Tuesday, March 27, 2012

I am happy to announce my latest E-books are available...finally!

Yes it took longer than I anticipated and promised but my latest e-books are now available to buy from my website book page  or from Amazon (for now only Do Black women in Afros date White Guys? is available on amazon kindle and First Steps to Personal Empowerment will be available in the coming week or two).

I am genuinely excited by these ones because they mark for me a consolidation of my message through out these 7 years that I have been championing full options dating and maximised living for black women and indeed encouraging black women and white men to form relationships.

I am making these available at a special and very reasonable price for now because I want as many of you to avail yourself of the information in these books. I cant recommend them enough. You cant get enough of Black Women Empowerment (BWE) books and materials because BWE is not common out there, therefore you need to buy up all you can get. If I was growing up now or trying to make it in life I would want someone to point me in the direction of these books and the information they contained.

Its taken me over six years to both decide and commit to producing these two books after writing, "Supposing I wanted to date a White Guy...?" The reason is that for me, a book has to go through me first and I have to get to grips and learn the lessons I hope to teach. After "Supposing I wanted to date a White Guy...?" I understood that many white men were eager to have a version that dealth with their angle on interracial dating with black women. Black women on their part need more than anything else to understand the context within which they are experiencing all the modern day travails and the lack and hardship that they confront as a group in the 21st century. Even with black women who want to do the best for themselves and are doingall they can to live optimally, they are in a situation where there is a context overide of their best efforts and best intentions, indeed if the foundation is wrong, not much can be corrected. It is when you untangle the framework that underpins your problem situation, that you can then move forward freely towards the best life possible!

There is also a bonus book on the website which is a free download!

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Synopsis 'First Steps to Personal Empowerment'
A book of this kind focusing on personal empowerment would usually take the form of detailing the things a black woman would need to do to be ‘empowered'.

However there is an underpinning to the current lifestyle of black women, one that has left many dissatisfied and with poor returns on so much devotion and for trying to do right by their black community.

The modern black woman complains that she cannot fulfil her personal marital ambitions, she is stretched thin by demands from community, family and church congregation till she barely has enough time and resources to look after her personal well-being.
In fact black women are expected to submit to endless sacrifice for the black community and never think about receiving anything back for their efforts.

My first aim with this book is to pull back the covers and reveal the underpinning to this raw-deal situation for black women. I take an in-depth look at the ‘constructs’ that force black women to trace a life path leading to unhappiness and unfulfilled life ambitions.

This two-phased book looks at how black women who are overtly concerned about looking after their race (race handmaidens) end up reaping little for this devotion. It explores how the race handmaiden is both created and how the black social context sustains handmaiden living in black women even as personal satisfaction recedes.

The second part of this book will look at how black women can untangle themselves from handmaiden living, exit the conditions keeping them unrewarded on the personal front and move into a life of personal empowerment.

You can get this illustrated and multiple paged e-book now for a special price of $4.99 by placing your order here
Synopsis "Do black women in Afros date white guys?"
Are you a white man who is beginning to think about what it could mean to date a black woman? Or, have you had a puzzling experience and would like some ideas on the black woman’s mind on dating white guys?
Do you want to get clued up to their ‘thinking’ in general about race and relationships and about black white social interaction? Could you do with getting a better understanding of where black women are coming from by exploring some very key social realities for the black woman and the social expectations placed upon them by their communities and by society in general?
If the answer is yes, to any of these questions, then this book will get you off to a good start!

The aim of this book is to lay a knowledge foundation that will assist genuine white men in a better understanding of the black women they interact with socially and the many reactions they might encounter, to help successfully forge relationships and friendships with black women. With this book you will get answers to 90 common questions that come from white men themselves about the black women in their lives, their black female friends and even colleagues.

Written in an easy question and answer format, the book is also interspaced with full chapters dealing with issues like; why black women and white men often appear disinterested in each other romantically, how to get connected, the background on the current fraught situation between black men and women, how third parties affect interracial dating, racism and working through your own issues around race.

You can get this 63 page e-book now for a special price of $6.99 by placing your order here or from Amazon Kindle

Tuesday, March 06, 2012

Self-esteem is overated, loose the weight now!

March 6th

Whoever gave black women this idea that they can only undertake ventures that are pleasing and only those that do not give them even the slightest feeling of worry, or doubt or anger. Hogwash!

Sometimes you have to do what you know you need to do with tears in your eyes, even struggling and complaining all the way down the line but still putting one foot in front of the other.

A Cat Named Esteem

This is the season of lent, this is the time to think and rethink ideas. I suggest a rethink of our need for comfort and feeling comfortable all the time and everytime.

Even the psalmist David had reason to say, "It was good that I was afflicted that I might learn your statutes" Psalm 119:71. We cannot always look to be comfortable, pampered, unchallenged, appealed to nicely before we do what is necessary." Fat jokes are cruel but the real truth is that some folks are just so darn sensitive to anything. If they would put as much energy into reaching their goal weight as trying to police how people speak about these issues they would have achieved their goals like yesterday!

There is one line that really jumped out at me in the latest film on Margaret Thatcher, 'The Iron lady'. Meryl Streep playing the Iron Lady, told the doctor treating her that, "People are so concerned these days about how they feel, instead ask me what I think. I think I will be just fine.' And this from a dementing frail old lady.

But real talk folks, why are black people and black women in particular all over 'Newagey-leftish-feel-good' claptrap. "My feelings, my feelings, my feelings", always about feelings and how they were hurt by someone and something! Poor sensitive modern man, you would wonder how our ancestors made it to the modern human. I am thinking they weren’t all that psychologically sensitive a bunch who got upset that a Lion looked at them the wrong way, or an antelope stepped on their foot. Indeed I sometimes wonder what the vegetarians in the group felt about all that killing and eating of meat, their sensitive feelings must have been crushed!

Black women are too focussed on feeling wonderful all the time, blessed and highly favoured, to actually let uncomfortable feelings motivate them into something better. But we should all have realized something was wrong when all these black women were reporting high self esteem when: black women are the least likely to wear their own hair, They are besieged by colorism in their communities, singleness rates (correlated with lack of companionships) and OOW rates are sky high, lets not even mention all the other horrible things black women are subjected to in 'their' communities.

I am afraid the whole high self esteem thing suggests that black women have actually retreated into fairy land because of all the terrors that surround them!
A level of dissatisfaction with self and ones current situation is necessary to motivate a person to take the steps towards self-improvement. Self-esteem is reality based, it is wry, it is hopeful but realistic, it doesnt stay down but bounces back.
It is amazing that as an overweight woman myself I never feel personally attacked by calls to loose weight. Instead I nod at the latest reminder and make another mental note about what to try next because like Thomas Eddison, I know 1000 ways not to loose weight and will know 1 on how to do it succesfully!
If you get upset at these calls to lay aside the weight, then it might be pointing to the fact that you have resigned to the situatuion and dont believe you can ever achieve your healthy weight goal!
Is self-esteem Overated? 
Black women need to look at themselves without attaching all the baggage of black community politics on their shoulders. Be open to examining their possibilities and embracing them wholeheartedly. That's the message I hope black women who are currently dealing with weight issues get eventually. It took me awhile to fully get it, and I thank you and other BWE bloggers for being a source of encouragement and hope for me and countless others -Tiffany

I am not even sure what the media means by "self-esteem". I think as you say, BW might be using the word in a different context. It may mean a surviving and coping tactic of working with what you've got (in hectic environments). From the first day I started work, a BW who's been watching and studying me (my hair, clothes and personal life), has started to tell everyone (who'd listen) how much weight she's lost and will lose.

I feel for her. She suffers from: asthma, diabetes, likely a thyroid problem, and a disabled leg. It's great that she's taken action, but I wonder why she waited all these years after being afflicted with severe health issues to do something about it. I don't know what truly motivates her now, but I hope she sticks with it.
And, by the way, she's got great "self-esteem." - Goldenah

The whole 'Self Esteem' idea has become something that only has one good answer: "Yes, I have good self esteem!" To say anything else would be the public admission of a defect or weakness. How can a 'strong' bw, struggling to take care of everything and everyone in her life possibly say anything else? -Arthur

the problem is that contentment breeds stagnation. black women are overall not winning and instead are dropping dead from heart disease, diabetes, and other obesity related things, so until they aren't content with being "okay" and are instead wanting more and wanting the best, then nothing will change.- SocialiteDreams

There's really only a small amount of bw who will choose to thrive instead of being just okay. And this is what it all comes down to.- Faith

The Kindle books are a little behind schedule But Any moment Now! I am making the e-books available on PDF downloads as some of you have requested!

2 e-books Available on Amazon Kindle early 2012

However are you wondering about Interracial dating?

You will find answers in this other e-book which gives a clear insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, including her interracial dating option. Get yourself clued up!

Questions to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com

Saturday, March 03, 2012

What does it mean that black women have 'High self esteem' ?

3rd March 2012
I want to say first of all that I have had to disable anonymous comments, because allowing anonymous comments meant also allow an amazing amount of spam. So to leave comments, please sign in (I believe you can also sign in as a guest, though not too sure about that one!).

Ok now we have heard about the latest 'negative' focus on black women and their lives and this time from Kaiser foundation and the survey they have done about black women and their body image. I am glad to see the healthy and diverse debate across the black female advocacy-blogsphere. Some say black women should not have to be focussed on, just like bacteria in a petri dish and this has a lot of truth to it. Others say black women should heed the wake up call and also black women cannot avoid 'media gawking' because they tend to as a demographic, trace out an existence that is just atypical even bizarre to the rest of society. I can also agree with these points.

Some have also countered the secondary argument that arose due to the debate on the Kaiser study (google Kaiser, black women, self-eseteem for more on the study) of black female body atitudes  -the secondary argument that it is about time that black women quit being 'happy with fatty'- by insisting that black women who made such remarks are wrong for denying black women their self esteem and the strength that they have shown in and despite their situation. They see black women having a positive self-image even though obese as a good thing.

I want to point out also that black women tend to, for their view points, be entrenched in the liberal position on most things. I can detect the subtext in the ensuing debate, of the liberal canard that people deserve to be who they are and who they want to be without judgement or criticism. Thus black women should not be picked on because of who or what they are. The trouble with this perspective is that it freezes black women in the frame they are currently in and locks out space for any transformation. Are we saying that, (replacing the words people with black women of the liberal position above) black women deserve to be (obese, unhealthy eaters, in denial about the realities of obesity and health) without judgement or criticism.

I also want to suggest that what we deem as healthy self esteem might not necessarily be such. Self esteem also requires an acknowledgement or a 'tie' with reality to be authentic in my view not a dismissing of the end point of a particular course.  It is a bit problematic for black women to be happy and comfortable in a situation that is dangerous and damaging and points to something different from 'healthy self-esteem' in my view (possibly an unhealthy high self-esteem might describe the situation!).

Beware of judging black women's self esteem by the same indicators as those used to judge that of women who are not black. It seems it is now necessary to come up with a different range of indicators to test out this supposed high self-esteem among black women.

The Kindle books are a little behind schedule But Any moment Now! I am making the e-books available on PDF downloads as some of you have requested!

2 e-books Available on Amazon Kindle early 2012

However are you wondering about Interracial dating?

You will find answers in this other e-book which gives a clear insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, including her interracial dating option. Get yourself clued up!

Questions to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com