Thursday, February 25, 2010

How to get the best Out of the Black Women Empowerment (BWE) work

Many black women claim they want change in their lives and their circumstances. However, they continue to apply the same principles and believe the same views and ideas and explanations that will simply reproduce the lack and the frustration that they see attend the lives of their older sisters and indeed currently attends theirs.

To get the best out of the black female empowerment movement in the first instance:

(a) You must be willing to shift in your mentality-Surely if you are not experiencing any success using a particular approach or frame of mind etc, then it is time to change something!

(b) You must steel yourself from feeling you are being a traitor for revaluating/debating certain sacred black views/beliefs about black men, black community, how to be a true black woman

BWE will debate things that make your first reaction be, ‘This is taboo talk for black women’. But you must be willing to hear the debate out and to push past this block and fear of being a traitor, sell out or whatever term is used. Often the word sell-out are used as a tool to prevent black women from getting at the truth of their situation. We have seen it so many times and it is quite effective because black women take a large part of their identiy from being ‘devout’ black women.

You can always reject a discussion/debate after you have heard what BWE have to say, but blocking out the discussion in the first instance will not pay you especially in these times when black women are being deliberately mislead so that others can continue to harness their resources, time etc etc (black women serving simply as rescources for their race).

c) You must be willing to step back and have a look again at the instructions you are issued with as a black woman especially from others from you community.

Many black women do not recognise that, it is the game and the rules they are confining themselves to, that results in the problems, not the amount of effort they are putting in.
Black women are constantly trying to ‘put their back into’ the next 'project' suggested for the 'uplift of black people' yet they are flawed. If a model, a concept, a framework an ideal is not ‘adding up’, then no matter how much you struggle to make it work, it just won’t.

Take a moment to think about it.
e) You must have an identity or start to construct one that is broader than a race based identity.

Many black women are simply 'race-women', 'sister soildiers', always in the state of battling for the race etc. Unfortunately this is not going to serve black women and I can tell you for sure that even black men are running away from 'sister soildier' type black women except of course they need help on the black-white front. Black women's identity as race women means they bear considerable amount of anger, that makes living in a multicultural context very difficult, because they become aggressive, bitter etc etc.

Question: 'Do you think that black women should bear more anger for the black situation? ' Why do black women seem to be the one carrying the most anger against whites etc and socially isolating themselves as a result?

f) Obsolete beliefs will need to be weeded out- For instance, the simple formular of 'internal community = security' while 'external community = threat', no longer applies in the case of black women. Yet many black women are operating in this mindset and then wondering why they have so many scars and heartaches.

If you doubt that 'internal community' has become more lethal for black women than out of it, check the statistics on violence against black women and note from where the majority of it comes.

Many black women continue looking outwards for predetors and misusers when they are living right there amongst them in their 'communtities'.

Observe and take note! Stop walking around not noting things around you and drawing conclussions that are so obvious.

In truth, many black women do not want to see because they know if they decide to really look they will see something that goes against everything they have been told to hope for.

There has been a regime change which black women have been shielded from observing by black community information portals, because it would shake their conmmittment to continuing to toil in the 'trenches' as the only willing horse left trying to make a difference to the black condition.

By not observing the times and the changes in her circumstances and trusting in old views and by gone version of events, black women have moved to a very vulnerable position within the current social set up.

(g) A black women must learn to gather intelligence on her situation by carrying out a reconnaissance of her situation and surroundings, than think that any general assumptions, and 'stand to reason' notions will simply and automatically apply in her case.

Many black people say to you, ‘just go out there and find a black man for you’, or give the impression that it is the most normal, natural thing for black men and women to end up together. Many of these are not in touch with localised dynamics which have emerged over 2 decades that makes black women ending up married to black men something no longer assured or guaranteed.

I cannot overemphasis the fact that many everyday expectations and taken for granted beliefs might not apply and no longer come into play for black women.

The black community is asking you in many cases to work ‘models’ that are just not working, non-yielding, non-applying, obsolete or irrelevant (remember what we said about the black consensus being in error state and thus issuing erroneous injunctions and instructions to black women)

So if the community says to you, ‘find a black man’

Report back from your gathering of intelligence, ‘The black men here are not really interested in settling down!’ 

Black Women you can gain insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, and find out more about the Interracial Option, read the IR E-book

Questions to be sent to:

Further reading for black women seeking the truth!

Enslaved to race

Racio-misogyny or the racism practiced against black women by black men

We talk 'Africa' but prefer our women 'not too' African

A Latin Wins and time to wake up

Playing with numbers to hide the dire situation

Black women need to know their compass is being confused

Hating white men has got black women stuck

Who says white men cannot successfully carry on relationships with bw

Yet black men’s interracial marrieges remain is the most unstable of all

Extinguishing self care in black women

From Iraq

The right terms give us understanding

Questions and answers

Chart your own course, save yourself!

Those waiting for permission to survive will not make it

The church also preparing black women for a life of matrydom

Where are you on the time frame

Young black girls left to fend for themselves

Why I don’t take the normal position of 'white men are evil'

Black unity talk is just…talk

Black women made Civil Rights Movement yet were ill compensated

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Black Women Empowernment: The Responses

Thanks to all those that added their comments to the last post on questions of BWE.

With this post, I want to sumarise some of the points raised.

On 'should black women fight back/organize?'
2 Dinstict camps exist on this one. Some black women feel that black women should focus on individual liberation, and some because they feel that the given conditions (particularly a lack of will in the black female collective to seprate out and pursue their interests), that not very much will come out of any attempts to organize ourselves against black female image attacks and ridicule. The other group felt that something should be tried. On one of the last comments, the commentor linked such an effort to the fight for the sanity and preservation of young black girls that are coming after us and depending on their Big sisters to do something to change the 'atmosphere' surrounding being black and female.

A lot can be done on an individual level and each black woman needs to put in place her personal strategy towards getting her goals and life targets met (eg socializing in wider circles, not feeding into sterotypical black female behaviour, match making services etc).

Coherent and Clearer BWE work 
Many black women are willing to put time and money towards the BWE work, however a clear structure and organization of the work needs to happen so that the different roles can be identified and each faction can run with what they are supposed to do and carry out. I think that the lack of clarity and structure within BWE work might be fuelling a lot of the non commitment and fence sitting. If would-be participants know what they are expected to do and what is needed, presented in clear and concise terms, including estimation of the time committment required (eg write one email to ABC, drop five links at the A and B and C media websites etc) they are more likely to jump in.

I think the above point is key because it might require the fomation of a 'steering group', to set some kind of work plan and some tactical priorities. Clearly the task to structure the work of BWE in this strategically effective way is an all involving one that can take many months to emerge.

On methods
  • Guerilla Warfare style methods
  • Disseminating meme's that will catch on and capture public thought even spread among the comatose black female collective and wake them to their situation and the work
  • websites
  • Secret groups
  • Virals/Cartoons/Youtube etc
  • Defence Leagues
  • Allies
Fundamental problem
There isnt a critical mass of black women buying into their own emancipation and signing up to terms of a better and more fulfilled life for themselves, to give a greater momentum to BWE. This is either because they have not come across the BWE work and other ideas about living beyond race-womanhood etc or in some cases black women have totally bonded with or fully identified with the norms of their oppression.

For BWE work to become a felt part of the larger thinking of bw, more effort needs to be made to spread the message particularly with on-the-ground presence in such areas as book clubs (setting up around reading and discussing the BWE philosophy), black female forums, church groups etc (some do exists eg; 'Free your mind' lectures). Black women need to be encouraged to take up this vital arm of the work, in whatever small way they can (eg suggesting to their book clubs books and reading from BWE, setting up forums and groups eg in Universities and colleges etc). A strategy for this aspect of the work is necessary as this is a sensitive area and has a risk attached.

A number of piooneer BWE are growing tired and would want to see and feel the young ones get into gear with this message and fight, particularly as the young ones have an understanding of more modern technology, and ways of reaching far and wide. They also are still linked into certain networks and websites that the older ones are unaware of and maybe have disconnected from (some young ones visit sites like Gossip etc that some older ones would not feel comfortable with or would just feel is a waste of their time) because that is their age and that is what they do and find relevant and ineteresting. The jaded feelings of the older need to be counterbalanced by the youthfull optimism and zeal of the yonger ones, but not simply using blog formats and websites but finding new and innovative methods.

The piooners of BWE however owe the up-coming BWE leaders a more coherent structure along with some sense of direction and strategy (including definition of terms and aims of the work indeed a clearer vision for BWE work).

To be Continued.....

Black women can find out more about the Interracial Option, read the IR E-book

Questions to be sent to:

Friday, February 19, 2010

Lets talk about Black Women and the way forward!

So lets talk about what folk think black women should do about the current crisis situation of black women (that is if you think black women are in crisis!).

I have a couple of questions to pose to black women that can help us see what sort of way forward there is, and if we think we need to do certain things.

Questions (Please answer only one from the following list)

Do you think black women can do something to salvage their image and what do you think would be effective?

Or is it too late to stop the maligning and ridicule, have we let things go too far, such that black women should just keep their heads down and do their individual things?

Do you think there is a critical number of black women who have an awareness and also a zeal for their image and their interests (as distinct and independent and separate from that of black community, black men etc etc) to support and not kill any efforts that could be developed on their behalf

What in your understanding is the nature of the war against black woman and what shape does it take

Do you think the current portrayal of black women has any sort of effect on your individual life chances to necessitate any sort of collective action

Do you think there are any allies out there in the fight for black women’s image

How much time a week would you be willing to give to any efforts organized to defend black women and their image

Any other thoughts

Lets be real, and honest in these discussions, you are not obliged to believe in collective action (or not)….

Friday, February 12, 2010

John Mayer

Someone challenged me in an email saying that IR bloggers would never address the action of men like John Mayer because it blows our arguments to smithereens.

I guess they were talking about this John Mayer  interview particularly the aspect which pertains to black women (I didnt want to link to playboy so huffington it is)

I have a confession to make....

I hardly know the bloke beyond I saw him play guitar at Micheal Jacksons Funeral and I think he won a grammy a few years ago- I know this might make me seem old and out of it.

But I want to create an open opportunity for black women who might feel we are not addressing fears, or not being honest and open about white men and the interracial option we 'preach'  and what have you, to have an opportunity to state their case.

So while I have my thoughts about this latest 'situation', I am opening the floor for bw to have their say.

Yes it is important to know that we BW IR bloggers do not shy away from any of the relevant issues around our work, however I am and do not want to make  habit of addressing such issues constantly (and going off my preferred course), so this might be the one opportunity to have a chat about the latest white male anti-bw 'situation', issue etc

So no engaging in bwe/ir blogger protecting, aim your shots, announce your fears if you will about this one.

Having said that, vampires that feast on the insecurities of bw, you can be sure that you will not be allowed to slip in, because I am well trained and I know how to seperate genuine concern from a chance to gloat and make black women scared of their own shadows and limited by imagining lions and bears out there.

Also be respectful and no attacks! If you aim a snide remark at me or any bw ir, you will be deleted, I dont care if you are socrates reincarnated.

I shall summarise the post and comments in a short while and we can move on to other things...

Floor open.......

Happy Valentine's Day

I shall be rounding down this entry shortly so we can summarize and move on to other things......

Black women, find out more about the Interracial Option, read the IR E-book

Questions to be sent to:

Monday, February 08, 2010

Understanding the Psychology of Black Women

It would be a fascinating thing to profile black women’s thinking around in particular, the issue of being black and what this entails, what areas and opportunities are thus open to them and which ones are restricted.

The question is, where are black women ‘mentally’ now (at least the masses of them), and even better still, what is black women’s psychology currently in terms of what continues to cause them barriers and hinders their self actualisation in such a way that they complain? What mental set up of black women is causing them grief?

A Couple of most common thinking to be found among black women

Having false ideas holding them hostage -or believing false doctrines particularly about what black men are up to and what is up between the genders.

Permission seekers- Black women tend to be permission-seekers/prone, which is a problem. They want permission to change their mind, their approach and their response and their tact to reflect their current reality.  Black women are the only ones doing the heavy lifting for the race and making the sacrifices, so how can they be set free? It’s the classic willing horse situation.

Believing that blacks and whites are still in the ‘us’ versus ‘them’ state of play- I see this anytime black women come together to deliberate or even for a girly chat. Someone will pull up a chair and say ‘So what’s going on in ‘us versus them’ land. In these kinds of meetings, black women incline their ears for the latest on the ‘us’ versus ‘them’ state of play, and ask, ‘What’s going on, and how we can do/launch the next stage to move ‘us’ ahead in this game or us versus them’.

Can I say the only ‘Us’ versus ‘them’ situation is black women barricading themselves off from the rest of society all to their deep detriment.

Indeed, black women have to be tapped gently to notice what is around them and to note the human interactions around and how black men refuse to be segregated, as to make their own ‘stand apart’ from the rest of society, non viable and self damaging indeed the root of a lot of their heartache.

Operating from a point of power deficiency - Everything about black women’s reactions speak to their feelings of being power deficient i.e. ‘lets wait’, ‘lets not give up on black men’, lets have faith, lets not rouse them to displeasure and anger, lets be a bit more understanding, lets bear more burden/take on more responsibility to see this thing works out between us.

Ascribing profundity to nonsense coming from black men - Black women feel they cannot ignore black men even when they are talking rubbish, black women feel obliged to listen to them, hear them out and find some profound sense even in foolish utterings. ‘Lets listen’ they say, ‘The brother is saying something deep and meaningful.’ ‘Ssshs, they might be saying something important.’ Black women tell themselves these and nod along as if an oracle of god is speaking!

Black women are too worried about what other blacks think of them- Other black peoples acceptance is central to their personal equanimity.

The insistence that life be fair to them or they boycott making any efforts at living well- Black women are often found opting out of making an effort as if saying, “This is an unfair situation and I am not dealing.” Life is however not fair, and must still be lived. Many black women do not think they can play to win and this is why they insist on a ’fair’ situation before they move forward.

Looking for the consensus for everything- Black women are always asking, ‘What is the party line so we can toe it.’ What is the black perspective on this one‘. By being so clingy to what black community says or the community line they hope to show everyone how loyal and devoted they are and get their brownie points and head pats. Rather than use their intelligence to work out what is happening and what to do next, an ability which has been given every being, they instead decide to be told what to do and given their instructions.

Insisting on the approach of shaming black men into doing right by them- Black women continue their efforts to try to shame black men into loving and preferring them. It isn’t working!

Black women feel that every situation however unrelated is calling for them to stand up for blackness- They have this unending tape playing in their heads, ‘Now! Do it! This one calls for you defend blackness’. ‘This calls for you to perform you love for your race in full view, ‘this is a good opportunity to display your how besotted you are with black‘, ‘this is a time to rush to defend the brothers’.

Always looking out for that ‘plan’ for black people- Many black women are found constantly gathering together, looking for ‘the’ plan to rescue/emancipate the whole of our people.

Black women working to be approved, working for the affection of others- Black women display a strong need to be approved of and ‘confirmed’ by their community in everything they do. This leads them into all kinds of roles of protector, healer, defender, mule in the black “community as they strive to get that approval.

An external locus of control (other people’s approval etc) means that black women are easy puppets in the hands of others who turn them whichever way they will and to their own ends.

In addition, it is beginning to look like black women feel unworthy of love and support and feel they must constantly work to show they are good and approvable, so they work extremely hard on behalf of others. This is the real self esteem issue for black women. The ‘dead to self’ syndrome being displayed by many black women in their bid to be esteemed black women means they are always asking, ‘What more can we do to please or bring back black men’s love, black unity and what ever other duty they are required to’.

Black relationships for community building-Black women believe in the theoretical ideal of their relationships for ‘building the black community’ where relationships can often not have merit within themselves but, in what they can be used to achieve for black folks situation. This links strongly into black women thinking they are ‘resources’ for the race.

Organising their lives around the coming revival- You won’t believe the number of black women who are organising and streamlining their lives around the peripheral notion of a coming/up swell and revival of black people. Somehow in the back of their minds it is organising their lives and keeping them in place. They are then waiting for this occurrence and not moving off as they could. It keeps them tethered to the lamppost, circling a certain spot or locus keeping within ear shot and not moving to far off ‘In case it happens when I have gone for a short walk’. Indeed they are under the feeling that something is about to happen/will happen with black people soon, and we need to be ready and jump on it when it starts.

Clean up women-The song, ‘Clean up woman’ must be the sound track to their lives. They are always busy tidying up behind others, cleaning the mess others have made.

Giving black men undeserved points in a bid to cause a transformation or to glorify their race-Black women are constantly trying to invest the black men with the 'elevation' he hasn’t earned, yet men love women who hold them accountable and do not make excuses for them. This does not mean they won’t take advantage of those who offer the excuses, but they will loose respect.

All you excuse makers for black men are severely despised by them.

Also it is clear and easy to predict black women in this regards and that never fall too far off from their programming, to hold black men aloft!

Adoration of black men- When black women come together, they actively engage in black male adoration, endorsing and eulogising black males and making sometimes poetic pronouncements to convey their love and how enraptured they are by the magnificience of black manhood which is superior to all others lol!

Many black women feel that this is expected of them (just like people think it is expected of them to say hello to their colleagues in the morning) and so they engage in this time worn tradition of black male praise and adoration whenever black meetings are convened.

What these women fail to realise is that they are conveying to black men that they are their suckers and black men have the freedom to do as he pleases and that they will always be there and there are no deal breakers in terms of black men’s treatment of them.

These same women then turn round and wonder why black men are behaving cocky. It might have something to do with the fact that you have said you will never leave regardless of what he does- I am just saying.

Many if not all cultures of the worlds, warn women against excessive adoration of men. Many understand that men need to be focussed and motivated by having their praise and elevation attached to their ‘performance’ and not given regardless of merit. But within the western black community such commonsense cautionary way of preventing the icarius syndrome among black men has been eroded with black women going all out to adore black men in a misguided bid to shore his esteem up in what they deem a ego sapping western situation for black males.

Black male ego protecting- Its very clear that black women are protecting black males egos that’s why they are willing to let black men have one up on them in anything, while still grovelling and pleading for his affection. The ego bolstering game that black women are playing, means they also let black men march all over them all in their misguided notion that this is how black women should serve black male upliftment. But fancy that, they are not protecting and defending anything worth protecting but something that it would do well to even deemphasise.

Black women tend to be passive in the face of major decisions and life and happiness threats e.g. Many are content to sit in church and wait for an answer, wait for ‘God’ as they say, afraid to take up the reigns of their own life. A lot of this has to do with the false sense of security woven around black women to keep them in a non-reacting state within the black community.

The rational self-maximising social agents precept is not in Black women thanks to community indoctrination- Black women often show that they do not act as rational self-maximising social agents who will for instance take into consideration non availability of black men in deciding their dating policy. They put cultural concerns way out in front of practical realities. Unless black women move to this way of thinking it will get progressively hard for them to meet their needs.

Maintain beliefs in the face of contrary evidence - persistent belief or view in spite of contrary evidence (PERVICE). Black women seem to be bound in some kind of spell to persist in an idea that they and black men are in unity of purpose over something, when there is overwhelming evidence that they are not.

I am not saying you wont get one black men here or there but the general and bulk are not into all that. HJNIT

The spell is broken.

There is indeed a whole culture of denial and playing mind games on themselves to stay steadfast in what they have been told are sacred beliefs of blackness and the way we have to be as black women, to stick to the illusions we are so desperate to cling to that it is working or will work out with black men.

The culture of telling ourselves lies and preferring to listen to what we know deep down to be lies and fables as opposed to cold hard truth (tell me lies tell me sweet little lies), is very strong among black women. And the culture of sticking all the more strongly to our illusions and fantasies the more the truth becomes apartment and undeniable is also another strong pattern among black women. Actively fooling ourselves and being fooled is deemed as how good black women behave.

Fear of being deemed as not doing enough-Black women have this fear of not being devout enough to their race. You can scare black women into doing anything by suggesting they haven’t done enough or they have some black self hate on display. It’s funny because the folk who display the most self hatred in choices etc are the least worried about being devoted to their race

Trying to create the ideal black family even without the participation of black men- Many black women have signed up to the campaign to restore and continue the endangered black family without the crucial and necessary part of black men’s involvement.

Clueless black woman-Folks talk about dizzy blondes, I talk about dizzy black women who don’t seem to or are unable to process what’s going on around them and label the situation correctly. Black women have a major hard time even recognizing what’s up and seem to be the last to identify what an issue or trend is  especially in terms of its impact on them.

Indeed, there is something particularly 'off' with the mental acuity of the black women collective. There is this whole 'head in the cloud', not knowing how to add one and one together, inability to see things for what they are, even glaring things that announce themselves with fanfare. As if being a bit slow keeps away grim reality. Now many black women lack social reality awareness either as an inability to add up the clear and undeniable evidence, or the unwillingness to do same because it will lead them to a conclusion and they would rather hang on to a more emotionally pleasing one.

‘The white society is hiding the real deal’. ‘They are presenting us with fudged numbers,’ black women say, yet they go out into the society everyday and confront the confirming evidence. Many black women can and have become ‘skilled’ in the art of ‘faith in black community’ which is detached from all its practical moorings and is now a thing of belief. They seem to be in the belief that, ‘we will win a prize and be approved of, if we can maintain trust in black men when there is little reason to’.

Some black women do think a particular regime still persists within the black group, the regime of brotherliness, care for black uplift and black progress, black women and black men working together etc. We have long since left that reign but the illusion persists because many black women do not want to wake to the reality and they take their messages from those who are invested in sustaining the idea a little longer

There has been an era change which black women have refused to observe or have been keenly guarded from observing

Own goal scorers-Black women are well know for adopting strategies and approaches and basically acting in a way that shoots them in their own foot. I have never seen a group of women get further entrenched in ideas and notions that are not working and clearly put them in disadvantage like, ‘Rejecting the advances of non-black men, even in the face of black men increasing disinterest in settling down and also settling down with black women. What is that if it isn’t shooting ones self in the foot!

Black women are constantly rushing to make black men feel good about themselves- They are always rushing to defend them even when they are doing things that work against the community and has lead us down the path of peril. Black women are in the frontline, defending the men who refuse to have anything to do with the average black woman. As soon as a black man is in trouble etc even when this man has always given all his earthly goods to women of other races, black women are jumping over themselves to rush to his defense.

Black women have Knee jerk resistant reaction to deflect any requirement of accountability from black men- Its akin to how a mother rushes to protect her young. They have a knee jerk reaction against the plain truth being told –This is in the mistaken belief that they are maintaining peace and keeping black people in unity, when all they are doing is papering over deep fissures that are ensuring that the situation continues to decay.

This fear of, 'If the truth gets out things will not hold together or if we have honest discussions someone’s ego will be bruised and they wont wanna continue the (none existent) black union.' is behind this fear to truth telling about black men why (this behavior need to be modified).

Black women have a habit of creating myths and false barriers which rule, ruin and hinder a smooth path- For instance the untested idea that I wont have anything in common with wm. How do they figure this out beyond just looking at skin color! These same women feel that they would have everything in common with a man from Burundi, who lives in his home country just because of skin. I find this the strangest logic of all and a sign of the shallow thinking many black women are happy to have on these issues.

Believing on the face if it arguments (all that glitters)- this is related to the above and indeed because of a deemphasize on critical thinking as opposed to receiving the simple doctrine of symbolism- e.g. black and white are different cultures

Believing that if we have dialogue or explain a few things to black men they will get straight – Thus playing into the hands of those who have no intention of having any sort of productive dialogue but just keeping black women in a spot/not moving off. Remember it has been realized that in the face of the deteriorating situation for black women in the community a whole lot of effort is put into keeping black women either not seeing the truth by a whole range of ploys and in holding with the scales firmly on their eyes.

Black women are constantly performing what they think is expected of them - Indeed a constant need to perform the role of good devout black women, who cares so much and is deeply in love with her community, is something that black women constantly display especially when there are third parties around.

In meetings, even among fellow black women where they can afford to be more subversive and focused on their own interest, black women continue to feel a desperate need to show how ‘sold out’ they are to their race. This constantly performing their ‘good woman’ role gets in the way of being real about their situation, and in touch with their feelings and needs . Indeed in a meeting group, you can often note black women too busy performing for each other to really delve down into the truth. Like peacocks.

Black women do not let yourselves be fooled into being on your own when you want to be in a relationship! There are many options out there. Read the IR E-book

Questions to be sent to: