotharios, rakes, divorcees, seperated men etc and the rest if they so desire

With all due respect, I thought your site and others were dedicated to women living a fuller life by opening their options and dating / marrying quality men that may not be from their racial group. I am one who is all for that. However, it is hard for me to understand why men with the background of Mr. Ferguson should be included in our search for a potential partner. His actions in his previous marriage, just like other men like him, tend to be indicative of future performance.

I am just looking at this from another viewpoint, I have read your blog for quite a while now and I am fairly certain I have never read that you would counsel BW to date / marry a bm that has committed actions like Mr. Ferguson. You would probably say to steer clear of him. So what makes Mr. Ferguson such a catch?

I do not want to put Ayann or any woman on a pedestal, it can be a long fall for yourself when you do. However, given his background I believe she could have done better.

Halima said...

HR thats just your moralist attitude showing. I dont moralize because not everyone is subject to my stricked judeo christian principles.

And since you went there, what in P Ferguson's background makes you so sure he should be written off apart from the fact that he cheated on his wife. He was in an unhappy marriage by his and his ex-wifes admission, people go through phases and periods of confusion weakness, depression and we do things in those times and moments that reflect where we are. Well i know i have, maybe its just me and a few others while the rest of you have unblemished records!

As far as is known he only has his children within wedlock and they appear to be well taken care of and he travels constantly to be around his first children not to talk of works his socks off to provide for his two families. He is married to Ayaan and shares the dangerous circumstances that surround her day in day out. out of all the men she has dated, he appears to be the only man willing to do this.

folks can pick up on the isolated period of events around the break up of Professor F's marriage but the sum total of the picture on prof F is not one that makes me 'fear' that Ayaan made a mistake, on the contrary!

If you got this impression that this blog is about perfect men or dismissing men willy-nilly you might have the wrong idea.

Anyway, its no wonder many bw claim to be 'married to Jesus', cos by the looks of it, he would be the only person who can meet many of their exacting requirements of an unblemished record!

Brenda55 said...

Re. the Furguson's

I do not see any inconsistency here. Ms. Ali made the choice that suited her. Each woman must make theirs. BWE promotes this first and foremost.

The fact are what they are Prof. Furguson committed infidelity multiple times. Ali had an affair with him and is now seen as a homewrecker. This is nothing new and original.

This blog has never stated that this is ok nor has anyone here ever advocated that is the proper choice in a man or a relationship for any woman to make.

No matter what anyone on the outside of that relationship looking in thinks Ayaan made her choice and we should just leave it at that. You takes ya chances. The Prof's past infidelity did not bother her enough to avoid getting involved with him.


We are not a bunch of weak minded women who read this blog. We can critical think. I take anything and anyone presented here and weigh it in my own mind. No one of has to agree with any issue or subject presented on this blog. It is all here for your consideration only.

As you yourself said

"I thought your site and others were dedicated to women living a fuller life by opening their options and dating / marrying quality men that may not be from their racial group."

That is what Ali did. No one said you had to like how she did it.

Jamila said...

Anyway, its no wonder many bw claim to be 'married to Jesus', cos by the looks of it, he would be the only person who can meet many of their exacting requirements of an unblemished record!

I was thinking the same thing. Ayaan was in her late 30's and Mr. Ferguson in his 40's when they met. No offense, but they weren't spring chickens, and like all adults who don't marry the first person they ever date from the church they've attended since preschool, both of them brought their share of baggage to the relationship.

@HR Professional

Mr. Ferguson was separated from his wife and had already begun dating other women long before he met Ayaan. He lived separately from his wife in America while she was in the UK. Mr. Ferguson showed up at the even where he met Ayaan as a single man. Their situation was not as shady as it appears from a quick glance. Ayaan has to stay out of the public eye and did not draw attention to her relationship in the beginning due to security concerns, not because she and Niall were having a shady/elicit affair.

Jamila said...

Halima, is the BWE Primer available yet? Do you have a release date?

Brenda55 said...

“I was thinking the same thing. Ayaan was in her late 30's and Mr. Ferguson in his 40's when they met. No offense, but they weren't spring chickens, and like all adults who don't marry the first person they ever date from the church they've attended since preschool, both of them brought their share of baggage to the relationship. “ Jamila


You said a mouth full. I was in my late forties and my husband in his late fifties when we met. We both had full lives and made our share of mistakes, have our regrets and have done things we are not particularly proud of. Live long enough most people will have to admit the same. None of us is getting out of this thing alive or with out a few scars. This is why I am empathetic with the Ferguson's situation. I wish them all the best.

Didi said...

It kills me when 'concerned citizens' roll out their moralistic talk- strangely enough they are usually out in full force when a BW is involved with a man of substance. I wonder why?
Ayaan Hirsi Ali is a human being first, then a woman then an advocate of womens rights. She has a right to chose any man she wanted and it so happens to be a man who though not yet divorced from his wife was by all accounts seperated from her. Who the heck are we to judge them? How old are these naysayers anyway? Life is messy and as you get older love etc does NOT neccessarily come wrapped up in a neat package. The average man or woman in their 30's and older and in the dating game will have baggage of some sort and ADULTS know how to deal with the baggage in a mature manner. Only CHILDREN, yes, children whine and moan about the circumstances of their meeting...really.
I sincerely hope for your sakes you do not find yourselves single/divorced etc after a certain age because good luck with finding that perfect someone without a past while you hold onto your moralilizing mindset!
I know quite a few women who found themselves single in their 40's and 50's and was pretty surprised at how most shed their judgemental attitudes and realised that only key things mattered- finding a decent human being who loved you as much as you did him and was firmly in your corner.
I for one feel Ayaan has landed a catch, as has Niall. He had afairs well so what? Until you know the full story you cannot and should not judge anyones life choices. Instead, focus on yours.
I wish them and the little one the very best.

Anonymous said...

Halima, congratulations on the books-I’ll be ready to download as soon as they are available. You’re pushing out some HEAT with this BWE-great job!

I’m so happy for the Furgasons-much support for them! He must be a very wise man, he must know exactly what wealth looks like-the riches of a loving soul. I’m glad black women are starting to sidestep these tyrannical ww. They have been so vicious! I didn’t figure out until just a few years ago what their beef was against me. I mean I knew they were the biggest game players…I just didn’t know what the game was about. Before I was so easily up-set by it. I would try to quickly show them “see, I’m affable, no need to get hostel towards me”. But that would only grant me a sideways smirk. Now….now, I play the game right back. Because I know what their problem is! For instance I was at the grocery store and looking at the shelf in front of me when a woman walked right in front of me-no excuse me- just was rude (and trying to be) I noticed that she provided another woman with the proper cutesy. Hmm, I just went about my business and let her be her rotten self. Then…then an opportunity came! Her husband walks in the door. And her head swings-fast-at me. I was thinking what the heck. Well when he made his way down the aisle-he was just as kind and courteous and gracious, so I was kind, and courteous and gracious. She quickly exited the aisle. Later our paths crossed again when I was coming out of the aisle and she shuffled ahead (as to stop me from being able to move out of the aisle). Well, maybe that would have worked and she would have been able to crown herself the queen she imagined herself to be, except, her husband was walking behind her. When he saw me waiting to come out of the aisle, he graciously signaled with his arm for me to come out. So I walked slowly in front of him (and turned around to thank him)-he got happy. And his wife pulled her cart over to wait for her husband. I just passed and smiled. I’m sure he caught an eye full…Before, I think I would have made sure I didn’t make eye contact with him, and made sure any gesture was short and minute. Nope--not any more.

Squarlymade

Anonymous said...

Part 2:
Anyways tonight I went out with my dear-friend. As we were being seated I noticed that a woman and her husband turned to give us their attention. After a looong look, she became troubled and depressed (the expression shown on her face). He(her husband) however became lifted and gleeful. I’m sure it was the power dynamic, that was changed, that caused this. After all my dear-friend is a man looking much like that man, bald at the top hair around the edges, white, nearing 40. However I’m quite different looking then her. I’m in my thirties, but not a wrinkle in sight… (unlike her), browned skin, dark hair, tight, toned-I’m a “black girl”. At lest she didn’t try to say something to try and diminish what she saw like other white (only women) have done. It’s always something like “well, you never see that”. Always.
These oppressors stand on a stool to deliver their cruel insults. If their stool is kicked from under them-well, oh-well.

Squarlymade

Jimmy Jacob said...

Really liked this blog!!! I wrote something similar to the stereotypes us white guys go through....

[url]http://personalsfacts.com/2012/01/17/why-black-women-should-give-white-guys-a-chance/[/url]

hope to see more of you! ;)

LadyLittlefoot said...

Jamila summed up what I was going to say nicely ..."Do better than Niall Ferguson? One of the most famous (and richest) historians in the world, a man who married a woman who lives under armed guard because he loved her. Yeah, that's some serious hating if I do say so myself."

No, not one of us is perfect. We all make mistakes and whatever mistakes Mr. Ferguson Ms. Ali was able to look past to see the man he is today. Who are we to judge? How many of us could get married to someone knowing that they can be killed at anytime? He has baggage, she has baggage and yet they found love and brought new life into the world. And that is to be admired.