Thursday, January 28, 2010

Who's Zoomin Who???

Well once again I have been confronted by Pan Africanist Women trying to sell me some  Pan Africanist doctrine which I promptly dispatched when I brought some questioned to bear on their beliefs.

Anyway since they are clinging so tightly to their Pan Africanist men, I thought I’d highligt a few and see who these men where cleaving to on their part. Lol. I hope it doesnt make for uncomfortable reading for some of you who dont want reality to intrude upon your fanstasy of you and black men sitting in a tree KISSING.

So look away now ...............

Lets start with some African Leaders who were key players in  'emancipating' their people from white rule.  A few examples

Angola's First President and His Wife


First Senegal President and wife


First Presdent Botswana and family


Kwame Nkurumah and Wife

Modern Day Examples

It appears that for Senegal, white first ladies is normalized because here we have the current  first lady Viviane and Husband Aboulaye Wade the president

Viviane meets Laura Bush

Now folks I have a full and long list of 'Pan Africanist' black men with white female tendencies, unfortunately I couldnt track down pictures. For example, did you know that Nigeria's first President (so called he was really a governor general) Nnamdi Azikiwe had half welsh daughter Jayzik who unfortunately passed away recently (aparrently she was a reggae musican and you can see her videos on you tube). Yes the great ZIK of African did not hold himself away from white women despite all that vigorous contending with 'Le white man' for independence of his country.

Y'all folks better check, coz it might have taken a little less time to achieve Nigerian independence. Who knows better check.....

This is just the tip folks. Research if you like, some of the greats of Pan Africanist, you will see a trend. Some got the 'She's not white she is Egyptian' line in or opted biracial like Marcus Garvey who is 'worshipped' among pan africanist people, but the discernable pattern is there; we talk 'africanism but prefer our women not too african.'

Sure some but not all (or is it all but not some), but it was still significant numbers and all the more concerning given that these men where all about black power, black self rule, black emancipation. The white folks must have been doubled up with laughter at the in your face hypocrisy.

Its amazing isnt it, that if a bw pan africanist even thought of a white man with affection she would take a shower and have a bath and purify her clothes for such an act of treason lol!

Now do you think Aboulaye Wade was worried that he was installing a white woman as first lady of a black country? Do you think he was cut to the heart? Or worried what messgage he was sending to the West or his country women. I bet he would stick a finger at anyone who had a problem with it like your truly Franz Fanon as you will see shortly...

Down to the UK...

Indeed it takes me back to the death of Bernie Grant almost a decade ago. Yes at the funeral of the 'fire and brimstone will rrain down on white people' threatening black man, there was a march televised on national TV with his blonde wife there in the middle flanked by all these black women in black cloths looking like they had been crying for hours over the death of the champion of black people. I believe his wife now speaks in his stead on black issues.

Pan africanist women have and continue to excuse and explain away, or insist on overlooking, these black male activites which they make small of. Any wonder why these men think it is the done thing and are not even having any moral crisis at the thought of choosing white while talking black.

Honestly black men have become a disgrace, a liability and a dead weight to any sort of pan africanist movement and the key reason why the white folk who they are challenging DO NOT TAKE THEM SERIOUSLY.

Do you know that even pan africanist white men or anti racist white men actually marry white women overwhelmingly?

Bw have learnt to tolerate being the flankers so much so it is now entrenched in modern perspectives (another blog for another day), however one of the results of this pan Africanist black male tendency is that white women are now speaking on behalf of black people and their issues. Llol what a laugh. Yes white women have inherited their pan afrcanists husbands legacy and mantel along with the flankers of black women chanting an amen to their speeches and standing at their side as body guards. This is not to even talk about the financial rewards that are acrruing mostly posthumously as a result of books and works of their husbands.

Supposing it was the reverse case and it was a white men speaking for black people having recevied the mantel from a black person, I can hear the loud grumbles and see the angry faces and no one would even think they are credible to speak on behalf of black people. There would be leadership challenges and the tearing away of most of the support base. But a host of white women are now speaking for black issues as a result of being left to carry on the ‘African centered’ work and legacy of their black husbands lol and as usual, the tolerant, 'ever pacifying black man' pan africanist black woman just bends over again and tolerates. Lol.

Which brings me to CLR James

Yes the writer of the widely regarded, brilliant and highly praised 'Black Jacobins', well his legacy is being carried on by his white widow. To my knowledge his current widow is number 3 white wife or long term companion. Yet if you see the way black women in the UK speak with such reverent tones about CLR, 'Oh he was so brilliant, he astounded the white people etc etc etc'. BLACK WOMEN HAVE NO SHAME...They will glorify anti black women black men without missing a beat.

And to the US and wider
some more names for your records not all Panafricanist but...

  • Richard Wright ( yep the one known as One of America's greatest black writers) was married to Dhimah Rose Meadman, a Russian-Jewish ballet dancer.

  • Cheikh Anta Diop (yep the very one considered one of the greatest African historians of the 20th century a senegalese) married Louise Marie Maes, a French woman in 1953 in Paris.

  • James Farmer, the pioneer of the civil rights movement's nonviolent direct action against racial discrimination and segregation.and his wife Lula Peterson

  • Frantz Fanon (yep the very one raegrded as the epitome of the intellectual Black race man and who wrote the highly regarded Black Skin, White Masks ) was married to Marie-Josephe (and actually reports say he was connected to more than one white woman). Fanon, married Marie-Josephe "Josie" Duble in 1952, just as Black Skin, White Masks was published, and fathered a son. Lol!
He was quoted as saying

"Who I chose as the object of my desire is nobodies business -- I'm a free man."

"I do not feel that I am abandoning my personality by marrying a European woman. If my children are looked down upon, if the crescents of their fingernails are examined, it will be simply because society will not have changed. For my part, I refuse to consider this issue from the standpoint of either/or."

  • W.E.B. Du Bois and Dora Marbach and Amalie Lebenfeldt

  • Oh and lets not forget Julain Bond who was elected to his fourth term as the chairman of the National Board of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) (meaning: it doesnt matter who a black man marries he can still be for his people though it doesnt mean bw should do it too), is married to Pamela Sue Horowitz

I can imagine how this these Pan Africanist women are going to spin this one because they will do anything to cling to their tatered dreams of black men and women walking hand in hand. Unfortunately for some who will have a very rude awakening, the Black Utopia these pan africanist black men are building, has no place for black women. You better check the fine print before you pack your bags.

Again I ask, is do you think Aboulaye Wale is having a crisis of conscience thinking, ‘What message am I sending to the West installing a white woman as first lady of a black country’? Or Maybe 'What about the woman in my country, how do they feel seeing her as first lady.'

Do you think he lost sleep over all that? I would wager he will DARE anyone to have an opinion about his choice of woman! Lol.

These men saw/see nothing dissonant in being with white women (often a string of them), in the midst of pushing for black unity, black coming together bla blah blah. In today's multicultural premised discourses I can understand it not being a problem (for those who are about integrating than pushing for black political and economic base), but in the days of aggressive push back against black people being accorded any form of dignity and pride, erudite essayist could convince others that there was nothing dissonant in being with white and touting black unity and blacks coming together (notice I said dissonant not wrong)

If it isn’t proof that the focus of their agitation was the elevation of black man detached from any obligation, concern, consideration and thought for black women, I wonder what will be.

Black men have been charting their own paths towards self aggransidenment while black male identified women try to convince other black women that 'we' black men and woman, are really on the same path and we only need to be patient and understanding.

If pan africanist women want to be taken seriously they might do well to splinter off from anything to do with black pan africanist men, because then they will make more sense than what is being made at this point with Pan africanism trying to merge love of all things white and light with talk of black uplift. Even a half wit can see something totally odd with that.

Those pan africanist women who think we black women who use our brains and God given judgement are fools and lost and in white supremacist grip, well I throw this one wider and say.....
Whose the fool here, Judge for yourselves!

Thanks to the person who did a great bit of this research, you know who you are!

Black women dont be fooled into being alone, you too can open up your options! Read the IR E-book

Questions to be sent to:

Monday, January 18, 2010

Some Churches are preparing their Female Flock to Be Alone

Take a look at this response posted by a Sista on Aimees blog (see side bar 'Interlectual IR Discussion).

I recently attended a Bible study series that was very disappointing. The entire jist of the series was uplifting the black man and accepting that you as a black woman may be single all of your life. They brought God into it by saying not all people are meant to be married. But interestlingly enough, the people we were concentrating on, the ones meant to be single, were black women. We even watched this video with all this stats about how over 50% of us will never get married because of black men being incarcerated, gay, etc. To make matters worse out of the small percentage of us who are going to get married those women cannot not be educated and self sufficient. I could not believe they used Oprah and Condeleeza as examples of what happens when you pursue a career that intimidates the black man.

What this post highlights is extremely disturbing to me. I am very uncomfortable with it on so many levels, the more I think about it, the more I come up with disturbing angles!

I have so many questions? Why did the church have a very narrow view of bw prospects as restricted to bm, is it racism, segregation, chaining bw to the destiny of bm (many churches do not see women as free/independent entities but tied in some way to the directing, destiny/rulership of men), or are these church folks simply being realistic at bw prospects?

Had these church folk not heard of or consider that there could be some benefit to bw thinking wider than bm at this point or is Ir for bw an intolerable idea? Why blame bw for their fate especially achieving bw, is it that underachievement in the community is more tolerable than upseting bm ego?

Does this church feel bw do not deserve to rescue themselves but are bound to share a bleak future if this is what the bm option leaves them with? Did this church not feel it was of any use to apply themselves to thinking of a solution (the Jewish people gave us speed Dating in response to the needs of their community) ie helping bw out of the box of bm only, than just helping bw resign to their fate? Indeed is this another confirmation of the discussions we have had many times here, that bw are seen as nothing but support structures for the community and the community doesnt even feel it has any 'duty' towards the welfare of bw?

Is he church leadership suffering from an inability to be creative and think outside the the box (despite 'flash technology' employed to make the video say) but are still ingrained in outdated and harmful ideas? If this is the case should we bw be careful to look beyond the fansy, million pound, trappings and flashing lights of a church in choosing a place of worship.

On the other hand some could argue that the church is one step ahead of those who just let bw languish without saying anything about the reality of the situation. Indeed many churches are in the business of fobbing bw off with stories of the one in a million who made it, or preaching faith soul searching and self improvement for women(i could tell stories).

I guess the overarching question is, 'Is the church a site of oppression for bw?' Has it been there to simply make bw 'better' mules of the community? Do we thus need to begin to challenge the church on the issue of their devaluing of BW? Are BW willing to go there (or will the church be another sacred cow)?

Please comment on as few or as many points and even others, i am really interested in the views even from non-IRers. Maybe someone needs to set up a blog on the church and BW.

Permission to Survive

I keep getting emails from bm challenging things I have said by asking me to prove it(though many of them refute the stats that I do present). The truth is that these men want to leave me with no argument whatsoever, they know certain things cannot be readily proved at least with hard evidence and they might as well be asking me to prove that 'water is wet'lol!.

Some one said I should prove what I wrote in one of my recent articles; ‘90 % of bw who say a wm cannot love a bw the way a bm can have never dated out’. Another one said I should prove that bm prefer lighter skinned women! I ask you sisters, do we need to wait for someone to do a study to confirm what we see everyday with our eyes, what our instincts tell us despite the protestations of bm and other bw. Or maybe some of us think our instinct are only there to be ignored!

Let me tell you something sisters, Never Ever doubt your own experiences and the deductions you make from them! Never put what you know deep down aside for what folks tell you is the reality!

I think we have done a lot of that in the past to our detriment. Remember many black folks will never admit how dire things are or admit anything that could suggest a change of strategy is in order, they are invested in 'keeping hope alive' in the old way, and so if you are waiting on them to give you the go ahead to ‘try something new/a new way’, you will be waiting forever.

Trust me you don’t reach 70% singleness without a few alarm bells going off along the way. I believe we are at this crisis point as bw because we decided to ignore our gut instincts, our judgements on how things are and everything our eyes were clearly telling us, for some explanation that suited our romantic ideals about the black community. And there were many many folks who capitalised on this need to 'keep the faith' to put us off what we knew we had to do. Some of you will never get back the years you have lost by believing in someone else’s version of events!

Most of us trust an alarm system in the event of a fire. But what happens if the alarm system doesn’t go off and you see smoke or flames? Do you sit there waiting for the next beam to collapse or does your instinct of survival kick in. Some of you have been sitting in that burning house and there is just one beam left holding up the place and you are still sitting there waiting to be given permission to survive!

I am asking every bw to reactivate her survival instinct over this issue of relationship. Essence will not tell you its time to think differently (in fact they have just done another one of those bachelor things they do and there are no non-black male in the line up, and so the message remains, ‘keep your focus and hopes on bm!’), Ebony wont (they might but in a way that would make the option seem unappealing because they would rather keep you hanging around for bm). If the alarm systems have failed for whatever reason, let your instinct take over.

