Sunday, July 25, 2010

Jailed Black men have the highest marriage rates!

Cindy Blackman, Carlos Santana's new Fiancee (best know for drumming for Lenny Kravitz)

Well folks another black woman has been killed in a fight over a jailed man. This time in a high speed car chase. A few years ago there was a similar sad incident involving black women fighting over a black man who was in prison resulting in the death of I believe, a pregnant black woman.

Fancy that folks, the way these women are fighting over jail birds, you would think these men were Saudi princes with billions to their name, not some guy who is very possibly dependent on them or at least leaning heavily on them for support and upkeep while behind bars. Imagine the drain on finance and on emotions for a woman in such a relatioship!  CONTD After the JUMP

Attention Attention Aimee has a new Post!
SNIPPETS OF AIMEES POST.... his chapter headings suggest (“Soiled”; “Media: Hollywood, Phillis, and Halle”; “Black Women are Gold Diggers”; “Sisters Have an Attitude”), facing the significance and practical implications of their love of whiteness is difficult for many black men. Instead, these emotions are channeled into loathing of black women, which is justified by cataloging black women’s myriad “shortcomings.” This allows black men to claim to be proud and self-loving, while simultaneously adoring and esteeming all things white.

SNIPPETS OF AIMEES POST.... ...They may not have gained real access to equal work, equal pay, equal wealth or equal opportunity; but black men have gained access to the bodies of white women. In the face of so many losses, possessing a white or non-black woman feels like a sufficient win for many black men. Thus, black men embrace the pornified Big Black Brute role that at least grants them psychological dominion over women in search of titillation and sexual adventurism--all while the “community” languishes....

SNIPPETS OF AIMEES POST.... ....But racio-misogyny does not only ensnare and victimize black men. It also controls the hearts and minds of the “loyal opposition,” i.e., brainwashed black women, who play a crucial role in enforcing the “community’s” Anti-Black Woman agenda. It is black women who actively degrade and insult dark-skinned black women while treating light-skinned women with almost worshipful admiration (go to any black “entertainment” website to see examples of the mocking belittlement that the Williams Sisters, Naomi Campbell, Tamika Raymond, Foxy Brown, etc. are subjected to, vs. the unquestioning adoration reserved for Rihanna, Beyonce, Alicia Keys, or the latest “exotic” video vixen/“jumpoff”). It is black women who attack and demean black women who seek child support and active fathering for their children as “gold diggers” and evil nags. It is black women who denigrate unwed black mothers for their OOW childbearing, as if such women conceive through the process of Immaculate Conception. It is black women who attack black women who date/marry interracially, while defending the interracial mating prerogatives of black men. Thus, we witness the sad and bizarre spectacle of black women (most of whom are not and never will be married), living vicariously through morally questionable white women like Kim and Khloe Kardashian, Kendra Baskett, Nicole “Coco” Austin, and Vanessa Bryant, based solely on these women’s relationships with black men.

SNIPPETS OF AIMEES POST.... It is absolutely crucial for black women who want the healthy, happy lives that they deserve to recognize that the very foundation of the currently formulated black community is constructed around the devaluation of black women and children. It is no more and no less. Loyalty to this community requires disloyalty to your own well-being and your very survival as black women. This is not simply a matter of who you date or marry, though one’s choice of mate is a crucial factor in the ability to escape this quagmire. The same caution and discretion must be exercised in one’s choice of friends, acquaintances, neighbors, business and professional colleagues, and even those members of your family who you choose to include in your life. Detaching from this dysfunctional, pathological community must be job one!
go here for the full entry

Halima's article CONTD here
I guess I now understand why at the beginning of the year there were all these highly eductaed and high achieving black women demanding that the government open the prison gates and release black jail birds to their warm embrace! Apparently these women are only just catching up on the trend that has been in place for some time now, because according to this study, the only segement of black men increasing their marriage rates are those in prison! (Thanks Felicia for the research)

Lawdy Lawdy!

The Black Community has so totally screwed with black women's mentality, that now incacerated black men are a prize to be had. Indeed while other women go after men who can provide for them, black women are digging in the gutters for men who will no doubt be a mighty drain on their resources and with a high probability of passing on to them an incurable disease!

But then again, I am not suprised that these men are rushing to offer black women the ring (now that they find themselves in the predicament which I am sure is how it works). You see unlike 'wilfully blind to how the game is played' bw, everyone else is looking for the best 'deal.' Because marriage is being 'withhed' by the wider body of black men, it has become a real comodity for bargaining. 

