Hope you all had a wonderful Thanks Giving!
It is of key importance within the general black thought system, that black women remain firmly located (locked) and localised only within the black construct/setting and unavailable to any other. This might seem like an issue of black moral pride, even an issue of protecting black women but in reality by being so positioned, black women and their resources, be they material or otherwise, become held exclusively for the use of those within the black group and within ready access to be drawn on by those in the black category.
It has indeed been shown that it is wise to consider the angle of control of ‘resources’ when looking at how society is organised and this is very much valid way of looking at the situation of black women as a group within a social framework.
The whole notion of ‘keeping black women within black political mileu’ is the underlying sentiment that gives rise to thwarting and blocking responses that black women experience when they attempt any social movement beyond the black construct. This notion is also detectable in the unreasonable requirements they continue to be issued with, to keep faithful to the tenets of in-group mate selection, despite clear indications that severe number imbalances exist for this to continue to be a valid policy for black women at this point in time. In addition, the lack of concern, the skirting around or glossing over the reality of damage that such a requirement will have on a significant number of black women in their quest for relationships is also a clear sign of how low in consideration black women are placed within the hierarchy of importance operating within the black construct. That black women are here to ‘facilitate’ the tribal agenda (agenda both for and set by black men) and are seen as mere fodder for the furtherance of tribal goals and ideals is the message communicated by the indifference and lack of empathy generally displayed in these situations.
‘I was hungry and thirsty and I could not even reach out to pick a ripe and available orange within my reach because it was across the fence.’
The above comment clearly expresses the dilema faced by black women who find they cannot meet their needs within the black construct but are required to continue to remain within the black construct regardless of their personal sufferings.
Given that the designated area of operation of black women is within the political black construct, any attempts at expansion beyond this, is countered and blocked in a myriad of ways, from subtle to outright. Don’t forget that from her youth black women have their mentalities framed to be either effectively blind to opportunities indeed the world beyond the 'hedge' of the black construct or to cast a doubtful even disdainful eye on anything beyond the black construct boundaries.
In the beginning…
In the beginning, remaining within the black construct was an issue of necessity and safety, presently however the sentiment has shifted to being primarily a tribalistic one where tribal concerns like black uplift/black unity (concepts that are vaguely or only idealistically defined) are the reasons to limit oneself within one’s group.
Black women acquire and support this tribalistic mode of thinking, without understanding that it actually works against their specific, personal interests. A little deeper and clearer thought would indeed revel how their prioritising such tribal concerns means putting themselves at a greater risk of being enslaved to agendas that pay them very little (beyond psychic benefits) and loosing out on a personal front.
Some black women do however reach a point where they come to a realisation that they should place personal actualisation (for instance finding a suitable mate) as priority and above tribal ideals and all the restrictive and limiting tenets set up as the way to achieve tribal goals. Many more are today coming to a point of prefering tangible outcomes to intangibles and psychic rewards for instance of being hailed as 'true and dedicated' black women. What indeed is that 'badge' worth in the face of broken dreams and loneliness.
A willingness to place personal over tribal is a key turning point in the psyche of black women and marks a move towards black women becoming aware and acting as rational self-maximising social agents.
However, there are many black women and women in general who receive tribal injunctions as somehow being about elevating them as a unique group of women and being set apart and valued in the tribe even about an attempt to safe-guard their unique attributes as women of the tribe. They don’t see it as men simply trying to corner the market, and secure their stake in the women of the group, while at the same time, employing any tactic and exploiting any loop hole (including using religious tenets) to make women of other ‘tribes’ more available to them.
We cannot indeed overlook the fact that in the state of zero competition the devaluation of a thing is highly likely. Anything that becomes exclusive within a specific space has a high risk of being devalued and taken for granted within those confines. Is it then any wonder that black women are complaining that they are constantly being harrassed, treated shaby within the race and blamed and never given a moments rest in terms of the demands placed on them? Is it any wonder they are deemed the work horses and expected to put up with and endure burdens other women are ushered away from very quickly!
Many black women do indeed block out the clear signs of black men being all about having as many women as possible while removing the competition from other males with respect to black women, continuing to insist that keeping them within the group is somehow how black men express their strong desires for their brand of femininity and position them above other women.
Indeed I will add that I believe that many more black women have woken up from the stupor of years ago, when they could be heard saying, ‘Black men only want to use these women,’ displaying that they were happy with this state of affairs of other women being used. Their willingness to see other women used however, was the snare that entrapped them (yes many black men whispered these sentiments to black women while they played them or both parties), because they soon enough discovered that the game was on them, and they were the ones being used and discarded!
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(I will try my best to give a reply/answer)
36 comments:
Halima:
Many more are today coming to a point of prefering tangible outcomes to intangibles and psychic rewards for instance of being hailed as 'true and dedicated' black women. What indeed is that 'badge' worth in the face of broken dreams and loneliness.
A willingness to place personal over tribal is a key turning point in the psyche of black women and marks a move towards black women becoming aware and acting as rational self-maximising social agents.
...... They don’t see it as men simply trying to corner the market, and secure their stake in the women of the group, while at the same time, employing any tactic and exploiting any loop hole (including using religious tenets) to make women of other ‘tribes’ more available to them.
Many black women do indeed block out the clear signs of black men being all about having as many women as possible while removing the competition from other males with respect to black women, continuing to insist that keeping them within the group is somehow how black men express their strong desires for their brand of femininity and position them above other women.
Indeed I will add that I believe that many more black women have woken up from the stupor of years ago, when they could be heard saying, ‘Black men only want to use these women,’ displaying that they were happy with this state of affairs of other women being used. Their willingness to see other women used however, was the snare that entrapped them (yes many black men whispered these sentiments to black women while they played them or both parties), because they soon enough discovered that the game was on them, and they were the ones being used and discarded!
Halima, HALIMA! I have to bow down to you for this latest post, lady!
I don't know why BW always felt better after hearing that some BM that they liked was 'only using a WW'. If they were only using them, then why were they spending so much time with them? And wouldn't you call a black single parent mother someone who was once (or more times) used and discarded? Duh!
And in answer to this:
(BW) continuing to insist that keeping them within the group is somehow how black men express their strong desires for their brand of femininity and position them above other women.
Is that why dark skinned BW are made to feel so brought down about their own beauty and femininity? Because BM are positioning them above all other women? LOL LOL LOL LOL Please lady he just doesn't want to see you on someone else's arm because his ego will fall to pieces.
And regarding all of what you said before that, I'll just say that I think more BW should start reading some Ayn Rand.
Indeed...I have heard the same okey doke that BM were only using ______ women and that when they're ready to settle down, will come back home...I think that was one of the biggest bill of goods being sold...BW, know you're being stalled and yet again derail when hearing any version of that nonsense...Note: I am not championing BW fighting other women's battles...But there is not benefit to any woman in the Global Village being used and abused...
ITA with AK. I've read almost everything by Ayn Rand and her philosophy would be very helpful and useful for a lot of black women. Even if you don't agree with everything she says (I do for the most part, but I know not everyone will), you can still walk away with useful advice about putting yourself first and going after your values, and the usefulness of actually judging people (kinda equivalent to vetting friends and potential partners). Also Rand says that one's greatest purpose (standard of living) is happiness, which in concrete form is different for each person. But obviously it is NOT putting other people or a community before your own happiness.
I've never made myself part of any racial community and so I think that helped me to avoid a lot of the brainwashing. I'm only 23, but my family is not one to do any "brainwashing" so I was able to develop a lot of principles on what I think is right and therefore have sort of a wall against any nonsense coming from those who think I'm a sell-out, oreo, or whatever.
Yes Adrienne exactly
CW said...
Indeed...I have heard the same okey doke that BM were only using ______ women and that when they're ready to settle down, will come back home...I think that was one of the biggest bill of goods being sold...BW, know you're being stalled and yet again derail when hearing any version of that nonsense...Note: I am not championing BW fighting other women's battles...But there is not benefit to any woman in the Global Village being used and abused...
On the money! I'll never forget this Essence article about 2/3yrs where a bm, was dating and having long-term relationships w/ ww, but promised himself to marry a bw, because they were "queens" or some ish like that. I'm glad a lot of the ladies on Essence didn't buy his garbage, they blasted him. I wish I could find it, but it looks like Essence took it down.as well as they should of.
Also, while these WW and other non-BW are being "used" by black men they are enjoying paid lunch and dinner dates, vacations, trips, family gatherings and general companionship... while the "unused" black women are sitting around alone, twiddling their thumbs and attempting to secure a bit of dignity by saying, "BM are just using WW."
Whether they are or aren't being "used," those WW sure are having a good time being treated like queens in the meantime. If that's supposedly being "used," then I'd say they got the good end of the deal.
Like the rest of you, I don't condone any man using and throwing away a woman for his own pleasure, regardless of the color of the parties involved. But it's so laughable to hear BM talking about "using" WW, when it appears that the "using" is actually real-live courting and dating... something they don't feel the need to do for black women.
This may be a little off topic, but how are we to communicate many of the fundamental messages on this blog to younger Black women. By younger I mean under 18 years. The reality is, young non-black men tend to be downright put-off by young BW, and open about it. And it appears that young black men are starting to behave the same way. Halima, much of what you're saying is valuable for Black women who are over a certain age. But the building of self confidence in dating starts early-how do you reinforce that when it seems like the only people who see the beauty in you are other black women?
What I have always found so striking about the "I'm just using them" type of argument that black men use in justifying their decisions to be with white women is that they forget something very important.
White women as a group have been some of the most manipulative women on the planet. Asian women are right up there too--the passive, docile presentation hiding a shrewd mind bent upon getting their way.
They are presumed to be in need of protection, just as they are presumed to be innocent and naive. This is what they use to get men to do their bidding, their presumed vulnerability.
Black men seem totally ignorant to this in their eagerness to get them. They forget white women's history, listen to their blandishments, don't see the manipulation, and then get caught.
So he might be saying "I'm just using her," but in the end, he might be the one being used...
Anon @ 10.48:
My heart breaks for those young girls. As Halima and others have said on another post, the teenage non-black boys are at the stage in their life where they are really desperate to do what everyone else is doing. We should:
- Have frank discussions with our girls about standards of beauty in America
- Celebrate their beauty
- Encourage them to consider decent non-black boys if any do approach them and not waste time exclusively pining over black boys. Encourage them not to expend energy stewing over black boys not approaching them.
- Manage these girls’ expectations about how the very real possibility of the sort of discrimination they may face from non-black boys and black boys, but help them to see that there is light at the end of the tunnel when they get older. We can encourage them to regularly ready the BWE blogs and books, many of which are chock full of pics that will give these girls hope.
- If the parents have the funds, take them on vacation to countries in Europe that are open to bw in IRR where they will be able to see bw that look just like them in relationships with non-bm.
- The parents/guardians should talk to them daily about how their day was at school and other aspects of their lives. They should build close relationships with the girls. The family should regularly engage in family activities like game night or group volunteering. I’ve heard that even having dinner as a family every night (not always feasible, I know) creates a stronger bond between children and their parents and helps them to weather peer pressure. I know of a black family that lived in a very upper class suburb and their teenage daughter had the dating issues we’re discussing. The mother made sure their home was a sanctuary for her daughter. Very frequently, there were family friends, extended family and the girls’ teenage friends at the house or engaged in some group activity, providing a support network for the daughter.
- Send them to college in cities that are more open to bw in IRR, including cities in Europe. Encourage them to work in such cities after finishing college.
- Start teaching them lessons about dating, so that when they are young adults they can have better quality relationships. I really wish someone had sat down and taught me about the ins and outs of dating when I was a teenager.
- Be on the look-out for signs of depression and address them early.
- Talk to the parents of the girl’s friends to encourage them to do all the above, so the messages you are sending the girl are being reinforced by her inner circle.
There’s probably a lot more one can add to this list.
Also, while these WW and other non-BW are being "used" by black men they are enjoying paid lunch and dinner dates, vacations, trips, family gatherings and general companionship
Actually many ww and other non-bw get are getting the same treatment that we are getting from bm. Not, mind you, but you have to remember someone who is dbrm will miss treat women no matter what race or background. Also remember there's only so long a man play a game you. As has been stated men are simple they will show you their true colors if you wait long enough and hell it probably doesn't have to be long.
The reality is, young non-black men tend to be downright put-off by young BW, and open about it.
Really now? So why is it that bwir is growing? Sounds like we got a troll on our hands. And I'm sorry, but if non-bm are put off of bw/blk girls then what does that have to do with bm? Please
Black men seem totally ignorant to this in their eagerness to get them. They forget white women's history, listen to their blandishments, don't see the manipulation, and then get caught.
I know a bm that was in a common law with a ww for years they raised two kids together. They were recently officially divorced. She all the money, the house etc. he got nothing, because she signed everything in her name. He had warning signs early on when she didn't want to marry him because she was getting checks from something else and didn't want to mess that up. Now he's in another relationship with a ww. Seriously you would think these guys would figure something out.
And as for that they like ww an aw because they can walk all over them. I've known this woman for years and believe me this woman isn't the type to be walked on/over etc.
PVW:
They are presumed to be in need of protection, just as they are presumed to be innocent and naive. This is what they use to get men to do their bidding, their presumed vulnerability.
Black men seem totally ignorant to this in their eagerness to get them. They forget white women's history, listen to their blandishments, don't see the manipulation, and then get caught.
So he might be saying "I'm just using her," but in the end, he might be the one being used...
cool splash:
I know a bm that was in a common law with a ww for years they raised two kids together. They were recently officially divorced. She all the money, the house etc. he got nothing, because she signed everything in her name. He had warning signs early on when she didn't want to marry him because she was getting checks from something else and didn't want to mess that up. Now he's in another relationship with a ww. Seriously you would think these guys would figure something out.
And as for that they like ww an aw because they can walk all over them. I've known this woman for years and believe me this woman isn't the type to be walked on/over etc.
This all points to one fact. These BM just want WW at any and all costs. The dbrBM that don't want to work and want to sit on top of a woman will sit on top of a WW who's willing to put up with it.
But the BM that are white-collar educated hard workers and strivers will probably look for the WW who expect better from a man and wobn't put up with a man leeching off of them. But if these BM want WW they will convince themselves of anything. Some of the blue collar BM in the ghetto who tend to be with WW a lot tend to pick really fat looking WW who try to 'act black' and loud! That doesn't look like a delicate WW to me! LOL
And if BM are being used by non-BW well that's their problem and their business, not mine! Good luck to them.
If BM want to gloss over the part of history where WW visited lynchings, not in protest, but to support and enjoy the lynchings and such, then I won't argue.
BW it's as plain as day: BM don't care if they're being used, they just want WW at any cost. Nobody brainwashed them either, not the media or anybody, this is just the BM's choice. They want WW or AW at any cost.
White women as a group have been some of the most manipulative women on the planet. Asian women are right up there too--the passive, docile presentation hiding a shrewd mind bent upon getting their way.
They are presumed to be in need of protection, just as they are presumed to be innocent and naive. This is what they use to get men to do their bidding, their presumed vulnerability.
This is an excellent observation Pioneer.
The Hidden Forked Tongue
Cool_splash:Actually many ww and other non-bw get are getting the same treatment that we are getting from bm. Not, mind you, but you have to remember someone who is dbrm will miss treat women no matter what race or background. Also remember there's only so long a man play a game you. As has been stated men are simple they will show you their true colors if you wait long enough and hell it probably doesn't have to be long.
Yes, men are quite simple. lol. The sad thing is initially these women feel the need to be "Queen Over Africa" with an arrogant attitude towards black women...until they find out their guy isn't what they were cranked out to be. Then that's when you start to see the unhappiness in their eyes and body language.
ak:BW it's as plain as day: BM don't care if they're being used, they just want WW at any cost. Nobody brainwashed them either, not the media or anybody, this is just the BM's choice. They want WW or AW at any cost.
The simplest answer is usually the best answer. :o)
I'm a bit confused. What is the "black construct" that black women should get away from? Would not this "black construct" be composed mostly of black women? I'm not sure how black women can leave the "black construct" if they are the black construct. Would it not be more of a case of black women, through their own relocation, moving the black construct to another location?
Belinda
black construct is less about black individuals than about a beief system constructed by and around a given group of people, that is black people.
Thats why we have a similar term 'race is a social construct', identifying that yes people might be of different races by visual identification, but all the assumptions imputed to race ie 'constructed' around race is a false ideology. So black construct is more about the belief system surrounding blackness.
Would it not be more of a case of black women, through their own relocation, moving the black construct to another location?
You have to remember that the black construct even though women are mostly the ones who have to so called hold things down still have black men. They just ain't in the home.
The black construct also has to deal with the so called black women being the back bone of the community crap, keep the race going, black love/unity even though it's one sided.
If black women relocated or got away from the black construct I don't think it would recreate itself once many see the world outside of the so called black community. Now you have some that may talk like that, but it's usually when they are in the so called bc visiting family etc.(not wanting to be ostrisized etc.), but when they are outside they are totally different.
Or think of the black construct as the black thought police.
Brilliant, brilliant peace Halima!
Speaking of western industrialized countries: it's not that hard to physically (and mentally) leave a majority black neighborhood behind. US, Canada and Europe, Asia are composed of populations overwhelmingly non-black.
Statistically, we are a minority and shrinking as a part of the US population, not growing. If a black woman wanted to move and relocate from the "black community", it wouldn't be hard to do.
Sometimes seeking an increase in the standard of living requires movement from the old 'hood.
black construct is less about black individuals than about a beief system constructed by and around a given group of people, that is black people.--Halima
Exactly. My own example using the Tiger Woods chaos: Since I've erased the black construct from my being, I didn't automatically assume that Tiger was a victim of this white woman. As with Gates, I didn't assume that he was a victim of police racism. I needed all the facts before taking sides. A long time ago, I would have. I felt absolutely no racial solidarity for them or any other black men (or even black women). No one gets my automatic support...not even blacks. And that's only part of it.
DaughterofTheFirst:
Yes, men are quite simple. lol. The sad thing is initially these women feel the need to be "Queen Over Africa" with an arrogant attitude towards black women...until they find out their guy isn't what they were cranked out to be. Then that's when you start to see the unhappiness in their eyes and body language.
You think I could care less if they want to act all arrogant when they have BM on their arms? Please. They can take em lady, and they can take em all. And if they do feel sadder about their lives and decisions later on, oh well. They wanted it, and they got it. You break it, you bought it. Cause I just don't need that, life is too short.
"...You think I could care less if they want to act all arrogant when they have BM on their arms? Please. They can take em lady, and they can take em all. And if they do feel sadder about their lives and decisions later on, oh well. They wanted it, and they got it. You break it, you bought it. Cause I just don't need that, life is too short."
That is why the lighter-hued BW are beginning to abhor the behaviors of many BM...They are starting to realize their "Preferential Treatment" isn't what it's cracked up to be!
@ak...
Not saying a I care either..just an observation.
- Have frank discussions with our girls about standards of beauty in America
- Celebrate their beauty
- Encourage them to consider decent non-black boys if any do approach them and not waste time exclusively pining over black boys. Encourage them not to expend energy stewing over black boys not approaching them.
- Manage these girls’ expectations about how the very real possibility of the sort of discrimination they may face from non-black boys and black boys, but help them to see that there is light at the end of the tunnel when they get older. We can encourage them to regularly ready the BWE blogs and books, many of which are chock full of pics that will give these girls hope.
- If the parents have the funds, take them on vacation to countries in Europe that are open to bw in IRR where they will be able to see bw that look just like them in relationships with non-bm.
- The parents/guardians should talk to them daily about how their day was at school and other aspects of their lives. They should build close relationships with the girls. The family should regularly engage in family activities like game night or group volunteering. I’ve heard that even having dinner as a family every night (not always feasible, I know) creates a stronger bond between children and their parents and helps them to weather peer pressure. I know of a black family that lived in a very upper class suburb and their teenage daughter had the dating issues we’re discussing. The mother made sure their home was a sanctuary for her daughter. Very frequently, there were family friends, extended family and the girls’ teenage friends at the house or engaged in some group activity, providing a support network for the daughter.
- Send them to college in cities that are more open to bw in IRR, including cities in Europe. Encourage them to work in such cities after finishing college.
- Start teaching them lessons about dating, so that when they are young adults they can have better quality relationships. I really wish someone had sat down and taught me about the ins and outs of dating when I was a teenager.
- Be on the look-out for signs of depression and address them early.
- Talk to the parents of the girl’s friends to encourage them to do all the above, so the messages you are sending the girl are being reinforced by her inner circle.
There’s probably a lot more one can add to this list.
-----------------------------------
To add on to this I think that (1)girls really should not date until they are at least 16 (2) all dates with boys should have at least some kind of monitoring (chaperones) (3) when your daughter has friends it is best to know the friends parents and you should also monitor the behavior of the friends (because most of girls behaviors and ideas(even ideas about sex) sometimes comes from being around other girls and their influence) and discourage friendships with those girls that you feel are an improper influence to your daughter.
Anon @ 7.06, those are good points you made. I used to think my mother was too vigilant when I was a teen, but, in hindsight, I very much appreciate her fabulous hawk eye.
In the comments section of Halima’s previous post, someone had asked about websites to meet European men. Here are a couple exclusively for black women and European guys:
http://blackfemalescandinavianmarriage.com
http://blackamericanbrides.com (coming soon)
Anon 9:28 Thanks you!
You’re welcome, Daughter of First.
WoW! I am so glad I've found your blog. I cannot even begin to tell you how stunned I am by how much brainwashing I missed out on simply by not being raised in the black community. It is really kind of scary. As a black woman born outside the US and raised on or near military bases, interracial dating was common. I simply never considered myself ineligible to the white male. I VERY RARELY considered my race when it came to dating. As a matter of fact even in my interracial school, black males were less interested in me than white males. Colorism was an issue.
As a black woman with 'white' expectations, I do use that demure and sweet behavior to get what I want. I've used it so long that its really my personality and the goods are just as satisfying, if not more! I get stares from blacks but I ignore them. I don't have to be superwoman to get anything. My white husband IS the man of the house and all of my needs are met. There is really nothing to be afraid of. I know white ppl, I was raised with them! There is nothing to fear people! You get ignorant ones (WP) but SO WHAT?! You have nothing to prove!
Anyway All men have strong potential to use women (because we are naturally more vulnerable in many ways) and women need to protect themselves, their bodies and their children bottomline. The protection of life and the quality of life come way before the myth of racial unity. Choose your man based on his morals. That'd be a good start.
The views expressed by some when speaking on black men is general to say the least as a young black educated black man i speak for the true brothas. Not the caucasian chasing sell outs.. They say you can't help who you fall in love with i want nothing more than to be with a black women i have two kids from a eight year relationship that ended two years ago. My ex is a black woman i have been with white girls mexican puerto rican philipino women sexually never emotionally or giving all of my soul that is reserved for my black women... It seems that alot of you are using the vices of a few to justify your dealings with the slave masters children who's great grand parents owned most of our people at some given time. They raped my ancestors and in doing so broke the spirit of many to the point where some bm dont see the gem right in front of them in the form of a beautiful black womn NOT ME! or my people tho. But me my friends cousins uncles etc all have problems with our past and present black women. we want the best for our families. but it seems now you all want to jump ship. ONLY GOD KNOWS WHAT IS AHEAD BUT NEVER FORGET OUR STRUGGLE AS BLACK MEN IN THE BEAST AMERIKKKA!
My ex is a black woman i have been with white girls mexican puerto rican philipino women sexually never emotionally or giving all of my soul that is reserved for my black women
Wow that makes up feel so much better. You use those other women for sex and us us as your emotional mules. How nice of you.
And frankly man why are you here this has nothing to do with you?
Yeah Halima I think it's time to block this Rubbish-Bin Wah ! LOL
Yeah look it's time for all black women to jump ship OK? Hopefully most BW will, but some won't sadly and it will be too late, even Khadija's site that she stopped writing on, and Reverend Lisa Vazquez's current site points this out.
But you can be 'Leo DiCaprio' or 'Kate Winslet' if you want to! LOL But I'd just rather be in one of the life boats that make it through! LOL
Here is my first video. It's just an introduction:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bw42YOW7Nyk
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