The research aimed at comparing the likelihood of divorce for interracial couples to that of same-race couples, using the 2002 National Survey of Family Growth (Cycle VI).
Now if you believe the 'tattle' out there, black women are the reason why ‘Black love’ is in a bad place. According to wide spread views, black women are too aggressive, too independent and wont ‘let men be men' and all the other host of stuff they get accused of. Well then, you would expect that this report would show that black women (being the problem that we are said to be), would prove this by carrying their 'palaver' wherever they went.
But........the study says that black women just cant help themselves as usual in doing good!
Some highlights:
Compared to White/White couples, White female/Black male, and White female/Asian male marriages were more prone to divorce; meanwhile, those involving non-White females and White males and Hispanics and non-Hispanic persons had similar or lower risks of divorce.
Elevated divorce rates among interracial couples may occur because members of these couples are more likely to have characteristics other than race associated with a greater likelihood of marital dissolution. (Cough cough)
Whites, specifically White females, who intermarry tend to be less educated than those who marry other Whites (Qian, 1997).
I see that these NCFR folks are not of the 'let's lump all IR couples in one batch and hide the real picture' school of thought!
You would also think that given how black men constantly complain about black women, that when they go on to pair with other races of women, everything would be fantastic. Well not so according to this study, it appears other women are reporting ‘distress’ when in relationship with black men…………hmmm
When compared to their same-race counterparts, intermarried White females and Hispanics individuals reported higher rates of distress, but the same did not emerge for intermarried African Americans or White males (Bratter & Eschbach, 2006).
(Yes even though intermarried ww could be intermarried with not just bm, we do know who does the significant part of IRing with ww)
And
According to the adjusted models predicting divorce as of their 10th year of marriage, interracial marriages that are most vulnerable involve White females and non-White males (with the exception of White females/Hispanic White males) relative to White/White couples. (hmmm I see they have exonerated hispanic males)
You know, I do so believe that even if you give black men 'little green women' from Mars, they'd still find a way to mess it up royaly.
Conversely, White men/ non-White women couples show either very little or no differences in divorce rates; or, as in the case of White men and Black women, are substantially less likely than White/White couples to divorce by their 10th year.
So it appears that even white men stand an even better chance of having a long-lasting marriage with a black woman than white!
Damn we are good!
And the clincher
Racial differences in marriage, on the other hand, correspond to higher divorce rates but mostly in marriages where the White spouse is female. NH Black husband/White wife marriages were twice as likely to divorce as White/White couples, and NH Asian husband/ White wife couples were 59% more likely, according to Model II. Highlighting the role of gender in interracial dynamics, the reverse combinations actually showed a lower or similar risk of divorce. White husband/NH Black wife couples were 44% less likely to divorce than White/White couples, and White husband/NH Asian wife couples were only 4% more likely to divorce by Year 10.
As for black love
Finally, we compared NH Black/ White unions to NH Black/NH Black marriages, which showed a persistently higher risk of divorce than White/White unions. We found again that crossing the racial divide for marriages between NH Black men and White women coincided with even greater marital instability than NH Black homogamous marriages experience. Generally, non-Whites who intermarry experienced less marital stability than their same-race married coethnics.
And there are all these women running around saying , white men cannot be adequate ‘partners’ for a black woman and touting that only black love can be able to meet their unique needs. hmmmmmm
Overall, way to go black women!
Background research for this blog entry by Felicia (thanks!)
Get clued up about interracial dating, read the IR Dating E-book
And send your questions to relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com
(I will try my best to give a reply/answer)
38 comments:
The facts tell you something don't they? Yet, the media will always present the white woman as the best chick to date, chase after, and marry even when she's the most unstable partner of all. Nearly every bit film / TV show has to poke fun at a black woman, or any man that shows interest in her.
I'm not ready to believe in conspiracies, at least not yet, but this is glaring evidence of how we get vilified, and all we do is our best to get along.
Frankly, I'm not surprised that black women/white men get along the best. I find they're the only ones I can turn to when I need help (outside of family).
Not only that, there's just less stress in dealing with them. Why? I think it's because bw/wm are more honest with one another. They're the only men I can have "straight talk" with, and he wont be looking to be insulted. He's an actual adult in other words.
Halima...
I can't get enough of this study. LOL! I guess black women are getting the last laugh and I LOVE it. The facts definitely speak for themselves. I've always known this. Now, if they would only do a study about how children between white men and black women are more educated and well adjusted than offspring between black men and white women (or white women and ANY man). I think that study would make the black male's head explode. It may be too much for him to take.
ITA with Golden Ah about white men and black women getting along best. I'm not at all shocked. My experience is the same as Golden Ah's. Anytime I've ever needed help, it's always been white men who have helped me (with the exception being my white female best friend, who is always there for me). I am faaaaar more likely to give white men the benefit of the doubt in 99% of all situations because of my extremely positive track record with them. Within the white race, white men get the blame for everything (much like black women within the black race) from racism to failing marriages and I have always known that is nothing more than propaganda in order to protect his female counterpart.
I unapologetically adore white men and as a collective, they have shown me the absolute most respect and so, it's no wonder I WILL marry one.
*sorry for any typos*
Halima...Thanks for taking time out to provide this research...Many reliable online studies have arrived at the same conclusions...However be warned, the trolls and other contrarians will attempt to spin this data -despite the truth being in BLACK & WHITE (Pun intended)...
"You know, I do believe that even if you give black men 'little green women' from Mars, they'd still find a way to mess it up majorly. "
Halima, haven't you received notice yet? 'The Little Green Women', BW, The MAN, The Man In The Moon, Little Boy Blue & Peter Cottontail have all been implicated in the mistreatment and oppression of the Po Black Man...DBR's...Ahh, I can smell the fear...Their rhetoric is having less of an effect on BW as time goes on...As I said before, the zombies are waking up...We know if "Messence" (They've got a long way to go)finally spotlights IR dating topics in a serious fashion, something is catching on...My prayer is for BW everywhere to heed this message and pass it onto others...No we will not be relegated to 'Only A Black Man'...Black women have options and deserve the mate at or above their level!
December 18, 2009 will be the day I enter into an IR marriage:) It has been the easiest, most real relationship I have ever experienced with a man in my life. I fully expect it to be one of the best marriages on earth because (1) I do not have to fight past the stereotypes that are presented about bw, (2) he is very sensitive to racial issues and will stand up for me if needed and (3) I did not have to change who I was to be with him. We are both totally committed to making the marriage work. We also have good relationship skills. Race is not in the picture. We are two people madly in love with each other that just happen to have a different skin hue. I will gladly add to the stats of marriages less likely to divorce.
congratualations, Pamela! :)
Conversely, White men/ non-White women couples show either very little or no differences in divorce rates; or, as in the case of White men and Black women, are substantially less likely than White/White couples to divorce by their 10th year.
So it appears that even white men stand an even better chance of having a long-lasting marriage with a black woman than white!
Damn we are good!
Halima this says it all chica! I mean dang, this is why they try to keep us apart. I had a older lady tell me YEARS ago before these types of studies, that WM and BW make a powerful couple. Now I am seeing some things and perhaps this is why they portray WM as wimp, small penis men, while BW are loud masculine, big penis women.
Yeah we's good... we's good.
Miss Phantom
CW said...Halima, haven't you received notice yet? 'The Little Green Women', BW, The MAN, The Man In The Moon, Little Boy Blue & Peter Cottontail have all been implicated in the mistreatment and oppression of the Po Black Man
Phantomare says... LOLOLOLOL! The Truth right there. *still laughing about this statement*
"Messence" <--- good one.
I stumbled on your blog and I liked reading it. My husband and I have been married for awhile and I am looking forward being married to him for the rest of my life!
http://warriormomwife25.blogspot.com/
Pamela, let me say CONGRATS in advance!! I know this is a very exciting time for you, these weeks leading up to your wedding. I've been married twice now and each time I said "I do," it was like a thrilling dream. LOL!
Anyway, I'm very happy for you and actually I'm happy whenever there is one less unpartnered bw--when her guy is a Quality guy, that is.
The critical thing for each marriage-ready bw to keep in mind is that she needs to find JUST ONE loving, loveable, suitable, and compatible man who wants to commit to her and she to him. JUST ONE. And I'm convinced that this is NOT difficult to accomplish in the BIG global village consisting of hundreds of millions of men--IF a bw decides that she's willing to do what's necessary to achieve this goal. However, so many bw get caught up in poisonous, paralyzing propaganda until they can't focus on that manageable goal. Their minds become foggy, doubtful, fearful, etc. But the average bw has nothing to lose and everything to gain if she continues to seek her Quality mate because if she stops believing she can find him and if she stops actively looking, she is guaranteed to lose. So she must continue on.
Of course, the first step in dealing with propaganda is to RECOGNIZE that most bw-targeted messages ARE very definitely propaganda and the next step is to IGNORE the propaganda. There is a war being fought for the minds, hearts, energy, money, support and time and bodies of bw because bw have TREMENDOUS tangible and intangible resources. Bw must always keep that in mind and know that virtually all of the propaganda is aimed at getting those resources or continuing to get and control them, as has been done in the past and present. However, people will stop producing propaganda to direct at bw if they continue to see that bw are ignoring it.
For ex., no amount of propaganda is going to stop the bulk of bm from pursuing ww and other non-bw, so most black folks don't even try to stop or rarely try to stop bm anymore. LOL! Bw have got to be the same way and just IGNORE, IGNORE, IGNORE. This is a lesson bw can learn from bm!
Bw must spread the "JUST ONE" message and the "IGNORE" message re ALL info that has the signs of propaganda attached to it. As I said in my most recent post, the aim of the haters now is to MENTALLY defeat bw, but they cannot succeed UNLESS bw cooperate. Bw, don't cooperate in your own destruction.
"Bw must spread the "JUST ONE" message and the "IGNORE" message re ALL info that has the signs of propaganda attached to it. As I said in my most recent post, the aim of the haters now is to MENTALLY defeat bw, but they cannot succeed UNLESS bw cooperate. Bw, don't cooperate in your own destruction."
EXACTLY. It is EASY to ignore the negative propaganda being directed once you realize - really realize - the insignificance and NO value nature of those damaged souls propagating it.
NO one else besides misguided BW care in the least what these raving DBR BM lunatics feel about ANYTHING. The ONLY ones who still care about (and have ever cared) what these miscreants say, or think, is misguided BW. NO BODY else.
That fact right there should be enough to wake BW up and get them concentrating on what and WHO matters in this world.
And trust. It's NOT DBRBM.
When BW cut these emotional ties, I'm telling you the rest EASY.
BM KNOW that we (BW collectively) are the lifeline and lifeblood of what's left of the so-called "community". We're what's keeping it on life support.
This "community" which is nothing (with few exceptions) these days but a safety net for BM when they get into a jam. A black breeding pool that is producing future generations of fatherless children.
Which is a recipe for disaster. And we're seeing the aftermath of this nightmarish social experiment (mass fatherlessness, celebrated misogyny, etc...) daily.
It's NOT pretty folks.
Anyway, DBRBM (and even some of the good ones) WILL continue to fight tooth and nail to keep as MANY BW in bondage (emotional, physical, and sexual) as possible.
Especially since everyone can see that increasing numbers of BW are dating and mating out.
This spells terror (and the end of a free lunch and other goodies) in the minds of many.
But slavery is DEAD in Western cultures in 2009 almost 2010.
BW are FREE. And as growing numbers of BW begin to choose QUALITY over "race" when it comes to men, this act in itself will eventually wake up the younger generations of BW and black girls.
So we ALL have to keep on keeping on both online and off.
KEEP beating the drum and spreading the message far and wide that it if you're a marriage minded BW interested in a QUALITY mate and father for your children it ONLY TAKES ONE.
ONE GOOD MAN.
Forget the MESS and attract the BEST.
Regardless of who "likes it" or not.
The haters don't pay your bills, put food on your plater, or provide you with shelter. They are NOTHING.
The ONLY power DBRBM, and DBRBW (and other haters) have and will ever have is the power GIVEN to them by misguided BW.
BW can pull the plug on these characters anytime they wish.
Remember that ladies. The power lies WITH YOU.
Use your power to your OWN benefit (and that of your future children) by attracting a QUALITY mate regardless of "race".
Don't give that power away needlessly to the insignificant.
I have NEVER been one to have to have dozens of men drooling over me. My focus was ALWAYS on finding that one lone soul that I want to spend the rest of my life with. You will only be married to ONE MAN. Feeling bad that lots of men are not chasing you down is a waste of emotion IMHO. It also complicates the selection process because you will not have enough time to adequately vet them all. This is a sidebar to Evia's comments, that is, this is another lie to keep women feeling dejected needlessly.
Each bw should assess her situation, make changes if she is in an unhealthy, dangerous place and then make right choices. This needs to be done without giving a thought to any media, so-called advice or lies believed about themselves to influence their choices. Statistics are only good for general knowledge, especially when it comes to predicting relationship success. You cannot say that I will date wm because this study shows that you may have a better chance of staying married. This just debunks the lies that (1) marriages between bw and wm are horrible and (2) wm do not want to marry bw.
ONLY look at hard cold facts in your situation, then make your decision. Race should NOT be an exclusion factor. Vet the man to the nth degree before you commit. That is the only valid starting point for a relationship.
Evia, thanks:)
Sidebar: For those that use Facebook I will eventually post pictures and maybe video clips of our wedding. I am still posting videos from my trip to France last month. I am still going through the approx. 250 video clips. LOL
".. Bw must spread the "JUST ONE" message .."
Exactly. It's just like selling a house; you only need one buyer. And if you decide you will only sell to 5% of the total population of buyers, you will most likely never sell it. Or you will have to drastically reduce the price to attract the one out of twenty.
Who would want to sell a house that way?
"And if you decide you will only sell to 5% of the total population of buyers, you will most likely never sell it. Or you will have to drastically reduce the price to attract the one out of twenty.
Who would want to sell a house that way?"
GOOD point Arthur!
Now, if they would only do a study about how children between white men and black women are more educated and well adjusted than offspring between black men and white women (or white women and ANY man). I think that study would make the black male's head explode. It may be too much for him to take.--soulsister
Children of bm/ww tend to exhibit the same pathologies of full-blood black children. On the other hand, I've read that their children have a slightly higher IQ than children of bw/wm. But that's nothing that can't be corrected though.
I think most bw got the
"one" part, it is the "right one" most bw need to get correct.
ann
I think most bw got the
"one" part, it is the "right one" most bw need to get correct.
LOL! Yep--the "right" one.
But I was aiming the "Just ONE" advice at all of these bw who go on dating sites or in social settings and moan that EVERY or MOST wm on those sites in those settings are romantically excluding them or want any/every other type of woman except a bw.
When I first heard bw saying that a couple of years ago, I wondered then as I do now why they get hung up on that "glass half empty" thinking because any woman only needs "ENOUGH" Quality men to express interest in her. Focusing on the "glass half empty" is failing way of thinking. A bw needs to instead focus on the "glass half full" part. She doesn't need EVERY or MOST. Most of us are never, ever going to be Paris Hilton types, including the bulk of ww. We need to face that and let it go.
And if we look at the largest population of men in the USA--wm--and when you consider that there are so many more wm in this country than bw-like approx. 35% (wm) to 7% (bw), the number of wm who would be interested/receptive (let's say 3 out of every 10 wm) is way more than enough for every interested bw (let's say 4 out of 10)to choose from.
The fact is that the are a lot of men (wm and others) who are interested in bw, but many bw ALLOW their lack of familiarity with these men or either their own issues and/or mainly "other peoples' issues" to get in the way. Of course, some of these interested men allow this too, but I KNOW that bw allow this because I see and hear this all of the time. I've been promoting my books lately and I hear this come up in discussion groups at these events.
So what is this moaning really about? I could be wrong but I think the moaning comes from bw drinking the continuous poisonous propaganda that makes them BELIEVE they're unappealing, unlovable and that there are all sorts of things wrong with them. If she could immunize herself to the propaganda, a lot of bw would be SO MUCH better off.
Also, another element in this ratio is that there are many bw who are not positioned to be with a typical wm or are not going to be interested in being with a white guy for any number of circumstantial reasons, so that makes a lot more wm available to the bw who ARE positioned and interested in wm. LOL!
This is also a class issue, but I know most black folks don't like to talk about class. LOL! The vast majority of bw who date or marry wm or ANY OTHER non-AA man is going to be middle class or have leanings in that direction. There is an extremely low probability that the woman is going to be the unexposed/underexposed bw from the hood type.
For ex. I know for a fact that 99% of the American bw who mate with or marry African men are also middle class/professional women or leaning in that direction. Sensible upwardly mobile people of any group are NOT going to get involved with women or men who are stuck in the hood mentality or lowlife lifestyle of any sort.
For sure, I don't ever see any ww or wm in my husband's middle to upper middle class family have any interaction with lower class whites.
Anyway, this is why I'm always encouraging bw to get more education and/or develop themselves in all kinds of ways. People who are about something want to be with other people who are about something. So all a bw needs to find is "Just One Quality" and compatible man of the loving and lovable type.
On the other hand, I've read that their children have a slightly higher IQ than children of bw/wm. But that's nothing that can't be corrected though.
Is this a FACT or is it just poison that was dropped somewhere with the hope that someone would pick it up and distribute it? Can you recall WHERE you read it? How valid is the info? How extensive is it? Who was in the representative sample they studied? How was that sample population selected? What are the credentials of the researchers? How objective are they?
I would like to see the sources of this "research" because info of this type is highly suspicious and usually conveniently dropped typically where a bw can come along and SCOOP it up.
Considering how so many bw have been so thoroughly poisoned, I would advise that any bw must always be on the alert. Don't drink ANYTHING until it has been fully inspected and that includes anything that I or anyone else might say. Any one of us with the best of intentions could be unwitting carriers of poison. And we certainly know that there are MANY folks online these days who get tremendous joy from poisoning bw.
Critical thinking, Critical thinking, Critical thinking is needed by bw at ALL times. And I for one am not going to accept any info that doesn't favor me unless it has been proven beyond ANY doubt, and I may not accept it then because why should I accept anything that poisons me.
So what is this moaning really about? I could be wrong but I think the moaning comes from bw drinking the continuous poisonous propaganda that makes them BELIEVE they're unappealing, unlovable and that there are all sorts of things wrong with them. If she could immunize herself to the propaganda, a lot of bw would be SO MUCH better off.--Evia
I think you are right. As bw, we are constantly told that we are undesirable (until we find out otherwise). But what we have to realize is that we probably would not be attracted to most wm or any other group. Does anyone like the majority of what they see and meet? Very few people are drop dead gorgeous.
Also, we should consider that bm are not the most desirable men...does that hinder them or their self-worth? Why should it hinder us?
i guess we are getting the last laugh.. and they say we it will never work..
"Critical thinking, Critical thinking, Critical thinking is needed by bw at ALL times. And I for one am not going to accept any info that doesn't favor me unless it has been proven beyond ANY doubt, and I may not accept it then because why should I accept anything that poisons me."
THANK YOU and AMEN Evia.
BW in general need to be SHREWD about any information received and/or distributed because words have power. The power to strengthen and add to ones confidence level, or to increase fear and doubt.
Although many BW don't realize it, it's actually an undeclared war going on between BW who see the light clearly (and are trying to help their fellow BW who may still be confused) and those DBRBM and others who are AGAINST us and our outreach efforts. Because the haters profit from keeping BW in their boxes (cages/coffins).
So we should all be careful to not sabotage this empowering movement in any way.
We don't want to give the haters
ANY possible ammunition or "findings" they can possibly use against us. Because they are DESPERATE these days to halt this changing tide in the hearts and minds of BW.
Again, if something doesn't support you and lift you up as a BW, TRASH IT with a QUICKNESS.
Don't allow the poison in. Not even a smidgen.
Thank you, Evia for addressing that comment. It definitely raised a red flag for me. I personally suspected that the commenter might have some ulterior motive, but I wasn't sure.
However, I am glad you addressed it regardless of motive because we don't want black women being fed erroneous information that might hurt them in the long run. Critical thinking is indeed very important, one cannot afford to blindly accept every piece of information as fact.
By the way, I enjoy reading your website and find it to be informative and insightful.
I didn't mean to come over here and start commenting, LOL!, but we as bw MUST ALL (ALL of us) be vigilant about stopping the spread of the mental poison of black girls and bw wherever we find it because poison spreads and spreads and that's the aim of its creators and orchestrators.
Their strategy now is the MENTAL DEFEAT of bw since it's obvious now that more and more bw are "escaping" or striving to escape, and some of us are in fact escaping into the arms of Quality white and Quality other non-AA men and having successful marriages with them as the research specifically highlights. But, as we know, there are some of the most HATEFUL creatures out there in cyberspace AND offline whose aim it is to plant doubt in bw's minds, stoke the flames of fear, and ultimately paralyze bw to either keep you from escaping or to put a damper on your success even when you do escape to a higher quality life--whether with any man or married or not.
IMO, it doesn't matter AT ALL whether the hater is black or white or even if the hater is my own child: A HATER IS A HATER. A hater's aim is to poison you, to paralyze you, to feed off you, to destroy your well-being. Even if my own brother stabs me to death, I'm still dead. Y'all might not mind that your "brother" is stabbing y'all to death, but I for one will be fighting back with all of my might until my last gasp.
Their stabs now are coming mainly from poisonous words, and there's a huge amount of poisonous words that are specifically aimed at black girls and bw. These words are DELIBERATELY put out there with the hope that they will land on YOU. If you, a bw, are feeling bad about your value/looks/desirability--specifically your African-inherited traits this morning, or are feeling undesirable and unlovable at all, it's because of the enormous sum total of those poisonous stabs that you've gotten and you know and I know that the WORST poisonous words have come from other blacks.
I've examined this. Whereas many AA girls and women still have some sort of defense system against racist, hateful whites, they are virtually defenseless against racist, hateful black folks. For ex. whites don't generally go around talking about "good" hair or reject blacks because you're too dark--because to 99.999% of whites, virtually ALL black people have non-white hair and/or are much darker than a typical white person.
And I CONTINUE to hear from black "race women" who rush to defend these poisonous attacks from bm and say--that bm who poison and abuse bw are simply de evil wm's puppets. SMH Then I definitely don't want any of those poisonous, abusive puppets near me and I'm certainly going to reject ALL of their poisonous words. You CAN and must reject those words because those words are their bullets these days. They may not be able to get into your physical space, but they will try to shoot you down with their words. But if you believe--as I do-- that these poisonous black men and black women are miserable, bitter failed crabs who are trying to make sure that you are just as miserable, then you must develop an iron-clad armor to them and their words.
Anyone can physically defeat another person, BUT mental defeat REQUIRES your cooperation. You can easily defeat them if you don't cooperate with them. YOU have that POWER to block their "bullets." You do.
I'm now going to go back to my crafting life. LOL!
Should I repost my reply to Evia re the study?
Lormarie if its all the same to you, lets not post links to the descredited use of IQ to guage intelligence.
indeed I dont see what the huge deal is about with IQ now, given that most authorities in this field admit that it measures nothing more than how familar you are with western conditions/systems and not even comprehesively so.
If we dont provide a background to IQ discussions, people end up believing that it measures intelligence and that IQ readings prove some folks are naturally less intelligent than others!
however you can also email evia using her email on her website
As someone with a high IQ, I don't put too much stock into them either. I did like the study only because it implies that IQ is environmental as opposed to innate. Thus the reason I stated that its nothing that couldn't be fixed. This is especially true since bw are better educated these days (unlike the time the study was done in the early 70's)
On the other hand, I've read that their children have a slightly higher IQ than children of bw/wm. But that's nothing that can't be corrected though.
2:29 AM
I don't think it matches with BW/WM characteristics of higher education. I think it is a false "assumption". --Phantom
Back to the real topic of this thread, it appears that an IR marriage to a bw equals stability. But for a ww, she only gets stability if she marries a wm (for the most part). Is it something that wm are doing that's so great, LOL?
I hate to say it, but I'm more inclined to believe that wm/bw couples are more sincere than bm/ww couples. Almost everyone sees that.
IMO (and speaking from personal experience) what makes a marriage strong - and more likely to last - is when the man and woman involved are seriously committed to each other and the relationship. When both parties are good friends (and intellectual equals) in addition to having all of those important romantic sparks.
What's vitally important for both men and women, is that they both see themselves (and each other) clearly as the INDIVIDUALS they are. Not living and breathing representatives of their respective "races".
It really cuts down on (and hopefully eliminates) stereotyping that can get in the way of a healthy, normally functioning relationship.
When you're dealing with HYPE (white supremacist oriented supposed "superiorities" and/or "inferirorites" amongst men and women based on "race") instead of REALITY, (NO "race" has a monopoly on beauty, sexual performance, intelligence, kindness, etc... Myths are just that myths. People are individuals and should be treated as such) OF COURSE the marriage will end.
Because the marriage wasn't based on reality to begin with.
BOTH parties have to go into the marriage MINUS the B.S. And minus the hype. Marriage is serious business and shouldn't be thought of as a "game" or an opportunity to "prove something to the world".
Just because someone enters an IR marriage doesn't mean that they're not racist. And it doesn't mean it's a "sign" that we live in some kind of post racial Utopia either. Because we don't.
A successful marriage - IR or non - is between two honest, accepting, loving, dedicated and truthful spouses.
Men and women who wish to be loved and accepted for who they ARE on the inside (where it counts), and not for racist myths associated with them.
My two-cents...
GoldenAh:
Frankly, I'm not surprised that black women/white men get along the best. I find they're the only ones I can turn to when I need help (outside of family).
Not only that, there's just less stress in dealing with them. Why? I think it's because bw/wm are more honest with one another. They're the only men I can have "straight talk" with, and he wont be looking to be insulted. He's an actual adult in other words.
Tell me about it GoldenAh! I can't deal with any kind of DBR out there because with them you're constantly walking on eggshells and you need a bomb shelter or some heavy armour to deal with their 'fall out'! LOL
To the DBRs, Constructive Criticism is just another way of saying '**** your mama'! If I can't even talk to you, then how can I even think of 'getting with you'?
I hope that BW on a whole will stop being the 'fallback' and 'back up plan' office wives and cultural wives to successful BM as was mentioned on one of the last of Khadija's posts on her blog.
There is no reciprocation in that kind of one-sided relationship. Don't be the Moon to their Earth, or solar system to their Sun.
Spend time cultivating a successful relationship of your OWN hopefully leading up to a good marriage, so that Mr. Success can battle out his personal demons on his own. Hey there's always therapy.
"On the other hand, I've read that their children have a slightly higher IQ than children of bw/wm. But that's nothing that can't be corrected though."
Lormarie,
I believe these "findings" help uphold white supremacy and encourages bm to seek out ww but not the reverse. It serves as a deterent to stop white men from pursuing black women. These findings are unbelieveable to anyone who knows anything about the genders of each race. I took it with a grain of salt and I go by what I have SEEN in life. We are far more intelligent than black males on average and white males have a superior intellect to ww, on average. If black women and white men are the most intelligent in their group, how can bm and ww have more intelligent children?? I'd love to know who funded this bogus study.
I don't buy that business about offspring of bm/ww couples having a higher iq than those of wm/bw couples either.
You have to wonder the motives of why it was mentioned.
I am going to bring the IQ discussion to a close here by making this last statement.
IQ is not about intelligence, but about how adapted one is to western norms.
It is important to note that most of the white women in said study were single mothers bringing up their children in the absence of their black fathers, thus these children where taken into and immersed fully into white culture and white norms hence the results of the study.
No more IQ discussions please!
AH ALL THE OPTIONS!!!
I just wanted to tell you all a little story of my foray back into the dating world after a long time being single and basically giving up. I did post my profile on Match a long time ago but found that 80% of the men that viewed my profile were white but NONE would send flirts or better yet an email. Of course, you can bet that the vast majority of the DBRs tried to interact despite my profile clearly not being compatible with them on any level.
I also noticed that the vast majority of the non-black men that I searched for in the listings checked what is now termed "everything but a black woman." I've read the comments here posted by Evia who I respect for the work that she's done. However, I must say that you're not single and out there. I can tell you this can be VERY off-putting and I interface with white people in corporate america all day long. At the time, I interpreted it as proof of the racism in the hearts of white men.
I decided to give it another try and this time check ONLY white men as my preference. Guess what!! The darn floodgates have opened!!!! I was really reticent to do this previously as I am open to all QUALITY men, but I thought I would test it.
Interestingly enough, this has not stopped the DBRs from approaching me. In fact, some are even more aggressive. This sense of ownership is definitely alive and well. They also seem to think that you really have no choice. If they show ANY interest, you are supposed to thank your lucky stars and immediately engage them. I've noticed that in they're approach, unlike the white men, they do not try to show their value as men and good partners. They simply say "I'm a good black man looking for a relationship." While the white men QUALIFY their statements with why they are a good choice. The white men engage me about my day, my likes and dislikes etc.
After ignoring these DBRs, I've noticed that there is a pattern of more hostile interaction. They don't take the time to go back and read my requirements that clearly list white men. They continue to email and try to IM. As if to say "B... didn't you get my emails!! Don't you know that you are supposed to be happy that I am taking the time...!!"
They email me several times and try to engage me on Instant Messaging despite no replies. I've had to block them before the situtation goes further downhill.
I think that perhaps when White Men see an educated, good looking Black Woman who has checked that they are open to dating all races they either think that competition will be too much or that she is really just saying that she is "waitin' on a IBM." Either way, there is a big difference in the response. I should also state that my first time on Match was pre-Michele Obama. They may be getting used to the idea of the middle-class black woman. Or maybe they're just opening up to it more. Something has changed...
I thought I would pass this information along for others because the difference in response was truly incredible. I have to say it feels GREAT to know that you truly DO have options.
@ 3:30 AM Anon
Thanks for that information and insight. I guess it falls under the old adage of 'the truth will set you free'. I too am trying online dating again after years of being away. I am using Euro, Canadian and 2 US IR sites and I've always just wanted to check white only because that is my overwhelming preference. But have always been bullied by others & or my own social conscience to do the politically correct thing. Thanks to your observation, I'm going to follow my hearts conscience and post my true desires. I'll just block everyone who doesn't fit the criteria and keep it moving. Thanks again anon.
to Anon 3:30 am and 2:41 pm,
One of you mentioned the concept of 'anything but a bw' on an online dating profile. If it comes down to it maybe those bw that choose to search online need to say 'anything but a bm'. It is time to make clear (when it is safe to do so) what you want to do. No one owns us. We have the right to choose who we want to be with. At least online you can block contact with folk you do not want to be bothered with. I was chicken to try meeting people online. However it has worked for many people so go for it.
We can no longer beat around the bush. The time clock is ticking. Decide what you want to do and get with it. I am speaking as an older gal that is getting married for the first time:) Good luck in your pursuit.
Most of the relationships start because marriage is not possible or not desired at that point of time, but living and exploiting someone only for fun is not called for at all. Will certainly visit your site more often now.
isey
Funny I would have given these BW/WM pairings the most likely to fail by 10 years in if asked for gut feel based on all the mental baggage that the two bring to the table. In my experience BW don't like other BW who "play the other side of the field" and as to WM must BW just plain don't register up on their "dating radar" but its hard to argue with statically rigorous numbers.
Post a Comment