Thursday, September 23, 2010

5 things bw need to realize about the current black social milieu

1) The black community operates by the 'The government should care more about the XYZ (imprisonment of black men, HIV infection of bw, oow etc etc) more than we should and 'we are owed' principle.

But hear me good, the government shouldn’t care more about my personal progress than I should care and be anxious about it!
I care more about my own progress to wait on the pace and timescales of any government, because it is my life on the line here! I am motivated on behalf of my own success that I will do more than any government could, to ensure I make it.

This is where black folk have lost it, by thinking and insisting that government care more about gang bangers, oow, black economic situation, than they should. Foolish foolish foolish.

This is one reason that I am slowly beginning to dislike a good section of the ’progressive’ crowd. All they want is to get as much evidence as they can to support their eternal war with the right, to show that the system isn’t working. But guess what, the evidence they require is the body count of black women broken by the current system. Indeed, having that body count, is more important than doing anything immediate to halt the ongoing disaster (HIV, STD, DV, etc). To them the ‘evidence’ is more important than saving lives, and that is why when I ask them ’Lets take a ‘short cut’ here, I am bleeding to death’, they say ‘No no' (we need your broken and destroyed bodies as evidence that the system is not working!) .

2) Black men are apolitical and immorally indifferent to the fate of community- The whole ’lets try this, this might wake them up’, ‘lets do that, that might work,’ ‘Lets try this tactic, I am sure they will realize then the need for their presence….’ is simply a waste of time! Its like trying to wake up a corpse, its not going to happen! If your ‘scheme’ in any way is ties to the ‘participation’ of black men, then count it as lost.

Accept it and save yourselves a lot of continued heartache.

Many bw cannot simply accept that black men as a collective are not in anyway concerned about what black people, the black family, black children etc etc will become, even though they have shown it abundantly that ‘saving the race’ and safeguarding black future is so far from their thoughts it could well be as far as Pluto.

The other thing I notice is that many bw are hunting and searching for that rare hens teeth of a black man who ‘has bw back‘, instead of conserving their energy and using it for more productive activities. Indeed in their desperation to know at least ‘one or two bm’ who care, they will pile all untop of any bm who ‘seems’ to be supporting bw when if they are not that emotional and desperate, they would easily see that that man has been leaving clear signs of his contempt of bw from the first day.

‘Thank you so much for defending us, thank you so much for clarifying your position…’ lol just shows you how low bw have fallen that they are profusely thankful for bones tossed their way!

They get confused when their black male idol (the black men they thought was theirs and was for them), suddenly shows by his statement that he has ’ feet of clay’ and he just (like the rest is the haters of black women) hates black women, only he was either good/clever at hiding it because he has needed to maintain this reputation for some other stuff eg sell books or a play etc. Sometimes you sense these things, you don’t need to read it in black and white before you know what a person is. Bm will continue to boldly show bw their contempt as the days go by, very soon they will feel no need to hide, particularly when you show them that you will seize upon any crumb thrown your way and use that as a ‘proof’ of how much that bm is ‘into bw and loves them’.

But I’ll give you the litmus test to know that a particular black man has a bw back (since many us might need pointers). Unless a black man says that he agrees with the general position that black men are amoral, apolitical and there is no defence or excuse for their actions and activities, then you can be at least 80% sure that this is the ‘fair-minded’ bm you seek. If a bm however tries to say, ‘some not all’, and tries to point out that some bm are doing good etc, in fact that alone makes that bm deeply suspect. In other words any ’fair-minded’ black man must be willing to take the full barrel of criticism that is coming black men’s way without in anyway trying to deflect it or share blame, I don’t care if he comes from a long line of exemplar men. Indeed any bm who can drum up some defence of the current male contingent today is better written off. He must be willing to take the full criticism. Anything less makes him suspect!

3) Perverse voices now dominate the black political discourse. Perverse voices are those who justify and defend what black people have become and the rot that has taken root within the black community. Perverse voices take some twisted satisfaction justifying the status quo often they come from a point of defending some ‘progressive principle’ yet the end result is not wanting to ’loose people from ideas and behaviour that is netting them ’less than’ and indeed taking them down.’ This is why everyday, more and more bw are on the path of destruction, because perverse voices (soothing them and urging them to keep with the status quo) abound.

I used to be naïve in thinking that ‘defending black people’ was the way to go, that this meant looking out for black people against their detractor and attackers and thus ensuring their survival and indeed wanting the best for black people. How silly, how silly was I. In the past, defending black people was necessary because black folk where trying to ‘better their situation’. They were moving along the way of progress and so defending us and pointing out the hypocrisy and the holes in the argument of others who were indeed set against the very survival of black folks, was ’clearing the way’ on the path of progress, so yes it was important to say, ‘leave black people alone‘ but not anymore!