You can from this 'transaction' of a ring in exchange for 'you carryng me financially and bear all the burden for the family alone' 'infer' what the worth of the black woman is ( I am convinced that even the ring and tuxedo and whatever else will be bought by the black woman!). Indeed never mind how it will be spun as black woman doing her bit for the race, her labour of love lol! Its always the simple minded bw who goes to bed with a goofy smile on her face, thinking she has something out of the deal when it is the others that have something tangible to show and she just has...well some nice good feelings to warm her heart. Bless her.

This again is all inl ine with, as I have argued previously, the trend of black men offering minimal towards the efforts to sustain the black family (I have said before that when you tally what the current crop of black men have put towards the whole 'idea' of black uplift and black unity' etc, it is really simply the male gamet or to be blunt sperm!) as well as the rise and the endorsement of any social dynamic in which black women are squeezed of their resources and drained for the use of third parties (resourcing broke down brothas).

We have all heard variants of the saying that when a black man is down and out or looses his fortune, he suddenly remembers 'sistas'. Well I guess this study adds credibility to what was simply a 'saying'

And the truth is black women do actually feel that this is their worth no matter how they try to wrap it up as them doing something 'transcending' and selfless.

Marriage clearly has become black men's commodity, any wonder then they are withholding it and holding out for the best deal, of course all the while claiming they can't marry because of their socio-economic situation and how they 'have it hard' and all that (well that excuse has been shot to pieces given that the black men increasing their marriage rates are on the bottom of the socio-economic scale!).

It is absolutely crucial for black women who want the healthy, happy lives that they deserve to recognize that the very foundation of the currently formulated black community is constructed around the devaluation of black women and children. It is no more and no less. Loyalty to this community requires disloyalty to your own well-being and your very survival as black women - Aimee

Gain insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, and find out more about the Interracial Option, read the IR E-book

Questions to be sent to:

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

These little Games....

These little games bw play in colluding with black men to win some kind of macho war against white men (i.e. taking pot shots at white men’s masculinity or allowing black men to use them to score points against white men’s masculinity) will only come back to bite black women in the butt big time!

You all know what I am talking about. The ones where bw aid bm even sacrifice themselves into the bargain in this ongoing ‘besting’ contest black men have going with white men (that many white men are not even involved in but can vaguely sense). These games will just come back to haunt black women.

I was on a radio panel sometime last year and we were discussing mixed race relationship. A black man calls in and starts talking about how white women want them because of their ‘sexual prowess.’

Now this is not any original thinking as far as most of us are concerned, we all know and have observed how black men love to tout how they are ‘longer and stronger.’ However this guy went further than all that and started to talk about how that 'white women are the most feminine of women' and so it ‘isn’t any wonder’ that the most feminine of the races would gravitate to the most masculine of males!

So, this man in his bid to elevate black masculinity did not hesitate to throw black womanhood under the bus, taking an image shattering ‘swipe’ at black women’s femininity to do so.

Now folks I was waiting for the black female host and co hosts to recognize and acknowledge how this man had torn down black women or shall we say marched all over black women to reach for his ‘king of all males’ crown and how that this is standard operating procedure now for black men, to think nothing of tearing down black women in their self aggrandizement bid.

I am sure you all can guess that these black women either ignored the clear swipe at black females femininity or they somehow couldn’t compute that this was what this man had done (as I have once mentioned, there is this ‘powering down’ of black women’s mental faculties once it is time to see really what black men and the black community are all about, all the clues and signs simply don’t add up or are carefully skipped!). Yes there is this intentional ‘going blank’ for the few seconds when black men show their true colors or their intention shines through, so that these black women can seamlessly continue in their ‘black unity’ daze.

When I challenged this man by noting how amazing it was, that black men were now happy to tout the Mandingo stereotype, do you know what this brain dead host said? She that blatantly ignored the clear swipe at black womanhood, suddenly found her voice and like a well trained zombie, came out ‘in defence of black men’, saying ‘why shouldn’t we talk about sexual prowess if it is a factor’.

See, the well trained black female zombie has been conditioned to react to the things she has been told she has to react to and let fall any others as instructed even sheer attacks on their dignity and their self esteem!The well trained female warrior zombie will come out fighting for even the black man who has taken time out to pulverize her self esteem on his onward journey to self elevation. In fact he will aim a kick and then turn round and ask her to get up of the floor and assist him in his selfish pursuit and she will do just that! Battered woman syndrome indeed!

Can you all see how black women have become like ‘indulgent mother’ to black men, humouring them and putting up with these men are taking chunks out of their self esteem?

I will say this here, any black woman who wants to thrive must note that the sheer bulk of black womanhood (anything in excess of 90%) is not empowered in fact is dangerously self negating; therefore you must purposefully disconnect yourself from the vast majority of your black female counterparts to survive! I am pretty serious about this!

The truth is that if your life, interests, concerns, preoccupation, lifestyle, pastimes, and thinking is aligned with that of 90% of black women, then you will share their fate which is as it stands at the moment, limited, unfulfilled lives filled with struggle, self imposed problems. Do an inventory about how your life and thinking compares to that of other black woman and if you are where the bulk are, you will have a limited life.

Change the dynamic
Try this experiment this month

Whenever you are in a situation where black men in their subtle way, are trying to elevate themselves above white or other men, in an ever so subtle way yourself, twist it round so you are complimenting other men.

For instance say you are having a conversation in a group of different races and genders and the white man is positioned as the wicked wolf. Say something like, ‘Well I don’t know about that, I think white men have come a long way, thanks to the efforts of feminists and feminism (you are tactfully putting this down to external factors), white men have responded very well. Say something like, 'The result I see is white men are more sentitive and modern in their responses to woman', add that other women of other races and other cultures are still struggling to get their men to move half way what white men have moved!' or even simply, 'White men have adjusted admirably to the 21st century woman'.. and let the rest be implied.

Employ humour and levity (ie dont make this a serious discussion but more like a throw away comment).

Now watch and note the responses and reactions of all around.

Find other similar ways of throwing a spanner in the works of black mens ego inflating activities ( its a no brainer in many instances) and watch the toxicity it unleashes on the situation dissipate and note how quickly the milieu becomes a healthy one for all participants!

other examples are
  • I dont really listen to RnB, in truth I enjoy Country and Western, I dig the whole cowboy vibe
  • I think real men dont need swagger they are just quitely effective
  • etc etc

 Many of you are searching for ways to get black men's choke hold off from black women's necks, when the answer is simple and staring you in the face!

Gain insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, and find out more about the Interracial Option, read the IR E-book
Questions to be sent to:

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

How can black women escape the Walls that are 'closing in'?

I recieved this email from a commenter. This is preview of coming attractions for black women who prefer the ostrich position.

Hi Halima, I went to a wedding Saturday and it was really amazing to see that what you have been talking about all along is becoming so evident! The groom was Black and the bride was White. The brides family consisted of her mom and dad and many other family members. The grooms family was his mom and some aunts and cousins. Well if you have been to a wedding they have the bride and grooms family seated up front and sectioned off from the rest. Just seeing the groom's mom sitting up their all alone made me feel so sad!!

I mean the groom had several groomsmen all were Black except one. Most of these Black men had White wives or girlfriends.

Several members of the guest were Black men that had white girlfriends. As I was just looking around the room at the reception, it was easy to get a sense of all these Black men sort of "flocking" around White women and just really all up in their faces, while it seemed like Black women were just second class citizen or inferior beings left alone.

Now, the grooms mother has several sisters and one of them is married to a Black man and they have been married for almost 50 years. She finally went up to sit with the grooms mother during the ceremony. That just really got to me and made me sad, so sad! There was one Black woman and White man couple. They sat in the back and it was hard at first to see they were a couple. They didn't hold hands and were kinda reserved.

Halima, how do we make Black women get out of this Fix?

How do we play the feminine card?

How do we let White Men and other races of men know we are interested on a grander platform (let the whole world know).

I think we should have a meet-n-greet to sit down and come up with some ideas and solutions for the Black women who are already on board with IR but just need help or don't know quite how to "turn the tables".

I realized that it is a lot of table that have to get turned to really let the world know we are ready to compete on a global level. How do we do that Halima? White Men are afraid to let it show. I know we are a part of the problem but they are the other part.

I know this was long but I had to get it off my chest. Any ideas and insight would be greatly appreciated.
Do readers have any suggestions for black women both on a group level and on an individual level?
It is indeed clear that years of inaction, denial and pretending not to see the walls closing in has resulted in this uncomfortable wedged in situation getting more and more acute for black women each day.
I am not even sure that anything can be done on a grandscale for the situation of black women in the short term because many years will be needed to repair the crazy dynamics and the damage to the image done and even being done now. However feel free to add any comments and suggestions on this one!
Also if you want to send in questions and concerns around bw and non-bm and their interractions for general discussion, do so to the email below.
Gain insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, and find out more about the Interracial Option, read the IR E-book

Questions to be sent to:

Thursday, July 08, 2010

The phrase, 'We as a community'...

I have had reason to ask, what do black women/people mean when they use this phrase? It is a phrase used constantly across the blogosphere and black discussion portals, even in real life gathering of black folk. I mostly see it being used by black women (though not exclusively) but more times enough for me to wonder about it's usage.

There are a number of variants of this phrase; 'we as a people', 'we as blacks', 'we as a community' or simply 'we'.

The reason why I am on this phrase today, is because I am wondering how these black women using it are picturing the so called community.

This phrase seems to suggest a community of active man and woman, organized around their interests, maybe fallen into a little slumber but still 'conscious' enough with the ability to be 'roused' into a functional pose especially with such a phrase 'reminding' them of what they should be about/do. When 'we as a community' is used it conjures up an image of a body of black males and females still in a 'conscious' and organizable mode, just needing a little 'tap' to snap them back into their 'rightful mind' (Ezekiel and the valley of dry bones comes to mind here!).

Apparently these women are seeing something different to what I see around me and what I know to be true about the real state of this so called 'community'.

In truth, you and I know that the community to all intents and purposes, consists of a group of struggling black women, mostly single and a significant portion single mothers, under an immense load of responsibily and single handedly being charged with sustaining the black community and now, they have to get busy with this addition injunction, being suggested immediately after the application of that phrase, 'we as a people'!

Bless them, the community we keep speaking about is really black women struggling to keep the dream of a black race alive, nothing more, even as the users of such phrases try to conjure in us an image of the days when there was a cohesive group of men and women who did respond to such charges to do whatsoever for the wellbeing of their race. Maybe that is what this is, a phrase to remind us of our former greatness so we can rise to the occassion! Sadly the fact remains that the charge is simply falling on black women once again.

So lets try a little substitution here, and in place of 'we as a community' let us substitute 'community' for what we know to be true about its true nature, so here goes..

We as a community 'struggling group of black women being the only ones interested and responsive to calls to keep the black race going and already weighed down by the inordinate burden of having to resource the black race alone', need to do XYZ (raise our boys/girls, tackle the criminal elements, build black infrastructure, etc etc).

This is essentially how I translate any such comments containing the phrase 'we as a black community.'

But maybe I am mistaken and someone can enlighten me on what the phrase really is all about and hopes to achieve if not just sound like it is saying something profound, and to both genders while really loading black women down once again!

Gain insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, and find out more about the Interracial Option, read the IR E-book

Questions to be sent to:

Monday, July 05, 2010

The Question Remains...

Do black women really understand the real nature of 'the black community' when they speak so affectionately of ?

I hear black women embrace 'community' with heartfelt emotion whenever they use the term, and I wonder wether these women really understand what they are claiming and embracing to their bossoms!

Expectations from the community for black women

For the sake of community you are supposed to:

  • Endure colorism
  • Be happy with less than what other women take as bear minimum standard from men
  • Let her human rights be trampled on
  • Give without expecting to receive anything back
  • Endure black male brutality and black community indifference to this brutality
  • Endure the black female blaming for whatever goes wrong and whatever action she tries to help the situation out eg OOW
  • Hide her bruises, injuries and worries
  • Put up with blatant sexism and racio-misogyny expressed in black settings including the black church
  • Put up with having the whole weight for the upkeep of black community resting solely on her shoulders
  • Deflect bitterness and anger unto other black women who are often doing the best they can with what they are given to work with
  • Stone fellow black women if her case threatens to inconveniences black men in anyway
  • Put up with being called Hos, Shortie, gold digger, dark butt, bitch etc etc
  • Carry grown men on her back and provide endless excuses for their failures
  • Cut herself off from broader and less polluted social options and situations
  • Give back till your net worth is £5 $5(oops I think the study was in $)
  • Live in dangerous neighbourhoods and not think of her own safety and survival as an important factor but embrace the high risk of ending up dead or maimed by the violence characterizing most black majority areas
  • Accept aloneness as a necessary and possible outcome of 'service' of your life philosophy
  • recieve glorification only through suffering
  • No nuture, no succour and no protection
  • Given all the responsbilitites of manhood with non of the privileges of malehood
Can readers come up with any other cons and indeed any 'pros' to add so we can see what payoff there is for clinging to the notion of 'Black Community'.

Gain insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, and find out more about the Interracial Option, read the IR E-book

Questions to be sent to: