Black women must give up living their whole existence around the notion of black community. It is the whole obsession of black community; of 'living for' black community, 'surviving' the black community, 'looking out' for black community, 'uplifting' the black community, 'protecting' black community, 'fixing' the black community, working for the benefit of black community, 'fitting in' with black community, 'residing' in black community, 'seeking her needs' within black community, aggitating for black community, 'rescourcing' black community,................. that has mired the black woman in her present hardship and misery and struggle.
It is black womens' refusal to stop playing community engineer or even god with the power to create without the necessary ingredients and raw materials in place, that causes black women to be burdened, stressed, struggling, denied, ill, drained, confused and depressed.
Black women must stop ordering their lives around, even putting themselves on hold for some coming great 'revival of black people.' They must go out and get their needs met NOW and from what is obtained and obtainable in the here and now.
It is black women's insistence on 'making up for', picking up the slack and 'keeping things going meanwhile', that has entrenched the idea that black women can handle it all alone and or need to be just left to get on with it. It is black women trying to be good 'race' women, who are willing to do more than their fair share, even work alone in the trenches of the black struggle, that has enshrined the shirking of responsibility and participation among black men, so much so they now feel that 'sperm' alone is an adequate contribution for the black community 'building' effort!
Black women must abandon shop, and lay down tools to all this struggling for and on behalf of the race, when the expectation continues to be for them to do it all alone.
Only then can black women be healthy and get themselves a slice of this life of which we all have only one to live.
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10 comments:
Amen and Amen!
Very thought provoking comment. While wanting to build your community is a commendable act, if you are not getting a return on your ivestment (i.e. your time, emotions, and sometimes your safety and well-being), you have to question why are you doing this? Some may see this asking this question as selfish, but at some point, we need to learn how to be more selfish and take time for our own personal development.
All I can say is thank you, thank you, thank you and thank you again.
As Jesus says in the Bible, "those that have ears to hear, let them hear."
This is the reality that so many black women refuse to accept, even some of those that genuinely care about the struggles of black women. It upsets me because they can't see how their commitment to idea of "black love", "black community", "black unity", and similar concepts negatively impacts the overall well-being of black women.
Hello Halima,
I hope this is an ok place to post this.
Welcome back! I feel like a heel. I think I missed where you said you were taking a blog-cation. I hope that you were able to rest up, take care of yourself, and have some much deserved fun.
Thank you for all the hard work you do. It is much appreciated.
Sometimes your posts are in the stratosphere, but I enjoy, grow, and learn so much from the climb. :)
I have been taking small steps to infiltrate certain arenas locally. I just got back from a political rally tonight.
I saw so many of the negative dynamics that have been discussed here being played out, but I also saw a handful of elder BW - who really know what time it is.
I don't have a complete strategy for taking what I am learning here and on other blogs out to others yet, but I am thinking about it and maybe some of these women could be allies.
I am still not understanding the huge gap between BWE bloggers getting it, the elder BW I saw getting it, and my entire generation not getting it.
I agree...a Black woman, just like any other human, can't just keep giving and giving of herself. There comes a time when you have to look out for your own needs. We're each responsible for our own individual happiness. No one else can bring happiness to us. Many Black women are cheating themselves by giving their lives, their humanity away to the community.
Thank you! Spot on today. I am so glad the message is spreading as it is dearly needed.
This is so clear to me now that I am planning my own wedding and perusing daily sites like theknot.com. So many Asian women (both born in the US, raised here or recent arrivals) are marrying white guys, and this isn't just on the coast or in the big cities, but in places like Idaho and Kansas. And I read a lot of blogs, some Asian men are pissed! They call the women 'Twinkies' (an an insult like 'Oreo' is used), sell-outs and complain all their women are being stolen by white guys. Sound familiar?
But you know what? The Asian women don't care at all. They know they are Asian because they LOOK Asian, they don't need to prove their loyalty in any way or refuse to date who they want for fear of offending 'the Asian man' or their 'Asian brothers in the struggle. And the Asian men who do land an Asian woman tend to treat her quite well. Why? The competition (lots of well-off white guys) is right outside. You see, in a patriarchal society women are the prizes, not men. Black women treat black men like they are precious rare jewels and treat ourselves like we are a dime a dozen, when in fact it should be the other way around. Dating and mating is about supply and demand and we have artificially inflated black men's worth on the market 'til the situation we have now.
Black women need to stop having children with men we are not married to. Stop. We look like fools. It is not classy and it does not look good outside the all-black construct. We do not look 'independent' or progressive. Even my most 'feminist' 'new age' other-race friends get married before having a child. This 70% oow rate makes us look cheap.
I wonder if the root of many bw's loyalty to bm/bc is feeling that they have no other choice. The question is, how do we get them to realize that they do have choices.
This entire post should be plastered on/in every corner of the 'hood.
Lormarie, that's exactly it. I, for one, felt the same way due in part to having had an OOW child. I'm thinking of a way to get the word out myself (but first, must purge the murderous rage and feelings of guilt about the self-care).
It is the whole obsession of black community; of 'living for' black community, 'surviving' the black community, 'looking out' for black community, 'uplifting' the black community, 'protecting' black community, 'fixing' the black community, working for the benefit of black community, 'fitting in' with black community, 'residing' in black community, 'seeking her needs' within black community, aggitating for black community, 'rescourcing' black community,................. that has mired the black woman in her present hardship and misery and struggle.
This really only applies to a minuscule number of black women. The large number of black women who remain attached to the black community overwhelmingly do so because the black community is their comfort zone as opposed to them doing so due to some social consciousness. They remain in the black community because they are most comfortable with that communities people, culture, traditions, views, etc. Those black women who are not attached to the black community tend to have a broader comfort zone.
Thank you E, good comment.
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