If I am saying anything on this blog that does not rhyme with your experiences then throw it away! If you know that all the BM around you dont celebrate light skin, dont expect you to be an unrewarded mule, are eager to marry you and the black women around them (and this is not just about your need to give 'vote of confidence' to your beloved race), then ignore everything said here. If however you know that a lot of what is said here resonates with your experiences then its time to move forward. I hear people repeat the mantra 'There are good bm out there'. What does your experience tell you? Does it say, ‘Yes keep searching’ or ‘keep your options open for all good men!’.

Sistas its time to get serious with taking our future. Some of you are acting like you have the proverbial 9 lives of a cat, and can very easily sacrifice one of them to your loyalty to the race, because the next time around you can open your options, but ladies this is it, this is the only life you have to live!

Mourn the dream of a black prince if you have to, but get up soon because there is a world of opportunity waiting and there needs to be some movement towards survival and towards the future. What has your experience been so far? What does your gut instinct tell you at this point in time? Listen and act accordingly!

Break away from the Pack in 2008!

Decide to be a loner in pursuit of your goals.

A few year ago when I was doing the rounds, taking on speaking engagements, I recall a young lady coming up to me and saying , "I want a man, find me a man, any man!" She then bought one of my books. I remember feeling strangely warmed and positive as I observed her because contrary to the ready label of 'desperate' that would get slapped on her, I could clearly see she was totally without any shame or doubt and really in touch with what she wanted, then a few months later I realised anoher reason for my feelings. This woman executed what I will call, 'pulling away from the crowd'. She realised her need to get into a relationship and she pulled away from the herd, came to me to make clear what she had recognised and took a book as a step towards achieving her goal. In another book reading the women where all ACTING as if there were no issues, everything was hunky dory, not an expression out of place, sitting straight etc etc. I could see some wanted to take the issue further but something was preventing them from pursuing what they really wanted. In truth I can see that in the presence of a crowd, we can often feel a need to put up an impression that nothing is wrong and we are holding it all together!

There is a lot of comforting of each other in our single situation going on with bw. I believe this is one clear reason why singleness is endemic. Firstly as I have said we dont experince any pressures to be earnest about relatiomships given that every other person around is single but then again, we look to each other in our singleness and take heart and take comfort, unfortunately this is a clear 'preventer' of achieving our goals of relationship.

Years ago a teacher said something that spooked me. She said that in hell, there would be no freinds to help you bear the situaion. I cant even remember what that teacher looks like but her words remain almost fresh today as then because there was an underlying truth there that people can look to others going through the same situation and take solace and thus never change nor reach for their goals with flint focus.

Also and apart from solace-taking in our sitaution, many bw are duped into staying put or supressing their real desires because fellow bw make a ridicule of them. Fellow women can make you go against your deep desires by making you feel silly for having them. "You wanna be married? Girl you are just soo needy, I can have fun all by myself!"

At a young age I learnt not to let fellow women dupe me out of my aims and objectives.

We used to have people is school who would say one thing and make you feel you were all in the same boat, but would switch and you would be the one left in the lurch. The first time I came back to tell my mother I had been duped this way, she said something like 'cest te fou', I learnt fast that if need be, I would need to laugh and smile and nod along but go home and think it all through for myself. Sadly I have seen a lot of bw who just dont know or realise that others are engaging in games and fronting. This one reason why i try to be as explicit as possible, because i know some bw just wont get a hint. I dont know what it is but some of us appear to be unable to read between the lines and draw inferences and get the 'bottom line'. I can only say that bw have been so indoctrinated against their self-interest that you just have to take their hand and take them into the centre of their self interst, while others can smell where their interest lies at 20 paces!

I see bw being duped into taking a particular cause of action only to realise that the person who jeered them for expressing a normal desire or an interest in a wm is now with a wm, or has a relationship while professing to not be too bothered by the petty business of wanting a man. Trust me, some of us know whats up and smile and nodd and say yes but there is always that unfortunate one of us who believes the &%*& and ends up in a bad place. I have seen a person sacked because of being decived; "Yep we are with you on this one and lo and behold she was the only in it 'all the while".

Take care and be willing to pull away from the crowd to 'clarify' your own desires and plan your own strategy. Perhaps because of how 'sad' the touted 70% rate of singleness has made us look to the rest of the world, some bw (a growing number), have begun to say that 'we didnt want to be married in the first place'. I can see many bw nodding along to what is essentially 'we are looking pretty bad quick circle the wagoons', and thereby not putting effort into getting away from the negative stats.

In truth bw often resort to 'face saving mode' when they feel that they are being made to look foolish. Sadly this face saving mode is often to celebrate and claim that negative stat or the thing that hurts them most etc.

In 2008 know, listen and march to the beat of your own desires!

IR Dating E-Book

What We Believe Here: 20 Questions for Halima Anderson (Part 1)

Q: Why do you promote IR?
I have two broad reasons why I propose that black women begin to take their wider options seriously. Firstly is for practical reasons of shortfall of black men. According to recent U.S. Census Bureau figures, there are only 70 single black men for every 100 single black women. This number does not take into account the number of black men artificially excluded from the dating pool because of such factors as incarceration.

In cities like Atlanta the situation is so dire it is mind boggling:

the ratio of Black men to Black women
is 597 men for every 1,000 “sistahs”, nearly 2-1.
When Black male employment is thrown in, the figures shrink to
279 eligibles for every 1,000 Black women. Full report here

It is only sensible under such circumstances that black women consider a wider pool than that which leaves them with a significant shortfall.

Let me add that there are sections of our community are on a cover up mission. They are invested in circumventing or obscuring this grim reality for black women. Some don’t even want to acknowledge that it is an important part of the black dialogue as if a generation of sistas remaining manless and alone is a non-issue!

Sistas, please insure that you don’t become one of the victims of these pitiless folk!

Q: What is the other reason?
The other reason is a bit more complex but has to do with the fact that there is a marriage-resistance among bm in our communities. Now I know you all have loving brothers and fathers and uncles and all that, but lets just take a moment to look at the bigger picture. If we assume that there are at least 70 BM per 100 single bw, then there is a good number of bm, to marry a significant portion of bw. However the recent stats show that 70% of black women are single! This is an unprecedented and unacceptably high ratio. I do say to people, if bm wanted to do something about this number, they would have done it long before now. It is therefore necessary to consider that a growing number of bm are marriage resistant particularly towards bw.

Some have argued that the reason why BM are unable to ‘take up’ in marriage, a sizable portion of these single women is because their economic situation is precarious and while I agree that this has something to do with it, when you look at the other sign of the coin, you will see that when bm actually become more financially stable and achieve middle class status, they are more likely to marry white or other non-black women. This is a clear note to those who feel that the solution to black women’s mate squeeze lies with us all helping to elevate black males economically. The grim truth is -and if the records are anything to go by- elevating BM will not result in automatic elevation of bw, it will ensure the elevation of non-black women!

There is nothing more effective at thugging at black women’s heart strings than thinking on the economic plight of the brothas but many more women should ask themselves, “If this man/men where to get it made today, would I be considered a worthy mate to share in his riches?”

I suspect the average bw knows the answer to that question!

Do you hate BM, why use the term Damaged Beyond Repair BM (DBR)?
I must have used this term once or twice and I think many people took offence at the word without understanding what the term is about. With calmer emotions and a look at the term one word at a time, you can make out its significance. Damaged denotes that there is a recognition that an external occurrence impacted to shape the person in unfortunate ways indeed, no one damages themselves so there is an acknowledgment there that some men either due to abuse, lack of role models or other circumstances are not fit for purpose and this applies largely to the issue of dating and having relationships particularly with bw. This term does not apply to all bm but to those who consistently and unrelentingly attack, denigrate and abuse bw and children.

Many black people are up in arms over the terms, I suspect because it goes against one of the ‘sacred articles’ of blackness which holds that no black person is unsalvageable (alongside the corollary that all white people are unredeemable). However the untold damage done by this attitude towards people who have the mind to cause damage and hurt will be with us for another generation. Many bw are hurt and are bitter, because as a community we failed to see that it is necessary to identify and isolate those of us who are a menace to others. The ‘brother is still a brother’ tenent has meant that men who should have been singled out and shunned have felt free to run rampant, leaving destroyed lives in their wake.

Black male protecting is also at the root of why we pretend not to see and speak up and thus discourage victimisation of black women and children in our communities.

There are black people who will be dangerous to others and trying to deny this fact doesn’t make us in any way wise.

There is also another benefit to identifying (by a designation) and thus isolating the misusers in our midst. It is a sanction that gives cause for such ones to reflect on their behaviour and reconsider their actions. Seemingly harsh words can precipitate change!

To illustrate this, a freind and I once visited a pub in the English countryside, when we were seated he told me that the name Wetherspoon was not the pub owners name (there are a chain of wetherspoon pubs), but that it was the name of the owners teacher, who had one day said, "A... will never amount to much". It was a reminder to him and his teacher that he had overcome her pronouncements. After a brief discussion about the issue I told him, "He owes that teacher gratitude and a fat cheque!"

Apparently he had been a traunt kid and when the teacher made the pronouncement it marked a turning point in his life. It become he's life goal to disprove her comments. And so it can be with DBRM if no one coddles them and approves their behaviour and there is a negative social repercussion for their actions, they just might have a rethink about victimising the next person!

Send Questions to email >>

DBR is a good term as any!

(Warning: If you have a weak stomach, you might like to skip this one!)

I know some folks are pushing to have the word DBR expunged from the growing ‘something new’ movement vocabulary. I say we keep it and for good reason.

I don’t know about you all, but I am a ‘sesame street’ kid. I grew up on a regular diet of snuffuluphagus (sp), and big bird and Ernie and side kick, Bird. I thank God for Sesame Street, which entertained and made learning such a pleasure. I particularly liked how they would focus on a word or a number, and by the end of the program, they would have sung and joked the word into your subconscious lol!

There is one cartoon clip I remember till today. A bird flying in mid air and the word Pelegro being announced and flagged up as it passed. And there is this Spanish female voice in the background expanding on the word. Now Spanish speakers know that the word pelegro means 'danger'. Basically the bird was being admonished to be careful and ‘watch its step’ (or watch its flight to be exact). In the end, the bird crashes into a big ‘Pelegro’ sign, and gets stars swirling round its head!

Now why this story? Well essentially I am trying to say here that words are tools. They are useful for conferring a necessary posture of caution on individuals towards other people, situations and things. A road sign saying ‘Danger Bison ahead’, requires a necessary response which involves taking the foot of the Gas and keeping eyes peeled and on the road to navigate safely. Imagine how potentially fatal it could be if the sign was not present. What would happen if the ‘wet floor sign’ was not up at your local diners as you dashed in for a quick take out!

Words and comments can be descriptive enabling us to identify and thus neutralise the effect of a ‘hostile’. Without these concept-words, we are left without necessary ‘guard-up’ and open to untold danger.

In the same vein words like DBR are necessary descriptive words, to ensure bw adjust their mindframe at such a time as this, when they need to slip into ‘self-preservation’ mode, what with all the predators lining up to misuse bw, knowing full well that the BC does not exact any penalty if they do, but will even move to excuse and defend their actions and blame the victim for their fate! We know who they are, but before now, we were not allowed to name them by a name and thus, put together an effective plan against their activities.

The BC has done a great-good job of disabling even removing the ability of black women to be self-protecting in their interactions with BM. As far as the community is concerned there are no bm who might be deliberate in their misuse of bw, or who are happy to capitalise on the precarious situtaion of bw marginalised by race and gender, and definitely no bm who take advantage of bw devotion and desperation to uplift their community, to leave bw with a disproportionate responsibility for holding things together. No, these men dont exist to the BC according to them, bm are just misunderstood and of course forced to do what they do by 'de evil wm'.

The obsolete and downright dangerous code of ‘a brother is a brother regardless’, and ‘we have to lift up a brother,’ will continue to lead sisters into desperate situations where they will open themselves up to those who will abuse their goodwill. We must, identify and protect ourselves from such 'hostiles', thinking with our emotions and feeling 'squeemish' about hurting folks emotions will make the situation linger.

As people have also noted here, the language of endearment continues to be used in our community and by labelling a person ‘a brother’ (or sister) regardless of their actions, we facilitate the opening of our emotions up to psychopaths who would love nothing better than to capitalise on lowered guards and our endless grace’ and mercy'.

Since there is no effective systems within the race to isolate and neutralise ‘hostiles’, bw are left with no choice but to put together their own strategy and acknowledging that there is something called a DBR in the Bcommunity is first step to doing just this!

As I have said before, you don’t need to use it if your emotions can’t handle it, especially if you have been fed the steady diet of ‘no black person is irredeemable’. Some of us still need more time (and maybe more knocks) before we do what is necessary. Some might even have a better term, so feel free to drop it from your vocabulary, but please don’t prevent us using this word that adequately describes the situation we find that confronts us. I am an optimist like every other person out there but I will never claim that we can rehabilitate everyone for the community, that is sheer lunacy because some folks enjoy the rewards of being renegades and eschewing all forms of decent acceptable behaviour!

Bw need an even more robust vocabulary to map their unique situation in the scheme of things, the standard dictionary and terms dont quite suit our narrative. We need even more words to reflect and detail our reality, we need a lexicon going, so bw can map out their situation and have an effective strategy to counter acts of aggression against their persons decisively! Being lily-livered will not serve us at this point bw need to 'man-up' for what needs to be done and stop letting emotions get in the way!

We want to create a portrait of the bw and the forces arrayed against her, lets get busy, coming up with words and concepts which effectively explains and gets to the heart of the situation bw face black women, more effectively than the standard discourses written from all sorts of other perspectives.

We have to restore bw ability to self-protect admist deleterious doctrines of 'a brother is a brother no matter what'! We need to render ineffectiove any message that a black man deserves endless chances regardless of their actions towards bw or notions that it is bw duty to put up with such behaviour and this is preferable than seeking out decent men be they non-black or not.

I will add that, some men might be damaged but not beyond repair (but you might like to still keep away), and for sure there exist DBR outside the community as well!

A few more concepts/words for the 'something new' lexicon


Race to the bottom – The doctrine that black women should be willing to date down even to the ninth degree, to ensure that they achieve a bm.

Black Male protectionism – The tendency of the BC to deem the rescue of the 'endangered' bm as priority, and put this before everything else including necessary justice for the victims of bm.

Mammy ideology lol!

Keep hope alive doctrine- Hoping against all reason/reality that a black prince will eventually show up at the end of the day.

2-1 = 2 doctrine -Regardless of how many bm are missing from the dating pool, (due to incarceration, gang related deaths, lack of employement etc), 'There are always enough bm out there to be had by all bw'. lol!

'Hug a Thug' lol!-It is bw moral duty to open her heart to DBR in order to rehabilitate such men and this is more honorable than choosing a decent non-black man.

BW love Thugs doctrine– The doctrine that bw choose to date thugs and a refusal to acknowledge that with 1/3 of bm going of to jail (the closest definition we have as to what constitutes a thug) at any point in time, restricting to BM would condemn bw to dating thugs, at least 1/3 of the time lol!

I guess i have to rephrase this point: Given that anything of up to a third of BM qualify as 'Thugs' (having passed through the criminal justice system at some point), the issue is no longer about 'BW loving Thugs', but about bw having to 'make do', with thugs if they want to restrict themselves to dating BM!

More to follow….

The E book is now available!

A Sister writes from Iraq

My name is Miriam Harper and I am currently in Iraq. I am 33 years old and in an IR relationship. I find that in the military there are very many IR relationships. So many people from all different areas and races get together because it's hard to find someone that relates to the type of lifestyle that you have being in the military. I am originally from the South and if someone told me that I would be dating a white guy from New England years ago, I would have laughed in their face. I can say that I'm not your average "urban African American girl"; I listen to a lot of Rock, I am a classically trained violinist, I am Vegan, and as far back as I remember I have been classified as a "Oreo", and that was hard for me.

In my relationships with black men I felt that I had to give more of an effort because there was something that I was lacking. Before I joined the military I had only dated black men, and every one of them cheated on me and treated me worse than the ground they walked on. I love black men, but I am no masochist. My job in the military is intelligence reconnaissance, and a lot of black men in the military feel threatened by intelligence, but my boyfriend loves that about me.

This is best relationship that I have ever been in. He's a wonderful man and truly treats me like a queen; but sometimes I can say that it makes me self conscious when were in the city and black men yell out comments directed at me for being with him. When we are in restaurants people stare. I guess I don't understand why the black community feels like I should be ashamed? I have been reading your blog and it makes me feel like I'm doing the right thing for me, but how do I stop feeling embarrassed, and ashamed for being with a wonderful man who loves me from the top of my afro to the bottom of my feet?
Signed sister from Iraq

Hello my sister from Iraq. I am honoured to hear from you and I pray that you stay strong. To answer your question about how to stop being embarrassed, let me say that when you hold firmly in your heart that you are doing the best thing for you and you are with a man who cares about you as it ought to be, then over time, the need to 'please your community in your relationship' will fade. Yes the uncertainty and shame of letting down your community and all that stuff will fade.

You are not strange in your reactions, remember that all her life, a bw learns to put others first (mammy). It might not have been told you directly but in many ways we grew up around women and copied their actions which sent a message to our subconscious that in everything, we must strive to please our community and not take anything out of life for ourselves (this was seen as grand selfishness!). Dating out is one of those things that marks a woman out as being self-caring in our community ie we are not focussing (obsessing) about bm or worrying about how we can help them get their act together, and we are not into the notion of holding the forth for them and self-sacrificing etc etc but we are claerly taking a slice out of life for ourselves. Such a bw becomes a targer and is then pilloried for looking after herself and not putting her whole self into mammy-type concerns.

Black men and black people in general, are aware that bw labour under this burden of 'duty', and that is why they can make comments to try to 'turn you back to your senses' i.e yelling at you in public. Trust me, white guys don’t make comments at ww in this way, they might glare or beat up the black guy but because they don’t see ww as some sort of caretaker of white society(this notion has all but disappeared apart from in white nationalist organisations), but see them as simply persons in their own right, wm don’t have any basis to shout out like that. Bw are expected to be mammies and anyone acting out of this role is immediately brought in line, and that’s what these people are trying to do. So decide in your mind to 'love the socks off’ your guy and watch yourself grow stronger and stronger in your resolve!

Another thing I suggest is to talk to him about this issue. Yes that’s right, open up to him. If you feel that your guy is mature and interested in you and your experiences, tell him about this particular dynamic in the BC. It will make you two bond even more and imagine the comfort you can derive from him taking and squeezing your hand in that moment of need as he says to you, "I am here and I will defend you'. So dont suffer alone.

Revel in the affection of your man. And I love the line from the song of the 70's band 'Smokie', 'Lay back in the arms of someone you love'. It just means rest in it, delight in it, don’t fight it. Let it take over!

You have experienced the worst kind of relationships and you know the difference. Yes, you deserve healthy love sis, so hold tight!

Feel free to email me any more questions and comments and know that there are a growing number of bw who’ve got your back on this one!

Your Internal Compass is being Confused!

Sisters, you need to be aware that concerted efforts are being made to confuse your instinct and your good judgement on a range of issues, so that you can be got for cheap!

Someone wrote in recently sneering at some sisters here for being worried about their advancing age and needing to secure themselves a relationship before it was too late. She said the tone of the blog was desperate and implied that this was an unnatural, and shamimg response.

Now my first thought towards her entry was, “Oh dear, I really don’t want us to appear desperate”, however I had a thought override, and I said to myself, “Why shouldn’t I be concerned if I am forty and haven’t married and had children (when this is what I have always wanted), why am I and we bw being made to feel that our anxiety is an unnatural reaction that needs to be 'suppressed'. I have a cousin who turns forty next month and she has real anxieties in this regard, why is her concern and that of women like her being scoffed at? Indeed, every other woman on earth would be understood for worrying at 40 and any action taken at this point (and at 70% singleness!) would be granted them, but not black women, because perhaps we are not human beings with blood in their veins; we are robots, we must be stoic and unruffled. And so our natural, normal healthy responses are denied us. Thank goodness another sister echoed my internal thinking and responded:

If a woman is 42 and she wants to have a family and has been unsuccessful so far doing what she has been doing, what is wrong with her changing her approach to get what she wants? What is wrong with that? People have gotten married for far less noble reasons than to have a husband and family.

You see, some sisters are emancipating themselves from the manipulations of those in the community that want to make us too strong for our own good! Folks want us to question ourselves for having normal reactions to situations and feel these are unnatural or disproportionate, and our legitimate and healthy wants, needs and desires ( which are not in anyway dissimilar to that displayed by women all over the world) are an aberration. I mentioned in the anniversary post that bw are beginning to be 'psychologically prepared' to take further cuts in the area of relatinships. Doctines are being 'spun' to get us to normalise and be more accepting of all sorts of dysfunctions and worsening situations with bm, because this is the only way the black community responds to bw needs; by getting them to endure more rather than unyoke them from the unfair demands of community servitude at this point, and giving them their blessing to find happiness.

Note their reactions:
70% singleness? "So what, the Sheroro tribe of north eastern Timbucktu has 76% singleness!" (in other words, why are you making a big deal of nothing)
“What! you want a man who went to college like you! Girl you are way too superficial, what’s up with that?

Or you say you find George Clooney attractive and they say “Ewwww” ie you seeing a white guy as attractive is somewhat unnatural! On this last point alone, many of you have stories to tell on how your sanity was questioned because you found a wm who was obviously and clearly good looking, attractive!

These types of reactions recalibrate our normal instincts and confuses our internal compass as bw, and this can be as dangerous as removing a human beings natural pain receptors and thus impairing their ability to detect when we are seriously injured. So many sisters have had their internal wires confused that their initially healthy logic becomes warped. Thats why to some sisters a busted man is ‘still worth consideration’, an abuser, is not written off, and a trifling man who announces his approach with bells and whistles still is taken in.

Notice how some folks reactions never matches the urgency of your situation. When you cried about reaching 35 with no immediate prospects, they tried to make you feel ashamed to be rightly concerned about your situation and feel you were not a 'woman of faith'. 70% singleness in the community, they shrug shoulders and tell you to pass the salt. Your head is bleeding from an assault, they respond as if you had arrived to chat about the weather. Worse still, you were raped and they found a way to bring it back to it being your fault. Indeed I sometimes fear for where sisters go for help because many times, folks will give you advice not to rescue you, but to reinforce you take more 'punches' or stay hanging on to some unrealistic dream, because paramount to them is not your well-being, but you staying in the place mapped out for you e.g. within your race or by the side of a bm no matter how abusive.

Why does the community play mind games with bw in this way? Clearly it makes bw more ‘useable’ and makes them put up with things they shouldn’t and wouldn’t in their right minds. It all comes right back to the same ‘mammy’ issue and how the society knows that it can ‘trap’ bw in eternal servitude by confusing their internal compasses and reprogramming their healthy expectations. BW end up not even taking their health and well-being into consideration because it is reprogrammed to be selfishness!

Your instincts and wits are so important in life like you will never believe! It helps you to make the right choices and the right decisions for you, but when your compass is confused, you become a prey for misusers. The worst thing is that at the end of the day, the same community will reprimand bw or laugh at bw for making faulty judgements, yet someone was there urging them against their good judgements in the first place! How many of you have not heard of how bw are blamed for ‘opening their legs’ to a trifling bm, but guess who was telling them never to look at the other options they had, therefore increasing the likelihood of Mr trifling becoming a strong contender!

Right now, many black folk are trying to force bw into silence by shaming them as being weak for expressing their fears about their dating prospects, they say, “How can you bw be so insecure/display your insecurity to the world.” And some of us are falling for it, we don’t want to speak up about issues that would make us appear less like the strong, 'together' bw we are told we should always be. However we bw should never penalise ourselves for displaying human emotions and reactions of which include insecurities and fears. Indeed why is it unnatural for us as bw to have self doubts, when we live in a society that tries its hardest to bring us down. I challenge anybody to explain to me how they expect bw can be so 'together' about everything. By owning up to our fears and insecurities we actually set ourselves on the path to overcoming!

90% of Married bm marry bw YET only 30% of us are Married! Who’s fooling who here?

Only about 30 percent of black women are living with a spouse, according to the Census Bureau, compared with about 49 percent of Hispanic women, 55 percent of non-Hispanic white women and more than 60 percent of Asian women."

I think I need to do some work clarifying all the stats that have been flying around lately. BW we cannot afford to be put back to sleep over the idea of opening up to a diversity of men and not packing our eggs in one basket! Those who want to derail us or get us to suspend action are now using a variety of tricks to either get us into believing that things are not as dire around the marriage situation in the black community, or get us to feeling we have been running with the wrong picture.

First of all they deny the authenticity of the statistics compiled around marriage and relationships in our community. They question the method of its collection, they point out this and that issue as meaning the stats are unreliable. But you must keep in mind that the same conditions and standards used to arrive at the picture for us bw, was used across all races of women. Just recently someone in a bid to discredit the stats of 70% singleness among black women, argued that it was ridiculous to include 16 year olds as ‘of marriageable age’ and so this makes the conclusions questionable.

On the face of it, it might seem like they have a point, and it is ridiculous for those doing the study to include a group of women as young as 16 years, because who wants to marry at 16 right? But the truth is that the statisticians did not single out black women. They applied 16 as marriageable age to every race; to Asian, white and Latina. Note that if bw had had a slow uptake and decided that 29 was a better age for marriage, this would still reflect in the study and the surge at any particular age would bump up the overall numbers for bw, but there is no such surge. Bw’s rate of marriage doesn’t suddenly jump to an all time high at some specific age, their marriage rates continue to be the lowest across all ages. So the point is moot.

Another trick the ‘high rate of black female singleness-apologists’ come up with is saying 90% of bm marry bw. Wow wee! Wonderful! And that gives us what, 90% of bw married right? Wrong!

Don’t be fooled, 90% might seem like a promising large number, but when you look at the reality of the 90%, they are just saying 90% of the few black men who think marriage is important. Say a million bm decide that marriage is for them, then that means 900,000 of them are married to bw, but that doesn’t in anyway make bw situation any better, particularly if 4 million bw are desiring to get married!

If I tell you that I give 90% of my spare time to charity, you would say, “That’s wonderful”. But if I qualify that ‘spare time’ by saying that it is actually only 1 hour on Monday mornings, you will realise that I don’t necessarily give that much time to charity after all. This same principle applies with the 90% of bm marry bw they keep quoting. Don’t take your eyes off the bottom line here, and that is that less than 30% of bw end up married as a result of this 90% of bm. Yep I said less than 30 (it keeps dropping doesn’t it?), because as Evia rightly pointed out, we have to account for the fact that in that 30% of married bw, some are married to white men and latinos etc!

As my maths teacher would say, “Always define your boundaries”. Don’t let anyone play on your intelligence and distort your growing understanding of the situation as it stands. It is not a pretty sight in the black community and it is not set to get any better because we have allowed the problem to reach unprecedented levels. At this point all bw can do is save themselves individually by grabbing hold of their wider dating options with two hands! Any in-house salvation (if this will ever be possible) will come long after most of you in child bearing age would have passed it, so do yourself a big favour and seriously prospect your out-of-race options!

Indeed what does this 90% of married bm marry bw statistic suggest to us, is it that bw are no longer interested in marriage, they are too independent maybe? I am unconvinced that bw do not want commitment from men and even those who are put off by disappointing behaviour in men would have a rethink if they found men who didn’t disappoint. The statistics suggests a number of key things. An abysmal number of bm are at present interested in getting married. Marriage-resistant bm are at an all time high in the black community leaving a significant section of bw no choice but to look outwards. Anti-marriage attitudes are also very self-sustaining in the community particularly towards bw due to racio-misogynic reinforcement. The situation is further complicated by the surplus of bw available to bm. Bw cannot hope to change such unfavourable in-house odds facing us as a whole (even a million women's march wouldnt begin to redress the problem) which would require a culture shift and a few generations to begin to change.

In conclussion, it is fascinating to note that white men could potentially marry more bw than bm seem willing to take to the altar!

And the Latina Wins!

No suprises here, but I was recently on an online black forum where they were holding a heated discussion on BlackMen magazine's voting of a Latina Woman as the ‘Sexist Woman of the Year’ (Dec 2006 see image).

Now this site is a very afrocentric one. You know, the ones that in respect to interracial habits of black men, insist on maintaining a deep denial of the severity of the problem, possibly because they want to continue to refuse black women the option of looking out themselves. From what I saw there, the women on that site do indeed abide by the stipulation that, ‘under no circumstances do you consider white men as a valid option’. I must say my visit was a fascinating insight into how black women who still insist on not broadening out because of ‘political commitment’, explain away or handle such issues of black male betrayal (I guess for them it is indeed a case of another day another slap in the face). It was also an insight into how these women (especially the single ones), grapple with the idea that because of the widespread ‘faithlessness’ of bm, they might just not find themselves a mate. I indeed wanted to see if these women employed the technique of ‘waiting infinitum’ which characterised denial (group A), or acknowledging the reality and managing to come to grips with it in their own way (group B).

I think at first there was almost utter disbelief among the women (possibly group A women), and then some of these women did the calculation and realise that this was just consistent with the trends that were evident in general society (group B). However I think bw in denial can still allow themselves a few moments of ‘lucidity’ and let shafts of light penetrate from time to time, or they are not in denial at all, they just accept/normalise the betrayal of bm, and see it as part of the black woman’s cross to bear (true group B women). As an aside I think that bw who are impatient with their sisters who want to broaden out as a result of the dating squeeze, feel that as bw we ought to understand and sign up to this burden and ‘cope’ but still maintain the principle of ‘no outdating’. These women would give a tacit nod to single motherhood as one option left to black women and one much better than dating white.

Well the bm on the site (men who profess extreme afrocentricity), recognised a need to give some sort of response. Their tactic was first to ‘down play’ the issue; to urge bw to ‘deny the evidence of their eyes’. Women were urged not to ‘blow this out of proportion’. An appeal to ‘deny evidence’ is the kind of mind game and twisting techniques that are now required to calm and ‘re-convince’ black women to keep the faith, in these times that black women who want to remain ‘true to black’ are experiencing extreme buffeting.

Some men then proceeded to give all sorts of obvious 'scrapping the barrel' defence as to why the outcome was a Latina winner. One said that maybe ‘three bm huddled in room somewhere’ decided the results, another suggested that white and Latino men constitute a huge number of the readership and thus bumped up the numbers voting for the Latina woman. These two suggestions were quickly despatched with, with the recognition that previous winners had been black and that the readership is widely recognised as black men (should there even be any doubt that a magazine named BLACKMEN would have an overwhelmingly black readership).

The next tactic was a tenuous link of the winner to black. Some men put forth the defence that the winner had, ‘some black genes’ and therefore was a valid choice for a black male magazine (I have seen this argument used before with Jennifer Lopez). The women quickly saw through this as black men defending their white ‘fetish’ by claiming the women for black.

When there was clearly no defence some men changed tactic, some attacked black women in what I feel was their sheer frustration in their fellow black men (displacement), and others as usual decided to put the blame on black women for turning bm into what they had become. The usual, ‘blame black mothers for what their sons turn into’ was then employed. I might add that men who just owned up and said that bm were a lost bunch, got calmer response from bw, who I think know the score deep down, and would like an acknowledgement rather have bm trying to offer defence where there is none. However I think as usual the final, logical step of finally acknowledging that bw have a right to choose to escape the consequences of black males ‘unfaithfulness’ on the dating scene was skirted again.

When there was no more defence left to put forward, someone suggested a ‘campaign’ against the magazine, of writing letters in to express disgust. Apparently this person was loosing sight of the fact that the magazine did not decided the winner and ultimately they have a duty to publish the results as decided on by their readership. Also the underlying and unpalatable implied meaning that BM needed to be forced or arm-twisted into preferring bw seemed to have been missed.


The Essays: Virulent Racio-Misogyny in the Black Community

As you readers of this blog are now aware, we have become infested with a group of people obviously bm, who have written some very hateful things towards us and black women as a group. We have been called overweight, dark-skinned nappy-headed Whoopi Goldberg-lookin' hoes, women without class in public, out of shape, the nastiest weave weares etc.

I want you all to know that when we see what these men are doing as merely sexism, we are missing the bulls eye, and preventing ourselves from understanding the current phenomenon that is characterised by a deep hatred and ill will towards bw. And no wonder we can’t protect ourselves and our daughters because we have failed to adequately delineate and name this phenomenon. The name for it is definitely not sexism and I will explain why.

Sexism is a general term which puts women as a whole in target however what you get in the case of bm, are insults and targeted aggression that are directed specifically at black women and the black female situation, so that it becomes inapplicable beyond black females. As an example, you know how ridiculous it would be to call an Asian woman a nappy headed ho, it just doesn’t apply.

Since sexism targets women equally it doesn’t apply to a situation where men put down bw but praise their non-black counterparts. Remember sexism encompasses a disregard for women as a whole, but where you get one group of women praised vis a vis another then we are dealing with something different. These men call black women hateful names for aspects of black womanhood, but praise non-black women for their attributes be it physical and behavioural and mock black women for being the antithesis of what is good and becoming. Bearing all these in mind, a more appropraite name of this phenomenum being displayed by bm is racio-misogyny.

Racio-misogyny creates as space for non-black women to glory over bw or to position themselves above bw in a way that white supremacy doesn’t provide. White supremacy says, “When you come outside your house, you will know that I reign supreme,” While racio-misogyny opens the door and says “Come in and put yourself above the women in here”.

Racio-misogyny adapts general oppressive norms and makes them more applicable to the specific black situation, meaning that while bw could resist or ignore these more general values and standards because, they are somewhat removed from them, they cannot offer an effective resistance against racio-misogyny which is brought intimately into their situation. This is one of the reasons why I believe that the black community is a ‘failed’ community (just like you get failed states), because a real community offers a buffer or a barrier against the full impact of wider dynamics (just as your skin prevents the sun from frying your liver) but in the black community the wider hostile standards are operating fully and unrestrained against black women.

Racio-misogyny might have resulted from the intercourse of racism and sexism, but it is now its own self-sustaining creature; thus it is time to discard the idea that it is only about internalised racism and to see it only in this framework. It deserves to be ‘mobilised against’ just as we mobilise against racism. Indeed it has now begun to generate its own weapons, exporting terms back into the hands of white supremacy for use to further wreck havoc on black womanhood (the two have found a commonality in their desire to destroy aspects of blackness with bm now helping to defract white supremacist forces onto black womanhood). For an instance, notice how the word ho is now synonymous with the black female character (questionable or not).

Black men have effectively employed the strategy of ‘The enemy of my enemy is my friend’, in cooperating with wider forces in their attempt to rout bw (how else do you explain bm enthusiastic employment of weapons from the so called enemy to inflict injury on black women), while bw are still paralysed because they cannot seem to move past the fact that a black brother would do what they do to them deliberately, so they are busy trying to understand bm actions in terms of the internalised racism paradigm. But they waste time and energy by not accepting that bm might hold their own self-generating ill will towards bw. Indeed this goes against every framework (especially the very romantic afrocentric framework they have been given to evaluate their situation), which is based on an assumption of goodwill between bm and w before the impact of white supremacy.

My advice is that we bw focus our eyes on the gun pointed at us, and the damage it is about to do, and take our eyes and thus emotions off he who pulls the trigger. Dead is dead!

Friday, January 15, 2010

The Giving of Advice: Bringing Clarity

I am asking black women to think very carefully about those who they go to and recieve advice from. I want you to look clearly at the nature of the advice giving to black women.

I am keenly aware that people offer advice that they have filtered through a number of considerations and concerns. Do black women as a rule understand this fact or do they just recieve advice based on the 'face' or 'personality' giving it?

There is a lot to suggest the later is the case.

Indeed when you as a black woman go to ask people for counsel, do you just think, 'Well Belinda is such a nice person,' or 'She is a straight shooter, she will give me the advice to lead me right'. Do you perhaps ask, 'What kind of ideological underpinning does she have, what belief system does she hold internally, and from which she will offer me instructions?'

A new mindset is necessary for black women to lay hold of the future. Such a mindset will enable black women achieve practical and tangible goals, enable black women understand the rules of the everyday power games of which everyody willing or not is engaged in, in fact the mindset will enable black women understand that power games are indeed being played and whether she wants to acknowledge it or participate, she is being moved along the game board.

3/4 of black people offer black women advice from their belief that black women are here to do the bidding of their community (you wont believe this but even white people are beginning to share this sentiment and it is influencing their responses to black women too). Black people offer instructions and freindly advice having in mind black women as the community facilitators, community builders and community backbone, this is irrespective of the fact that they the advisers, might be kind, genuine, considerate and nice people. Do black women understand this dynamic at play?

The Farmer and his Mule

Once there was a farmer who owned a mule, and then the mule became ill. The farmers main concern was how he could get the mule up and working again as fast as possible.

The farmer's concern for the mule was centered around the work that needed to be done on the farm and the loss he was incuring the longer the mule was incapacitated. The farmer wasnt thinking, 'You know this mule is a wonderful creation of God that deserves to live the best life possible', no, it was simply about, 'How do I get this mule to continue to work for me and even increase it's productivity'.

If the mule went to the farmer for advice about its 'problems' thinking, the farmer sees me as an entity that has value within myself and deserving of the best existence possible, the mule would be gravely mistaken.

You can imagine how the farmer would instruct the mule. The farmer would make his pronouncements out of his concern for the work the mule is performing for him, not out of unadulterated concern for mule in its own right. The farmer would offer advice that would ensure the mule did not 'range' too far from it's 'duties'.  The farmer would offer advice and tell the mule to pursue its needs within the boundaries of the 'field' that is its rightful area of operation, even if this means stale grass and polutted waters as opposed to fresh supplies lying just outside the perimeter of the field.

Like I said, it appears black women just look at the external and the apparent goodness and good intention in those they recieve advice from, rather than understanding their perspectives on key issues. They see Mr Lewis as a man who never means to hurt or would never mean to hurt, because of course Mr Lewis is 'brotha' and you know brothers are always for the good of their sisters, right?

Yet Mr Lewis believes firmly that black women are meant to hold it together, with their last breath if necessary, and he either deletes or cannot even begin to concieve of any solution that lies outside the perimeter of black women being 'on call' for race duty, in fact when a suggestion was made of a solution that seemed to loosen black women from their 'race obligations' Mr Lewis got very alarmed, petrified and worried. Yes indeed, Mr Lewis's key concern was about how you as a black woman could continue to serve your commision, more than he was concerned the acute pain and lack you would suffer by continuing to be kept 'in place'. 

The pervasive notion that black women are here as 'race infrastructure' to do the community's bidding exists in the black community construct, and means that black women are almost always instructed with this key consideration foremost in peoples's minds, whether the individual doing the instructing is a nice and kind person. This is simply the same dynamic occuring when sexism is pervasive and the belief in specific jobs for women is rife, how women get rail roaded into careers that fulfill this brief of a woman's job, like 'nursing.' This is regardless of the fact that sweet Mrs Evans who happens to be a woman herself is doing the advicing.

There can be a prevalent idea, doctrine or dynamic circulating within a specific sub group of society which impacts how that group generally responds and reacts. Now some folks would want us to believe that acknowledging such a thing is racism or stereotyping!

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