Today it is disastrous to say, ‘leave black people let them be, stop judging and focussing on them’ in other words ‘defending black people’ because that is simply saying, ‘let them remain in the position they are in currently which on the contrary requires challenging’. Lawdy lawdy, could such a statement as ’leave black people be’ be any father away from wanting the survival of black people? Indeed this would simply be defending the rot and counter progressive posture, that black people have currently adopted.

See, when you go to those sites where their posture is ’stop picking on black people,’ ask them if there is really any ‘space’ in their approach where they actually address the fact that blacks have fallen into degeneracy (on many levels) that actually needs to be picked on and judged. Or is it so much more important to ‘let us continue down the line of destruction’.

Black folks don’t know when things swing right round and thus when an approach needs to change or else it becomes lethal. Black folk are notorious for never changing tact, never noting when a change has occurred (which invalidates a certain course of action) but constantly hang unto dead and obsolete tactics possibly out of nostalgia and attachment to some symbolic value in the approach.

4) The black community says to itself, 'We know we cannot control the actions of black men, who will do what they want to wether it creates havoc or not (they are essentially out of control), so we will attempt to control black women's feelings over black men's actions'. Thus you get the constant response, 'You are bitter because a black man did XY'. Such statements are an attempt to invalidate your natural reactions to the activities of black men, to make it seem wrong and inordinate reactions, that you start to 'rewire' your own feelings!

The BC is constantly trying to make bw not feel what they should normally feel under the circumstance (they constantly try to police bw natural feelings and reactions). So anger, disillusionment, self protection instinct...all these things that arise naturally when bw look at their situation, the community is trying to prevent. If they however focussed half their attention and effort correcting the behaviour and attitudes of black men then trying to suppress the natural reactions black women have towards black mens actions, then maybe sanity would return, but no they want to control how bw feel!

which brings me to the last point

5) Most of the black community sees black women as the rescource of the community and thus 'withold' any information that could take black women up and out from this role. Yes any information that might mean bw no longer having to function as 'resource basket' from which every member of the race cancome and grab from,  is quietly dropped in the bin!

And see all those folks you love and care about? They are in on this effort (though a good number are doing it simply as an 'unthinking' repetition of culture norms and ideas). Indeed the 'non thinking' state of most black women is ideal for the propagation of ideas and systems that oppress them from generation to generation. This is one key reason why unsophisticated and time warp analysis and arguments abound within black discourse. Indeed you sometimes go to 'black events' and wonder, 'Am I back in time talking about obsolete stuff?'.

Keeping the discussions, understanding and analysis 'incomplete' and unsophisticated is an effective tool to maintain the oppressive staus quo  (Peggy Mckintosh)

Gain insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, and find out more about the Interracial Option, read the IR E-book

Questions to be sent to:

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

I can’t stand black men, is this Healthy? (update)

image from yahoo

Newsflash Newsflash
Woman who claims 'black woman' attacked her with acid admits she caused her own injuries!
Already the 'exusers' are lining up including a senior police officer (who possibly worked on the case) Read here

Letter from reader
I can't even stand the sight of black men! When I see black men I make certain assumptions about them and I have always said that I couldn't ever see myself married to a black man. I feel convicted about feeling this deep disdain towards them. I want to be a healthy individual who makes relationship choices that are free of such baggage. What can I do about my disdain for black men and how do I ensure my admiration for white men isn’t springing from this ugly place?- CC

From what I can gather you are simply fed up with the actions of black men, is it really deeper than that? And I don’t see it as invalid in anyway that black women should be 'fed up' because black women are being treated horribly by black men (it isn’t a figment of our imagination). When someone steps on my toe, I shout out with pain (especially if they are wearing stilettos). To me your angry emotions and developing bad feelings towards black men is just as natural. It is the effect from a real cause and the cause is their shabby treatment of black women.

I am aware that in the age of armchair psychoanalysis, many people have begun to feel that their natural and normal reactions are somewhat invalid and wrong. Indeed black women are constantly preached to against being angry and bitter against black men! To me this is very strange, and I don’t see how these feelings are anything but natural in the face of the misuse and mistreatment meted out by black men. Indeed have black men done good? If not then why do others want to make black women feel that their feelings in this regard are surprising in fact unnatural, greeting them with 'where is it coming from' kind of astonishment.

If I said I was fed up with white racism, and the many ways white men and woman oppress and victimize black people, I doubt that anybody would question those feelings as illegitimate or invalid. I seriously doubt any would rush to me to say, ‘hush chil’ or say that because I haven’t yet, ‘interacted’ with all white people, it is wrong for me to feel that way towards all whites! Instead, my comments would receive nods of agreement as other black people identified with feeling fed up and frustrated with the actions and activities of whites. The fact that racism exists in the attitudes and behaviour of a significant portion of white people is reason enough for my feelings to be accepted as valid and understandable, even if these feelings overshoot to other white people who may not be racist. Yet black women are looked at askance if they express mild disapproval of black men!

I find it beyond funny that when a black woman speaks about the black female situation and how black men play a role, she is suddenly deemed ‘bitter’ as if being bitter somehow invalidates what she is saying. Folks does this mean that bitter feelings against your mistreatment/situation is wrong? Are you suppose to clap and dance about being ill treated? So how does this work, are you suppose to only legitimately speak when you are giddy with happiness and joyous at a bad situation? One would think that it’s actually people who have suffered a situation that can speak up with clarity and passion about the issue.

So it is legitimate to be wary of whites after repeated incidents of racism, it is only natural, yet black women are suppose to be bruised and battered by black men again and again, yet retain a generous and confident disposition towards them! What’s up with that? Why must black women be willing to give black men umpteenth benefits of doubts but on the other hand treat white men with deep suspicion even when she has never faced even near as much ‘misuse’ from white men, in fact anything she knows about their actions is second hand information given that she has never even shared coffee with one! Hmmm

We know that racio-misogyny is real and is present in black men’s responses and reactions to black women. We see and experience it everyday and the signs of it are clear and all about us how black men target black women with aggression. So why should you not feel a measure of anger, rage and chagrin at black men especially since they have returned evil for all the goodwill black women have shown them!

No doubt the lack of challenge of black men's actions in the black community and the denying of black women their legitimate anger has lead to suppressed feelings which have now exploded and are ten times worse than they should have been if they had not be subject to invalidation and suppression!

Should you try to reign in these feelings? Possibly, if balance is important and you want to live life based on higher principles and good conscience, and holding onto this chagrin is not part of what you want to be about, then yes go ahead and work on resolving these feelings. That you can reflect inwardly in such a way and apply a deep analysis to yourself and recognize that something might have to give, tells me you will not have too much trouble here!

Readers are free to add comments especially around the impact of feeling this way and pursuing an IR (No anonymous comments unfortunately as they will get swallowed up in the attack of spam that this blogsite has been experiencing)

Gain insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, and find out more about the Interracial Option, read the IR E-book

Questions to be sent to:

Tuesday, September 07, 2010

Reply to Readers Comments

Comment sent by black man after BWIR Circle was linked on CNN

I find this whole notion of “black” women dating Caucasian men as an alternative to dating black men to be unfortunate and an absurdity at best.

Black women CAN NOT, repeat CAN NOT exist without black men. Neither black women nor black women can reproduce themselves without each other. The notion that black women would or should consider white men as an alternative to black men is grossly selfish which is by large the biggest problem with relationships in a western society, the almighty EGO. Consider that a black female would say I want a man so bad, nearly any man will do, even if that selection means that I cannot reproduce myself and propel my race into the future. Contrary to popular belief, a bi-racial child is no more black that he or she is white. Consider if black women in large chose this remarkably selfish perspective. The black race as we have understood it historically would cease to exist in this country.

Now please allow me to express that race is more so a social construct than it is a biological construct. However, I will say that children reared in a racist society will certainly not want to identify themselves a “black” especially when they bare less and less resemblance to their African heritage. I can go on and on but I believe it’s not difficult to see how incredibly selfish it would be for black women to begin actively engaging white men as an alternative to black men. If black women want “good” black men my suggestion is to raise one! To much of the trifle behaviour exhibited by black men can be attributed to their poor upbringing by confused mothers and absent fathers.


Even though there are a couple of misconceptions about what we BWE do in your letter e.g. that we suggest dating white men ‘as an alternative to black men‘, I will skip over those to focus on the key issues I think need to be addressed here.

When you say that black women cannot exist without black men, I take it to mean that you think that black women cannot forge a life without black men. It is a pity that it is only when black women seem to be charting a life course that is ’independent’ of black men that we suddenly start getting all the warning and finger wagging. I am wondering why black men are not given the same stern warning that they, cannot exist without black women, given how their interracial dating and marrying is way higher and in places three times the rate of black women. Indeed one could argue that they seem to be managing to exist, pretty well without black women. This scuppers any suggestion that we are somewhat dependent in black men for existence don’t you think, since they seem to be getting on pretty well without black women!

Re reproducing self, I don’t think that the average everyday human is overtly concerned about race engineering, as this is a project best left to the Creator. All a human being can do it try to live the best life they can and make the best life with the resources and choices available to them. The recreating of the black race does not rest only on the activities and ‘say so’ of black women neither is it supposed to continue to be something only black women care about and sacrifice towards, while black men simply supply the male seed (which appears to by and large be how it is being played!). Indeed as things stand, it is left for black men to show the commitment to both recreating and sustaining the black race for it to be a viable project.

You have used the word ‘selfish’ quite a number of times in your comment. It is amazing how many times you have used the word selfish to qualify black women’s actions regarding interracial dating. It is a bit of a surprise to me given that the people who could aptly be described as selfish then are black men who are dating out way in excess of the numbers that black women date out, but then again, I suppose it is no surprise when black men confront this issue in a very hypocritical and self-serving manner, putting black women in line for condemnation while black men escape any mention!

You want us to consider that the black race will decline because of the actions of black women without giving any consideration to the fact that black men’s actions in this regard would end the race a generation ahead of the actions of black women, not to even mention the mass abandonment of their black families that black men practice throughout the western world. For being this hypocritical and biased, I don’t think that anyone need take your comments seriously!

P.S As for the comment about black women raising a man to marry, what kind of nonsensical reasoning is contained in that suggestion? Surely black women deserve a serious response to their concerns…I think so, even if you don’t!

Please note, no anonymous comments will be published so please give yourself a title even if you do not have a google account. There has been an excess of spam at this site recently and so to save myself the hassle of opening spam any anonymous comments will just be deleted!

Gain insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, and find out more about the Interracial Option, read the IR E-book

Questions to be sent to:

Wednesday, September 01, 2010

BWE principles for immediate application

If you have ever asked, what does it mean for me to be an individually empowered black women along the lines of BWE, three basic principles of BWE are as follows.

Black women’s overall situation is dire and in need of improvement
This means that it is not a figment of our imagination to point out the issues facing black women and the factors and actors playing a part in it all. It also means that there should be no defending or justifying the status quo or what black women have been forced to become under the current terms, or excusing it or the actors and factors that have created the situation. You will find many black perspective websites doing one or two of these eg excusing or justifying 70% OOW as a choice or saying it isnt irregular and something to 'counter'.

 If as a black woman you are given to justifying or excusing the current existence of black women even by offering the excuse that ‘others face it too’, or by being in denial and claiming, ‘its not that bad,’ then one does wonder if black women’s empowerment is really a concern and priority for you. Does it mean there are no black women thriving or living well now? No. Does it mean that black women do not have a hand in their own undermining? No, but black women have largely been in the receiving end of the social dynamics and even if they have buckled and given in and mimiced the system, they are still its boggest victims.

So recognizing what is going on for and with black women is the first step. Realize that a force (through human agents), is trying to push black women's head under water!
Muledom for black women is struck out from BWE mindset
This means that black women being on earth for the simple aim of servicing the black community, to fix what is broken or to continue to toil and slave even in futility is a no-no within BWE ideology. Many out there claim they are putting black women first or they care about them but are quick to point out how black women should ‘bridge this gap’ or ‘fulfil this role’ etc etc. I strayed unto a website once where a black woman was so indignant that some black women would choose not to stoop and pick up the race burden on their backs. I was like wow! I did not realize that the emancipation Proclamation did not extend to black women, and that whether we like it or not we have to assume the burden for the race. I realized it was no more about moral obligation, the sentiment I get from those upset that some black women have cast down the black race burden is that we were supposed to be enslaved to it like the Galley slaves of the old roman ships that were told, ‘We keep you alive to serve this ship, row well… and live...’ Think about that for a second, as a black women you are not supposed to have a choice but to martyr yourself for your community, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO SAY NO.

A BWE woman is not about being a mule or a food basket for others, no way! She has put away that burden!

Navigating the Current Reality to secure the best deal is key
The current reality requires skill and the acquisition of knowledge to get ahead. As BWE woman you will not be more engrossed with changing the system than about securing a good life in the now for yourself. Heresy? Yes I know it feels like that to many black women who have been conditioned to care for and slave for everyone and feel ashamed for not throwing themselves under the horses hooves for justice for the whole earth! It's strange isnt it, that black women feel peturbed for not supporting with her whole might every and any justice movement going, but others are not burdened with such a moral dilemma and feel no way about dealing decietfully with fellow black female justice seekers.

Black women have carried every justice movement going from feminism to race etc with very little to show for it. This is largely as a result of fighting the good fight with allies who are not true allies but are out to get their issues sorted without considering how black women's needs fit into the picture, thats if they even consider that black women have needs different to theirs to start with! It is self-sabotage for black women to persist in fighting for a justice movement which does not include them and within which members continue to employ and deploy the forces of race and gender oppression against black women!

Navigate the system to your personal advantage dont be a fool!

Gain insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, and find out more about the Interracial Option, read the IR E-book

Questions to be sent to: